I walked out of the cafeteria and chewed four more Xanax into powder before choking it down without any liquid. I hid in the toilets coughing and throwing up and I could feel my skin growing pale, I choked down three more Xanax but it wasn't doing much today, if anything it was getting worse. I sighed at sat on the cold tiles in the stall, I shakily took out a small razor blade from my backpack and sliced up and down my wrists, side and torso, bleeding, dripping onto the tiles that used to be white.
The blood won't stop though, I've cut too deep! I pull toilet paper from the roll and fold it into a bandage across my side but the blood soaks through quickly and I just leave it, I just sit bleeding,
"Steph! Steph where are you?!"
It's Blake. I want to call out but I have no strength, I'm drained,
"SHIT! STEPH!" it's Emily's voice now, Blake wouldn't come into the girls toilets.
She's seen the blood and she kicks open the door with a bang, she lifts me out of the blood puddle and sits me on the now closed toilet seat,
"BLAKE COME IN HERE NOW!"
He runs in and I could've sworn I saw tears fill his eyes,
"Is she okay?" Criss asks
"What's going on? Why are you in the female lavatory?" Mrs Blake says accusingly,
"Its Stephanie!" Blake tells her
"Did she try and kill herself?" I don't know who's voice that was though,
"Call her an ambulance and her father, immediately!" Mrs Porter tells the unkown person,
"GO JINX!" Blake yells, the unknown person is called Jinx?
"Um no, my last name is Jakson, she uses her mothers maiden name"
"My apologies Mr Jakson. It seems as though a student had found Stephanie in a pool of her own blood on the bathroom floor"
"What happened?" he asked
"We believe it was a suicide attempt. Is there anything going on at home or-?"
"I wouldn't know. She's only lived with me less than a day, it was only about five hours"
"Well I suggest she takes a few days off school to recover and she sees the school councilor as soon as she returns"
"Yes, yes of course" his voice is drifting off. He doesn't care at all
"Have you told Mrs Jakson?"
"Mrs Jakson is not her mother, Mrs Parker is, and no, I wouldn't want to worry her"
"Well, it's up to you"
I guess they thought I was sleeping, Mrs Porter is alright I guess. But it wasn't a suicide attempt and now I'll have to explain that to everyone, I hate explaining myself. I'm laying in a hospital bed listening to all the sounds around me.
After two days in hospital I'm back at his house, I lay in bed for about three days.
On Saturday I sit on the window seat and look down and out of nowhere Blake is standing down there, I open the window and he calls up,
"Can I come in?" he asks
"Co-Come to t-the front d-door"
I run downstairs and open the door for him.
He follows me upstairs and sits with me on the window seat,
"S-s-sorry for the mess"
"H-how did y-you find m-me?"
"Your dad said I could come visit any time when he saw me with you in the hospital and he gave me the address"
Of course I flinched when he said 'dad' but he pretended not to notice. We sat and talked, not about anything personal, just about what happened on monday. He believed my story that it wasn't an attempt and he returned my art book that I left behind.
"I added something extra" he says,
I open the book and there's an extra photo that someone took on Monday. It's me, covered in blood, pale white and almost dead.
I frown, "W-why is th-this here?"
"Its a reminder never to hurt yourself like this anymore. Look what happens to you"
"So, MCR fan huh?"
"Not j-just a fan. I'm really o-obsessive.
M-My family is dy-dysfunctional and mcr g-give me more reasons to live t-than my own family d-do.
Ever s-since I went to t-their show I've b-been a lot more con-confident, (until n-now) and h-have been dr-drinking a lot more or-orange juice"
"F-Funny story a-actually. Gerard w-was on stage yelling "ORANGE JUICE!" and s-saying how he fu-fucken loves it and the k-kids love orange j-juice because we were all sc-screaming. Then they br-brought out the j-jug of orange juice. Ge-Gerard was like 'n-now you k-know all our secrets, post it on t-twitter or s-something, yeah, and a-after that, G-GIVE ME A-ALL YOUR FU-FUCKING MONEY!' and V-vampire m-money started"
He laughed and then my laptop makes a sound and he flips it towards me, 'INCOMING SKYPE CALL FROM JOELLE'
I accept and talk to Joelle and introduce her to Blake, I tell her about England and Pencey Prep but I leave out the part where I almost die.
I spent my Sunday on the window seat wrapped in a blanket, staring down at the snow falling onto the grass below.
On Monday I stare at my prison uniform. I pull on the shirt (It's a white button up shirt with a pointed collar) that's rather tight and the pencil skirt (that's rather short). I put my tie on around my neck (the tie is the same as the skirt- black with red pinstripes)
I look like I should be in St Trinnians or a strip club, all I need is red stilettos. But I skip on the stilettos and pull on my black doc martens.
I pull on a tight black zip up hoodie and pull the sleeves down over my wrists, I make sure that the bandages on my torso can't be seen and I brush my teeth, tie back my hair to Mrs Porters standards and skip contacts and put on my glasses.
I step out into the cold and wait for my bus, when it arrives I take a deep breath and step on. It goes silent and then I'm shaking again, there's whispers and then I see Blake and he's smiling, he stands up,
"Will you all shut up? At least whisper about her when she's NOT around!"
Everyone falls silent again and I walk to the back of the bus and take the empty seat next to him, "T-Thanks" I whisper
"No worries" he says kissing my cheek softly.