"There's one more place I want to take you." Frank was beaming with excitement whilst I was fighting away that ever present feeling in my gut. The feeling of loss, the feeling of wanting to be gone. Today had been everything. I'd had fun with the person I loved, he told me he loved me in return and I was thanking whoever made that even possible from the bottom of my heart, but the underlying sadness? It seemed to never want to fade from me.
"Ta da!" Frank exclaimed. Our old favourite bar. Where I made him jealous that night after the court case. Seeing his eyes cloud over with disgust and dismay nearly killed me, I wanted to go right over there. But I didn't. Revenge was what I was best at and if I wanted I could pin all of this on frankie. He wouldn't disagree. I could have years of fun with this, having him plan whatever I wanted. I'd say jump and hed say how high sir? But that was dictatorship, not love. I'd hate myself even more.
'Frank, I cankt go in there." I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"Yes you can, this is our place as much as anyone elses." He smiles at me hopefully and as always he tears every wall down. "Okay." And together we suck it up and enter our past lives.
"These are on the house." The same barman. Cracking jokes and making friendly conversation. Gerards eye roll at the arrogant stares and overly sympathetic gestures we were receiving. He was annoyed for sure tonight, but he would get used to this. He'd be alright. I knew he would and we were going to have the best christmas together, even if it killed me.
'Frankie! You crafty thing!" I whirled around to see donna ecstaticly waving her arms in the air as mikey hugged gerard like he'd never let go. "This was so sweet of you." She gushed kissing gerard and I on both cheeks. " And stupid too." Mikey practically growled. I tried to ignore it. I was cheering him up, why couldn't he see that? I loved him just as much as he did. Me and mikey were in this together, whether he realised this or not.
Donna jabbered on as Gees eyelids began to droop slowly. He was exhausted. "Time to head back I think." I whispered to Donna as we gathered our things and made our way to the door. "I didn't know it was specials night." A stranger laughed as Gerard passed in his wheelchair. I glared at him. "Do you want to say that again?" I snarled before Gerard cut in, "Frankie leave it, I'm too special for him anyway" he said winking at the man, earning a smile from me and endless praise from his mother. How special he always was and always would stay.
"Goodnight Gee, I'll be back tomorrow." I said kissing his forehead. He was snuggled up in his hospital bed like a small child, sheltered from cruel reality. All of a sudden a stifled sob escaped his lips. "Gee, Gee what's wrong?" I panicked as Donna ran back to his bedside. " I just can't stand this." He wailed. "All my life. It's gone." He sobbed and part of me died. I would find that man who said those words to him and I vowed that if we ever crossed paths, I would rip him to shreds.
The next day-Donnas POV
Today he could come home. Just in time for christmas too. Donald was wrapping presents in the attic and Mikey was trying to break in to see what he would open up in three days time. I was waiting, just waiting for Dayle to get here so we could bring my baby home. Frankie was staying with us until boxing day, we decided. Obviously he would have to spend some of christmas day with his mother, but then Gerard would have him here, which was all that really mattered to us.
A voice activated laptop? Nobody told me he had one of these. I found this underneath his bed, just the corner exposed for me to see. Gee was still fast asleep and he had went through a rough night, so waking him up wasn't a good idea yet, I'd wait for Donna to rise him. It wasn't the laptop that had shocked me most. It was the videos he had made, a daily diary full of his emotions and thoughts. Like a window into his mind. And I didn't like what I saw in there, an end coming closer that he would start and finish himself.
"Doctor, our family has been waiting for this." I try to explain slowly earning another shake of the head and a disapproving look. "He's far too ill right now. He's vomiting a lot, if we allow him out and there's an emergency my career would be on the line. Try again in a few days time and we'll see." She said turning away. I turn to face Frank and shake my head slowly as he crys softly. He's been clutching my son's laptop all day and I don't know why, but sometimes it's better not to know anything.
Church. Somewhere I always come right before christmas. The carol service. Prayers for families. Mine might just be falling apart.
Frank says softly, "play." And I watch my son's face appear on the screen before me. He starts to look sad. Frank almost growls, "fast forward." And I hate this. He's angry, he's sad. I'm terrified. And then my boy's voice cuts through it all, tearing any feeling away as it shatters like glass. "I want to die. It's the only way I'll ever be satisified like this." And my world is gone.
END OF FLASHBACK
The vicar starts his opening prayer, about how we should forgive and love and know that every day is a blessing. Once, I would've hung onto those words like a limpet. They would've opened my eyes and brought me hope but today they filled me with rage. "Really, you think that's true father?" I ask, grinding my teeth together as tears spring up from nowhere. "That my boy looks forward to waking up every day, knowing that he's stuck in that place? Knowing that he'll never walk again?" I'm yelling now, all symapthetic eyes on me. They all know my story, every last sickening detail. "Mrs Way, we're sorry for your family and this sitaution. We're all praying for you." Father says calmly reaching towards me. "No! Because none of you have to live it! None of you have to watch while he wastes away on the inside! NONE OF YOu!" And my sobs are making me gag, as I run from that place and vow to give all I can to my fallen angel.
Aahh okay so two more left! I hope nobody feels offended about the church thing! It's just for the story! Thanks! Xoxo