Nothing is peachy perfect xD
Gerard found it strange seeing Louise again. But she looked different, she had lost weight and her hair was longer and black.
"Want a drink of coffee?" Louise offered Gerard smiling brightly, He smiled and gratefully took a sip. His head pounded from the drugs and the alcohol. She glanced at him, taking him in. He was so skinny! And pale. He looked sick and tired...and his eyes were red rimmed from the drugs.
"Gerard" Louise said
"Yeah?" He said facing her.
"Wanna go a walk so we can talk?" Louise said determined to find out what went on while she was away because this Gerard was too quiet and the Gerard that she knew 6 months ago was still in there. Another thing she noticed was that he wasnt participating in the conversation, when they had the talk back at school Louise felt like there was more to it.
He nodded reluctantly and they stood up and walked out of the shop.
"Gee, what is really wrong?" Louise asked, she face reflected worry and concern.
"Nothing" Gerard muttered lying.
"Dude stop lying, Something is up" Louise said seriously.
"I just missed you" Gerard looked down.
"I missed you too but tell me what has been going on since i left?" Louise was really curious and wanted to get it out of him if he liked it or not.
"Things have changed i guess" He said looking at her.
"I'm still me but why are you doing this to yourself?" Louise said, her voice shaking.
"I thought i was never ever going to see you again" Gerard admitted
"That does not mean you can do this to yourself" Louise shouted
"You could have stayed!" Gerard shouted back
"You know why i had to leave!" Louise screamed
"You could have easily fucking moved out! You have changed, you just don't realize how much" Gerard shouted keeping eye contact with her.
Louise stood speechless. "I had to go, i couldn't stand living here" Louise muttered
"You had all of us who loves you" Gerard said
"You have all of us who love YOU, but no you go and decide to practically kill yourself!" Louise shouted
"Things change, people change, Emotions change" Gerard said
"Emotions, what do you mean?" Louise said looking at him with her eyebrow raised.
"You just dont love us,thats why you left, You didn't love me" Gerard said only realizing this himself.
"No" Gerard then walked back into the shop and Louise could feel tears in her eyes so she ran back to her convertble and drove allowing the tears to run down her face. She finally stopped at a park.
Louise picked her head up from the steering wheel and rolled down the window and lit a cigarette closing her eyes and knowing how much things actually have changed and finally it was as if they had forgotton about her, But Gerard's words still echoed in her head. She loved him, she loved everyone who she surrounded herself with. She exhaled the smoke and watched the cloud of smoke drift away from her. Dani hated her smoking, she hated anything that could harm people. She always gave Louise lectures on how she was slowly killing herself.
Louise looked over at the passenger seat and found a pocket knife, her dad had given it to her to use for protection use's only. She picked it up and then placed it in her pocket.
She then decided to step out of the car, she rememebered the park vaguely when she was younger, Before her mum had turned into a bitch she would bring her and Dani down and they would play hide and seek in the ginormous trees until it had gotten dark, laughing and shouting eachother's name's the entire time.
Lousie cried at the memory. She approached a willow tree and sat underneath it plugging in her earphones full blast playing Wonderwall by Oasis. Slowly she took the knife back out of her pocket and rolled up the sleeve of her black hoodie with white stars all over it and begun to slowly glide the fragile blade across her arm.
Louise had managed to convince Dani she never self-harmed. But louise believed that was the only thing that could simply ease all these emotions.
Louise barely felt the pain but didn't care.... having something physical, something she could control was better than feeling so weak and helpless with the emotional pain. She didn't realize at the time but she had carved a broken heart into her wrist.