"If I hadn't have given him those pills.." Mikey paused, reminding him to take his own. "They'd be dead by morning."
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Gerard hissed, standing back, wary. "You brought Frank."
Frank stepped out, not walking up to him though, just waving softly. Gerard's body froze, pushing himself back a little further.
"Didn't you listen to me?" He growled, shaking his head. "I told you not to come!" Frank started to sob.
"I'm so sorry, but we just got so scared." Frank held the bandage covering his forearm, looking down at the ground. Gerard shook his head, his eyes staring absently at his brother, and lover.
"I thought I could trust you." He whispered. He was being ridiculous, but his meds were gone and his head was throbbing.
"We thought we could trust you too." Mikey and Frank spoke softly in unison, Mikey stood there as Frank held out his arm to Gerard, "Look. Look what I did, Gee!"
"I've seen what you've fucking done." Gerard hissed. "We’ve all been there Frank, alright? You’re just making me feel worse, and making me feel worse just won't work when you already feel this disgusting." He stared down at his fingers scornfully, then to Mikey. "Pass me my meds, Mikey." He growled. Mikey gazed softly, a frown across his lips. He shook his head.
"We just want you to come back. We won't talk to you for a few days, we will leave you to be, but we can't leave you out here." He started to cry, sitting down on the sidewalk.
"Pass. Me. My. Meds." He hunched his back, holding a hand out to Mikey. Mikey shook his head. Gerard produced a long, aggravated noise.
"Why won't anyone fucking listen to me anymore?" He roared, gripping his own knees. Mikey passed him one, just to help with his headache, he could tell what he was experiencing. Frank looked at him lovingly.
"Think of it in our shoes, imagine if I just walked out, not knowing where I was going, not telling you or Mikey anything. Wouldn't you be worried? Wouldn't you try and find me?"
"Of course I would! I would be so fucking furious, I'd find you, I'd kill you, and drag your ass home!" He yelled. "But that doesn't change anything, Frank!" He breathed out in anguish. He lowered his voice and pushed his face into his hands. "I just don't want to hurt you. Taint you. Either of you."
"Baby, listen to me. You won't hurt us, you never could. You can't taint us, what happened to you is terrible, I know, but you'll get through it, it's called comforting, you've done it for me, when I told you about my family. It's my turn to help you." He spoke softly, stepping slightly closer. Gerard shook his head and pushed himself from the bench.
"Your words are nice Frank, real nice." He snarled, hiding his gaze in shame. "But that's just what they all said. I wouldn't stop screaming, I couldn't stop the memory from infecting everything I did and everyone I loved, so they made me forget. Now look at me." He cried, throwing out his arms beside him. "Fucked! In the head!" Mikey stepped a little closer and offered the pills to Gerard, which he took, swallowing two and shoving the bottle in his pocket.
"I want to say something and I want to help, but I don't know what to do!" Frank started bawling again, "You know how much I love you, but I just want to help."
Gerard dropped to his knees and sat, his fingers turning purple in the cold, frosty air.
"I love you." He dipped his head, falling to his side a little. "But I wanted to be alone. And you’ve broken that.” He shook his head softly.
"So, I'm guessing that's a no to coming home." Frank cried furiously, rubbing his eyes, "What can I do to make you come home, I'll do anything! Please Gee!" Frank crumbled, frightened, alone and utterly bewildered. He knew Gerard had always had some bad things in his life.. But this was just insane.
"Let Mikey share some of the money with me. I'll stay here. And, if you want, you guys can stay here too - but not with me. Not in the same hotel." He stared, his gaze hard and sharp. "Then tomorrow - I go and kill the bastards who hurt me."
"Okay." Frank nodded; accepting whilst Mikey split their money. "We will stay in the hotel up the road." He gulped, chewing his lip, "But can I ask for one favour? It's not unreasonable." Frank spoke softly, asking.
"What." Gerard snapped, abruptly, not bothering to make eye contact.
"Can I have a hug? I haven't had one for a little while and it feels weird." Frank's eyes swelled up with tears as he looked down at his boots. Gerard glared at Frank, piercing little holes in his skin with his eyes. He walked up to Frank quickly, and yanked him against his chest, pulling him tightly against him. Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard, sobbing a little. The hug was cold and with very little love in it, but it was a hug.
"Thanks." He cried softly, nuzzling into his neck, hoping to make him warmer. He was frightened and he just wanted Gerard back. Gerard hastily pulled himself away from Frank, still not making eye contact. He turned and nodded at Mikey, who pushed his own finger against his lips. Gerard mirrored him, sharing eye contact, doing something, which was not particularly obvious to Frank, before staring down at the ground.
