I'm afraid you're have to put up with me for while longer... Explanations and apologies inside, special thanks to MCRkilljoy. [ANYONE WHO READ MY NOTE LAST NIGHT, PLEASE READ!]
I think a couple of explanations are in order, and so are some resolutions and apologies. I’ll do the explanations first.
When I logged onto FicWad yesterday afternoon, I had just got home from an exhausting day at school. I've been constantly stressed to the point of illness about my upcoming exams, and am doing far more school than is medically advised, so things have kind of been tricky anyway. Anyway, yesterday was a bad day anyway, for reasons I won't bore you with, but seriously, I was feeling really low. When I got home, logged onto FicWad and saw my whole page rated down, after three weeks of working so hard at school for my writing, it was just the last straw- and I flipped. See, I’ve just been so stressed for weeks- months- that it’s all been bubbling below the surface, and I’m not the kinda person who usually loses their temper.
But I really did yesterday. I couldn't keep pretending it didn't upset me. Like I said, FicWad was the last place I came to as a kind of safe place, and that was just being trashed. I felt like I couldn't even write freely here.
The moment I'd posted the note, I was already uncertain it was what I wanted. When I logged on this morning and read all your incredible reviews and what they said, the feelings of having made a horrible mistake only strengthened. Then I read MCRkilljoy's review, and...Ugh, it just made me see everything so much more clearly- things that have been blurred with my exhaustion and lack of confidence and all that shit. I don't want to leave FicWad. I don't want to stop writing. I don't want to give in.
Leaving would be letting whoever’s doing this win, and I never, ever want to let a bully get the better of me. And the same goes for all of you guys who've had your stories rated unfairly down. Sure, I know it would be better to not have problems like this at all, but life's not perfect, and reading MCRkilljoy's review along with all the others made me realise that the best things are the ones you really do have to struggle for.
Your reviews also made me see how I don’t need to be so perfectionist about ratings. I can be far too critical of my writing results at times, and I think maybe I should just enjoy it rather than worry what people think of it. it made me remember all you amazing readers who’ve stuck through me, and I’m not letting any of you down either.
I truly think there’s so much honesty in the saying you have to hit rock bottom before you can go up again; for school, that was the same- I went into school to quit, and turned it all around, suddenly more determined than I’ve ever been about it before. And now, almost the second I posted that note, it felt wrong. I knew it was a mistake. I think I needed to do that in order to see things how they really are. And now I’m determined.
I'm sincerely sorry for spamming/causing unnecessary drama- I know FicWad has enough of it. I hope you'll all forgive me for acting so rashly- I was just so upset.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, all of you, especially MCRkilljoy for the review on my previous note. I can’t thank all of you enough. And all of you guys who reviewed- and reviewed/rated/read any of my other work, I know I say it all the time, but no matter how many times I say it, it won’t account for the enormity of how much I mean it. Thank you. I love you all on here. You've helped me believe in my dreams.
So yeah. Bring it on, FicWad. I’m not going anywhere. Criticise my work, rate it down- you’ll never stop me writing.
P.S. Expect updates this week.
P.P.S. Everyone whose work has been rated down (StormVandal and DisenchantedDestroya, I've just read your reviews), I'll rate back up if I've read it.