I squeeze her hand as I realize she's scared, she shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath.
"It's okay" I whisper encouragingly
Emily and Criss pop out of no where and make us both jump, Criss' face changes. This was HIS Stephanie, she's back. He looks at our hands and Stephanie realizes people are staring so she let's go gently,
"New girl!" Criss jokes
I can see that he's trying not to show her how heartbroken he is, she doesn't even remember him at all!
"Name....?" because he didn't already know. -_-
"Cute" he smiles, I can't help but feel a stab of jealousy and my eye twitches, he must have noticed because he looked at me then back to Stephanie and turned back to face Emily.
Emily smiles sweetly and takes Stephanie's hand and leads her to a table, Criss trailing behind, tray in hand.
I wait in line, quiet, invisible, I take my food and sit down next to a worried looking Stephanie.
"You alright?" I whisper to her
"No seriously, you don't look good"
Her eyes flicker closed then flash open wide, she lifts her backpack onto the table and fishes around for something inside pulling out a small orange tube-like-bottle.
She pops the lid open and shakes out two pills, chews them and swallows hard- no water.
She shuts the lid and throws it back into her bag, (Criss and Emily snogging eachothers faces off so they didn't notice anything) I stared at her open mouthed until she frowned and turned to face me,
"What was that?"
"As in Xanax? Why?"
She shrugged her shoulders and I noticed the color slowly returning to her face.
"C-C-Call m-me Steph"
"Steph, right. Why did you just have alprazolam?"
"B-b-because I n-needed it"
"D-Don't worry. It's ir-irre-irrelevant"
"You have anxiety disorders?"
"Y-Yeah, among o-other th-things"
"Social anxiety, what else?"
"In-insomnia, dep-depression a-and I'm a c-cutter"
I take her hand in mine and I smile at her,
"You can make it through depression, you can beat your cutting addiction, you can overcome social anxiety and any other anxiety disorders and insomnia can be cured by having lavender under your pillow at night"
"Ex cutter, beat depression three times, I had insomnia my whole life up until recently, I had social anxiety but Criss sorta helped, if I can do it- so can you"
"It's n-not that e-easy for m-me though"
"I never said it was easy"
"W-Why did you h-have dep-depression?"
"I watched my mum commit suicide"
She shut her eyes tightly and I squeezed her hand again, "I'm here for you" I tell her
"Why are you suffering? What's causing all these issues?"
She shakes her head a tiny sound escapes her lips "No" she whisperes squeezing her eyes shut and taking another deep breath
"I'm sorry" I tell her as I notice a tear escape her eye before she wipes it with the back of her hand briskly, smudging her makeup.
"Do-dont be. Its n-not your f-f-fault" she says before swinging her backpack on and disappearing down the hallway popping the lid of the Alprazolam (Xanax) bottle again.
"What did you do?" Criss says returning to reality
"Then maybe you should've done something" he says, then goes back to snogging Emily.
I frown and notice she's left her sketch book.
I pick it up and flip open the black, leather cover.
There's photos pinned to the inside, the same photos from this morning. Her and four other smiling girls, there's the one of her alone, one of her smiling and next to her there's a guy with his arms wrapped around her, making his huge smile light up her eyes.
Then there's the model picture that's burned, maybe her memories are just too painful to talk about- when my mum died I couldn't talk to anyone at all for two years.
I flick over the page and she's drawn a larger version of the first picture, the one and the other four girls, the next page is batman, then a large frangipani flower, the following page is a beach and the next is a festival with colors and hippie vans and peace signs and the next page is the My Chemical Romance members, they also fill the following three pages.
Another huge My Chem fan, good. We already have something in common!