"There's got to be something else you can do to relieve stress."
God. Way to make-me-feel-guilty.
Again, I'm sorry. (It seems like I'm saying that in all of my letters.) That was stupid of me. I know it's really hard to ignore them because I've heard them before and I know what jerks people like Kyle are. If I say something stupid like that again, just tell me and don't get so frustrated over it. Cuss me out or something, but stop making me feel guilty.
I'm back in school today. I wish I'd stayed home another day because when I stand up my head still feels woozy, but I guess that's just me being childish. It irks me when I don't go to school. Or if I'm late to class or something. I'm really obsessed with it. Yes, go ahead and say it again, call me a major prep, but… I don't know. It's in my blood or something.
Tell me how detention goes. It does suck that you got it and Kyle didn't. I really don't like Kyle. He's in one of my other classes, Biology. I don't talk to him much but he gets on my nerves a lot. He's the kind of person that will show off by pulling a prank or something and then hide really fast when the teacher's looking, or he'll blame it on someone else. Wimp. He's not even funny, but the girls would kill for him.
People like Kyle make me glad I'm gay. I don't want to talk about him because it makes me mad all over again. Remember a couple of letters ago when I said I wanted to punch a wall again? I did this morning, in my room, a lot of times. I made a dent in the wall behind my door and it's covered with smudges. I was so insane that I would probably have kept going until I made another hole much bigger than the last one, but my stepfather heard me and came into my room really fast and grabbed me.
"Your mother wouldn't like that," he told me. I tried to jerk my arm away, but no such luck, because he's a mammoth compared to me.
"Damn my mother," I answered. Then I started struggling really hard until he let me go. "And damn you."
I wanted him to get mad and me so I could mad back and have someone to yell at, but he didn't get mad, and so I just glared at him and put my headphones on and ignored him. Now I feel like an asshole for acting like that, but there's no way I'm going to apologize to him, even though I think he's pretty cool for a stepfather. I'm really messed up.
What's the matter with me? I can't believe I'm writing letters like this. I sound like such a pathetic, self-pitying wuss. I've got to snap out of this. I'll take some pills and go for a walk, and I'll be back to normal.
P.S. Detention was hell. You asked, right? It completely sucked. There was this one guy that kept throwing spitballs at everyone like a third-grader, and he called me things like 'Faggot' or 'Geezy the Fairy', even when there was a teacher standing right there. I wanted to beat his ass so badly. He was probably the one that blabbed to those seniors. Should I hospitalize him? I'm still considering the best method.
I don't know whether you were being serious about jumping that guy from detention, but my advice is to forget about him. I KNOW. You can't. I meant that figuratively. Like you should just let it go. Someone like that is bound to get jumped by someone else sooner or later for any other reason, anyway.
I don't think you should punch walls when you're mad, especially your bedroom walls since it's so easy to make holes in them. That just makes other people upset because now look, you've got marks that most likely won't go away without a paint job. You shouldn't get yourself out of a violent mood by being violent. There's got to be something else you can do to relieve stress; I don't know, go bungee jumping or something.
Genius. Bungee jumping. Why didn't I think of it before? I've already got some really strong rubber bands I picked up at the drugstore attached to my bedroom window. People are giving me strange looks as I stand on the windowsill, hovering above the ground a full five feet below me, but it's completely worth it to relieve all this stress.
Thanks, pal, thanks a lot.
Hey guys, how are you? I'm well, and am about to go to sleepy-drug-induced-sleep, so this is an extremely short note.
Love you all.
Rates, reviews, and soft blankets make Sam smile. (: