Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Hollow Point Smile
Gerard's POV
I was excited to be heading to art as we left English. As usual, I let Frank lead the way
"I meant what I said." Frank turned his head and looked at me and paused for a moment before nodding his head. I just wanted him to smile again. When we reached art, that old smell of paint and clay filled my nostrils. In a strange way I loved the smell and felt at home as I sat next to Frank and pulled out my sketchpad. The teacher was very laid back about the lessons, let you draw, paint, and craft models out of clay for the whole lesson. Although I had my attention on drawing I looked at Frank
"So, what's on your mind?" I asked quietly as the rest of class worked, with a gentle chatter that filled the room as people spoke to one another. Frank hesitated for a second
Frank's POV
Why did it seem so difficult to say what was on my mind? I didn't really want to tell him my past and what I was really like. I know he had said he was fine with gay people and liked the idea of a gay friend and all, but what if he found out that I did cut myself, almost to a point where I nearly did kill myself once. I was a little nervous about Shayne and whether he would collar us and beat the crap out of Gee as then I really would feel guilty as I did nothing to stop that. I had to start somewhere. You would think it would be difficult to tell a girl, such as Holly this stuff, but it was easier with her
"Um." He raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for an answer. I sighed and took in a deep breath
"Well, I was worried, that, you know, you were a homophobe, I didn't really want Holly to say anything." Shit, I began to feel bad for ignoring Holly the way I had. I looked at Gee and he nodded his head
"Understandable considering the society we live in," Gee said smiling
"But I feel bad, for ignoring everyone, and your brother, I feel bad that I didn't listen to him."
"Don't be, he's only my little brother, he tends to repeat himself a little." I smiled weakly
"That's not all of it." Gerard still looked at me. I sighed. I didn't want to say, not in class at least anyway
"No it's not, but I'd rather not say." A flicker of hurt flashed across his eyes
"Not because I don't want to tell you, just because we're in class." He nodded his head and smiled. My stomach lurched as I realised sport was right after art
Gerard's POV
I could see his point about not wanting to talk in class. He stared down at his sketchpad for a moment before attempting to do some drawing. I picked up my pencil again and continued to draw. Inside me, I knew I had to tell him; tell him that I was gay, but I also knew that Frank would ask why I came here. That's the one question he hadn't asked me yet. It was bond to come and I knew I'd have to tell him the reason, and possibly relive what happened in the changing rooms. My heart sunk a little, but Frank might be caring. But first I had to find out what was bothering him so much. I had an idea hit me. I knew what to do, instead of going to sports we could bunk. That probably would make him happy, and I know it would make me happy too. A smile came across my face with the idea
"What's funny?" Frank asked
"Just had a thought, nothing important." I took one glance at Frank before smiling at him. He smiled back at me. Ah that smile – it's just adorable.
Frank's POV
I was reluctant to leave art as it came to an end and it seems like Gee was reluctant to leave as well. We walked out of art slowly. My stomach tied itself into knots knowing it was sports next. I hated sports and I especially hated it today
"Relax," Gee said. He must have been staring at me. I looked round to find that I had been playing with my sleeves. I nodded my head and tried to relax, but the knots in my stomach became tighter as we got ever closer to sports. Just the thought of having to change around everyone and then get beaten by Shayne in the changing rooms by him and his group. I was so engrossed in my thoughts, I didn't hear Gee speaking to me until he grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks. My natural reaction was to jump, in which I did pulling my arm free and holding my arms close to my body
"Fancy bunking sports?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing from Gee. It was his first day. He'd get into trouble for bunking first lessons
"I don't exactly like sports myself." He seemed a little shy about it. I nodded my head
"Bunking sports sounds like a good idea." I had an idea as to where we could go; the old bike sheds
"I know a place." I turned round and headed in the opposite direction of the bike sheds and Gee followed. I plonked myself down on the grass. It felt like Deja Vu when I met Holly. Gee sat down next to me. I guess it was a good time to talk to him. I forgot about Shayne and had all my other thoughts come back to my mind and went quiet again
Gerard's POV
"So, what is in your mind?" I asked. He remained quiet. He looked scared, to say anything
"Is it Shayne?" He looked up
"A little." He was quiet as he spoke
"Ignore Shayne, he's not here."
