Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Easy A
As soon as I walked out of school, Zia ran over to me and cried “Please tell me that the rumours are true!”
“Yes,” I replied “I am a big, fat, filthy slut.”
“No, not that one. That you called Carol a dick and then punched her in the left tit!”
I gaped at her for a moment before commenting “I worry about the way information circulates at this school.”
“It wasn’t the left tit?” Zia asked then nodded “It was the right one. I always thought you’d be more of a-“
“Zia?”
Zia ignored me and made punching gestures so I grabbed her arm “Zia, I have to tell you something.”
“Like the moment when you turned into such a bad ass?” She asked, hugging me close “I think I’m in love with you!”
“Thanks…” I mumbled, pulling away from her. Then I held my hands up in the air “It didn’t happen!”
“Yeah, sure it didn’t.” Zia replied sarcastically before ruffling my hair and saying “Your secrets safe with me you little sex monkey.”
“I got sent to the principal’s office tomorrow.” I told my parents while I sat at the counter eating my dinner and my little brother Mikey was sitting at the table. Mom and Dad were cleaning all the dinner stuff away and washing up and boring stuff like that.
Mom smiled at me “Ooh, did you win a medal or something?”
“Not exactly. Apparently I used inappropriate language in class today. Though honestly, I think we’re reading a book that is wildly inappropriate for our age group.”
“What word did you say?” Mom asked.
I glanced over at my shoulder who smiled at me innocently “Let’s just say it was an inappropriate word.”
“What did it start with?” Dad asked.
“A snide comment from a girl in my class.” I said with a frown.
“No, what letter did the word start with?”
“Oh! T.”
“Oh, T!” Both my parents exclaimed, looking at each other and muttering “T, T, T, T, T, T…”
“Guys!” I cried, snapping them out of it.
“Verb, adjective or noun?”
“Noun. Definitely slang, think British!”
“Tallywagger?” Dad suggested.
“Nunt?” Mom asked “Yob. Fraz.”
“Those are sounds.” I told her “You’re just saying sounds.”
“Spell it with your peas?” Mom challenged.
“Oh yes, spell it with your peas!”
“I will take that challenge.” I laughed, using my fork to separate the peas then using my fingers to spell the word I’d said in class “I like that.”
“Is this anything to do with what you asked us the other night?” Dad asked. I tapped my nose.
A couple of nights ago I’d asked my parents if they knew I’d been home all weekend which they’d re-assured me they knew. They asked why and I told them it was a part of the rumour mill.
“Is there anything you want to talk to us about?” Dad asked, raising one eye-brow.
I opened my mouth to say something when my little brother asked “What’s a… Twit?” I turned around and saw that he’d stood on top of his chair to peer over my shoulder at what I was spelling with my peas.
Hurriedly, I used my fork to muddle up all the peas and get rid of the word I’d written “That’s an A Honey.” Mom told him “And it’s a word that’ll get you sent to the principal’s office. It’s a bad word.”
“I supposed it’s a good thing that is not a regular occurrence.” Dad said, picking up my plate and starting to scrape the rest of my dinner into the bin.
“What would my punishment have been otherwise?”
They thought for a second “Bed without supper.” Dad replied.
I pointed at the empty plate in his hands “I’m already finished.”
So they thought for another second “No dating!” Mom cried. Both of them laughed “Yes! No dating for you young man!”
I laughed too “I think my complete lack of allure already shot that horse in the face.”
I stood up and went to walk away when my Dad stopped me and muttered “Hey, I reckon this girl was acting exactly like what you said she was.”
I smiled “Oh, you have no idea.”
“I got a B+ on my spelling test today!” Mikey told us all with a smile.
Mom looked at him and grinned “That’s good Honey, but everything has spell check these days…” Mikey’s smile drooped “Just kidding Sweetie, well done.”
I didn’t really mind detention the next day. I’d done the crime and now I was willing to do the time. Which due to recent budget cutbacks meant cleaning.
So me and Aven stood in the hall mopping the floor together when she said “This is ridiculous. Aren’t there child labour laws against this or something?”
