I hate this place more than I've ever hated anything, ever. I hate it more than I hate him, and that's a lot.
He put me here, him and Brooke.
They've taken me to (Yeah, Blake was right) a mental institution.
I want to go back to jersey, to sleep all day and to have my best friends back, I don't want to be here.
I won't sleep, I won't eat and I won't speak; this is making them think theres even more things wrong with me but I don't care.
The longest I ever spent without sleep was four days, not eating was six days and not speaking was two years at one point.
But that was way before I got myself landed here, big deal I cut myself.
Would these people rather that I destroy my body or kill myself?
Yeah, destroy my body.
I hate this place! I want to be back in Blake's warm embrace, I want to look into his beautiful honeycomb eyes and I want to feel his lips against mine.
I want Ash and Joey to still be living and I want none of this to have ever happened.
These people here are giving me councelling but it's a waste of time, I don't speak to anyone. I just want to go home.
Frank visits me on the weekend, he tells me that I can come home in two days even if I don't talk to anyone, I just nod sadly and he doesn't need to hear me ask to answer my question,
"Blake is okay, he misses you, y'know? He's sad and he won't get out of bed and he's been crying a lot. We've (Jamia and I) managed to confiscate all his sharp objects or anything he can use to cut himself, and we've taken all the dangerous things out of the house now because he's started living with us. The media calls him 'our charity case' but we all know he's a lot more than that" I nod.
He takes my hands in his, "You can make it through Steph. Look at what Gerard did, come on, I know you're strong"
I look at him without expression, he kisses my cheek softly and says "I'll see you soon" before I watch him leave.
If this happened two months ago I would've been in hysterics because Frank Iero just spoke to me, let alone kissed me but now I just sigh and go back to the garden, I could sit here for hours on end and just think; get lost in my thoughts.
I'm not sure whether I was suicidal or I just was homesick, there was three things I knew for sure;
1. Ash was the best friend I ever had
2. I love Blake and
3. I hate this place