Matt finds josh in a broken state
I watch Josh as he sleeps, and the boys are sleeping in their room.
Josh is tossing and turning, and muttering under his breath.
"I'm not a freak, I'm not a freak, you all can fucking die!"
I look at him.
What's wrong with him? I've never seen him act like this! I'm scared, then it hits me--the people at the rehab centre treated him like shit for nine months!
How can I be that stupid?!
He was called freak every day, and the nurses weren't getting through to him, even with the pregnancy.
I look at his sleeping body. What made him so broken?
He wakes up.
"Matty, am I a freak?" He whispers tears falling down his face.
I look at him.
What should I say?
I go to him, and he instantly curls up into a position a frightened child would before getting hit. What happened to him? He loves his boys, and wants to protect them. I know that. He only opens up to me, Mike, Ian and his mom.
"Joshie? What happened?"
He looks at me, and grabs something from under his mattress, and I gasp.
It's a fucking knife. I look horrified. He has a fucking knife....
"Joshie, put the knife down love...we need to talk."
Josh shrugs, and slips the knife away. I look at his arms finally, and they have cuts up and down. There's several scars, and some of the cuts are fresh, and look infected. I grab his wrist.
"Where did those cuts come from?"
"Josh, you don't need to be so secretive. Can we talk?"
"Everyone at rehab wanted me dead!" He wails.
I pull him closer. He cries into my chest.
“I got shoved around and people would laugh at me when I was preggers!"
My heart broke. Why would ANYONE, especially his peers hate him so much? And to the point of self-harming again? Josh cried into my chest.
"Matty,I need to tell you somethin..."
Oh god. The curveball...
sorry this took so long ive just startwd a new semester enjoy xo Jules