FicWad

LA

“I was waiting for you to call me.” Donna said as she hurried into the waiting room where Mikey and Alicia sat. “I didn’t mean to sleep so long.”

Mikey smiled sadly at his mom. “There’s been no reason to call you. The MRI didn’t show anything. They don’t know why he went into convulsions.”

“And you were sleeping so soundly when I was home.” Alicia added gently. “I didn’t have the heart to wake you.”

Donna sat down across from them. “You were home? When?”

“About an hour ago.” She and Mikey had just finished a very long discussion about her pregnancy and had decided to share the news with Donna. Both believed it would give her some happy news she desperately needed.

“But I thought you were staying here with Mikey.” Donna frowned.

“I was but there was something I needed to do.” Alicia took Mikey’s hand in hers then gave him a small nod believing he should be the one to tell his mother.

“Ma” Mikey forced himself to smile. “She went home to take a pregnancy test.”

Donna’s eyes grew wide. “A pregnancy test?”

Mikey’s hand tightened on Alicia’s. “Yeah”

“And?”

“We’re gonna have a baby.” Mikey said softly. “She’s pregnant.”

Alicia was watching Donna closely to see her true reaction. She feared that her mother in law would be upset that this had happened now. She needn’t have worried. Donna got to her feet and before Alicia could stand was hugging her tightly.

“I’m so happy for you.” She said through her tears. “A baby.”

Now Alicia was crying too. “I know it’s not a good time…”

“Don’t say that. This is a blessing.” She looked over at her youngest. “I’m so happy.”

Mikey nodded, “It is a blessing. We’ve been trying for a long time.”

Donna moved back to her seat. “Have you made a doctor’s appointment yet?”

Alicia wiped her eyes, “Not yet.”

“Well you need to do that.” Donna said in a motherly tone. “That’s important.”

“I will.” Alicia said softly.

Donna got a tissue from her purse to dab her eyes. “Good. I’m glad to get some good news.” She looked over at Mikey. “Have you been in to see Gerard? Have you told him yet?”

Mikey fought down the urge to point out she was talking about a man in a coma as if he was just napping. He knew how hurt his mother would be if he voiced that thought. “Yeah, I told him.” He whispered. “I told him I needed him to wake up so he could help me with this whole dad thing.”

________________________________________________


Ayasha was snuggled up next to Gerard enjoying the afterglow of their lovemaking. For several minutes they’d both been silent but now she suddenly knew something was wrong. “Gee?” She whispered. When he didn’t answer she leaned on her elbow to look at his face. His eyes were closed. “Gee.’ She said his name louder this time. Still no response. Fear gripped her heart. Sitting up she shook his body. “Gee.” She yelled.

In the darkness he heard a voice.

“Oh God.” Ayasha cried out. “Gee, please open your eyes.” She leaned down to kiss his lips, they were cold and unresponsive.

The darkness grew a bit less heavy.

Ayasha continued to kiss him while praying. When a last she felt his lips move she sat back. “Gee.” She blinked rapidly to hold back her tears.

“Hey.” He said softly not understanding what had just happened. “What’s wrong?”

Ayasha sat back, “I kept calling your name but you didn’t respond.” Her voice was heavy with fear.

He was confused. “What?”

“Your eyes were closed, you didn’t hear me.”

Seeing how upset she was he smiled, “Hey, I’m sorry. Guess I just zoned out.”

She wasn’t buying it. “You don’t zone out. You were gone.”

He too was trying to make sense of what had happened. “But you could still see me, right. I mean I was here…”

“Yes, your body was still solid but you weren’t here.”

Hating to see how upset she was he knew he had to downplay this. “So you kissed me?”

She nodded still rapidly blinking.

“Well, Honey.” He used all his strength to sit up. “See, it worked. Your kiss brought me back. Just call me Sleeping Beauty.”

“Gee, this isn’t funny.” Ayasha said wrapping her arms around her nude body. “That’s never happened before.”

“Calm down.” He said softly reaching out to touch her cheek. “I’m fine now.”

Before he could stop her she slipped off the bed then threw on a robe. “We have to do something.” She said frantically. “You’re getting weaker every day.”

He too got up slowly.

Ayasha was beside herself with fear. “We have to do something.” She said again, her mind overwhelmed.

Gerard grabbed his sweats then sat down on the bed to put them on. He knew Ayasha was watching him and while he didn’t want to appear weak, he did feel almost lightheaded.

“Damn it.” She muttered watching him. The fear she felt made her lash out. “Instead of fucking we should be spending our time trying to figure out what to do.”

His head cleared as his concern for her grew. Standing up he grabbed her arm before she could reach the door. “No, don’t you say that.” His tone was angry, not at her but at the situation. “We weren’t fucking. We don’t fuck, Ayasha. We make love.”

