A heavy sigh escaped her lips and laid her phone down on the nightstand. She pulled her blanket up over her shoulders and told herself to get some sleep. He hadn’t answered his phone and a worry coursed through her. She knew that it was only one call but the fact that he hadn’t answered her call but had texted Shannon back about if he had gotten in alright.
She missed him, he had only been gone two days. She didn’t know if that meant she was being ridiculous or if she was being somewhat possessive or not. She just wanted to hear his voice, wanted to know that he was alright after the way he had left. How he left had filled her with an intense worry and the burden of it carried with her throughout the whole time he was gone. She just wanted him to tell her that he was fine, that everything was going alright and that things were sorted out.
She wasn’t sure exactly where he was or what he was doing but something gave her a kind of inclination as to what was happening. Shannon had been vague and she completely understood why but she couldn’t help the wish that filled her over the thought. She also couldn’t help but think about what Annabelle had told her about his getting married and whisking off to Italy for awhile. She didn’t want to lie and say that it didn’t fill her with a bit of anxiousness and worry. After all if he had gone to Italy didn’t that woman have the right to him? Weren’t they the ones with the vows between them? She hadn’t even given him sex while he was here so what exactly did he have to return to?
She wanted to laugh at herself, wanted to find what she was thinking amusing. She even let out a laugh out loud although completely forced. Nothing about this was in anyway amusing, nothing was ready to calm her worries down.
She let her eyes slide shut and let the night settle around her peacefully. Her worry rode its way into her sleep and so did the nagging feeling that still as she laid there she was alone. He had left her with a promise of love. He had actually told her that he loved her, that nothing mattered except what they had between them. He had pleaded with her for a promise that nothing at all would change. Her heart broke when she remembered how vulnerable he had looked, how broken his eyes seemed. She hadn’t wanted him to go. She wanted to put her arms around him, tell him that the world outside couldn’t touch them. She wanted to say that whatever had happened before, whatever was going to happen in Italy didn’t matter and that it would never affect the forever she yearned for with him. He wanted it too didn’t he? He wanted her arms around him, wanted her even with every scar that she had beared to him. So what was this negligence? Why didn’t he answer her calls? Why were there two days stretched between the last time she had heard from him? What was happening?
Slowly she pulled herself up from the bed and pushed her blankets aside. Lightly she touched the spot on the bed where Jared had laid. His warmth had faded, so had his scent. Everything seemed cold suddenly and the night outside the apartment stole away the feeling that he had been there.
Her hand touched almost reluctantly to her arm. It was all bandaged now, the cuts were slowly healing. Harshly she swallowed and tore her eyes away from it. Jared had made her promise that it would never happen again and she held that strongly in her heart, she wasn’t about to tear it apart just because of a couple of days of silence. There was a reason, there had to be. He would call her, tell her that everything was okay and that there was a perfectly good reason why he never got back to her.
She got some clothes from her closet and made her way into the shower. The hot water shocked her away but managed to relax her at the same time. She dried herself off, pulled her hair up into a neat ponytail and made her way out of the bathroom. She slipped on her black shift and pulled on a sweater before she left the bathroom.
Minutes turned into silent hours that passed her by as she stood in the kitchen and sip on a mug of tea. She could only think of him. Of the way the blue of his eyes glisten so softly whenever he looked down at her, the way his arms were so protective as they held her close to him. She thought of his kiss, the gentle touch of his lips against hers. His breath was always so warm, the way his chest rose and fell gently was so comforting.
The sound of footsteps outside her door tore her out of her thoughts. A quiet but somewhat heavy footfall. She set her mug down and turned her attention to the door. There were barely any sounds in the building this late, no one ever came through. There was really no one living in the building anyways.
Following the footsteps came a soft but hurried knock on the door. Her brows knitted together and she wrapped her sweater tighter around her. She reached her hand out and opened it. All her breath left her when she met his gaze. Surprise and an overwhelming euphoria filled her.
“I know I should’ve called before I came…” His voice was gently hesitant, a smile was trying to make its way into his eyes but something was coming upon him. There was something struggling inside of him, a quiet brokenness that he wasn’t fully conveying.
She shook her head before she threw her arms around him. She pressed herself close to him, his arms crushed her close to him. She breathed in the gently scent that came from his skin. She brushed her fingers through his hair, lightly touched across his neck. “It doesn’t matter…” She whispered softly.
He set her away from him by her waist and smiled down at her. Lightly he touched the side of her face, his eyes deeply filling hers. “I missed you…” He breathed out.
“Me too.” She replied, closing her hand over his. “Maybe too much.” She admitted shyly as she glanced down briefly before lifting her eyes back to his.
“Felt like too long, didn’t it?” He asked with a small laugh before he pressed a kiss to her forehead and brought her against him again. He could feel the thin material of her slip, nearly drove himself crazy thinking of it but he pushed the thought aside. She was Rowan, someone completely different than any woman he had ever known his entire life. She wasn’t one of those girls who waited for him with their legs open because he had stumbled on some fame. No she was perfect, beautiful, and she carried an innocence with her that he was in love with.
“Want to come in?” She asked softly against his chest.
He nodded and she took his hand in hers, leading him inside. They settled onto the couch and he pulled her close to him as he laid back. He was exhausted, tired and overwhelmed by everything that had happened in Italy. He didn’t want to think of it, didn’t want to even dwell on his thoughts or on anything that was somewhat related to it.
“Is everything okay?” She put the question to him softly, without pressing him at all. She brought her fingers along the front of his shirt as she listened to the way his heart calmly sing.
“Everything is perfect..” He replied, placing a kiss to the top of her head. He brushed his fingers through the loose ends of her ponytail.
“Everything was fine where you went?” She didn’t know how to say it, didn’t want to press him too far. She didn’t want him to close up on her and leave her without knowing anything.
He clung onto her then, his thoughts stalling deep inside of himself. He blocked them from coming, blocked the memories from rising up. He closed his eyes and continued the gentle brushing through her hair. He could feel her heart beat against him, could feel his fingers brushing along his chest. He wanted the peace that existed here, the quiet beauty that enveloped him whenever she was in his arms. He didn’t want to let this go because then he would belong to the darkness that he had only just left behind.
“It was alright.” He answered with a stiffness rising in his throat. He didn’t want to lie to her, didn’t want to let something build a burden between them but this was for the best, wasn’t it? This was going to keep all of this alive. His memories couldn’t live here anymore, he didn’t want them to. She was his and he was hers and that was the only way he wanted to live.
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