"But I'm a coward for not going to sports," he protested. He had a point
"Then that makes both of us cowards, and us cowards can face him together." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He still looked worried though
"Please, tell me, what is on your mind, what worries you so much, I won't tell another soul." He looked at me
"The whole school knows as it is," he snapped back, but eh then hid his face from view. It obviously was bothering him, an awful lot. I stretched out a hand and contemplated placing it on his arm, whether it was a good move or not. I touched his arm gently and his head rose up and he looked at me
"Know what?" I was desperate to know what it was and wouldn't rest until I knew
Frank's POV
He'd handled me being gay, but I had no idea what his views were on cutting was. I hesitated for what seemed like forever
"Well, you probably have heard from the taunting I get, 'freak' 'emo' 'go cut yourself and die' all of that," I paused to look at him. He simply nodded his head
"I am a freak, I really am, and-" I took in a deep breath and pulled my sleeves up to reveal the tiny white scars on my arms. I looked away, ashamed of it. I didn't dare look at his face; I didn't want to
"How long?" I shrugged my shoulders. I had been doing it for so long I had lost count the number of years I had been doing it
"Nothing to be ashamed of." I looked round, to see he had glanced up from my wrists. I pulled my sleeves back down and his eyes burrowed into mine. He gave another smile
"I'd been through a lot, had no father figure for pretty much most of my life. Then I just got picked on, for whom I am, being beaten knocked me back even more. So much so, it came to me cutting to release my emotions and pain. Holly found me, last year on her first day, in a state, after being beaten and then I had cut myself. I didn't really want to live." Gee's face remained calm as I spoke
"But she helped me through. I can contain my emotions better, but I get a point where I can't cope anymore and I just cut. If I have a bad day, then I cut, I don't sleep, it's horrible, I hate it, I hate myself for doing it." I hadn't realised the tears building in my eyes. I felt stupid and pathetic. I was talking to Gee and I hadn't known him for a day and yet I was telling him my history. He might only just being kind and staying with me but probably doesn't want anything to do with me. I looked away wiping the tears away from my face
"Holly seems nice." I nodded my head. He probably was starting to like Holly
"And I guess with what Shayne said today, it played on your mind, and then Holly saying that you're gay didn't help, built up worry with how I would react." I nodded my head and looked at Gee. His eyes were fixed to the ground for a moment. I sighed a little and he looked up
"My fault for taunting Shayne, not yours." I remained quiet. I didn't want to speak, worried that I would start to cry. I didn't want to be left alone either. I was so close to wanting to cut myself
"And you don't need to worry, honestly, I'm fine with everything, I really am, you'd known if I wasn't, I wouldn't have stayed with you all day." That thought made me smile. I felt a little easier and better now that Gee knew, knowing that he really was ok with everything. I felt a pain in my stomach as it rumbled. I hadn't touched my lunch, not just because it was foul tasting but because of my feelings at the time, made me lose my appetite altogether. Gerard laughed before searching around in his bag. I couldn't help but laugh as he pulled out a bag of skittles and offered them to me. Holly had offered skittles to me, the day I met her in this exact spot. I took the packet
"What?" Gee questioned
"Oh, nothing," and I continued to smile away to myself as I opened the bag of skittles and offered some to Gee
Gerard's POV
Something had tickled Frank's sense of humour, what it was, I had no idea. But I wasn't going to complain as his laughter filled the air again. He was smiling and talking again, that's all I cared about. He was a self-harmer and in a way I wanted to help him, a bit like how Holly helps him. I don't want to see him hurt himself or be in pain or for the matter of fact, worry about anything. I smiled as he offered the skittles again. He seemed calm and I felt calm
"My god, I just realised, I never really asked you why you came to this hell hole," Frank said suddenly. I froze. I was expecting it but I was dreading having to explain why. Also in my mind I still wanted to tell him that I was gay. I simply nodded my head
"Only fair that you know." Frank's face dropped a little
"You don't have to-"
"No, it's only fair, and besides people will find out one way or another," I said cutting him off. He went quiet and focused his eyes on me
