Thankyou to everyone reading this! Next Chapter! Things begin to get a little deeper into the plotline! :)
His hair strewn across the pillow. His face absent and ghostlike. His breathing calm and soft in the heavy air, weighing me down. Pulling me further into the abyss that was my life before him. Before fate got in our way and brought everything that was beautiful into shreds. Shreds that have fallen from our sky and hit the floor, shattering our foundations. Snapping away our safety nets.
The Doctor won't say anything. He can't say a word until he wakes up and they run those ugly, ridiculous tests on him again. Violate him and shake him up. Exchange those disappointed looks and whisper words of comfort to Gerards family, leaving us to deliver the news. Mostly bad news. Not that i can say that to anyone. Everyone's rambling on about optimism and how miracles happen in this world everyday. For some, they do. And for the likes of me? Never. My own parents didn't want me, in fact they still don't. They never will. And i don't even blame them for that because i don't want to be me, especially now.
I want to be Gerard. Gerard who's suffering with no reasoning. Gerard who is so daintily perfect even in the state he is in currently. He shouldn't be here. Strapped down on the cast iron bed with stained once white sheets and the aura of sickness and tradgedy in every corner of this place. No hope breaks through the cracks. No faded happy memories play out. Here and now this is his life, our lives. And it won't ever move forward until he opens his eyes and smiles like he used to.
"Can you wiggle your toes for me?" The same doctor asks him again this time. Somethings not quite the same though. Her false pleasant tone pierces my ears and shatters my brain. She has brought three new doctors with her. They're observing and looking solemn. Why? Why look sad? We have to stay positive for his sake. His sanity. If we lose it, what hope is there for Gerard to stay calm and composed? He's just managing to hang on for now but for how long if everyone behaves like he's this invalid, this waste of space and time?
Mikey clutches at my hand reminding me of the little three year old he once was, terrified of walking into nursery and seeing all the other children. But this time i can't cuddle him or say everything will be alright, because as far as even my own optimism goes. We simply don't know. And Mikeys hope was wilted a long time ago. The second his idol; his brother ripped at the seams.
"Mrs Way? Can I see you and your husband outside a moment please?" The doctor nods at her three assistants and Donald and I shakily walk outside, arms interlinked and clinging desperately to one another as though one of us will fall. The doctor's puppets, they're controlling us. Handling the ropes. Once outside, Frank and Dayle approach us with another doctor we've never met before. "We wanted you all to be here." The doctor says, her voice dripping with sympathy. " This isn't easy, we've tried everything possible right now. But Gerard has not responded." My heart sinks. " The surgery was our biggest hope and despite everything going well, it is almost absolutely certain that he will never regain the use of his limbs." Everything slips and my legs buckle. I don't cling to my husband anymore, our hands unravel as i fall to the floor, drowning in my own sorrows.
I stand there dumbfounded, looking around trying to take it in somehow. I try to think straight. Does he know? Who will tell him? What about Mikey? This is all my fault. Everything. Every single failure. The pointless painful surgery. The accident. The fights. The stupidity to think I couldn't love him. Couldn't feel it. "Frank?" Dayle shakes me by the shoulders. "This isn't your fault okay? This isn't your fault." Dayle wraps me tightly in an embrace and one thought overshadows everything else in a split second.
"Gerard. I have to tell Gerard."
[TIME LAPSE *]
"Hey Gee." I walk in slowly, shutting the door softly.
"Hey Frank." His smile kills me inside. " So any news? When will i be better? When can i go home?"
"Gee." I look at him softly and he reads my mind for a few agonising seconds.
"What is it? What is it? TELL ME!" He screams, tears streaming down his face like a waterfall. A waterfall of pain and shattered hopes.
I hear Mikey wail from outside and Donald uttering words of comfort through his own tears.
"You... You may never walk again." I breathe out beginning to walk towards his shocked skinny frame.
"GET OUT! JUST GET THE HELL OUT!" He screams and i run from that place, ready to feel his pain, and end my own.