"Don't come too early or I'll cook you." Gerard growled quietly, before heading off down the road on his own, very obviously muttering to himself as he walked.
"Meet us here tomorrow. 10pm." He called back to Gerard, walking in the opposite direction with Mikey, to a hotel, checking in.
Gerard pretended not to hear and continued walking, away to his hotel. He could easily get all the way to New York now, with the money Mikey had given him - but it wasn't fair, and he knew that. He just wanted to run; he didn't know how else you faced your own problems. Plus, there are far too many people than Gerard liked in New York anyway.
Frank and Mikey both knew where Gerard was staying if they needed to check up on him, Frank sat on the bed sighing, the phone in his hands.
"Should I call him?"
"No point. Unless you know the number of the hotel, and he's not gonna respond to that anyway." Mikey sniffed, curling up in the corner of the room. "But he's got his meds.. Shouldn’t be as angry in the morning."
"Those – pills, they won't kill him, will they?" He asked, panicking, "Do you really think he'll kill those guys?" Frank lay back on the bed, confused, holding his head. Mikey laughed, the fright lingering in his voice.
"If I hadn't have given him those pills.." Mikey paused, reminding him to take his own. "They'd be dead by morning." He finished, popping off the caps on the various bottles.
"Will the pills kill him?" He asked, still panicking, worried, staring at the ceiling.
"No." Mikey replied, softly. "Considering I just pounded about three, I think he'll be fine." He pushed the bottle across the bed to where Frank was sat to let him have a look. "They.. take the anger away." Frank held the bottle in his hand, studying it, before putting it on the table beside him. He wasn’t really reading it anyway.
"Okay, good." He smiled. "I'm sorry for panicking, I truly am."
"Don't apologise to me." Mikey sighed, packing his medicine away. "He's always been like this. This is the tip of the iceberg Frank - you don't know anything." He sniffed, tangling his fingers. "He really is lost. In that head of his. I know."
"I just worry about him, I want to hold him again. I couldn't live without him." He sighed, "I don't care if there is anything else, conditions, disorders, trauma. I love him."
"I know." Mikey replied quietly, a little irritated. "You're not the only one, you know."
"I understand." Frank sighed ashamedly, looking at Mikey, "We're all that he's got." Mikey nodded, lying down in the corner of the room, too tired to climb up onto the bed.
"If he's.. taken off. Tomorrow.." Mikey whispered. "Don't be frightened. I'll know where he's gone."
"I'll check in the morning, if he's gone." He sighed, shutting his eyes, "Night."
Frank woke up, he noticed the clock, 9am, he rung the hotel immediately.
"Hi, I know that a boy check in yesterday, tall, skinny, dark hair, pale, maybe in a little bit of a bad mood? Yes, has he checked out?" He listened closely, "Okay, thank you." Frank smiled, a little relieved. "Is there any way that you could get him on the phone?" He listened softly and heard a gentle sounding woman sending someone. After several minutes, she piped up again.
“He says he wouldn't like to speak, right now." She said, empathetically.
"If you could, tell him, Franks say love you, hope you're okay, see you later." He sighed desperately, keeping the phone to his ear in hope.
"He didn't want to speak, did he." Mikey croaked, quietly, groaning. Perhaps sleeping on the floor had been a bad idea. Frank shook his head, still holding the phone to his ear. "Don't bother trying." Mikey wrenched himself to his feet, sitting on the bed carefully, searching for his glasses.
"Too late." He smiled, listening to the woman talking. "Sorry, what did he say?" the signal wasn't great.
"Ah, a few bad words, something about it being too early.." She said, calmly.
"Okay, thanks, bye." Frank hung up, gulping, putting the phone down, turning to Mikey, "So, what do we do now?"
"Uhm." Mikey pondered, looking around. "Get something to eat?" He asked, hopefully.
"Okay, cool." He got changed quickly, grabbing his backpack. "We have to stay close to here, I think Gerard is meeting us at the gas station at 10pm."
"We have, quite a while then," Mikey laughed softly. "Why so late?" Frank shrugged.
"I just thought because, he can't complain that it's early, he would probably be in a better mood and done some thinking, then we can actually go home."
"Fair enough." He nodded, grabbing his wallet. "We could go to that coffee. I don't really want to go to the hotel for food.." He grinned, scratching absently at the slight facial hair appearing on his neck. He was a little older than Frank remembered.
"Okay, sounds good." He smiled, opening the door for Mikey, "So, do you know what happened with Gerard?"
"How so?" Mikey asked, walking close to Frank, still a little intimidated by the large city.
"Like, has he ever told you what actually happened?" He asked, keeping Mikey close.
