I've over slept and today and Harry told me to be at the studio early. God, watching movies till late and eating junk with Annie wasn't a good idea. But I appreciate it because she did it to make me feel better. She knows how horrible I have felt these past few days and has questioned me every once in a while.
So I gave up, and told her all the truth. I started from when I was 15, till present day. I told her what mistake I did a few days ago. She was angry at me but was also feeling pity. When I told Annie about my life story, she was very shocked to know that my ex was Gerard. She couldn't believe it. She said in the beginning of college, she use to have a crush on him but another friend said he never likes anyone so there was rumors that he was gay. Now she says it all makes sense to her. She adviced me not to do it again but I'm glad she uderstands me. She said she'd probably do the same if she lived what I lived. That's why she's also my best friend along with Frank and Emma. Ray and Mikey are also best friends, more like close friends but I do hide things from them. Especially Mikey, he'd give me this whole lecture on what I did wrong. Ray.. He would lecture me like a big brother. That's why I'm his little sister. Oh Ray.. But Mikey scares me a lot more because when he gives you a lecture, he makes you feel guilty and regret what you did.
I have enough of that myself.
I walk out of my room slipping on my shirt and find Annie on her computer.
"thanks a lot Annie."
"you're welcome. For what?"
"I'm late for my job!"
I grab my dance bag and exit the room. I quickly walk over to the kitchen, grab a toast and leave.
"good morning. Session started 20 minutes ago."
"I know I'm sorry." I walk down the hall quickly and peek inside the small window. They've already started warm up! Dang!
I walk in silently and a few dancers, as well as Harry, glance at me. I place my bag at the back of the studio and Harry calls me over.
"why are you late?" he whispers.
"see me after session."
I nod and make my way next to Shanelle who stares at me with that grin of his.
"hot director wants to talk to you after class huh? Ooh, somebody is in trouble.."
"stop acting like a high schooler Shanelle."
"you best know to keep your hands off my man."
"won't promise you that!" I laugh and he smacks me in the leg as we do our floor swings.
"you watch it." I smack him back.
"ugh!" I laugh.
"hey look, Mr. Hottie is wearing those tight small dance shorts." he licks his lips.
"oh you, stop checking him out."
"how can I stop? His package is huge! Just look at that.."
"Shanelle! You're speaking too loud!" I smack his head as Harry instructs us to get up.
"okay everybody, today we're going to work on something new. Follow my lead and if I can just.. Hold on.." he exits the studio and everyone starts doing their own stretches.
"why were you late?" Scott asks me coming over to us.
"I overslept! My roommate kept me up all night."
"hmm.." he laughs and roles his eyes. Harry comes back in with Kate and everyone goes back to their places.
"so today we're going to do something different.. Watch Kate and me." Harry and Kate started to do a physical contact kind of dance that I have not experienced. They're moving around each other without losing physical contact and they're doing lifts. It's as if they're weightless.
"now you see, this is called Contact Improvisation. It is a partner dance based on the physical principles of touch, momentum, shared weight and basically, following a shared point of contact. Now, this helps you feel comfortable with your partner without being insecure about where people touch you like if you have muffin roles.. Yeah people feel uncomfortable being touched there." we hear chuckles around the room and Harry smiles. "It also helps you understand one another without speaking and understand what the other wants to do. For example, you get the signal that your partner wants to lift you so this also allows you to become light on your feet. Now, everyone pair up." Shanelle grabs my arm before Scott can. He glares at Shanelle and moves on to Carly, who already has a partner. He then gets tapped on the shoulder by Hailey. It's awkward because she is so much shorter than him. How will she be able to lift him?
"now, start when you feel like it and, don't hurt yourself." Harry starts the music and he starts to walk around with Kate.
"kay, let me lean on you first." Shanelle says and he leans on my shoulder. I carry his weight on my back and he rolls over and then carries me.
"hey this is fun." I comment and laugh.
"try to lift her Shanelle." I hadn't noticed Harry was standing there.
"um, okay. How exactly..."
"well you have to take her weight and slightly push her off the ground. Depending on what you're using like you can use your knees or shoulder and back."
