Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Without You Is How I Dissappear
Gerard spent the next 3 days hoping to catch sight of Barbara again. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind since that day at lunch and he couldn’t help wishing to hang out with her again. There was no sign of her for the rest of the week, however.
By Friday, Gerard was in a gloomy mood. He was annoyed that Barbara had decided to skip school the same week that he had finally gotten to talk to her face to face. He walked around with an even more pissed off expression than usual. When he and Mikey arrived home Friday afternoon, Gerard threw his backpack down by the door and stormed downstairs to his room. He turned on his radio cranking the music up as loud as it would go and began sketching away to the words of Smashing Pumpkins echoing through his brain.
“All that you suffer is all that you are
All that you smother is all that you are
And you’re saying, you’re seeing, you’re saying who you are
What takes meaning is cleaning the meaning of who you are
All may say “I will dream”
All may say…..”
He sang along in a low voice, absorbing himself in his work.
“All of your struggles beneath your disguise
Drink from the reasons that hold you alive
Til we’re safe from the wounds of desire and pain
You must rise from the mounds of desire and change
Too late to discover peace of mind
Too late to recover me….”
His words faded into a frustrated humming as he furiously sketched at the page, oblivious to the eyes that watched him through his window.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Gerard’s hand froze and he cocked his head.
Knock. Knock.
He turned in the direction of the tapping and his heart nearly stopped. Peering through his small window, was a pair of bright blue-green eyes rimmed with smudgy, black liner.
Her plump red lips mouthed the words, “Fuck you, Bitch.” Before grinning widely and motioning for him to unlock the window.
Hastily Gerard jumped out of his chair, nearly spilling his lukewarm coffee and stumbling over various objects on the floor. He unlatched the window and watched in utter shock as Barbara shimmied her long, thin frame through the opening and dropped onto his floor.
“About time.” She laughed a little, “It’s cold as hell out there.”
Gerard stood several feet from her, watching warily as she rubbed her arms and glanced around. “Nice cave you’ve got here.” She remarked huskily, “Very cool.”
“Barbara,” He finally blurted out as he watched her stroll about his room, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
She laughed, “Did I interrupt you?” She hovered over his desk, shuffling through the many comics sprawled about.
“Errr, no.” He mumbled snatching the drawings up and shoving them in the drawer.
She pouted, “I wanted to look at those.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with people seeing my art until it’s finished.” He admitted lamely and then turned a questioning eye on her, “You still didn’t tell me why you’re here, not that I mind at all.”
She shrugged, flopping down onto his bed, “Me and Jim got in a huge fight. He tried to come over to my house, so I left. Didn’t really wanna see him, ya know?” She answered in a bored voice, rolling over and beginning to inspect the cd collection on the night stand.
“Oh, well that blows.” Gerard replied, awkwardly standing by the bed. “Won’t he kill you if he knows you’re here?”
Barbara flashed her eyes in his direction and grinned mischievously, “Only if he finds me.”
She patted her hand on the space next to her, motioning for Gerard to sit down. He lowered himself stiffly onto the bed, his heart pounding in his throat.
He swallowed, “Why here?”
“Hmm?” She was still preoccupied with the records.
“What made you come here?”
“Well, ‘here’ is the only place he wouldn’t think to look.” She turned to look at him, “Plus, you’re a pretty cool kid.”
He felt his face grow hot and immediately turned away, “Thanks….. You’re pretty cool too. ” He then added, “And I am not a kid!”
“You’re younger than me.” She stated matter-of-factly, blowing a bubble with her gum.
Gerard tilted his chin and narrowed his eyes, “How old are you?”
She laughed quietly, “Sweetie, I’ll be twenty in June.” She informed him, rolling her eyes. “I may have been held back once or twice.”
“Oh.” He sniffed, squaring his eighteen year old shoulders. “Age is just a number anyway, right?”
“Right.” Barbara giggled slightly.
“I guess I’ll just crash here for a few hours and sneak back home tonight.” She sighed, “You know, if that’s okay?”