Suddenly her face fell, “I’m sorry.” She whispered. “But…”

“But you’re scared and you hate that.” He said pulling her into his arms. “I understand.”

“It’s not just that I hate being scared.” She said leaning against him. “It’s why I’m scared, I don’t want anything to happen to you. If I thought...no, if I knew you disappeared from here because you’d come out of the coma, that’s what I want. But I’m afraid that’s not what’s happening.”

“You’re afraid I’m dying.” He whispered.

Ayasha hugged him tightly unable to admit he was right.

“Why don’t you check the Net?” He suggested. “See if anything new has been posted about my condition.”

“Yes.” She forced her emotions under control. “I’ll do that now.”

He followed her out of the bedroom. However a check of the Net yielded nothing new.

“This is all so hopeless.” She whispered as she stood up.

“Hey, we can’t give up hope.” Gerard said with a small smile. “Right?”

Hope seemed to be the only thing they had left. “Right.” She whispered.

_____________
LA
______________

It was early evening and Mikey had just returned to the waiting room. As much as he wanted to spend every moment at Gerard’s side, he just couldn’t. Seeing his brother, lying there unresponsive, was slowly breaking his spirit. Alone he sat lost in thought. He’d sent Alicia and his mother home for the day insisting they both needed rest. It had been over a week since Gerard had overdosed, over a week since he’d lapsed into a coma. Each passing day, each passing hour, hope was dwindling.

“Hey, Mikey.”

He’d been so lost in thought he hadn’t heard his former sister in law enter the room.

“Lindsey.” He said in surprise. “Why are you here?’ The question came off sounding almost rude, something he hadn’t intended.

She sat down in a chair across from him. “Mikey, I don’t hate your brother. I could never hate the father of my child.”

Mikey ran his hand over his face, “Shit, I didn’t mean for my question to sound like that. It’s just I’m surprised to see you here.”

She nodded. “I wasn’t really planning on coming but…” She sighed, “But I talked to Alicia earlier. She told me how the doctors have said it’s good to talk to him. I guess I just thought I should do that.” She paused a moment. “But if you think I shouldn’t I’ll leave.”

Mikey could see the sadness in her eyes. “I think it’s good you came. I don’t know if he can hear any of us but…” He stood. “Come on, I’ll show you to his room.”

Once they arrived Mikey stood back to allow her to enter. “I’ll head back to the waiting room.”

Lindsey nodded. As she neared the bed she was shocked into tears. The man laying in the bed in no way resembled the Gerard she knew, the man she’d once loved. Taking a seat near the bed she first wiped her tears then after a few moments spoke.
_________________________________________________________________

Ayasha was still working on her painting but Gerard had finished his and had taken a seat on the sofa. Suddenly in his head he heard a voice but couldn’t make out the words. “Ayasha.” He said calling out to her. “I need you.”

She turned, fear filling her at the sound of his voice.

“I can’t hear clearly.” He explained.

Immediately she rushed over to him, took a seat then placed her arms around him. Gerard leaned against her body then closed his eyes.

Time passed as she held him tightly. Finally his eyes opened. “It was Lindsey. Lindsey came to see me.”

“You sound surprised.”

He sighed, “Guess I am in a way. Lots of bad shit has gone down between us the past year.” He was finding it awkward to talk about his former love to Ayasha.

“Gee, even so I’m sure she’s very concerned. You’re the father of her child. You two were once in love.” She titled her head, “Gee, do you still love her? Please, tell me the truth.”

He’d been afraid she’d think like this. “I loved her once very much. I told you that and it wasn’t a lie. But what we shared died a long time ago. I’m just touched by what she said, the sound of her voice.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

Ayasha had dropped her arms so he put his around her. “I have no desire to keep anything from you.” He paused a moment to recall his former wife’s words. “Uh, she said I look like shit.”

Ayasha’s eyes grew wide. “What?”

Gerard laughed, “You have to understand that’s how Lindsey talks. She’s very honest and doesn’t mince words. She said I looked like shit and she knew I’d hate that.” He grinned, “Uh, she knows I can be kinda vain sometimes.”

“You look damn good to me.” Ayasha whispered.

Gerard tightened his arms around her. “Glad to hear that but I’m sure my body out in LA don’t look good at all. Linds said it was time for me to wake up. That she needs me to help her raise Bandit.” He sighed, “There was a softness to her voice I haven’t heard in a long time.”

“Because, just like you, she will always have a place in her heart for what you two shared.”

He nodded, “Yeah I think that’s true. She told me Bandit asks about me all the time and she just wants to be able to tell her I’m getting better.”

Ayasha leaned her head against his chest to hide the truth in her eyes, they both understood he wasn’t getting better.

