(#) Life_is_42 2007-10-27uh...no...offense. but this story is kind of...poorly written. it's just...there doesn't seem to be a lot of thought given to the plot. it's not realistic. i mean to what point did Kami dress up as a hotel employee? it just seemed really unecessary and uncomfortable for the reader.
(#) Lillith_Thursday 2007-10-28For 1. Kerri wanted to kind of like spy on Brendon in a way saying that she was her "twin sister" when she really didnt have one. Note the reason to hide. You haven't even read the whole story have you? Don't judge unless you've read it all alright. I wouldn't criticize you for something you've done.
(#) Life_is_42 2007-10-28but she didn't learn anything from spying on brendon, aside from not being in the room when he stopped there. and won't that be awkward when he finds out she doesn't have one....
and you can't expect people to read more if they dislike what they read at the start. and critizism is meant to help. i'm hoping that by letting you know things that stuck out in my mind, you can get the feedback to help guide your writting.
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