PrologueDisclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT MY ORIGINAL CHARACTERS AND THE PLOT!!
Far away from the village of Konoha, just outside the place where Naruto was being spawned, Minato was pacing as he was for his older brother. After five minutes of pacing, he (overdramatically) fell to his knees, looked up at the ceiling and yelled(one again, overdramatically), "Damn it! Nii-san, WHERE ARE YOU?!!"
Directly after this rather... overdramatic moment (-_-'), Minato's brother and his brother's two twin children appeared in a flurry of black flames and silver sparkles.
"Kyuubi-nii! Where the fuck were you?!" (A/N: yes people they're brothers. Anyone who has aproblem with that can... demonic voice go to the empty void for all eternity!!normal voiceplez continue reading and hav a nice day. ^_^)
Kyuubi's children both grinned wickedly. The girl smirked and said, "oooooh! Uncle Minato said fuck!" in a sing-song voice while the boy started singing, "fuck fuck fuck. Motha motha fuck, motha motha fuck fuck." Kyuubi shook his head and bitch slapped the two five year olds in the back of their heads.
"Well, baby brother, I was picking these two up from day-care so they could meet their new baby cousin!' the tall, red- haired man said with a bright, sparkly, (and somewhat creepy) grin, which chilled Minato's soul.
"R-right..." Minato said uncomfortably.
"Ahh! It hurts soo GOOD!!" Kushina screamed like she was having the most mind-blowing orgasm she ever had, with ecstasy. Thank god it wasn't like a Haruno(bansheecoughwhorescough).
"AUNTY KU-KU!"Haruhi said the female kitsune twin. Both twins looked at each other sinisterly. At the same time, they pulled their sleeves over their hands, and brought their hands to their mouths, "Kukukukukukuku..."
This laughter brought shivers down Minato's spine. He looked to Kyuubi, "Yeah, they're defiantly yours."
Kyuubi just grinned back in that creepy way of his, when, all of a sudden, a kunai flew right past his head and stuck in the wall behind him. The two brothers turned and saw Madara Uchiha, with an orange swirly mask on. It kinda looked like a lollipop.
"CANADIAN CANDYMAN!" screamed the twins. (A/N: I have nothing against any Canadians, it just sounded funny, I swear! See?! It rhymes!)
"Kyo, Haruhi, go help Aunt Kushina with Naruto", Kyuubi said.
"Can I still lick Candy man's face?" Kyo asked. Haruhi giggled insanely, Minato and aforementioned "Candy man" sweat dropped.
"No, but you can take a bite out of it" Kyuubi replied.
Suddenly, an extra-large medieval cannon popped into existence. Kyo jumped in and Haruhi pulled the string.
"KYO ROCKET!" Haruhi announced.
Kyo flew at an amazing speed, with his mouth open, towards Madara. Madara didn't have a chance... until he went all ghost-like. Kyo flew right through Madara and flew right into the wall. Everybody winced, except Kyuubi and Haruhi, who laughed. (Author #2: Of course!Laugh at my expense! Fuckin' hurt like hell!)
"Um, Haruhi, take your brother and go into Kushina's room, quickly please". Minato asked.
"HI, Uncle Minato!" said Haruhi, doing a mock salute. She then proceeded to drag Kyo, by his foot, into Kushina's room, closing and locking the door.
Haruhi sat in a chair with her brother, who was unconscious, and kicked her feet in an absent-mindedly, cheerful manner. Kushina was swearing and moaning in painful pleasure, effectively teaching the young girl some new words. Kyo woke up about ten minutes into the tirade and was soon taught the pretty words and new forms of torture, which he planned to repeat - in detail - to his father. The doctor stood between Kushina's legs (A2: Oh my, Naughty Naughty!), laughing maniacally at her, normally inappropriate for young children, phrases while starting aconversation with the two children.
"So... what activities are you two going to do with him once he's born?" asked the odd doctor.
"Dip him in acid..." Kyo started.
"...perform genetic experiments on him..." Haruhi continued.
"...see how he reacts to Orochi-pedo..."