“Nope, not against our School Principal. He’s like a captain of the high seas. He can’t even get married.” I looked at Aven “We haven’t talked in a while. How’s it hanging Aven?”
“Oh just fine.” Aven smiled “Everything going according to plan.” She raised her voice “I wanna be in detention!”
“Yeah, why are you here? Due to the amount of blood squirting out your nose, I thought you were the bullied.”
“I was but our Principal is a homophobe which is why I called him fascist.”
“So the rumours are true…”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I meant about the Principal being a fascist.” I replied with a small smile.
Later when we were spraying the school grounds with some kind of cleaning fluid, Aven asked “So what’s up with your look? Very man whore couture.”
“Haven’t you heard? I’m the new school slut!” I told her, striking a quick silly pose.
Aven laughed “I did hear something. I also heard she was twice your age.”
“Wow, no, no, no. She was a freshman at community college.”
“I also heard she gave you crabs.”
“Huh.” I looked up at her “People suck.”
“Tell me about it!”
And then later when we were cleaning the girls bathrooms (well I was cleaning, Aven was doodling on the walls) I felt since she’d admitted being a lesbian to me that I might as well admit to her that “She’s not real. The girl I slept with.”
“Wait… So, you started the rumour yourself?”
“Yeah, I guess… Actually no, I didn’t start it.”
“But you’re still letting it circle round the school! That’s completely messed up!”
“Excuse me?” She was starting to piss me off “You could learn something from me Avo!”
“Oh so you’re saying I should act straight so that people will like it? That’s amazing. You should publish a book you know. Gerard Way’s guide to how to be a fake school slut!”
I leaped up and stormed out of the cubicle I had been cleaning and stood in front of hers “I’m just saying that maybe these kids we call our ‘peers’ are onto something.”
She stood up and the two of us walked over to the mirrors “There are some of us who are just trying to blend into the crowd.”
“Well you either have to have to blend into the crowd or decide that you just don’t care.”
Aven thought about it for a second “I can’t tell if you’re crazy or a genius.”
I smiled “Well, don’t they sort of go hand in hand?”
“Yes,” I replied “I am a big, fat, filthy slut.”
“No, not that one. That you called Carol a dick and then punched her in the left tit!”
I gaped at her for a moment before commenting “I worry about the way information circulates at this school.”
“It wasn’t the left tit?” Zia asked then nodded “It was the right one. I always thought you’d be more of a-“
“Zia?”
Zia ignored me and made punching gestures so I grabbed her arm “Zia, I have to tell you something.”
“Like the moment when you turned into such a bad ass?” She asked, hugging me close “I think I’m in love with you!”
“Thanks…” I mumbled, pulling away from her. Then I held my hands up in the air “It didn’t happen!”
“Yeah, sure it didn’t.” Zia replied sarcastically before ruffling my hair and saying “Your secrets safe with me you little sex monkey.”
“I got sent to the principal’s office tomorrow.” I told my parents while I sat at the counter eating my dinner and my little brother Mikey was sitting at the table. Mom and Dad were cleaning all the dinner stuff away and washing up and boring stuff like that.
Mom smiled at me “Ooh, did you win a medal or something?”
“Not exactly. Apparently I used inappropriate language in class today. Though honestly, I think we’re reading a book that is wildly inappropriate for our age group.”
“What word did you say?” Mom asked.
I glanced over at my shoulder who smiled at me innocently “Let’s just say it was an inappropriate word.”
“What did it start with?” Dad asked.
“A snide comment from a girl in my class.” I said with a frown.
“No, what letter did the word start with?”
“Oh! T.”
“Oh, T!” Both my parents exclaimed, looking at each other and muttering “T, T, T, T, T, T…”
“Guys!” I cried, snapping them out of it.
“Verb, adjective or noun?”
“Noun. Definitely slang, think British!”
“Tallywagger?” Dad suggested.
“Nunt?” Mom asked “Yob. Fraz.”
“Those are sounds.” I told her “You’re just saying sounds.”
“Spell it with your peas?” Mom challenged.