"now Edith, you just give him the nudge that you're ready for him to pick you up and don't be afraid to put all your weight on him."
"kay." so I lean on him feeling a little insecure since Shanelle is thin. He pulls me up but isn't able to lift me because I wasn't ready.
"crap, I wasn't ready."
"it's okay, try again." we tried again. We started to move around each other and we tried the lift but failed.
"what the hell?" Shanelle tells me.
"okay okay, what happened this time?" Harry questions
"well, I dont know.." I say.
"are you comfortable with Shanelle?"
"well.. I think. It's not that I'm not, is just I've never done this before so it feels weird."
"right..so what do you think is your problem?"
"I'm not too comfortable with myself because I'm not experienced in this and.. I feel insecure and feel like Shanelle will drop me."
"pfft.. Girl.." Shanelle rolls his eyes and Harry giggles.
"want to try it with me?" Harry asks taking me by surprise.
"uhh.. I dont know.."
"come on.. I won't drop you." he smiles. I smile back and glare at Shanelle who glares back at me with fire in his eyes.
"okay, you gotta feel full confidence and don't be afraid to put your whole weight on me okay?" I nod. So I lean on his shoulder and he crouches down so low I roll over on his back. When I'm on his back, he lifts his back making me jump on the ground. I lean my back towards his shoulder and he lifts me off my feet making me feel super weightless.
"wow.. That was cool."
"wow, I can't believe how much control you had over my body."
"it's all practice and trust."
"ooh! Can I try?" Shanelle says jumping up and down.
"sure. Ready?" Shanelle nods like a little boy and they start to improvise. Harry also lifts Shanelle and when he lands on his feet, he looks amazed.
"wow, you're a much better partner than Edith." Shanelle jokes.
"you are so mean!" I smack his arm and Harry laughs.
"got the idea now?" we both nod. Harry winks and leaves.
"you saw that? We just had sex." Shanelle says staring at Harry again.
"oh shut up." we both laugh and continue on with our improvsation with more confindence in ourselves since we are more familiar with this.
Class was over and everybody was exiting as I was still getting ready to leave. I looked over at Shanelle who was exiting the studio. He mischivieosly looked at me. He walked over to Harry slowly, who was bent over looking at his computer on the table by the door and smacked his ass. He left running out and Harry looked up questionably. He heard me laughing and turned around smiling.
"was that Shanelle?" He asks. I nod laughing.
"oh god." he comes over to where I was sitting on the table top located at the window. He smiles and places a hand on my knee.
"how are you?" he questions.
"uhh.. I guess so.."
"why were you late? I was worried.." he starts to stroke my lower thigh so smoothly.
"I stayed up late with Annie. She noticed that I have been feeling sad." he half smile-frowned and looked down at my knee as he stroked it slowly.
"I've been really worried.."
"I will. I mean, I want to know what's wrong so I can help you but I don't want to pressure you.." I look away not knowing what to say. I feel my eyes swell up with tears again, for the billionth time this week. I can't help but feel guilty everyday. He placed a hand on my neck making me look at him. He wears a pity smile. He blinks coming closer to me and a tear slips. He kisses my lips so gentle and silent, it's romantic.
Since the incident, Harry has treated me so differently. With so much care and love. He's so gentle with everything. I really don't deserve him and I can't bare the fact that I'm lying to him. I have fallen in love with Harry even more these last few days. In so much appreciation I can't even explain it. I place my hand on his shoulder and he wraps me closer to him gently. We hear small footsteps in the room and we brake the kiss to look. I glance at Harry's face in the mirror and it's flushing red. The person in front of us stares at Harry and back at me.
"I'm sorry.. I left my bag in here. Sorry to interrupt." it's Hailey. I feel so embarrassed. How awkward must this be. She walks right passed us and Harry just stares at her every move. I nudge Harry and he flinches.
"uhh.. It's okay. Umm, we're sorry."
"no.. No need for an apology. It's okay.. I understand. See you guys later." she smiles and exits the room. Harry is back to how he was; speechless. I tap his shoulder and he doesn't respond.
"Harry." I call. No respond. I start to shake him and he turns around. He stares at me with wide open eyes.
"do you think she'll say something?" I ask.
