Hisoka deals with his misery about Tsuzuki and Anna's developing relationship. More Hisoka angst for everyone to read.
Chapter Fifteen: Thorn Lady of the Flowers:
He pretends to be okay. Everyone else can see the truth. Hisoka wants to scream. Tsuzuki loves Anna dearly. Lately, it has gotten stronger. Hisoka didn’t enjoy that.
He still loved Tsuzuki. Painfully so. His partner didn’t talk about his relationship with Anna to him. He didn’t have to. Hisoka wanted to scream every time he felt Tsuzuki’s lustful happiness choke him. Being empathist didn’t help.
“Shut up about her!” he wanted to scream. But would Tsuzuki listen?
February 16th, 2010.
Yesterday stung the worst for Hisoka. That morning sent him in a downward spiral. He thought had gotten over Tsuzuki enough to visit him. Maybe… it won’t be so awkward. He did stay with him at work last night. Maybe… they could still be friends. And then… something else could happen. What? Hisoka wasn’t sure yet. He just had to find out.
Hisoka knocked on Tsuzuki’s door.
“Coming!” the older Shinigami called. Hisoka took in deep breaths.
Calm down/, he thought. /You just came to talk. Don’t expect anything to happen yet. The door slid open. Hisoka stood up straight.
“Tsuzuki!” he said in one breath. His partner blinked at him.
“Hisoka?” he asked. “What’s going on? Did something happen?” Hisoka shook his head.
“Everything’s fine,” he said. “I just… wanted to thank you.”
“For what?” his partner asked.
“Staying with me last night.”
“Oh. You’re welcome. You’re not hurt, are you?”
Hisoka shook his head. “Oh no, no. I’m fine.”
Hisoka smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Hey listen, can we…” He paused mid-sentence when his eyes moved past Tsuzuki to the background. What he saw stabbed him in his wounded heart. Anna wandered into the living room. She had on short pajamas as she brushed her teeth. She looked as if she had just woken up. The color drained from Hisoka’s face. Tsuzuki looked puzzled.
“What?” he asked. He looked behind him. Anna paused and looked.
“Oh, good morning, Anna-chan,” her secret fiancé said. She gave him a small wave. Hisoka took slow steps back. What… What is this? Tsuzuki turned back to him.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “What did you want?” Hisoka shook his head.
“No, no. Nothing!” he said. Then Hisoka ran off. That shock sent him reeling back into pain. He couldn’t even look at his partner in the eye for the rest of the day. Tsuzuki tried to reason with him.
“Hisoka, I’m so sorry,” he said. His younger partner frowned.
“How long?” he asked. Tsuzuki paused.
“Excuse me?” he asked.
“How long has she been living there with you?”
Tsuzuki lowered his eyes. “Close to a month.”
“Close to a month?”
His partner bowed his head. “I’m so sorry.”
Hisoka’s fists trembled. “Unbelievable!”
“Hisoka, I’m so sorry.”
“Stop saying that!”
Tsuzuki eyed him. “Hisoka…”
“Don’t talk. Just don’t!” They didn’t talk for the rest of the day. They even avoided each other again.
Today is no different. Tsuzuki is over the moon again. It’s going to be the same thing again. Tsuzuki started to get lost in another erotic daydream. Hisoka tried to bit his tongue.
“Stop smiling!” he wanted to scream. Heh, like that would ever work. His happiness would probably block out his voice. Hisoka hung his head and sighed.
/Maybe I should resign/, he thought. He had begun that letter many times. Never did finish it. Wound up in the trash. Today felt like another day to draft out another letter of resignation again. He groaned aloud at that thought.
/It’ll end up in the trash again/, he thought.
“Something wrong?” he heard someone ask. The boy quickly looked up. Tsuzuki sat next to him really close. His grin made Hisoka want to vomit. Or spit in his face. Something. Instead, he left the room. Tsuzuki looked lost.
“Hisoka?” he asked. The door slammed shut. The younger Shinigami burned again.
Traitor! He’s pretending that everything’s fine. Everything is not/ fine! And it’s all her fault!/
But then, Hisoka paused. His burn weakened into sadness again. Why am I like this?/, he thought. /I don’t want to think about that at all. He dropped his shoulders.
Yet, what could he do? The boy didn’t know how to break this cycle alone. All he could do was just ride it over and over again as Tsuzuki and Anna’s love continued to grow and blossom like a forest of wild flowers. Hisoka sank to his knees clutching his chest.
My heart/, he thought. /It’s hurting me again. Make it stop. Please…
He shut his eyes to his endless pain.