The search for Frank
"Can I sleep in here? I'll stay on the floor if you want." I looked at him. He looked so little and upset.
"Yeah, go ahead." I mumbled tiredly. I scooted under the blankets and lifted them up for Mikey to get in too. He crawled in as well and turned so his back was to me.
Gerard's Point Of View
When I woke up in the morning, Mikey was already gone. I could hear movement downstairs.
I dreaded leaving the house today. I didn't even want to leave my bedroom. I never came out during the day. I'd only come out when everyone was sleeping and it was dark, if I even bothered to leave my room at all. I didn't like being away from it. Frank still had his stuff in here and I hated being away from anything that reminded me of Frank.
"Hey Gee, are you ready?" Mikey called, quietly tapping on my door.
"Yeah." I sighed and grabbed a pair of sunglasses. I really wasn't used to the sun now. I didn't bother changing. I had on a pair of black sweats and an old black t-shirt that I had been wearing since the day after the party. I also grabbed Frank's sweatshirt. Last I knew, he was still wearing ripped clothing and was probably freezing to death.
I couldn't help but to sniff the hoodie as I headed out of my bedroom. It still smelt like Frank. I missed his smell. I miss him.
"Ready?" Ray asked as I came downstairs.
"Yup." I said quietly. We all went out to the car. It was disturbingly bright outside to me.
"Is there anywhere you think Frank would go?" Ray asked. I sat in the backseat while he drove and Mikey claimed 'shotgun'.
"I don't know. Just drive around for awhile and i'll think about it."
I thought of all the places we ever went together, but I couldn't figure out which one he would think of going to.
"Go to Perkins. I'll ask Jamia if she's seen him around." I said. We drove silently to the restaurant. "I'll be back." I told them when we got there and jumped out of the car, heading inside the building.
"Is Jamia working?" I asked the first employee I saw.
"Yes, I think she is." the lady, who's name according to her name-tag was Haley.
"Can you get her for me? It's kind of an emergency."
"Sure." The girl, Haley, walked off. It wasn't long before she returned, Jamia right behind her.
"Hey Gerard, what's going on?" she asked, giving me a big hug.
"Have you seen Frank? Has he been here at all or anything?"
"No, I haven't seen him. Is everything okay?"
"I don't know. Uh, not really. But I have to go. I have to find him. I'll see you soon." I said and ran out of the restaurant before she could respond.
"He's not there." I told Mikey and Ray as soon as I got back in the car.
"Fuck!" the said tat the same time.
"Try the park!" I demanded. Frank and I had gone there a couple times. We even had sex there, so he could have decided to hang out there.
"The one by our house?" Mikey asked.
"Yeah." I nodded.
When we got there, I climbed out of the car and looked everywhere, but nobody was there. I checked in the slide, behind all the trees-everywhere. He was nowhere to be found.
I walked back to the car feeling hopeless. I know we had only gone to two placed, but I couldn't think of any other place that he could have gone.
"Are you sure Frank never even mentioned a place that he liked to go to, or used to go t? Any other place that you two went to together?" Ray questioned.
"No, I don't-" Then it hit me. I remembered one more placed that he could be. I gave them the directions and Ray immediately started driving as fast as he could. I wasn't sure if he'd be there, but it was the last place.
We drove in silence again, but I was beginning to get antsy. My leg kept bouncing up and down. I had a bad feeling about something. I wasn't sure what it was, but I definitely had a bad vibe. I was sudden;y nervous too. Sometimes I would get a feeling when I thought something bad was going to happen, but this was different. It was a feeling that something bad had already happened.
I hadn't even noticed we had gotten to our destination until Ray stopped the car and Mikey began saying something to me.
"What?" I asked, not paying much attention.
"I asked if you wanted us to come with you or if you wanted to go alone."
"I'll go." I said quickly and climbed out of the car. I wasn't sure where to look. I looked around, trying to figure out which direction to go first. I walked out of sight from the car and called for Frank, hoping he might respond. I walked a little further, calling his name every once in awhile, louder and louder each time. Still no response. I sighed and ran my hands through my black, dirty hair. I hadn't been showering much, but like I was really worrying about personal appearance lately..