"At my old school, my brother Mikey was bullied a lot, he did get beaten and I hated seeing the bruises. He hid them from mum and dad so that they didn't see. I would stand up for him, to which I would then get beaten. I got beaten up for other things as well. But I could handle it." I paused as the memories came to my mind
"Did your mum and dad find out?" I looked Frank in the eyes and saw how concerned he looked
"In a way, yes. One day, Mikey had been picked on, but luckily his two friends were with him, so stood up for him. Thing is, both of us were in a state." I paused again and looked away. I could feel my emotions trying to build up inside me, but I fought them back
"A close family member of mine and Mikey's, our grandmother Elena died; it hit us both hard, me even more so. So when I found out from his two friends, I set out to find Mikey to see if he was alright. I knew he'd had sports, so went there, which is where the jocks jumped me. They beat me badly, but where I was in such an emotional state, I didn't fight back and ended up in a state." Frank was quiet as he listened
"Mikey came back to the lockers, he'd left something behind, found me, covered in my own blood, badly beaten. Mum and dad both found out, and went ape at the school for not doing anything, then ape at me for not telling them that Mikey was being harmed, but they came round when Mikey explained how I had protected him. We got moved here." I let out a sigh of relief. I stared out ahead of me, letting my emotions float around. I hated having the emotions and feelings come back from that day, but every time they came back, they weren't as bad as they were the first time round. I looked round as I felt something brush my arm. I looked round to see Frank had placed a hand on my arm
"I'm sorry, to hear about losing a family member. Mikey is lucky to have you as a brother. I won't tell anyone, promise." Frank smiled and I smiled back at him. Frank held up the packet of skittles again and I took a handful of them. I let out a sigh of relief and rested my head on the back of the shed
"This is so much better than sports," I said. I looked at Frank to see him nod his head in agreement
"You say, there were other reasons why you were beaten." I could lie to him or be perfectly honest
"Well I was beaten for the way I was, way I dressed, what music I listened to." Frank nodded his head
"And. . . . . ." I hesitated. Should I tell him? Or should I leave it; make it up; say it was because I seemed interested in school. No he'd probably see that was a lie
"Gee?" I looked round at Frank and saw his cheeks flush a pink colour
********
Chapter 4 - I very nearly did end up posting this tonight; I've had a headache all day, companied by a very annoying cough and the possible start of a cold -.- I've also had a bad day and had a lot of things on my mind. I hope this is ok, and if I remember likely, within the next couple of chapters, things should start to get a little more interesting
I was excited to be heading to art as we left English. As usual, I let Frank lead the way
"I meant what I said." Frank turned his head and looked at me and paused for a moment before nodding his head. I just wanted him to smile again. When we reached art, that old smell of paint and clay filled my nostrils. In a strange way I loved the smell and felt at home as I sat next to Frank and pulled out my sketchpad. The teacher was very laid back about the lessons, let you draw, paint, and craft models out of clay for the whole lesson. Although I had my attention on drawing I looked at Frank
"So, what's on your mind?" I asked quietly as the rest of class worked, with a gentle chatter that filled the room as people spoke to one another. Frank hesitated for a second
Frank's POV
Why did it seem so difficult to say what was on my mind? I didn't really want to tell him my past and what I was really like. I know he had said he was fine with gay people and liked the idea of a gay friend and all, but what if he found out that I did cut myself, almost to a point where I nearly did kill myself once. I was a little nervous about Shayne and whether he would collar us and beat the crap out of Gee as then I really would feel guilty as I did nothing to stop that. I had to start somewhere. You would think it would be difficult to tell a girl, such as Holly this stuff, but it was easier with her
"Um." He raised an eyebrow at me, waiting for an answer. I sighed and took in a deep breath
"Well, I was worried, that, you know, you were a homophobe, I didn't really want Holly to say anything." Shit, I began to feel bad for ignoring Holly the way I had. I looked at Gee and he nodded his head
"Understandable considering the society we live in," Gee said smiling
"But I feel bad, for ignoring everyone, and your brother, I feel bad that I didn't listen to him."
