I grabbed Bert’s hand in mine, pulling him through the crowded living room, and out into the garage. As soon as the door closed behind us, Bert laughed. “Trying to get me alone?”
I closed the distance between us in a second, our lips meeting. As the kiss got more and more heated, I reached into my back pocket, pulling out a small package.
Bert immediately stopped, and backed away from me. “Gerard?”
“I’ve been waiting to do this with you for a long time now.” Completely ignoring Bert, I opened the small package. Inside were a few white pills. Without hesitating, I threw a couple into my mouth and dry swallowed. Within seconds I could feel the drugs and the alcohol mixing in my viens, creating the most wonderful sensation. It felt like I could take on the world.
I held out the package, offering it to Bert. He just stood there, staring at me like I was a lunatic. “What the hell are you doing?” He shook his head, “How long have you been doing drugs?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop acting so surprised. We both know the only reason you started dating me was because you wanted someone dangerous.” We both stayed silent for a while, just staring at each other. His gaze kept going back and forth between me and the pills. He would never say no to me. Eventually he would take a few pills, and then we could get back to more important things.
Unfortunately, it was taking a lot longer than I expected. With each passing second, I could feel myself getting more and more horny. I needed him now, but not until he felt just as good as I did. “Just take one. It’s not like you’re going to die.”
My free hand dropped to my jeans, undoing the button and pulling down the zipper. It took all I had not to pull of my clothes completely. I couldn’t stand this waiting anymore. My thoughts were racing, and I couldn’t think straight.
Bert bit his lip, obviously conflicted. His parents were very strict. His younger sister was caught drinking one day and his parents kicked her on the street. He still keeps in contact with her, but he would never do the same things she did.
Unless it was for me. “No one is going to find out.” I shoved the pills at him. His eyes met mine, and for a second I thought he was going to run away. Then all of a sudden, he grabbed two of the pills and threw them in his mouth. I watched as he swallowed them.
A few seconds passed, “So?”
He nodded, closing the distance between us in a heartbeat. Without a word, he pressed our lips together. Within seconds our clothes were on the floor, and I had him pinned against the garage door.
It had only been three weeks since Bert had his first taste. And now he couldn’t stop. He would come by every day asking for more. Up until I would always give in. Bert was changing. He wasn’t the same innocent little boy that I fell in love with. No, he was someone else. This new Bert only cared about the drugs.
He was addicted, and it was all my fault. There was only one thing I could. Even if it did break his heart. He needed to stop, get some help. This was the only way.
There was a knock at the door. Sure enough, it was Bert. He stood there in the doorway, and I just felt miserable. His hair was greasy, like he hadn’t been washing it. His clothes were dirty. It made me sick seeing him like this.
I missed the old him. I wished more than anything that I could go back in time and change what we did in that garage. Then he would still be the Bert that I loved.
When I didn’t say anything, he pushed past me into the living room. He stood there wringing his hands. “You know why I’m here.”
I grabbed his shoulders, and he looked up into my eyes. “Bert, this has to stop.” We stood there for a long time, neither of us saying anything. “I’m not giving you any more drugs.”
“Gerard please. This is the last time, I promise.”
I shook my head, stepping away from him. “No, Bert. That’s what you said last time. No more. You need help.”
“God damn it, Gerard! Just give me the fucking drugs!” I’d never heard him yell before. Hell, I’d never seen him angry before. The Bert standing in front of me now was definitely not the same Bert that he was before. This Bert was almost scary.
All of a sudden he charged toward me and grabbed my shirt collar. He forced me against the wall. “Just give me the pills and no one gets hurt.”
It took me a lot longer than it should have for me to gain courage. Finally, I pushed his chest as hard as I could, and he stumbled away from me. Before I had a chance to say anything, I felt his hand make contact with my cheek.
He stared at me for a long time. I don’t think he had any idea of what he had just done. Bert, the only guy I’d ever really cared about, had slapped me. I wasn’t upset with him about it. No, I was upset with myself. Because I knew this was all my fault.
After a long moment of silence, Bert’s face fell. He looked at me, his eyes full of sadness. “Gerard, I--”
I shook my head, pushing him out the front door. “No. Just get out. You need to get help.”
He grabbed my shoulders just as I pushed him over the threshold. His eyes met mine, pleading, before he crashed his lips against mine. That kiss reminded me of how much I loved him, and how much all of this hurt. When he finally pulled away, all I could do was stand there. “Come back to me when you’re better.”
Tears fell into my mouth as I spoke. This was the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. He opened his mouth to speak, but I shut the door. I could only hope that he would find help, if not for himself, but for me. I needed my Bert back. He was my everything.