The twins looked at each other, then back at the doctor and smiled evilly, "... you know, normal kid stuff!"
The doctor didn't hear them correctly, over the sensual screams, and mistook them for ACTUAL NORMAL kids stuff. "Mhm, that's nice. Now push Kushina-sama. Push!"
"OH, KAMI!! THE PAIN!! IT'S SO GOOD, DON'T MAKE IT STOP!! AHHHHH!"
Cries from a baby filled the air.(A2: ah the miracle of child birth... at first it seems like a wonderful thing, then after awhile it feels like a parasite is living off of you and 9 months later, it pops out in the most painful way possible... OH! I'M SORRY!! THAT WOULD BE OROCHIMARU-TEME!!)
"Congratulations, Kushina-sama, it's a boy!"
Kushina, too tired to talk, motioned for the doctor to bring the bra- I mean baby over. After he handed her the baby, the doctor left, noticing that Kushina was smiling the entire time. All of a sudden, the sounds of a revving chainsaw, pneumatic nail gun, and afloating baby head (A2: ...I-I don't know what to say...) coming from the other side of the door caught everybody's attention.
Muffled voices came from the other side of the room that sounded like, "I'm going to chomp you to pieces, you fucking red-eyed, black-haired, gay emo bitch!" "I got him, hurry Minato!""Suck it, bitch!" "GAH! I'll be back! But before I go..." "FUCK!!" Kyuubi! Somebody open the door! NOW!"
Kyo jumped up and ran to the door and opened it to reveal Minato kneeling over a severely wounded Kyuubi. Both twins ran over to him. Haruhi glared at Minato, "WHAT DID YOU DO!"
"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HIM!"
Haruhi jumped up and pointed accusingly at him, "LIES!"
"He's gonna die if you don't let me do anything!"
"Haru, he's right." Kyo said while restraining her from attacking Minato.
Haruhi's ears and tail drooped in defeat, "okay..."
Minato ran to Kyuubi to see what he could do. After a couple minutes of inspecting Kyuubi's wounds, he deduced that he only had one option.
"WELL?!" Kyo screamed, the suspense was killing him.
"I can help but I need you to do something for me in return." Minato told Kyuubi.
"I need you to watch over Kushina and Naruto. I'm going to be sealing him into you, and the process is lethal to the user."
Kyuubi sighed. "there isn't another way, is there?"
"None that I know of."
"Well, shit. I'll do it, but you wouldn't have had to ask. I'll miss you, baby brother."
"I'll miss you too." Said Minato, in a sad tone. He turned to the twins handing them two scrolls: one red, one blue. "I want you two to give these scrolls to Kushina. The red one is a letter to her, the blue one is to Naruto."
The twins nodded to him, with teary eyes, before they took the scrolls and hugged him (well, his legs, but that's beside the point). "Bye-bye, Uncle Minato."
"Goodbye Haruhi, Kyo. Take good care of your aunt and cousin, alright?" said Minato, hugging them back.
"Uh-huh." They said in unison. Disengaging from the hug, they walked over to their father. Kyuubi pulled them into a big hug. Then, he looked into their eyes, "you two take care of each other. Kyo, make sure your sister doesn't get hurt. Haruhi, make sure your brother doesn't do anything obscenely foolish. And stay in your human forms around non-family members, alright?"(A/N2: ah, he's such a loving father ain't he?)
After getting nods from each of them, he hugged them tight again and kissed them on their foreheads and said, "I will see you two as soon as possible." He turned to Minato," do it."
Minato, after quickly going into the other from and picking up Naruto from an over-pleasured, unconscious Kushina, started the hand-seals, while he had a shadow clone draw the seal on the baby's stomach. Five minutes later, the sealing was finished and Minato was dead (A/N2: Shini-chan took his body). The twins picked up the scrolls and baby Naruto, and bought him back to Kushina. After putting baby Naru back into her arms, the twins took a blanket out of nowhere, cuddled up together at the foot of the bed, and went to sleep. They were found several hours later by ANBU and the council.
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