"Don't be, he's only my little brother, he tends to repeat himself a little." I smiled weakly
"That's not all of it." Gerard still looked at me. I sighed. I didn't want to say, not in class at least anyway
"No it's not, but I'd rather not say." A flicker of hurt flashed across his eyes
"Not because I don't want to tell you, just because we're in class." He nodded his head and smiled. My stomach lurched as I realised sport was right after art
Gerard's POV
I could see his point about not wanting to talk in class. He stared down at his sketchpad for a moment before attempting to do some drawing. I picked up my pencil again and continued to draw. Inside me, I knew I had to tell him; tell him that I was gay, but I also knew that Frank would ask why I came here. That's the one question he hadn't asked me yet. It was bond to come and I knew I'd have to tell him the reason, and possibly relive what happened in the changing rooms. My heart sunk a little, but Frank might be caring. But first I had to find out what was bothering him so much. I had an idea hit me. I knew what to do, instead of going to sports we could bunk. That probably would make him happy, and I know it would make me happy too. A smile came across my face with the idea
"What's funny?" Frank asked
"Just had a thought, nothing important." I took one glance at Frank before smiling at him. He smiled back at me. Ah that smile – it's just adorable.
Frank's POV
I was reluctant to leave art as it came to an end and it seems like Gee was reluctant to leave as well. We walked out of art slowly. My stomach tied itself into knots knowing it was sports next. I hated sports and I especially hated it today
"Relax," Gee said. He must have been staring at me. I looked round to find that I had been playing with my sleeves. I nodded my head and tried to relax, but the knots in my stomach became tighter as we got ever closer to sports. Just the thought of having to change around everyone and then get beaten by Shayne in the changing rooms by him and his group. I was so engrossed in my thoughts, I didn't hear Gee speaking to me until he grabbed my arm and stopped me in my tracks. My natural reaction was to jump, in which I did pulling my arm free and holding my arms close to my body
"Fancy bunking sports?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing from Gee. It was his first day. He'd get into trouble for bunking first lessons
"I don't exactly like sports myself." He seemed a little shy about it. I nodded my head
"Bunking sports sounds like a good idea." I had an idea as to where we could go; the old bike sheds
"I know a place." I turned round and headed in the opposite direction of the bike sheds and Gee followed. I plonked myself down on the grass. It felt like Deja Vu when I met Holly. Gee sat down next to me. I guess it was a good time to talk to him. I forgot about Shayne and had all my other thoughts come back to my mind and went quiet again
Gerard's POV
"So, what is in your mind?" I asked. He remained quiet. He looked scared, to say anything
"Is it Shayne?" He looked up
"A little." He was quiet as he spoke
"Ignore Shayne, he's not here."
"But I'm a coward for not going to sports," he protested. He had a point
"Then that makes both of us cowards, and us cowards can face him together." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He still looked worried though
"Please, tell me, what is on your mind, what worries you so much, I won't tell another soul." He looked at me
"The whole school knows as it is," he snapped back, but eh then hid his face from view. It obviously was bothering him, an awful lot. I stretched out a hand and contemplated placing it on his arm, whether it was a good move or not. I touched his arm gently and his head rose up and he looked at me
"Know what?" I was desperate to know what it was and wouldn't rest until I knew
Frank's POV
He'd handled me being gay, but I had no idea what his views were on cutting was. I hesitated for what seemed like forever
"Well, you probably have heard from the taunting I get, 'freak' 'emo' 'go cut yourself and die' all of that," I paused to look at him. He simply nodded his head
"I am a freak, I really am, and-" I took in a deep breath and pulled my sleeves up to reveal the tiny white scars on my arms. I looked away, ashamed of it. I didn't dare look at his face; I didn't want to
"How long?" I shrugged my shoulders. I had been doing it for so long I had lost count the number of years I had been doing it
"Nothing to be ashamed of." I looked round, to see he had glanced up from my wrists. I pulled my sleeves back down and his eyes burrowed into mine. He gave another smile
"I'd been through a lot, had no father figure for pretty much most of my life. Then I just got picked on, for whom I am, being beaten knocked me back even more. So much so, it came to me cutting to release my emotions and pain. Holly found me, last year on her first day, in a state, after being beaten and then I had cut myself. I didn't really want to live." Gee's face remained calm as I spoke
"But she helped me through. I can contain my emotions better, but I get a point where I can't cope anymore and I just cut. If I have a bad day, then I cut, I don't sleep, it's horrible, I hate it, I hate myself for doing it." I hadn't realised the tears building in my eyes. I felt stupid and pathetic. I was talking to Gee and I hadn't known him for a day and yet I was telling him my history. He might only just being kind and staying with me but probably doesn't want anything to do with me. I looked away wiping the tears away from my face
