FicWad

A/N: I need everybody to understand that this has nothing to do with Alicia or how I feel about her. I love her to pieces and this is like the most terrible nightmare for me. This is not a reflection of how I feel. The idea popped in my head and it literally drove me crazy for weeks until I started writing it. It means a lot to me and I hope someone likes it. Figured I'd give FW another try =) Enjoy.



It's been 3 months now since Alicia started feeling ill. They were at home when she felt this pain in her back but didn't think much of it when it faded away during the day. That night she woke him up in sweats and shakes and said she was in pain. They rushed to the hospital and they said it was her kidneys that were failing. They stared at each other and swallowed, this was exactly what they didn't want to hear.

After that Alicia only got worse and worse and they were in and out of hospitals almost daily. One day Alicia fainted in their kitchen and after that they decided to commit her for treatment and they haven't left since..

He moves closer to her bed in the dark, not letting go of her hand as he strokes her knuckles. They set up a bed for him but he refuses to leave her side. It's late and she's asleep but he can't stop watching her peaceful face and listen to the beeps from the machine telling him she's still alive, telling him there's still hope.

He squeezes her hand harder, careful not to wake her up as the tears well up in his eyes. Just like they do every night when she can't see, when he can finally let go as his heart shatters in his chest.

"Mikey..." He hears a whisper and his head flies up with alarm. After checking the heartmonitor and taking a deep sigh of relief he looks over to meet the source of the voice.

"Sorry." Gerard mumbles as he sits down next to him on the other chair. Mikey just shrugs and fixes his clothes and takes Alicia's hand in his again and letting his eyes roam her face for any signs of her being awake but she's sleeping peacefully in the big white bed. It makes her look pale and skinny and very sick, Mikey fights to not losing it again as he bites his tongue and leans back.

"I can sit for a while if you wanna sleep or eat." Gerard offers carefully but Mikey just shakes his head roughly.

"Mikey, come on. You look like shit." He says with a sigh, annoyed by his little brother's stubborn behaviour.

"I think he's always handsom." They hear a quiet, gravely voice which makes them both snap their heads to the bed. A faint smile plays on Mikey's lips as he sees his wife with open eyes and a crooked smile on her face.

"Heey, sweetie. How are you feeling?" Mikey asks quietly before moving closer and and stroking her hair back gently.

"Tired, nauseous.. the usual." She tells him with a sighs, but she squeezes his hand back as hard as she can and looks up at him with a smile despite feeling like shit.

"I can get the doctor." Gerard offers but she just shakes her head slowly.

"No it's ok. I'm ok." She says but she really does look terrible. Her pale, almost grey, skin and puffy, red eyes stand out against the white sheets. She looks really sick and Gerard feels that familiar nagging worry in his stomach. Please let her be ok.

The doctor comes in later that day and checks on her, gives her something in the drip to ease the pain and runs the usual, daily tests. But today is different because he asks Mikey to come with him, he insists and Gerard promises to sit with Alicia until they come back. Mikey is reluctant to leave her bedside but the worry gets the better of him and he knows he needs to talk to the doctor.

It's not a pleasent conversation and he feels tears welling up in his eyes.

"What do you mean not helping? You made her better last time... just do that again." He says desperately, angrily and the doctor sighs.

"Mr. Way I told you last week that it's not that easy. Her kidney's aren't responding to any of the treatments and we even tried dialysis. Transplant is the only option left." The doctor tells him gravely and Mikey tries to breathe normally but isn't quite able to catch his breath.

"Only option?" He asks and the tears spill over this time. The doctor squeezes his shoulder and nods.

"I'm really sorry. But that's the reality right now. I've already called her family over to get tested today." Mikey just cries and nods.

"Test me too.." He whispers and the doctor nods slowly.

"There's a very slim chance you'll be a match but if that's what you want.." The doctor says and Mikey keeps nodding and hyperventilating.

"I'll send her family in when they get here, you can go back in now." The doctor tells him but instead he sinks into a nearby chair and draws a few shaky breathes.