“Uh, yeah!” Gerard exclaimed quickly, “Do you want any food or anything?”
She thought for a moment. “You could make me a cup of coffee.” She said with a wink.
Gerard hurried upstairs, and began crashing around the kitchen. Mikey stepped into the doorway and watched with a puzzled expression as his brother flung items from the shelves and banged drawers shut.
“Where’s the fucking coffee?” Gerard asked, turning to his brother.
“I just used the last of it, I think.” Mikey admitted sheepishly.
Gerard gasped a slapped his little brother in the back of the head. “Dumbfuck!”
“What??” Mikey yelled, deeply confused and rubbing the back of his head.
“The girl I’m in love with is downstairs and she wants coffee!”
Gerard hurriedly grabbed his coat off the hook, “I gotta go get some!”
“Hey, Gee?” Mikey called as he opened a cabinet.
“Keep her busy!” Gerard commanded, running around the living room in search of his shoes.
“Gee-“
“Entertain her. Make sure she doesn’t get bored and leave.” He was fishing a shoe from under the couch.
“Um…”
“But for the love of God, Mikes, don’t creep her out.” He jammed his foot into his shoe.
“GERARD!” Mikey screamed.
“WHAAAATT?”
“I found more coffee.” Mikey said flatly, tossing the can to Gerard and shuffling back to his bedroom.
“Oh.” The older boy grunted and moved back into the kitchen to brew the coffee.
“You’re a pussy!” He heard Mikey call to him before the door slammed and the muffled sound of heavy metal surged from his brother’s room.
He delivered the coffee to the smiling girl sitting, cross legged on his bed. She thanked him and the two of them lay there talking for hours about a lot of nothingness. The very nothingness that meant everything to them. Music: The bands that rocked and the ones that sucked. She enlightened Gerard on quite a few bands he had never even heard of, promising to bring him a few CDs to listen to. Comics: Whether or not Marvel was overrated. Barbara criticized the company for being too mainstream, but he held onto his firm belief in the X-Men. They both agreed that Doom Patrol was pretty rad. Movies: They were both way into horror flicks which led into a deep discussion about the slasher genre.
They laid side by side, Gerard feeling much more comfortable now, as he stared into her beautiful eyes. They were kind, but held an unmistakably bitter coolness in them; he couldn’t help but think that they reminded him of two little pools of arctic water. He loved the way she raised just one brow when something amused her, and the seductive way she ran her tongue across her teeth when she was deep in thought. Her long, coppery hair was splayed across the bed, framing her pale face.
She was everything that he had hoped she would be, and more.
How had he ended up with such an amazing girl in his bed?
An amazing girl with a boyfriend. He had to remind himself.
He had such a strong urge to kiss her that it was painful to control himself.
She stayed there until around 10 o’clock, when she sighed and sat up stretching. Gerard watched again as she moaned slightly, lengthening her arms over her head. His whole body tingled with lust.
“Well, I guess I should head home now.” She sighed, standing up.
His heart ached to even think of her leaving him, but he nodded. “Yeah, it’s late. I’ll walk you out.” He glanced across the room, “Unless you’d prefer to crawl through the window again?”
She chuckled, “Just walk me to the damn door.”
He led her up the stairs, noting how desirably close to him she was walking. He sighed internally. When they reached the door, he held it open for a moment.
“It was cool having you over…” He began, shoving the slick black hair from his face, “If you and your guy happen to get in another fight, you’re always welcome to crash here again.”
She grinned hooking her arms around him in what felt like a slightly more-than-friendly hug. As he awkwardly wound his arms around her, she whispered, “What if we don’t get in another fight and I just wanna hang?”
Gerard swallowed nervously, “Well I suppose that would be okay too.” He gave her a lopsided smile, revealing his small, straight teeth.
“Good.” She chirped, releasing him slowly, and turned to walk out.
“Ummm.” Gerard stopped her, “Should I walk you home? It’s dangerous when it’s dark out.”
She gave one quick laugh, “Ha! Honey, don’t worry about me. I’ve had enough experience with these streets.”
