Jared could do nothing but stand there, watching Bianca approach him. He had too many emotions coursing through him at that point. His mind was alive with memory, the sweet honeysuckle scent emanating from her made sure of that. He couldn't shake the thought that this was the woman he had vowed to spend forever with, this was the woman who had intoxicated him, made him love her, made everything feel so easy. So easy until that ended. Until everything came crashing down. Did he take that as some kind of omen? A sign that told him he wasn't supposed to be with her? Did he take that thought and make it into his way of getting out of this? It wasn't him that wanted this to end though. He had fought, hadn't he? He had wanted this life with her, it had been her who had pushed him away. It had been her who had vowed that none of this was going to work. It had been her who had spoke of ending it all if he didn't leave her alone, if he didn't leave.
"Jared?" His name came out like a question on her lips. Her eyes searched him out, the tears at a standstill, perhaps prepared for a long while.
He tried not to gaze too deeply into her eyes, tried not to caress every feature of her face with his gaze. How was he supposed to look away when everything that he had been suffering over was right there? What exactly was he feeling? He couldn't even tell. There was a fire of anger searing through along with the racing of his heart that came alive with the agony forming a constriction in his throat. He wanted her there in his arms, he wanted her to disappear. His heart still ached with the love he couldn't help but hold for her. His soul burned with the hatred he had for her. She was holding him in a prison she had created and fashioned for him. Did she know? Was she doing all of it on purpose? Had she known this whole time what would have happened? Did she know that he was falling apart? Could she see it now as he stood there before her? Did he want her to see?
"When mama said you were coming I almost...I didn't believe her." The way she stuttered on her words made her seem almost childlike but the way she reached her hand out to him, to lightly touch his arm made her seem as much of a game player as he knew she was.
Harshly and coarsely he swallowed back the hole forming inside of him. He almost couldn't breathe. Her fingers that lightly grasped his arm burned through his skin. "I almost didn't believe it myself." He whispered.
Her brows knitted together as she drew her hand away from him. "You're upset." She pointed out as if it wasn't the easiest thing for anybody to see.
He didn't answer. What could he have said to that when it was true? He wasn't sure if it was warranted this anger of his or if it was something he should have dropped a while ago. But when was the right time? It had all only just happened.
"I didn't want you to come if you didn't want to..if you were upset with me." Again she sounded so childish like she had no idea the meaning of her own words. Like the whole world was just a playground she could run all over and maybe it was.
He tightened his hands up unconsciously before he looked away. He could feel everything rising up. The torture he had been suffering, the agony he had lived with. What was it all worth now that she stood there acting as if nothing had happened?
"Why did you want me here?" He questioned, his eyes turning to her again. This time the blue of them had darkened, either with emotion or with the dimness of the kitchen lights.
She sucked in a breath and hesitantly let it out. It was like she was afraid to breathe suddenly, as if he had done anything to frighten her before.
"I made a mistake." She stated finally once the night had settled like a mural outside the windows.
He could have fallen apart right then, the sight of those tears blinking from her lashes was enough to make him fall to his knees. And why shouldn't he? He had been a fool for her before hadn't he? He had made the mistake of vowing to her all his devotion and undying love. Did he still feel it all?
"I needed you to forgive me." Her voice faltered. She reached a delicate hand up and stole away a trail of tears.
"And what would he say about that? Who is he? Unless you have a brother I don't know about." He gestured towards the exit of the kitchen. He couldn't help the jealousy that rose up inside of him. He couldn't have made it go away.
"I only ever thought of you." She said as if that sort of naive talking was enough to send every past sin away.
He walked towards her then, unafraid of any tear that fell or of his own anger. He looked down at her, his eyes alive with the emotion raging within. He reached out, taking her arm in his and looked down deeply into her eyes.
"You only ever thought of me?" He repeated it, appalled and hurt and broken by the idea. "Here? Of all places here?!" He saw her flinch away try to move from him but he remained there unrelenting. "How could you even call me here? How could you expect me to come?" He didn't bother to stop the tears that fell from his eyes then, didn't try to stop the way his grip on her tightened. If he was afraid of anything his emotions might do he didn't show it.