"Thanks... I just need a minute." He cries and Alicia's doctor squeezes his shoulder before walking away. It takes a while but he manages to some what pull himself together before walking into the room again and sitting with his wife.

They all get tested to find a good match for her kidneys but nobody can be the donor. Her brothers don't match and her parents don't match. Mikey doesn't match and it takes him a while to get over that after none of her family was a match either. One by one the couple's family and friends get tested but the hope of a happy ending is slowly slipping from Mikey's grasp. He keeps hearing the bad news and gets completely crushed everytime.

Time passes and they put her on the donor list but the list is long and time is running out. Mikey spends a lot of time trying to move her up and argue with the doctors about how she needs it more. But the system won't allow it and they turn him down. He spend every free time he has by his wife's side and every night he cries into his arms as he holds onto her hand.

3 weeks later Alicia falls into a coma and the machines are the only things keeping her alive. It's breathing for her and keeping her heart beating.. but she's alive and Mikey won't let go. He won't. Unfortunately it's not up to him.

"They can still find a donor!" He cries as Alicia's oldest brother Peter holds his shoulders against the wall, both of them crying and screaming.

"She's suffering Mikey! Can't you see! This isn't right." Peter screams shakily as Mikey tries to break free.

"No! They're gonna find a donor and she's gonna be fine!" He's crying so much he's shaking.

"She's already gone!" Peter shouts through his tears and Mikey stops fighting and just closes his eyes. peter lets him go and he sinks to the floor.

"No.." He whispers as he curls his knees up to his chest and cries into his arms silently.

"Yes.." Peter says sadly and sits down next to his brother in law. They sit there together for a while as they cry and Peter tries to make Mikey understand that what he's doing is right.

A few days pass but it's time and Peter gathers them all in the small room late into the night. Mikey is hyperventilating and crying in a chair next to the bed, freaking out about what they're all going to do. Nobody is stopping it.

The doctor gives Alicia a shot of some sort of adrenalin that will keep her concious for a while as they remove all the machines. Peter wants her to pass naturally. Whatever that means for a 29 year old woman but it's his decision.. just like Alicia wanted it. Alicia starts waking up and Mikey can barely handle the pain in his chest as he fights for breath.

"I don't feel so good." She mumbles and Mikey takes her hand and strokes her hair. Their eyes meet and it's like she understands when she sees the pain and tears in her husbands eyes. A few tears fall before she nods and squeezes his hand. Mikey pushes his chair back violently as he stands up.

"No! Not in here." He says shakily and Alicia looks up at him confused.

"The sun is about to go up." He tells her with a weak smile through the pain and tears. She nods slowly and he picks her up into his arms. Alicia puts her arms around his neck and right infront of everybody's stunned eyes he carries her out of there and outside.

He falls to his knees on the lawn as the sky goes brighter. He sits down and settles his wife in his lap gently.

"This is better." He whispers sadly and she nods slowly.

"I always loved the sunrise." She whispers and he wraps his arms around her, his chin against her shoulder.

"I'm sorry I didn't watch more of them with you." He cries but she shakes her head.

"Don't be.." She whispers and they sit like that for a while, just holding each other. They completely miss that everybody comes outside with them and sit around in groups and cry as they watch the couple together.

"There's so much I want to say." He cries silently against her ear and she nods with tears flowing down her cheeks as well.

"It's ok... I already know.. We had it good." She says weakly and he nods and hugs her tighter. Desperate to feel her against him while he can. They sit there together as the sun starts to show over the mountains in the distance. He can feel her getting weaker and he wraps his arms around her tighter as if it will keep her there longer.

"I love you." She whisperes weakly and he bites back a sob.

"I love you too." He whispers as tears steadily flow down from his eyes and onto his clothes or into her hair. He tightens his arms around her tighter, feeling her bony arms under his touch, her ribs pressing into his chest. He feels like screaming up at the skies, begging on his knees to let her live.. Instead he just burries his face in her neck and cries silently.