"I dont know.. I hope not. Come on, lets go" he grabs my hand and drags me out of the room. We walk together down the hall.
We exit the back door and he leads me in his car.
"Harry? Are you okay?" I ask as he drives out of the parking lot.
"I'm a little nervous."
"Harry.. So what if they find out. Does it really matter?"
"I just don't want rumors."
"but so what? I don't care."
"But I do." he almost yells and makes a harsh U turn making the wheels screech.
"sorry.. I was going the wrong way." he says coldly. I decide not to answer. What has gotten into him?!
That was shocking. I had no idea that was going on. And for how long? We started the new semester 2 weeks ago.. Oh Harry, he needs to stop with his co-workers. I just hope he knows what he's doing this time.
If anyone else finds out, how would they react? I dont know Edith that well but she seems sweet. Wouldn't want the same thing that happened to me to happen to her. It's horrible.
But I have to admit... It was such a surprise it hit me and my heart tore a little. It's been a while since we haven't been together and I'm getting over it but.. It's surprising to see him with someone else..
We arrived at my house and I didn't get out of the car. Harry has been silent throughout the ride and it bothers me.
We stayed silent for a few seconds again when Harry turns to face me. He grabs my hand that is resting on my lap and caresses my hand with his thumb.
"I'm sorry Edith."
"for what?" I say after a few short seconds.
"I was mad and was getting my anger out on you."
"no it's not.. It wasn't your fault in the first place. It was mine." I looked at him and grabbed his hand tightly.
"it's okay though. And it's also okay if they know. If Hailey says anything then that's childish on her part because it's none of her business. And if they question us, we'll speak with the truth. No big deal. And we'll act as normal human beings during work and act as a couple outside of work okay?"
"sure. If they know, they know."
"that's right. And this is out of topic but I just want to give you thanks for caring about me so much this week."
"you're welcome. I'm always here for you Hales."
"thank you." I lean in and kiss his lips lightly. He pulls away and rests his head on my forehead.
"I like you. And a lot." he whispers with a smile spreading across his lips.
"me too." I smile back and kiss him. We hear someone slam the window and we look to find Annie with a whole bunch of shopping bags. She grins at us from outside.
"thank you Harry. I'll call you."
"welcome. I'll be waiting." he winks and I step out of the car.
I wave goodbye and Annie screams "bye!!" close to my ear.
"you're so loud, ugh." I say and we walk up the stairs to our home.
"you're welcome. Anyway, I bought you something." we enter the house and she drops all her bags on the couch. She starts searching for something wildly.
"look!" it is a black long sleeved dress. It has a low cut on the back and it's short.
"what the hell, are you crazy!?" I grab the dress and place over me.
"oh man, this is great Annie! How much was it?"
"originally it was 75$ but I know the guy so he sold it to me for 50$"
"oh god, that's perfect. This is such a cute dress! Thank you!" I hug her and she laughs.
"you're welcome. You feel better, okay?" I pull away and look at those big large blue eyes of hers that sparkle with happiness.
"I will. Thank you for being here for me Annie."
"you're very welcome." we hug again and I dance around with my dress feeling very happy.
The rest of the evening, Annie keeps trying to "please" me by cooking dinner and showing me her artwork. She's very talented.
"look, I did this with one of my ex boyfriends.." she hands me a rather large painting that was full of colors.
"why is it so colorful?"
"oh cause he was bisexual and was really into the gay pride thing. It was an inspiration for the gay parade that was held a couple of years ago." I furrow my eyebrows in surprise.
"you are the weirdest person I've ever met."
"thank you." she giggles and gets up to answer her phone that was ringing. I continue to look through her things. I can't believe she has such creativity and makes something so simple look great in a photograph. I just can't believe it.
She takes long on the phone and doesn't come back out. I soon get tired and put her stuff away. I go in my room and prepare to sleep.
"Eddie? You're not going to see them anymore?" she pops her head in my room.
"no, I'm tired."
"oh okay. Well, goodnight."
"goodnight." she closes the door and I'm alone in my room again.
I lay in bed and hear my own breathing as I hug Harry's teddy bear. I dont know what to do. I'll have to come out with the truth sometime before he hears it from someone else...