FicWad

Mama always seemed rushed. She always was in a rush, never sat down. I don't think I ever saw her sit down for more than 2 minutes. Oh, mama. So beautiful but she works so hard. She always leaves the house for work. She leaves every morning at 5 and comes back every evening at 8 and she just works so, so hard. She works and I barely see her 'cause I'm at my school everyday and I leave at 4:30, just to get there at 6:20, just in time for the first classes. I get out at 4 and I come home at 6 or sometimes 7 if it's hot and I walk slow and if the buses are running slow.I get home, I wash myself, do my homework, and I eat. And Mama and I, we're always busy. Not as busy as Mama.

I don't know why I have to travel so much times when there's a nice school just a few ways away from my house. I asked my teacher and she says

"No, Darla. That's a school for the white folk".

I look at her in confusion because I don't see anyone by a color. People are just people and whether they good or bad ain't got nothin to do with how they look. I feel like I'm the only one who sees people for people. Not as colors or races but just as people. Nonetheless, they are seen as "negroes" or "crackers" or something else and I just don't get it. My school is a "Negro" school. Their school is a "White" school. We all humans, ain't we?

I don't know if I am the one who doesn't get it or they are. Mama don't get it, either. I wonder if it bothers her as much as it bothers me.
It keeps me up at night and I can't sleep. I can't sleep sometimes because I think about children with illnesses. White kids and black kids get the same illnesses, right? They breathe the same air, learn the same things, speak the same words? Why would we focus on one more then the other, if they're the same? Why would black folk have to work for the whites? Why do white folk, some white folk, push us around? Why can't we all be the same? It just seems like this will go on for forever. I'm 13! Why can't I make some change?

"Because you just can't, Darla." Willis says at school, when I tell him about making change. I hear him and I don't listen to crazy Will. He always mean to people and he tried to kiss me a few times. He is sure determined.

But, one day, I don't know why, but I get the feeling that change is gonna happen. I finished my homework early and I get to sleep early, at 7:30 or so. Mama isn't home yet, so I stay in my room, thinking hard and, this time, I can think aloud without being worried of waking Mama. Mama works so hard ever since Daddy died. He was funny and great and he died working hard. Mama says the old sickness got him.

"Tuberculosis" Mama said it was called. That was what she said, and she works so hard ever since. He died in a rusty hospital. A "negro" hospital. And that's when I decided to make change. For poor ol' Papa, who always told me to go for what I want, and poor ol' Mama, her heavy heart workin so hard. Didn't even get a day off the day Papa died.

I almost cry, thinking of it, but I don't. I'm laying in bed, part of my excited by the feeling of change. It's 1955. What change could happen? I don't know but I am so happy. I am so happy by this feeling that I start singing.

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me

I wonder if Amazing Grace is such a sweet sound,how could you separate two people by color if the sound they hear is the same, and just as sweet?

And at that moment, Mama walks in the house and I guess she hears me singing because she says "Darla, why are you singing, girl?". I hear her in the kitchen, and I keep singing. I hear her walking over and I still sing.

I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see

Mama appears at my door and when she sees me on my knees, smiling and singing, as if to the Good Lord Himself, she starts laughing. She laughs so hard and I could cry because I only seen her laugh a few times. She's laughing in her maid uniform and I'm singing.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

She starts singing and maybe she's feeling the change, too. Maybe she's just singing. And at the same time, we both sing the the first verse again.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

Oh, yes.

That saved a wretch like me....

Yes.

I once was lost but now am found,

I could feel it.

Was blind, but now, I see.

Change was surely coming.
I could feel it.