I hated myself so incredibly much. I still couldn't understand how I could have hit the boy that I loved so much.
[/I headed upstairs to my bedroom and crashed on my bed.
three weeks later..
Mikey's Point Of View
It had been weeks since that Halloween party. Gerard hadn't stepped out of his room, except for during the middle of the night when Ray and I were both in bed. I had gone to make sure it was him once, and when I did, he stared at me blankly before stumbling tiredly back to his bedroom. He didn't talk, he didn't eat, and he kept himself in the dark. If Ray or I would go try to talk to him or bring him food, he said nothing. And when we'd check if he was done with the food, we'd find him asleep and the food untouched. I'd stay up at night listening for movement to make sure my brother was still alive, always feeling relieved when I could hear him.
Frank hadn't come around. I was worried about him. I could tell Ray was too. All we knew was that he was most likely living on the streets, which was not good at all because it was about to start snowing. And last time we saw him, he was wearing ripped clothing.
Then I realized something.
What if Frank was dead? It's not like he had anybody looking for him. We missed him, but nobody would know that. Someone could have killed him. Or...
Frank had reasons to want to kill himself. He could have done it. If he found a gun or a rope, or ever a knife...
I shuddered, trying to get the image out of my head, but all I could picture was a lifeless 18 year old Frank lying in a pool of his own crimson blood.
"Ray!" I shouted as I ran from my bedroom to his.
"What?" he asked, startled.
"We need to find Frankie!" I said urgently.
"Why?" He sounded worried. "Is there something going on?"
"No, not necessarily. I just.. What if he's dead Ray?"
"You think he is?"
"He could be. But I don't want to let it happen if it hasn't already. We need to be able to say we tried to find him at least. I won't be able to live myself if we don't."
"You're right. Let's go." he jumped up and we ran out the front door.
"Where do you think he is?" I asked once we were on the road.
"I have no idea."
It was dark out, which wasn't too helpful. We decided to start looking nearby. Both Ray and I had a feeling that he might try to stay close.
"Do you think Gerard would be of more help? He know Frank a lot better than we do." Ray said.
"Maybe.. If we can't find him, we'll just ask Gerard tomorrow."
Ray had a point. Gerard knew much more about Frank that he or I did. They were nearly inseparable for most of the time. Before they were even a week into their relationship, they knew a lot about each other. I had a feeling Frank learned a few things about Gerard that I still wasn't even sure of. They seemed so comfortable around each other right away. They clicked so perfectly. And now that Frank was gone, Gerard seemed to have lost a part of him.
We ended up searching for almost two hours, but when we looked at the clock and it said it was 3:00 in the morning, we figured we should get home and get some rest. Neither of us worked the next day, so we were going to spend the day looking for Frank, this time with Gerard.
Gerard's Point Of View
Mikey and Ray didn't get back until almost 3:30 am. I wasn't sure where they had gone, but I had no intentions of asking them. I didn't want to see them, much less talk to them. I didn't want to talk to anybody. Except Frank. I missed him so much. As far as I knew, nobody knew where he was. I was about ready to go looking for him myself. I was indescribably worried about him. He was living on his on on the streets of New Jersey.
Fuck! How could I leave him along in Jersey? This wasn't exactly the safest place to live... I needed to go find him. Maybe I'd make Mikey take me. it wouldn't be of much use if I were to get mugged or raped or even killed while trying to save Frank. I knew Mikey would do it. I could hear him talking to Ray sometimes about how he missed me.
I hated hurting Mikey and Ray. I could tell they were worried. They'd come up to my room a lot, hoping i'd talk or to bring me food, hoping i would actually talk or eat. But I never did. I couldn't bring myself to do it when I wanted to. I wanted my life to be over. I didn't want to live anymore, not without Frank and not after the way I treated him. But I still needed to find him. I needed to make sure he was safe, and once I knew he was, I needed to make sure he stayed safe and knew how terribly sorry was.
"Don't worry Mikey. We'll try again tomorrow." I heard Ray say.
"But we need his help to find him, and how do you know he'll help us?"
"He loves the kid. He'll help."
"If he even bothers to listen to us..." I heard Mikey sigh. I was trying to figure out who they were talking about. They sounded so worried.
"If he hears Frank's name, he'll pay attention. I don't plan on giving up on finding him that easily. I'll even ask Bob if he will help us if Gerard won't." It wasn't hard for me to figure out that Bob and Ray were together now. I'd hear them sometimes when Bob came over.
"Neither do I. We need to find him." Mikey was saying. "I don't even want to think about what Gerard will do if something happened to him."
I froze. Something might have happened to Frankie? No. No, no, no. Frank had to be okay. He had to be. I suddenly felt angry more than anything else. I stood up and kicked my door, screaming. I heard everything go silent downstairs as I continued to scream.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I cried. This was all my fault. I collapsed on my bed and let myself scream into my pillow.
"Gee?" I heard my door open and Mikey ran in, Ray right behind him. I looked away from them and hid my face in my pillow.
"Talk to me. Please, Gerard." Mikey said sadly.
"it's my fault." I whispered into my pillow.
"It's my fault."
"Is Frank hurt?" I asked.
"We don't know." Mikey said, understanding.
"We haven't heard anything from him." Ray added.
"But it's a possibility." I stated.
"Yeah.. We were just out looking for him. We're going to try again once the sun comes out." Ray told me.
"We were hoping you would help us?" Mikey said.
"Of course I will. I need to find him. This is my fault."
"No it's not. But don't worry, we'll find him Gee."
"You should sleep. We'll wake you up as soon as it's bright enough." Ray said. "Goodnight." He left, leaving me and Mikey alone.
"Gee?" Mikey's voice was quiet and sad.
"Can I sleep in here? I'll stay on the floor if you want." I looked at him. He looked so little and upset.
"Yeah, go ahead." I mumbled tiredly. I scooted under the blankets and lifted them up for Mikey to get in too. He crawled in as well and turned so his back was to me.
Here guys! Hope it wasn't too long of a wait. I'm actually starting on the next chapter right now so if it's not up tonight, it should be soon. Let me know what you think!