“Linds said she’s sorry for all the ugliness that’s happened between us. That she knows we both have said and done things out of anger.”

“What else?” She could tell he was holding something back.

Gerard sighed, “She asked me if it was an accident.”

This was a question that also plagued Ayasha. “If you could answer her what would you say?”

Immediately he removed his arms then stood. “We’ve been over this. I’ve told you it was an accident. I didn’t mean to end my life, I wouldn’t do that.”

Ayasha tried to search his eyes for the truth but he turned away.

“I don’t like people fuckin’ thinking I tried to kill myself.” He said angrily starting to pace. “It ain’t right.”

“Because you don’t want them to think that or because it’s the truth?”

The question hung in the air for several moments.

Gerard stopped pacing. “I’m tired of talking about this. Why don’t you go take a shower while I make your dinner?”

Feeling it was important, she couldn’t let it go. “Gee, you told me once the truth will set you free.”

“Damn it, Ayasha.” He exploded, “Shut up.”

She flinched as if struck.

“Go take you shower.” He said moving towards the kitchen.

With a heavy heart she rose from the sofa. In her heart she believed that perhaps not admitting a truth he hated, he couldn’t face, was terribly wrong.

__________ LA __________

Mikey was slowly walking across the parking lot to his car when his phone rang.

“Hey, Mikey.” Ray’s voice was tried. “How’s Gee?”

Fishing for his keys Mikey stopped. “He’s a little better today.”

Ray, who hadn’t heard what had happened yesterday didn’t understand. “That’s good right?”

Mikey opened his car door and got inside before answering. “Yesterday Gerard went into convulsions.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Fuck, it was terrible. I was with him when it happened.”

“Shit.” Ray sat down heavily. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“And tell you what?” Mikey whispered. “Tell you that I watched my brother being held down by nurses while his body convulsed? They had to fuckin’ tie his arms to the bed.”

“I’m so sorry.” Ray said softly. “So fuckin’ sorry.”

Mikey gripped the phone tightly. “Nothing you could have done. They did an MRI this morning but didn’t find anything. They don’t know why he went into convulsions and they don’t know why his heart keeps beating erratically.”

Ray had known Gerard’s heart was causing concern. “Maybe that’s a good sign.” He said trying to give his friend hope.

“We’re losing him, Ray.” A tear ran down his cheek. “I just know it.”

“You still there?” He was afraid Mikey might be alone.

Mikey forced his eyes open. “I’m just heading home now.”

“I’ll be at the hospital in the morning.” Ray said, fear that the end could be coming made him want to be with Mikey.

“There really ain’t no reason for you to come.” Mikey said jamming the keys into the ignition.

“Yeah, there is.” Ray said his voice full of emotion. “I want to be there for you and Gerard.”

Another tear slipped from Mikey’s eye. “Thanks. So was there another reason you called?” He knew Ray had been meeting with the record executives this afternoon.

Ray didn’t want to add to Mikey’s sorrow. “Not really.”

Mikey sighed, “What did they say?”

Now there was no way to avoid the subject. “The new album has been put on hold until Gee gets better.”

“So they took our studio time and are shelving the work we’ve already done.” There was anger and defeat in his voice.

“For now.” Ray said softly.

“Whatever.” Mikey started the engine. “Don’t matter anyway. There is no band without Gerard.”

___________________________________________________

As Gerard worked on making Ayasha’s dinner his mind continued to replay their last conversation. He hated that he’d lost his temper with her but she needed to stop asking the same question. He’d just finished frying the pork chop he’d found in the freezer when he heard her enter the kitchen. Looking over he saw her take a seat at the kitchen table.

“Still mad at me?” She asked softly.

He shut off the burner before answering. “I ain’t mad at you.”

“Could have fooled me.” She said as she absently pulled a napkin out of the dispenser sitting at the center of the table.

At first he was still annoyed but when he turned to look at her that feeling faded. She was wearing her sweats, her hair was in braids and she worn no makeup. She looked like a child who was facing an angry parent. Her eyes were downcast and she was frowning. When he started to laugh she looked up.

“What?”

Before answering he placed the pork chop on a plate, added the instant mashed potatoes he’d made then a scoop of corn. He set the plate down in front of her. “You look so damn cute.”

That was the last thing she’d expected him to say. “Damn cute?”

“Yeah.” He pulled out the chair across the table from her then sat down. “Damn, cute. You look damn cute.”

“And that’s funny?”

He grinned, “Yeah, it is. Okay, I’ll admit I was pissed. But when you came in here you don’t look like the woman I was pissed at. You look like someone who’s afraid she’s gonna get yelled at.”

Ayasha frowned, “I’m still not following you. That’s funny?”