"Holly seems nice." I nodded my head. He probably was starting to like Holly
"And I guess with what Shayne said today, it played on your mind, and then Holly saying that you're gay didn't help, built up worry with how I would react." I nodded my head and looked at Gee. His eyes were fixed to the ground for a moment. I sighed a little and he looked up
"My fault for taunting Shayne, not yours." I remained quiet. I didn't want to speak, worried that I would start to cry. I didn't want to be left alone either. I was so close to wanting to cut myself
"And you don't need to worry, honestly, I'm fine with everything, I really am, you'd known if I wasn't, I wouldn't have stayed with you all day." That thought made me smile. I felt a little easier and better now that Gee knew, knowing that he really was ok with everything. I felt a pain in my stomach as it rumbled. I hadn't touched my lunch, not just because it was foul tasting but because of my feelings at the time, made me lose my appetite altogether. Gerard laughed before searching around in his bag. I couldn't help but laugh as he pulled out a bag of skittles and offered them to me. Holly had offered skittles to me, the day I met her in this exact spot. I took the packet
"What?" Gee questioned
"Oh, nothing," and I continued to smile away to myself as I opened the bag of skittles and offered some to Gee
Gerard's POV
Something had tickled Frank's sense of humour, what it was, I had no idea. But I wasn't going to complain as his laughter filled the air again. He was smiling and talking again, that's all I cared about. He was a self-harmer and in a way I wanted to help him, a bit like how Holly helps him. I don't want to see him hurt himself or be in pain or for the matter of fact, worry about anything. I smiled as he offered the skittles again. He seemed calm and I felt calm
"My god, I just realised, I never really asked you why you came to this hell hole," Frank said suddenly. I froze. I was expecting it but I was dreading having to explain why. Also in my mind I still wanted to tell him that I was gay. I simply nodded my head
"Only fair that you know." Frank's face dropped a little
"You don't have to-"
"No, it's only fair, and besides people will find out one way or another," I said cutting him off. He went quiet and focused his eyes on me
"At my old school, my brother Mikey was bullied a lot, he did get beaten and I hated seeing the bruises. He hid them from mum and dad so that they didn't see. I would stand up for him, to which I would then get beaten. I got beaten up for other things as well. But I could handle it." I paused as the memories came to my mind
"Did your mum and dad find out?" I looked Frank in the eyes and saw how concerned he looked
"In a way, yes. One day, Mikey had been picked on, but luckily his two friends were with him, so stood up for him. Thing is, both of us were in a state." I paused again and looked away. I could feel my emotions trying to build up inside me, but I fought them back
"A close family member of mine and Mikey's, our grandmother Elena died; it hit us both hard, me even more so. So when I found out from his two friends, I set out to find Mikey to see if he was alright. I knew he'd had sports, so went there, which is where the jocks jumped me. They beat me badly, but where I was in such an emotional state, I didn't fight back and ended up in a state." Frank was quiet as he listened
"Mikey came back to the lockers, he'd left something behind, found me, covered in my own blood, badly beaten. Mum and dad both found out, and went ape at the school for not doing anything, then ape at me for not telling them that Mikey was being harmed, but they came round when Mikey explained how I had protected him. We got moved here." I let out a sigh of relief. I stared out ahead of me, letting my emotions float around. I hated having the emotions and feelings come back from that day, but every time they came back, they weren't as bad as they were the first time round. I looked round as I felt something brush my arm. I looked round to see Frank had placed a hand on my arm
"I'm sorry, to hear about losing a family member. Mikey is lucky to have you as a brother. I won't tell anyone, promise." Frank smiled and I smiled back at him. Frank held up the packet of skittles again and I took a handful of them. I let out a sigh of relief and rested my head on the back of the shed
"This is so much better than sports," I said. I looked at Frank to see him nod his head in agreement
"You say, there were other reasons why you were beaten." I could lie to him or be perfectly honest
"Well I was beaten for the way I was, way I dressed, what music I listened to." Frank nodded his head
"And. . . . . ." I hesitated. Should I tell him? Or should I leave it; make it up; say it was because I seemed interested in school. No he'd probably see that was a lie
"Gee?" I looked round at Frank and saw his cheeks flush a pink colour
********
Chapter 4 - I very nearly did end up posting this tonight; I've had a headache all day, companied by a very annoying cough and the possible start of a cold -.- I've also had a bad day and had a lot of things on my mind. I hope this is ok, and if I remember likely, within the next couple of chapters, things should start to get a little more interesting
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