[*Chapter 2: Expectations
As I made my way over to Mikey's dorm I could not stop thinking about Frank. Surely this was wrong? That I could even think about a man in that kind of way, not to mention the fact that he was my new room-mate. Ugh, why did I have to have him as my new room-mate!? Now I would never ever be able to get him out of my hair.
I knocked on Mikey's door and waited impatiently for him to answer. I tore out my headphones and he opened the door moments later. I charmed in and stumbled a few steps backwards, immediately overpowered by the sudden difference between us. His room was full to the brim of posters and drawings that I had did him over the years.
It was filled with our childhood. Mine, it was just a plain, boring room...Yeah there was a few of my drawings every now and again that Mikey had begged me to put on display; but the rest, I wanted to keep to myself. My art was a secret. As was my secret desire for Frank right now.
“You alright, man? You look a little...Pale.” He said through gritted teeth as he looked me up and down with that always-concerned look in his eyes.
“Aren't I always?” I chuckled half-heartedly and sat on the end of his bed. He shut the door, locked it before he began tidying rapidly. “Why the sudden panic, Mikes?”
He only took a quick glance at me, raising an eyebrow. “Haven't you noticed that my room is a total mess?” Mikey laughed slightly, not stopping even for a breath.
“I'm sure whoever it is will understand, it's only you who gets obsessed with mess. Your room is perfectly immaculate, alright?” I rolled my eyes and played with my hands. Mikey glanced up at me and sighed,
“What's wrong? Something has happened, Gerard. Come on, I know you.”
“And you should know that I don't want to talk about it. About anything, not yet, alright?”
“Shouldn't you be back at your room? Y'know, waiting for your new room-mate?” He asked, completely ignoring the ignorance in my voice from before. Clearing grown used to it after all these years of putting up with me. I have and will never understand it. Ever.
Why would anyone want to put up with me? No-one cares about me. They never have done. That's why I rely on music and my drawing. They are always there for me.
“He's already arrived...” I muttered, barely audible. But of course, sadly for me, he heard me. Just like always.
“Has he? Is that why you're in a strop?” He asked, finally taking a moments pause as he stood from laying on the floor, took a sip out of a can of Coke before he shrieked like a little girl when a knock came on his door. He took a deep breath, collected himself and I ran a hand through my hair. Just watching the boy was freaking me out enough.
You didn't need to be a genius to figure out that he was nervous as fuck. Mikey's anxiety always had got the better of him. Me too most of the time. I just had learnt to control it; mostly. By pills and booze occassionally which I knew were slowly getting the better of me. I swallowed hard and shook my head, trying to push that thought to the back of my mind.
Mikey opened the door slowly and a man who was slightly shorter than him entered (who was quite tall, Mikey was the tallest out of us) The boy had a half-afro, it was curly, light brown/medium brown and was absolutely crazy. “I'm guessing that your Michael?” The boy asked, staring at Mikey with a knowing look. Mikey stepped backwards and gestured for him to come in.
“You guessed correct, and your name is..?” Mikey asked after shutting the door, gesturing to one of the beds. “That's your bed.” He said simply, playing with his fingers.
“The name's Ray Toro,” he replied before holding out his hand to Mikey, he shook it loosely and he offered it to me.
“Gerard, his older brother. I don't live here so don't worry,” I laughed a little. He wouldn't even be able to handle my awesome-ness. He smiled back at me and shook my hand hard before dumping his heavy back onto the bed and he placed a suitcase onto it too. Then he grabbed a guitar off his back and placed it to lean against the wall by his bed.
“You play guitar?” Mikey asked with a wide grin on his face, admiring the expensive-looking case with a gleam in his eyes that anyone could note that it was excitement.
“Yeah, do you?” Ray asked, obviously seeing his excitement. Mikey grinned wide and grabbed his bass from the corner of the room.
“Bass, we should totally rack some tunes out!” Mikey sat down on his bed and started to tune his bass. I rolled my eyes at him. Ray laughed a little and shook off his black hoodie, revealing an Iron Maiden shirt, I pointed to his shirt.
“Likin' the shirt by the way.” I grinned and he looked down as if he had forgotten that he was even wearing any clothes for a few seconds, as if he didn't even know what clothes were.
“Thanks man, you like them?” I nodded in response and held up my headphones.
“Can't live without music. Neither could Mikey,” I nudged Mikey's shoulder, attempting to get him out of his zoned-out pose where he stared down at the strings on his bass.
“I'll be back later, Mikes, alright? Nice to meet you, Ray. I'm sure that I'll see you again soon.” I waved them both goodbye before walking out of their room. I took a deep breath and decided to go to the local coffee shop, I pushed open the doors with ease and ordered a large coffee before taking a seat in the corner of the room, I took out my journal and pen from the inside pocket of my hoodie and looked over the most recent lyrics that I had wrote...
“And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground,
And if they get me take this spike to my heart and,
And if they get me and the sun goes down,
And if they get me take this spike and,
You put the spike in my heart...”
I played with the pen and I doodled a few sketches on the opposite page, it took me a short while to realize that I was drawing Frank's eyes. Oh fuck. I took more sips of my coffee to wake myself up and stayed exactly where I was for a few hours. Completely a few more verses and the chorus.
“And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones,
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there,
Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church,
Where they can pump this venom gaping hole,
And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat,
And if they come and get me,
What if you put the spike in my heart...
And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and
Can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless
Night time sky?
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling...?”
Vampires had always fascinated me. They were completely new and they were everything that I wanted. Immortal and they could prowl the night. Without sleeping. Without even looking at a single person they could survive. Most of the time the world didn't even know that they existed. That was what I wanted desperately. I didn't want to have to face my classmates or anyone on this God-forsaken planet again...
I packed up my things three hours or so later when the sun started to set. Night-time had always scared me when I was alone. Especially seeing as my dorm was way out of the main campus; meaning that I had to walk past various dark alleyways when I got called names; like 'fag' and 'emo' and 'depressing-little-fuck' was their normal words. Tonight I got all three as I ran up the stairs to my room number, 104.
I slammed the door shut and rested my head against the number as I took in a deep breath. “You okay?” I jumped completely out of my skin, completely forgetting that Frank was in the room with me.
“Frank!” I yelped out, startled. I switched on the small light by the side of my bed. He was stood there shirtless in a pair of black long pyjama bottoms. I swallowed hard and nodded slowly; finally answering his question. “Y-Yes, just er...People.”
Frank nodded in response, as if he understood what was going on. He probably didn't. But it was nice that he was trying. I shrugged off my hoodie and my shoes, before going into the bathroom and stripped off into my boxers, I took off my shirt too and brushed my teeth before returning into the room and pulling on a pair of pyjama bottoms, similar to Frank's.
He was now sitting upright in his bed and was staring at me intently. “Where have you been today? I got worried that you had gone missing...” He seemed very upset by that and I frowned, sad that I had made him worry.
“I went to my brother Mikey's dorm and met his room-mate, then I went to the coffee place across campus...Then I stayed there for a few hours.”
“Do you always do that?” Frank asked, switching my bedside light off for me.
“What?” I asked,
“Vanish out of thin air and expect people to think that you'll be okay and expect people to believe that you'll come back alive?” Frank muttered it all as if he was in a trance. I felt my throat go thick. It was horrible, to know that someone was saying my thoughts out loud. Why did I always have to live up to people's expectation? Why couldn't I just be myself?
“Quite possibly, Frank.”
That was all that was said for the rest of the night as sleep took over both of us.