Several days had now passed since the incident with Ray in my studio. Since then, I've become more of a hermit, if that's even possible, I only left my room to use the bathroom and to get food, whenever Lindsey didn't attempt to force feed me by bringing me food to my room. It seemed as if life wasn't going to get any better, or any worse at this point......or no, it could get worse, the ghost of Hitler could light my lower body on fire, but let's just save that for a rainy day.
There was a knock on my bedroom door, I sighed deeply. “Who is it?”
“Just me.” Lindsey cracked the door open a little. “May I come in?” She asked.
“Sure.” I said, turning away from the door and hearing her soft footsteps on the carpet as she walked over to where I was sitting on my bed. She sat down next to me, and placed a shoebox in my lap.
“I’ve gathered a lot of pictures. Pictures I’ve kept since you and I started dating, I wanted to turn it onto a really big scrap book, but you know how I never have much time for things like that. I wanted you to look through them, it might help.”
I chewed on my bottom lip, considering this all. “Why? So I can be taunted by old memories or what once was?”
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye to see her frown, I hated when she did that, she was so beautiful, even when frowning, but I hated knowing she was unhappy.
“Gerard…..” she said quietly. “I….I wanted to show you…..I thought maybe these photos would make you think, to bring back memories of how far you have come. I don’t want the results of that accident to ruin your life like this. Do you think I like seeing you hiding away all the time? I barely see you, and your daughter never does. We miss you….everyone does.”
“Lindsey…” I glanced at her, but stopped dead in my tracks to see tears spilling slowly down her cheeks. “Babe…” I whispered, feeling like my hear was about to shatter for the millionth time. I moved closer, taking her into my arms, she instantly wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing he face into my shoulder, crying harder now. “Please….please don’t cry.” I whispered, rubbing her back gently.
“I miss you….” She said leaning up to look at me, I quickly jerked my head away. “Gerard, look at me please?” she practically begged, so I did, I looked her in the eyes, letting her see me. “I love you.” She said, wiping at her eyes. “All of you, no matter how you look, I wish you could see past this. You’re beautiful, I’ve thought that since the day I’ve met you. Through all of it, you’ve always been beautiful, when you were hungover, when you were detoxing, getting clean, when you come off stage sweaty and exhausted, you’ve always been beautiful to me, nothing will ever change that or the way I love you.” It was as if the words she spoke were exactly what I needed to hear to began feeling in the holes that I had allowed to eat into my self esteem, I pulled her into my lap, just holding her like I should have been all this time. “When I got the call from the hospital, and I talked to the guys and flew in that night, they made it sound like you weren’t going to make it Gerard, you have no idea how that made me feel, If I had lost you…..I don’t even want to think about that.” She shuddered, holding onto me. “You’re my only Gerard, always.”
“I love you, with all I have Lindsey, I’m so fucking sorry.” I whispered, holding her tight.
“Shhh….it’s okay.” She said, wiping her eyes. “I understand how hard it is, but it will be alright.” She whispered, laying back onto the pillows slowly, I moved to lay with her, holding her in my arms.
I’m not sure how long we lay there, just looking at each other. I haven’t let someone look at me for so long since the accident, but I didn’t care. This was my wife, my soul mate, she could look at me all she wanted. She was so beautiful, the way her eyes drifted closed as she fell asleep, the way her hair framed her face, the contrast between her lily white skin, the way her lips were just so naturally red. This woman always amazed me.
The doorbell rang. I got up to go answer it, without putting any thought into all my fears and insecurities that had developed within the past two years. I walked downstairs to the door and opened it.
“Holy fuck!” She said, standing on my doorstep, looking the same as she had 10 years ago, just add 50 pounds. “I didn’t believe it, but it’s true, you’re fucking hideous!” she laughed, in that high pitched laugh that I never liked. “At first, I was jealous, but I’m glad you married her and not me, who the fuck would want to be stuck looking at a face like yours?”
I clenched my jaw tightly. “Eliza……what do you want from me?”
“What do I want? Well, the list just dropped, but there is still one thing I want.”
I sighed deeply, feeling like I was going to reach a breaking point. “Just tell me so you can please get off my property?!?”
She smirked, twisting her bottom lip. “Child support, you have a son.” She said calmly. “I’ll be back later.” And with that, she walked off. I went inside and slammed the door, walking straight to the kitchen pantry and going for my hidden stash.