She made her way down the steps and paused halfway down the side walk. She turned back to him and blew a kiss, “Seeya soon, Kid.”
By Friday, Gerard was in a gloomy mood. He was annoyed that Barbara had decided to skip school the same week that he had finally gotten to talk to her face to face. He walked around with an even more pissed off expression than usual. When he and Mikey arrived home Friday afternoon, Gerard threw his backpack down by the door and stormed downstairs to his room. He turned on his radio cranking the music up as loud as it would go and began sketching away to the words of Smashing Pumpkins echoing through his brain.
“All that you suffer is all that you are
All that you smother is all that you are
And you’re saying, you’re seeing, you’re saying who you are
What takes meaning is cleaning the meaning of who you are
All may say “I will dream”
All may say…..”
He sang along in a low voice, absorbing himself in his work.
“All of your struggles beneath your disguise
Drink from the reasons that hold you alive
Til we’re safe from the wounds of desire and pain
You must rise from the mounds of desire and change
Too late to discover peace of mind
Too late to recover me….”
His words faded into a frustrated humming as he furiously sketched at the page, oblivious to the eyes that watched him through his window.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Gerard’s hand froze and he cocked his head.
Knock. Knock.
He turned in the direction of the tapping and his heart nearly stopped. Peering through his small window, was a pair of bright blue-green eyes rimmed with smudgy, black liner.
Her plump red lips mouthed the words, “Fuck you, Bitch.” Before grinning widely and motioning for him to unlock the window.
Hastily Gerard jumped out of his chair, nearly spilling his lukewarm coffee and stumbling over various objects on the floor. He unlatched the window and watched in utter shock as Barbara shimmied her long, thin frame through the opening and dropped onto his floor.
“About time.” She laughed a little, “It’s cold as hell out there.”
Gerard stood several feet from her, watching warily as she rubbed her arms and glanced around. “Nice cave you’ve got here.” She remarked huskily, “Very cool.”
“Barbara,” He finally blurted out as he watched her stroll about his room, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
She laughed, “Did I interrupt you?” She hovered over his desk, shuffling through the many comics sprawled about.
“Errr, no.” He mumbled snatching the drawings up and shoving them in the drawer.
She pouted, “I wanted to look at those.”
“I don’t feel comfortable with people seeing my art until it’s finished.” He admitted lamely and then turned a questioning eye on her, “You still didn’t tell me why you’re here, not that I mind at all.”
She shrugged, flopping down onto his bed, “Me and Jim got in a huge fight. He tried to come over to my house, so I left. Didn’t really wanna see him, ya know?” She answered in a bored voice, rolling over and beginning to inspect the cd collection on the night stand.
“Oh, well that blows.” Gerard replied, awkwardly standing by the bed. “Won’t he kill you if he knows you’re here?”
Barbara flashed her eyes in his direction and grinned mischievously, “Only if he finds me.”
She patted her hand on the space next to her, motioning for Gerard to sit down. He lowered himself stiffly onto the bed, his heart pounding in his throat.
He swallowed, “Why here?”
“Hmm?” She was still preoccupied with the records.
“What made you come here?”
“Well, ‘here’ is the only place he wouldn’t think to look.” She turned to look at him, “Plus, you’re a pretty cool kid.”
He felt his face grow hot and immediately turned away, “Thanks….. You’re pretty cool too. ” He then added, “And I am not a kid!”
“You’re younger than me.” She stated matter-of-factly, blowing a bubble with her gum.
Gerard tilted his chin and narrowed his eyes, “How old are you?”
She laughed quietly, “Sweetie, I’ll be twenty in June.” She informed him, rolling her eyes. “I may have been held back once or twice.”
“Oh.” He sniffed, squaring his eighteen year old shoulders. “Age is just a number anyway, right?”
“Right.” Barbara giggled slightly.
“I guess I’ll just crash here for a few hours and sneak back home tonight.” She sighed, “You know, if that’s okay?”
“Uh, yeah!” Gerard exclaimed quickly, “Do you want any food or anything?”
She thought for a moment. “You could make me a cup of coffee.” She said with a wink.
