The story of Kaiya Myamoto and the haunting past she lives with.
I had merely just begun writing in you just now, young friend. We barely know one another, yet I feel as though I am nothing like you at all; so willing to listen to my plight, my suffering, my despair. I only had you ever since my elder sister – Hikari Myamoto – had given it to me on my first day of the Soul Reaper Academy; she said it was an early birthday gift, though I knew my birthday was months away. I thought having someone or something to tell my feelings to would be a stupid idea, venting to an inanimate object that will never speak or give any advice so as to what I should do. Now, though, I realize that you are the only thing I can talk to at this point; you may not be able to help me with my problems, but the least you can do is listen to what I have to say. No one other than my elder sibling would understand the pain that I had gone through all these years ever since I was a young child. To feel unloved as a little girl, abused, and used for what I believed was another’s amusement was someone no one could understand unless they slipped into my own shoes, saw what I saw, felt what I felt.
But I'm forgetting my manners. My name is Kaiya Myamoto. I only just recently became a Soul Reaper a few days ago. My appearance is nothing special at all; in fact, it helped me blend into a crowd of normal people. Long, dark brown hair, which reached down to the middle of my back, adorns the top of my head, and fringe backs fall over my forehead. Scarlet red eyes gave off a bit of a menacing look, yet I was harmless unless pushed to the edge. My nose takes a celestial shape, and a few freckles dot there and around my cheeks. Not many, but enough to be noticed up close. Height would be around five foot five inches; weight is…undisclosed, but the proximity would be over one hundred pounds. Hand size is medium as well as shoe size – shoe size is about seven and a half. As you can tell, little one, there is nothing special about me whatsoever. I could pull off being normal, or so my parents claim.
Ah, my parents. One could say they had a wonderful family, their parents included. Well, that’s not how it is for me. Instead, it was quite the opposite. Instead, they never loved me; they considered me a mistake, a disgrace to the family. They refused to encourage me in anything I did that would make any other parent proud! They looked at me as if I were born with a deformity, and loathed me for reasons unbeknownst to me. Still, despite that, I tried my best to make them proud, but they simply pushed me off to the side as if I were just a simple piece of trash, a ragdoll that a young child no longer wanted to play with. I barely even got an education because they didn't care about me! It was as if they made the mistake of having another child, therefore chose to allow me to suffer. It was as if I had committed an unforgivable crime, and I was to pay the ultimate price: to die alone and without so much as a single sign of love from either of them.
My sister, though, was different. Hikari got everything she wanted; a good education, good clothing, praise for good deeds that she had done, everything! However, I don't despise her for it as any other younger sibling would, for she isn't a spoiled brat like I would expect any other child to become she they be given everything their hearts desire. She actually taught me everything that she learned in school, which was one way that I still remained smart and educated today. She took care me more than the bastard parents who would not even lift a finger to help me at all. Besides, she deserved all the things she received anyway, unlike me. She was supposedly the "perfect child" of the family, so said my parents. I, on the other hand, stood in the background, wallowing in pain, never taken care of and most of the time forgotten. For some moments, I had to fend for myself, while Hikari was well taken care of and was well behaved. Eventually, I did my best to act in her image, do what she did and get on the good side of my parents. Unfortunately, it did nothing to please them; they said that I would never be like Hikari no matter how hard I tried. It hurt to hear those words, but I kept my mouth shut, knowing that Hikari did not take all of the glory for herself.
After a few years, she decided to become a Soul Reaper and protect those less fortune. I did not find out what rank or squad she was placed in, since she was still in the Academy at the time, but I was very happy for her nonetheless. Ecstatic, my parents praised her for this great achievement, said they were so very proud of her and wished her a prosperous and successful. I felt inspired to become one after her, since she appeared much stronger and able to defend herself and others from harm. That was how I wanted to be; to be able to hold my own and be able to defend myself whether it be from danger or the lecherous parents – no, the wardens – I was forced to live with. Sadly, when I told them that also wanted to be a Soul Reaper like her, they refused to let me become one. They didn't even hesitate for a second. However, instead of using the usual "because I/we said so" excuse, they decided to give me one that would good enough to "satisfy their case."
My mother said that I shouldn't go off to be a Soul Reaper, but that I was supposed to stay home and take care of the house with her. Why would I even bother with that? I did most if not all of the work in the house to begin with. She, from what I could tell, did nothing at all to help me with some of the bigger tasks. She simply sat on the couch or slept all day without a single care in the world. When awake, she would sit around relaxing and watching me do her dirty work – I’ve even caught her drinking sake behind my back; as if I cannot see it with my own eyes. She claimed she was "supervising" while taking a small drink of the alcoholic beverage, trying to ease her "aching bones" for a while. I, on the other hand, knew what was really going on and considered her lazy, neglectful hag with nothing else to do but lie around and make an even bigger mess for me to clean up. It was true; sometimes when I left the home to buy cleaning supplies that we did not have, she would purposefully create a bigger mess, and I saw her do it with my own two eyes. Even Hikari saw it, to which she secretly cleaned up when our mother was not in the vicinity.