"Jared please! You didn't have to come!" She cried out, finally getting him to let go of her. She held onto the red mark on her skin as more of her tears fell. "You didn't have to come." She said again, pressing the thought sharply at him.
He dropped his gaze, let his strength fall from him and he shook his head. "After everything that happened." He nearly whispered, his voice coarse and harsh.
"I told you it was a mistake. I made a single mistake...One mistake Jared! Don't we all make those? Can't they be forgiven?" Now there was a kind of plea trembling with her words.
He looked at her then with disbelief, it lit up in his eyes and didn't disappear. All of her words, those tireless emotions astounded him. "A mistake? Bianca do you hear yourself? Do you even remember what happened? Do you even remember?"
She just stood there, unable it seemed to make a reply, to make any sense of the dying situation in front of her. This was obviously not at all how she had pictured things. This was obviously not how any of it was supposed to happen. She looked afraid then, like something was going to break inside of her now.
"I shouldn't have come here." He turned from her, gathering all of his strength in order to do so and slowly made his way out of the house.
He tried to breathe as he walked down the street to his hotel. He tried to calm the racing of his heart as he fumbled with the lock of the door. He finally pushed it open, let it slam shut before he threw himself on the bed numbly. Hot tears seemed to fall almost endlessly, his body felt weak and drained of everything he had managed to gather since being away from her. He let his eyes close and tried not to see it, tried not to to remember but he couldn't help. How could you fight against your mind when you were weaker than you had ever been?
They had only been married barely a month when everything started to change. She no longer came to bed when he did, she didn't ask him if he was going to keep her company upstairs before rushing playfully upstairs herself. He no longer heard her gentle laughs, no longer felt those kisses that had become what he now lived for. It had been awhile since he had even made love to her, his need for her growing everyday but always being turned away. He showered her with gifts but she only accepted them without much response. He was worried, afraid that something was really wrong. He asked her if she was alright, if something had happened, if she needed help with anything at all and yet she only laughed in his face. She cursed at him, called him names and with it it seemed everything began to fall apart.
Her anger soon led to sadness and her tears lasted the day long. He tried to comfort her, tried to take her in his arms and will the hurt away but she would push him off and lock herself away. Once when he asked what was going on with that was making her so broken she had told him it was all his fault, this dreary misery she suffered in was his doing. He asked her mom but she too hadn't a clue as to what was going on. Nothing worked, nothing helped and Jared remained more helpless than before.
Finally one night when he had come upstairs he found her standing by the bed. Judging by the suitcases on the bed a panic rose in him. She was leaving? Until he saw that it was his things packed there. He demanded to know what was happening and she had made quite a show to tell him that he was leaving. he protested and pleaded with her until finally she told him that if he didn't leave she would kill herself. She told him that nothing in the world was enough to wipe away the pain he had caused her, to erase the emptiness he had filled her life with. With a threat like that how was he supposed to have stayed? He took his things and left. But he came back dozens of times. She never answered, never let him in, never picked up the phone. One day he managed to slip inside only to find that she was gone. She was gone from the house as if she had never been there.
He wasn't sure what to think, what had happened to her. He didn't want to think of the thought that she had made good on the promise. He had looked everywhere for her, asked her whole family and turned up nothing. She was gone from him. He stayed in the house, promising that she wasn't gone for good, she hadn't killed herself he would have felt that. But the pain of her being gone had numbed him, destroyed everything he had ever lived for. Her being gone made the entire world pointless and that was when he had gone home.
Once he was back he couldn't stand to be around anything and everything that bore one single- even meaningless- memory of her. He told himself he had to take everything out of his house, it was all too close to the thoughts he had filled himself with of her. She haunted him and yet he didn't want to escape. He didn't want to commit to the thought that she was dead, he didn't even want to make himself believe she had left him. But those thoughts seemed more calming than the reality he was left with. He didn't know what had happened to Bianca, didn't even know why things had fallen apart so suddenly. He wasn't sure what he had done but wasn't it obvious he had messed up somewhere? And now here she was. Begging him to imprison himself again to her torturous love.
He heard his phone ring from somewhere, felt it vibrate against his chest but he only shut himself off to it. He wanted to lie there in his dark despair. He wanted something to take him away even from the pain. He welcomed the numb as he tried to lay there unbreathing and unfeeling.