Every muscle in my short teenage body has gone on strike and refuse to function.
It wasn’t a dream…it…it…
That’s the only thought my fifth-teen-year-old brain can manage to produce, but even that thought fads then evaporates into a smoky mist that blends into the darkness at the back of my mind. My dyed black hair head then becomes as empty as a fat kids lunch box.
I’m incapable of movement. My brain has turned to soggy mush and I don’t even think I’m breathing.
My black conversed coved feet feel as if they have been welded to the grey tar road beneath them. I know that I must be gawking at the back of the heads of my three friends as they step over the gutter on the other side of the road, eyes wide and jaw on the floor.
My facial expression must look like I’d just seen Santa Claus jump out of the Easter bunny’s butt, slapped me hard across the face with a meter long pink salmon than jumped into the ‘Batmobile' with Superman sitting in the front passenger seat sipping on a martini playing ‘Barbie Girl’ loud from the cars speakers as they drove off down the road into the rising New Jersey sun.
The world slows down until it feels motionless, like the only thing moving is the beats of my blood red heart that almost deafens my ears. I feel so stupid and embarrassed. I can almost feel my soul been shattered and crumble down around me like broken glass and as the slivers of my destroyed soul hit the ground in silence they dance in slow motion away from me, leaving me alone to be engulfed in the feeling of my own stupidity. The feeling of uncertainty and confusion shakes me violently back and forth until I’m disorientated and then fear snakes its sharp spidery fingers suffocatingly tight around my torso and squeezes a self-loathing breath out of my lungs. Yet while all these feeling and emotions occurred inside of me, my body is unmoving. It’s like I’m trapped inside a shell of my own skin.
I no longer hear the sounds of world surrounding me as all I can hear are long dead echoing tones fade in and out combining with the strong pulse pounding in my numb skull. I’m barley able to hear the sound of black worn down rubber tires screech a horrid cry against the dirty polluted New Jersey tar road.
The silent thick air is then infected with the heart shattering screams, bone chilling cries and horrified yells of my friends from a faraway unidentifiable distance. They swirl and dance in long elegant movements around and above my dazed head as ‘Deaths’ hollow horn flares right through me. Still unable to move I turn my overwhelmed head in the direction of the panicked bus horn.
There is no time to move even if I could. I gasp in a sharp final breath as what I believe to be my last ever thoughts flood my not long ago empty head. Memories and emotions flow thought my brain and washes over my standing body like a wave.
The excitement and happiness I felt when I picked up my very own first real guitar, warm chills vibrated and awakend every nerve in my small body as my fingers strum the six strings and start to play all the notes I knew.
Joy and adrenaline courses through my veins and arteries like an electric current as I quickly remember all the support and amusement me and my friends have shared together as we laugh loud and hard at our pranks and antics.
As I think of Gerard the crimson blood racing through my body and surrounding my heart feels as though it has caught on fire. I allow all the fear, uncertainty, confusion and awkwardness slip out of my pores and let the wind make it all disappear into the surrounding air. Leaving just the pleasurable tingling feeling I felt when Gerard’s lips met mine.
I squeeze my eyes tight shut to prepare for the inevitable collision. My last thought is of the one person I trust, respect and love. She would always be by my side through thick and thin no matter what she would always give me support when I need it the most and even if society rejected and shun me she would be there defending me.
If I was a horrifying, gory, disgusting, ugly beast of a monster she would be the only one who would hold me close, kiss my forehead and tell me that I would always be beautiful to her, and she would mean it with her whole heart and it wouldn’t be because she’s my mother.
That’s really the only thing I want right now…to be held so close and tight by my mom that I can feel her strong loving heartbeat.
The bus cries it’s final horn and I picture my mother giving me one of those ‘loving mother’ looks, which only your mom can generate, her golden, honey eyes looking at me soothingly with a curl of her light brown hair fallen down the side of her face.
I am instantly winded as I feel a strong force slam hard into me tossing my body around like an old unloved rag-doll…
A/N What you think? Let me know if there are any spelling mistakes XD.XOXO.