My father agrees wholeheartedly with my mother, but refuses to see what she does to me. He believes that she's working much too hard around the house, since she was always making food for us and doing her share of the work in the house. However, he does not understand the fact that I'm the one doing all the work in the damn house, not her! Not only that, but she barely cooks a single piece of food even for herself; it's always me who does the cooking and the cleaning around the house, yet he scolds me for saying out loud. He even beats me if I say bad things about them to their faces. Who am I kidding; he even beats me for no reason when I'm not even doing anything wrong! His excuse: he thinks I am constantly "talking about them behind their backs!" I could not blame him for that one, since I did whenever I got the opportunity, mainly to Hikari. Unfortunately, there was one thing that was worse than his constant support of my warden mother. The worst part about him, something that still haunts me to this day, is that he has tried to rape me, so many times that I can't even count anymore.
I don’t recall how or when it started, but I do know every single detail and aftermath. Every night, after being sent to bed, my mother would take Hikari around the Rukon District – the Seventy-Fifth District is where we lived – and teach her about a little bit about as well as the community. This took place before and after Hikari became a Soul Reaper. At least ten minutes after they were gone, my father would come into my room while I was sleeping and make an attempt to rape me. I believed he thought it was when I was at my most vulnerable, but I was sure that I was not going to give in without a fight – well, I was not going to give in at all, but you understand my point when it comes to that. It was the most terrifying event that could ever happen to me, and still scares me in my sleep. He would try to take off my clothes – tear them off is more like it – but I would quickly push him away from me, shouting at him to stop and leave me be. Instead of listening to my begging, he would instantly slap me and tell me to keep quiet so that no one would hear. Sometimes, he would even threaten to kill me if I didn't shut up and let him do "his work." That was the only time I ever refused to listen to him; I refused to stay quiet and allow him to do what he wanted, and I would constantly scream for someone, anyone, to come and help me. He would continue to slap me and pin me onto my bed, his threats becoming more and more drastic. However, I always kicked and screamed no matter what he said or did to me. Most of the time, he wouldn't worry about my shirt and just take off my pants, since that was all he was after anyway. Then, after screaming and struggling for a long period of time, I would successfully push him off of me, grab my pants, and run away from home.
As I write this, I still can feel a shiver run through my body; every time I think about all of it, I still shiver and quake with fear and disgust. It was a good thing he never kissed me, now that I think about it. Better to lose a kiss from someone else than to lose to it my own father.
I wouldn't return for days at a time whenever that would happen, for I was too afraid of going back to see him. Hikari would be the one to always find me and reluctantly bring me home again. I told her about what he did to me the very first time it happened, and without a doubt she believed me – it’s another reason why I don't despise her; because she cared that much about me. However, she told me that running away was only going to make things worse on my part; it would only show my parents that I was still afraid of them, giving them the advantage of keeping me under their control for longer. She explained that Soul Reapers should always look fear in the eye and face it no matter how bad it gets. I kept her words in my heart, but still had to return home anyway.
After bringing me back, they would begin worrying about Hikari, since she left without so much as a word as to where she was going (sometimes without even telling them at all). Instead of scolding her, they gave her kisses and hugs, happy to know that she was safe from harm. I, on the other hand, had to endure their dark side; they yelled at me and beat me for running away the way I did. Hikari always tried to stop them, telling them that I was just an innocent girl who didn't deserve all of these horrible beatings and placed on hard labor. She told them that I ran away because I needed to escape their harsh rules, they should try to treat me with some respect. However, instead of listening, they told her that I was a terrible, ungrateful child and deserved to be beaten in order to be taught a lesson. They claimed that I was too busy complaining all of the time due to all of the work I was given, while they put food on the table and worked to keep their home from being taken away from them. That was their excuse, yet I knew for a fact that the only thing they did was work to keep their home. That was it.
After all that was over and done with, my mother would force me work even more than usually (harder as well), while my father continued to beat me once I was finished working. That had been happening for many years, and eventually I broke under the pressure and suffering. I was sick of all the work I had to do, the beatings I was given for doing something "wrong," the rape attempts, everything! I knew I could no longer stay there without attempt to commit suicide, and so did Hikari. In order to escape it for what I believed was forever, I finally decided, with Hikari’s help, to pack my things, run away from home for the last tiem, and join the Soul Reaper Academy. During my time at there, I lived at Hikari’s older place that she lived in before becoming a full-fledged Soul Reaper. During the school years, I was a very quiet student, always keeping to myself. Eventually, I started to warm up to others and became well liked by teachers and students alike. I worked extremely hard and passed all of my classes with straight A's, since I felt I needed to prove to myself that I was not a failure as my parents thought. Fortunately, Hikari would stop by to visit whenever she could, and she was kind enough to help me with whatever I had trouble on.
Now, at least two years later, here I am. I'm in my room, living with my sister, telling you the secrets I have not told any other soul. I have told you what has been going on through all these years. In all honesty, I was just looking through my room, putting all of my things together in order to return to my childhood home, when I stumbled upon you. Out of nowhere, I felt it was time I started writing in you, my little friend, and vent on the things that kept bothering – mostly my past. I felt scared of talking to anyone that wasn’t Hikari, for fear of being judged negatively or people trying to pry into my life to help. Since you are now one of my most private objects that I have to speak to, knowing that you will not tell a soul, I chose to tell you everything about my life, a life that I would much rather forget. But, you have no name. That's all right. I will give you one, and I will never forget it for as long as I live. I shall forever call you...Himitsu. Himitsu Kanshu. Secret Keeper. Yes. That will fit you perfectly.
Till next time, Himitsu.