“Okay maybe funny ain’t the right word.” He conceded. “But I was totally expecting you to walk back in here and start arguing with me again. Not come in here looking all defeated.”

“I do not look defeated.” Ayasha said shaking her head. “And for the record…”She snapped her mouth shut.

“For the record what?”

Ayasha reached for her glass of water. “You can really be a pain sometimes. I’m just trying to help but when you decide you don’t want to talk about something you get all pissy.”

His eyebrow rose, “Pissy?”

“Yes, pissy.” She grabbed her fork to take a bite of corn. “And that’s annoying.”

“Honey, I don’t want to argue with you.” He said softly. “That’s not how I want to spend our time together.”

Ayasha could feel her heart breaking. While he didn’t say it they both felt their time together could be coming to an end. “Me either.” She whispered.

“Good.” He forced himself to smile, “Now eat your dinner like a good little girl.”

“A good little girl?” Ayasha laughed. “Really?”

He nodded, “Yes, really. It’s my job to make sure you eat right.”

She lifted her knife to cut a bite of the pork chop. “I am definitely not a little girl.” She huffed.

“That is true.” He said his voice was low and smooth, “You are definitely a woman, all woman.”

She knew that tone. “Gee.”

He knew he had to make his feeling clear. “Ayasha I’m not gonna stop making love to you as long as I’m here so get that idea right out of your head.”

“But Gee…”

“I mean it. For whatever reason we are here together and this is our time. Both of us have found love. To ignore that, to deny it, would be wrong,”

Her fear made her speak words she hated. “But what if while we’re making love you…” She lowered her head.

“I die?” He reached across the table for her hand. “Then I’d die a happy man. I’d die knowing that I was loved and that I loved an incredible woman.”

“Please, don’t say that.” She whispered.

“But it’s the truth.” He set back. “Now eat your dinner. I want to get up to the attic.”

She forced herself to eat but her stomach was churning. Her mind was in turmoil but her heart kept screaming it couldn’t end this way, it wouldn’t. They had been brought together for a reason, not just to find love, there had to be more.

____________ LA _____________

Mikey quietly slipped into bed next to his wife. He’d been disappointed she hadn’t waited up for him but understood she was exhausted.

“Hey.” Alicia’s voice was sleepy. “What time is it?”

“Just a little after nine.” Since she was awake he’d ask the question that was concerning him at the moment. “You feeling okay?”

Alicia snuggled up next to him. “Just tired. I was just gonna lay down and rest while I waited for you to get home. Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s okay.” He said stroking her arm. “Pregnant women are supposed to be tired.”

The question that was plaguing her forced its way to the surface, “Are you really okay with this?”

Mikey understood. “I’m damn happy we’re gonna have a baby. Don’t think for a minute I’m not.”

“But the timing…”

He hugged her tightly, “Honey, the timing is just right. Knowing our baby is growing inside you gives me hope for the future.” He gently kissed her cheek, “I love you.”

“I love you.” She whispered.

For several minutes they held each other then Alicia spoke. “Did you really tell Gee?”

“Yeah.” His voice was soft. “I told him, I wanted him to know. I need to try to keep believing he can hear me. I can’t let myself give up.”

“I’m glad you told him.” Alicia said. “Gee knows how much we’ve wanted a baby. He even told me not to give up hope.”

“He did?”

She hadn’t shared this with Mikey but felt it was important to do so now. “A couple of months ago he and I were talking. I’d just told him about Ally being pregnant. I know it’s bad but I was jealous my friend who hadn’t even tried to get pregnant, was. Gee listened to me, he told me he understood how I felt and for me not to give up hope. He said he knew it would happen when it should.”

Mikey closed his eyes. “He was right, it did.”

“I have a doctor’s appointment on Monday.”

“Good.” Mikey said forcing himself to think positive thoughts. “Ma was right, that’s important.”

“Are you going to go with me?” She was afraid he’d say no. Mikey had been spending all his time at Gerard’s bedside.

“Sure I am.” Mikey said softly. “Of course I am.”

Alicia hugged him. “Think it’s a boy or a girl?”

Again he had to force himself to be positive. Placing his hand on her flat stomach he said, “Hey you in there…you a boy or a girl?”

“Mikey.” Alicia giggled.

“Just askin’”

“I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl as long as it’s healthy.” She said her voice full of emotion.

“Me either.” Mikey admitted. “Now get back to sleep.”

“Is that an order?” She teased.

“Yep, it is. I’ve got to take good care of my girl and my baby.” When he finally heard her even breathing signaling she’d fallen asleep his eyes opened. Staring into the darkness he kept telling himself over and over he had to be strong. Now it wasn’t just Gerard he had to be strong for but his wife and unborn child.

“Please” He whispered into the darkness. “Give me the strength.”