A bird sat down on the grass next to a tree only about 15 feet or so away from me. I stared at it, realizing it was a crow. Then another came. And another. And then I remember what crows usually came around for. Someone had recently died, or they were about to anyways.
A knot twisted in my stomach. I gulped and called Frank's name one more time before making my way over to the tree. As I drew closer, I allowed myself to notice how pretty the birds were. I always had a liking to crows and ravens. Maybe its because I always had a small attraction to death.
As I got closer, I also noticed something peculiar behind it.
Two legs were jutting out from behind the tree, neither of them moving. I took a few steps closer, nervously, and there he was. My Frankie was sitting leaned up against the tree. The same tree in the far end of the cemetery that he and I had been at when I brought him here once.
I let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he was alive and held back a sob. I had found Frank. I was so happy to see him again that I failed to notice his condition. His clothes were filthy, his hair was a mess, and he had cuts and bruises all over his arms. He had a bruised eye and a cut that ran down the side of his face. My relief disappeared and was replaced with terror. Why wasn't he moving?
"Frank?" I bent down and tapped on his arm. "Frankie, wake up." He didn't move. I felt a lump rising in my throat. I tried to swallow it back down. I would not allow myself to cry. Not yet.
I carefully lifted Frank up in my arms and carried him bridal-style back to the car. He felt so light.
When the car came into view, Mikey and Ray were running towards me.
"Is he okay?" Mikey demanded.
"Gerard, is he okay?" Ray repeated Mikey's question.
"I don't... I'm not s-sure."
"What the fuck happened to him?" Mikey asked, more to himself than to anybody else.
"C'mon." Ray said. "We gotta get him home now and get him warm."
I sat in the backseat with Frank's head in my lap. I mindlessly played with his hair. He seemed to be breathing, thank God, but his breaths were short and un-even, as if he were barely holding on.
The ride home felt like hours rather than minutes. I quickly carried Frank into the house and brought him to our bedroom. I wrapped him up in a blanket before laying him carefully on the bed.
"Please wake up Frankie." I whispered as I took a seat next to him. I placed a small kiss on his cheek. "Please baby." I could feel the tears began to fall. I let out the sob that I had held back earlier. For the first time in weeks, I allowed myself to cry. Not just cry, more like sob. I could barely breathe. I just let myself cry until I had no more tears to shed at that moment.
I observed all of Frank's bruises. He looked like he had the shit beat out of him. I wanted to know what happened to him and I would be ready to kill whoever fucking hurt the boy I loved so much. Sure, Frank could be tough and brave, but he was small and caring too. Who could hurt him like this?
You did. The voice in the back of my mind reminded me. You hurt him. My chest ached as I remembered that night when I hit him. The voice was right. It was always right.
"I didn't mean to though." I said back, anyways.
But you did it. You hurt Frank.
"I know. This is all my fault." The lump appeared again, along with a few more tears.
I had fucked up everything. The love of my life was lying next to me, bruised, beaten, and unconscious.
"Frank?" I tried once more. His breathing seemed to stay choppy and uneven. "Baby, please wake up." When he didn't, I began to make plans in my head. I got up off the bed and looked at Frank once more, hoping he'd miraculously rise up and save me from what I was about to do. But he didn't. And it was my fault.
I took the one arm that I hadn't covered up with the blanket and placed a kiss over his faded scars from his past of self harm. I pulled the blankets up to cover his arm and looked at his face. Even though it was covered with scratches, he still managed to look beautiful. I ran my fingers through his hair and kiss him on the forehead.
"I love you Frankie. I'll always love you the most." I whispered to him, giving him one last kiss on his perfect lips. I left the room then, making sure not to look back in at him in case it would make me change my mind about what I was about to do. I ignored Mikey and Ray's questions about where I was going and if Frank was okay as I made my way out of the house.
I got in my car and sped off down the street. This is it. I thought to myself as I drove straight into a large tree, making sure Frank was the last thing I thought of as everything went black.
There ya go! I almost quit writing this several times and went to bed, but I was determined to finish this for you guys. LEt me know what you think!