The insanity in the so called sane...
I sat down on the black, plush sectional and eased back. With my arms folded under my head I stared up at the grey ceiling.
When I had left the hospital wing, I hadn't been lying to Rose about tonight. I was going after a whole family of killers.
All five of them had to die under my hands. I sighed and lifted my hand palm-side up to the ceiling.
These hands.....have had so much blood on them. I turned it around in the light, seeing all the lines on my pale palm.
So many years here. So long I've been doing this. It feels like second nature to me.
Eat, drink, breathe, kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
I bit my lip and let my arm fall to my side and rolled over, resting it where my waist dipped above my hip. My heart was beating heavily in my chest.
There was something I've always wanted. I've always wanted to find someone who loved me.
Like my little brother had. Last time I was able to visit someone, I went and saw my little brother....and his new wife.
The only thing I could see between them was love. And I wanted that. I wanted someone like his wife to be mine.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and swallowed hard before I started to cry. That was the last thing I needed.
First letting my sanity slip up in front of Rose. Then breaking down in the hall. Then nearly sprinting back here.
And now this. Almost having an emotional breakdown on my couch.
I need to get my shit together and fast. My mission is starting in two hours, and I still need to eat.
Swallowing again, my mind went back to the tears in Rose's eyes and on her face. I hated myself for scaring her. For making her cry.
I bit my lip and stood up. Maybe I should apologize before I head out.
But first, I need to eat. I headed to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
It was nearly empty, aside from some leftover chinese food. "Better than nothing." I took it out and popped off the metal handles and put it in the microwave.
When it was hot, I ate the half full container and threw it in the trash, taking the first pill of many it seemed. There was still enough time to see Rose.
I walked the sticky residue off of my hands from the container and headed out and to the hospital wing. In minutes I was there.
I paused by the door, not sure if I should just go in or what. After a moment, I knocked softly and cracked the door open. "Rose?" I asked softly.
"Gerard, is that you?" I heard the wheels squeak on her chair. The door was opened even further and there she was.
"Hi Rose." I bit my lip. "C-can I come in?" I asked.
"Of course." She stepped aside and let me in. "Is something wrong? Did you take your medicine yet?"
"No. I mean yes! I..." I felt my face get hot.
"Are you okay?" I bit my lip and nodded.
"I just wanted to say something to you before I leave for tonight."
"Y-yeah?" Her cheeks went red.
"I...." I bit my lip again. "I'm sorry. About earlier. I know I scared you." Her face fell a little.
"It's okay. I was more worried about you than myself. The things you said...." She swallowed hard. "Do you really think that? And the way your eyes changed.... I got a really bad feeling looking into them." Her fingers brushed a bit if hair behind my ear. "It felt like I was losing you for a second."
A chill ran down my spine at her touch. "You won't ever lose me. Promise." I held up my pinkie finger to her.
She hooked hers around it with a smile. "Gerard...." Her green eyes met mine. "I....." She paused for a long moment. "Be careful for me, okay?"
"You know, I try. And when I try, I end up back here." I struck my tongue out at her.
"Because you hate seeing me so much?" She pushed me out of the room.
"That's not it!" I laughed, pressing back against her arms. "I just don't really enjoy getting killed every night or so."
Her eyes looked wetter. "So don't die." I turned around and pulled her into a hug.
"I won't." I squeezed her tightly for a moment. "I'll be back here one way or another, Rose. After tonight. I'll be back." I let go of her.
What I didn't want to tell her was that I would probably be covered in the blood of a family. As I turned away, the smile on my face fell into a grimace of pain.
Slowly. I was slipping slowly. 'I felt like I was losing you for a second.' I stopped and looked up at the moon.
It was a perfect full moon. Things would be especially crazy tonight of all nights.
I took a deep breath and looked down at the sanity in my boot. That gave me the drive to walk silently up to the normal looking house.
Full of killers.
I really gotta make this an short cause I gotta eat and shower. So R+R if anyone's even reading this and all that.
Hugs and Potatos,