Gerard hurried upstairs, and began crashing around the kitchen. Mikey stepped into the doorway and watched with a puzzled expression as his brother flung items from the shelves and banged drawers shut.
“Where’s the fucking coffee?” Gerard asked, turning to his brother.
“I just used the last of it, I think.” Mikey admitted sheepishly.
Gerard gasped a slapped his little brother in the back of the head. “Dumbfuck!”
“What??” Mikey yelled, deeply confused and rubbing the back of his head.
“The girl I’m in love with is downstairs and she wants coffee!”
Gerard hurriedly grabbed his coat off the hook, “I gotta go get some!”
“Hey, Gee?” Mikey called as he opened a cabinet.
“Keep her busy!” Gerard commanded, running around the living room in search of his shoes.
“Gee-“
“Entertain her. Make sure she doesn’t get bored and leave.” He was fishing a shoe from under the couch.
“Um…”
“But for the love of God, Mikes, don’t creep her out.” He jammed his foot into his shoe.
“GERARD!” Mikey screamed.
“WHAAAATT?”
“I found more coffee.” Mikey said flatly, tossing the can to Gerard and shuffling back to his bedroom.
“Oh.” The older boy grunted and moved back into the kitchen to brew the coffee.
“You’re a pussy!” He heard Mikey call to him before the door slammed and the muffled sound of heavy metal surged from his brother’s room.
He delivered the coffee to the smiling girl sitting, cross legged on his bed. She thanked him and the two of them lay there talking for hours about a lot of nothingness. The very nothingness that meant everything to them. Music: The bands that rocked and the ones that sucked. She enlightened Gerard on quite a few bands he had never even heard of, promising to bring him a few CDs to listen to. Comics: Whether or not Marvel was overrated. Barbara criticized the company for being too mainstream, but he held onto his firm belief in the X-Men. They both agreed that Doom Patrol was pretty rad. Movies: They were both way into horror flicks which led into a deep discussion about the slasher genre.
They laid side by side, Gerard feeling much more comfortable now, as he stared into her beautiful eyes. They were kind, but held an unmistakably bitter coolness in them; he couldn’t help but think that they reminded him of two little pools of arctic water. He loved the way she raised just one brow when something amused her, and the seductive way she ran her tongue across her teeth when she was deep in thought. Her long, coppery hair was splayed across the bed, framing her pale face.
She was everything that he had hoped she would be, and more.
How had he ended up with such an amazing girl in his bed?
An amazing girl with a boyfriend. He had to remind himself.
He had such a strong urge to kiss her that it was painful to control himself.
She stayed there until around 10 o’clock, when she sighed and sat up stretching. Gerard watched again as she moaned slightly, lengthening her arms over her head. His whole body tingled with lust.
“Well, I guess I should head home now.” She sighed, standing up.
His heart ached to even think of her leaving him, but he nodded. “Yeah, it’s late. I’ll walk you out.” He glanced across the room, “Unless you’d prefer to crawl through the window again?”
She chuckled, “Just walk me to the damn door.”
He led her up the stairs, noting how desirably close to him she was walking. He sighed internally. When they reached the door, he held it open for a moment.
“It was cool having you over…” He began, shoving the slick black hair from his face, “If you and your guy happen to get in another fight, you’re always welcome to crash here again.”
She grinned hooking her arms around him in what felt like a slightly more-than-friendly hug. As he awkwardly wound his arms around her, she whispered, “What if we don’t get in another fight and I just wanna hang?”
Gerard swallowed nervously, “Well I suppose that would be okay too.” He gave her a lopsided smile, revealing his small, straight teeth.
“Good.” She chirped, releasing him slowly, and turned to walk out.
“Ummm.” Gerard stopped her, “Should I walk you home? It’s dangerous when it’s dark out.”
She gave one quick laugh, “Ha! Honey, don’t worry about me. I’ve had enough experience with these streets.”
She made her way down the steps and paused halfway down the side walk. She turned back to him and blew a kiss, “Seeya soon, Kid.”
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