“Oh yes, spell it with your peas!”
“I will take that challenge.” I laughed, using my fork to separate the peas then using my fingers to spell the word I’d said in class “I like that.”
“Is this anything to do with what you asked us the other night?” Dad asked. I tapped my nose.
A couple of nights ago I’d asked my parents if they knew I’d been home all weekend which they’d re-assured me they knew. They asked why and I told them it was a part of the rumour mill.
“Is there anything you want to talk to us about?” Dad asked, raising one eye-brow.
I opened my mouth to say something when my little brother asked “What’s a… Twit?” I turned around and saw that he’d stood on top of his chair to peer over my shoulder at what I was spelling with my peas.
Hurriedly, I used my fork to muddle up all the peas and get rid of the word I’d written “That’s an A Honey.” Mom told him “And it’s a word that’ll get you sent to the principal’s office. It’s a bad word.”
“I supposed it’s a good thing that is not a regular occurrence.” Dad said, picking up my plate and starting to scrape the rest of my dinner into the bin.
“What would my punishment have been otherwise?”
They thought for a second “Bed without supper.” Dad replied.
I pointed at the empty plate in his hands “I’m already finished.”
So they thought for another second “No dating!” Mom cried. Both of them laughed “Yes! No dating for you young man!”
I laughed too “I think my complete lack of allure already shot that horse in the face.”
I stood up and went to walk away when my Dad stopped me and muttered “Hey, I reckon this girl was acting exactly like what you said she was.”
I smiled “Oh, you have no idea.”
“I got a B+ on my spelling test today!” Mikey told us all with a smile.
Mom looked at him and grinned “That’s good Honey, but everything has spell check these days…” Mikey’s smile drooped “Just kidding Sweetie, well done.”
I didn’t really mind detention the next day. I’d done the crime and now I was willing to do the time. Which due to recent budget cutbacks meant cleaning.
So me and Aven stood in the hall mopping the floor together when she said “This is ridiculous. Aren’t there child labour laws against this or something?”
“Nope, not against our School Principal. He’s like a captain of the high seas. He can’t even get married.” I looked at Aven “We haven’t talked in a while. How’s it hanging Aven?”
“Oh just fine.” Aven smiled “Everything going according to plan.” She raised her voice “I wanna be in detention!”
“Yeah, why are you here? Due to the amount of blood squirting out your nose, I thought you were the bullied.”
“I was but our Principal is a homophobe which is why I called him fascist.”
“So the rumours are true…”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“I meant about the Principal being a fascist.” I replied with a small smile.
Later when we were spraying the school grounds with some kind of cleaning fluid, Aven asked “So what’s up with your look? Very man whore couture.”
“Haven’t you heard? I’m the new school slut!” I told her, striking a quick silly pose.
Aven laughed “I did hear something. I also heard she was twice your age.”
“Wow, no, no, no. She was a freshman at community college.”
“I also heard she gave you crabs.”
“Huh.” I looked up at her “People suck.”
“Tell me about it!”
And then later when we were cleaning the girls bathrooms (well I was cleaning, Aven was doodling on the walls) I felt since she’d admitted being a lesbian to me that I might as well admit to her that “She’s not real. The girl I slept with.”
“Wait… So, you started the rumour yourself?”
“Yeah, I guess… Actually no, I didn’t start it.”
“But you’re still letting it circle round the school! That’s completely messed up!”
“Excuse me?” She was starting to piss me off “You could learn something from me Avo!”
“Oh so you’re saying I should act straight so that people will like it? That’s amazing. You should publish a book you know. Gerard Way’s guide to how to be a fake school slut!”
I leaped up and stormed out of the cubicle I had been cleaning and stood in front of hers “I’m just saying that maybe these kids we call our ‘peers’ are onto something.”
She stood up and the two of us walked over to the mirrors “There are some of us who are just trying to blend into the crowd.”
“Well you either have to have to blend into the crowd or decide that you just don’t care.”
Aven thought about it for a second “I can’t tell if you’re crazy or a genius.”
I smiled “Well, don’t they sort of go hand in hand?”
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