Gerard finds his true self and discovers happiness again. (Author's Note: Don't worry, it's going to get better. LOL! Love ya!)
Everyday I did the same things. First, check my email for any sign of Mikey, second, cut, third, cry until I felt better, and fourth, repeat. Today I tried something different. Instead I cut first and then checked my email. When I logged on I saw a message that made me stop crying. My breath caught in my throat and I stared at it confused at the words in black text. It read: What’s going on?
Mikey. I looked to see what time he sent it but the time was all messed up. I replied back annoying the cut in my leg for a few minutes which was still bleeding: Nothing. Why?
M: Jason told me everything.
G: Everything? What are you talking about?
M: You know exactly. Why?
G: I still don’t understand.
M: The cutting.
G: Oh, that.
M: Why are you doing it? Because of me?
G: Because I love you.
M: I love you too. But, please, stop.
G: I don’t want to. You’re gone.
M: No, I’m not. I’m back.
G: No, you’re not.
M: I was never gone.
G: You didn’t want me anymore. You acted like you didn’t care about me so I thought that.
M: I know. I’m sorry. Just listen, please? :D
G: Fine. Go ahead.
M: I’m coming back in a few weeks and I want you to do something for me.
G: Ok, what is it?
M: Stop doing it. I’m here for you. I’m going to do the same for you that you did for me.
G: I’m not. You’re not coming back for me. You don’t care about me.
M: Yes, I do. A lot. Just do it for me.
I thought about that sentence quite often. That was the reason why I was cutting in the first place; just for him. I wanted him. But now he was asking me to stop for him. I know what I wanted to choose.
G: Maybe. I’ve been doing it everyday.
M: No, stop! You better say, “No!” Not maybe.
G: Refuse to stop. I don’t even know what to do, what to say. I don’t really know myself anymore.
M: This is why. Please??
It was like he was begging me now. I thought back to that night he felt the same way about himself and I kept telling all the good qualities about him. I missed and loved him so much, but I didn’t know if I would change.
M: Good! So, keep talking to me. You can talk to me whenever you want. You know that!
G: I know. But you didn’t want to talk to me.
M: I know. I felt bad. I didn’t know what to say because we were both upset.
G: You should’ve told me you loved and cared about me earlier.
M: That was all my fault. I’m sorry.
G: You’re forgiven when you see me. Not now. You know, it’s been 2 months since we last talked. That’s definitely not cool.
M: No, it’s not cool. I’m sorry. I regret everything.
G: Well, I gotta go. I’m kind of busy so… I’ll talk to you later.
M: Oh. Ok… Well, I love you.
I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to answer that.
G: I don’t know if I’m supposed to respond to that. Bye.
M: I do love you still. Bye! :D