"I remember it." Mikey said, quietly. "I remember all of it. I found him, you know." Mikey seemed particularly calm about it. “After it happened.”
"Really? How old was he?" He asked, curious.
"Let's see," Mikey nodded inwardly, calculating. "I think he must have been fourteen, fifteen."
"Aw, I can see it hasn't.. worn off." Frank sighed, walking into a small coffee shop.
"He was free from it for a long time. I remember my mother trying to explain it. They said he couldn't cope with it anymore." Mikey sniffed, quietly, sitting down at a table.
"He never told me, so I had to guess what happened. I just want to get him home and safe. We both do." Frank murmured, holding his forehead in his palms.
"They made him forget. They gave him chemicals which forced him to repress it." He said, a little intrigued by the subject. "Interesting. But painful for the rest of us. Some things you just couldn't mention, in fear he would cry, and try to hurt one of us again." Mikey mumbled, touching his temple softly.
"Oh, why do you think he was so suddenly angry and touchy yesterday?" He asked, confused.
"That was his pills. He hadn't taken them." Mikey reminded, softly. "But, since he has remembered now, that anger is coming back. Which is why I- why I was so wary, Frank. You're lucky he didn't snap and suffocate you when you asked for that hug." Frank gulped. He hadn’t thought.
"I've been starved of physical attention for a long time, then suddenly I get used to it, then it goes away again. If felt weird, that's all I can say." He shrugged. Maybe he was being selfish, but so was Gerard. This was a two way street.
"You probably made a mistake, entering our fucked up life." Mikey paused, and nodded to himself. "But I'm glad you did. Otherwise, Gerard would have probably killed me." He replied, flatly.
"I'm happy I did, I actually feel cared about by you guys, I would have ended up killing myself any ways." He sighed.
Mikey and Frank wandered to where they had met the previous night, sitting together on a bench and hoping that Gerard would be making an appearance. Frank shook nervously, sighing, dropping his head.
"I bet he won't show." He started to sob, tucking his legs to his chest.
"He'll show." Mikey nodded, pressing a finger to his lips as he watched a lean, dark haired boy approach slowly from across the road. The older boy stopped, at least 10 metres away, pushing a finger against his own lips. Frank looked at Mikey, glaring at what he was doing, before looking up, seeing Gerard. He didn't say a word. Mikey got up. His head was particularly jumped and hot today, but he couldn't quite figure out why.
"Mikey." Gerard paused, shoving his hands in his pockets. He shook his head, unknowing of what to say. Frank gulped, his heart pumping looking at the both of them, scared and anxious.
"What do you two want from me?" Gerard asked, quietly. Frank looked up with big eyes, wanting to speak, but he had no words.
"I-I, we," He stuttered. Silence fell upon them, before a small glint flickered in Mikey's eye.
"November Juliet?" He asked, softly. Gerard shook his head.
"Never going back." He frowned. Mikey felt particularly aggressive, very suddenly. He squeezed the muscles in his head tightly. Frank scratched his head confused, looking up at Gerard, blushing.
"Um.." Frank spoke softly.
"Don't ask." Gerard whispered softly. He'd explain later. "What were you expecting to gain, from this?"
"I just wanted you to come... Home." He looked down into his lap, sniffing.
"I don't want to come home." Gerard replied, calmly. Mikey growled.
"Stop thinking about yourself and be fucking considerate, Gerard!" Mikey scowled, his anger taking a turn on him. He couldn't explain it. Frank put his head in his hands, starting to cry once more.
"Oh." He mumbled to himself, pushing a hand through his hair.
"What's up with you?" Gerard hissed. "You're no better to me either. I don't understand why you're coming out here, so vicious." He pelted, glaring, his eyes alight with flames. "Ah." He paused, hardening his gaze. "You forgot to take your pills, brother." Mikey stared back at him, then down at himself.
"Stop! For goodness sake!" Frank shouted, crying in anguish. "I'll just have to go back to the orphanage, thanks a bunch." He sobbed, rubbing his eyes.
"It's not my fault!" Gerard yelled, though mostly aimed at his brother. "It's not my fault I was targeted, It's not my fault that I lost three years of my life!" Mikey quickly retaliated, drawing up close to his brother.
"Stop shouting! You're upsetting Frank!" Mikey hissed, his brain melting in an odd anger. Why did he forget to take his pills?
"Mikey, step down, I can shout myself." Frank stood up, next to Gerard. "Gee, I love you and you know that. But if you cared about me the way I do about you, you would come home with us. Please." He begged, willing to get on his hands and knees. Gerard heard him vaguely, but he had already seen red.
“Shut up Frank.” Gerard hissed, before doing something, which he regretted, very muchly.
again, r&r if you enjoyed c: