I've been wanting to write a Mikey story for some time...And this was created, comment me what you thought? Fwanks c: I'm not sure if this is going to turn into something more, it depends if people...
The Light Behind Your Eyes
Chapter 1: Save Me From My Self-Destruction
“Mikey, come on, get up; band practice!” Gerard shouted as he shook me repeatedly, trying to get me up. I yawned and pretended to be dead as he continued to try to get his way. But I was stubborn; like always, and fought against him. I really wasn't in the right mood or mind set to get up, but when was I ever?
“Never!” I shouted back at him as sarcastically as I could while I still continued to keep my eyes closed. “Me wants to stay in bed forever!” I complained like a little kid and Gerard stopped and before I knew it I was blinded by the sunlight that I hadn't seen for a few days.
“Ah, sun; bad!” I saw Gerard laugh menacingly as he made his way out of my tip-of-a-bedroom, trying not to step on a random plug. Honestly, I really did need to tidy but...I had much better things to do. Like lay in my bed and play bass until I fell asleep all day. Literally; all day. That was all I had been doing. It seemed a lot more interesting than interacting with people.
I was really starting to turn into a younger version of Gerard, I've pretty much gone deep into the “vampire” stage now. It was strange to think that Gerard had more of a social life than me, and by that I mean that he went out most days to Frank's house to play video games. Or that was what he said they were doing. God only knows what they were actually doing, bust I really didn't want to think about that.
Gerard was the only person who I had been talking to. I hadn't even heard from Frank or Ray, or if I did, I wouldn't have known about it. My phone had died and it was under my bed somewhere. God knows where it was now. I just really didn't give a care anymore. I didn't give a care about anything and I hated it.
Gerard would have told me if there was an emergency, being the 'big brother figure' that he is and all. He had always been there for me, I was proud of him for everything that he had ever done for me, or anything that he had achieved in his life in general. He was a truly amazing person who deserved to have way more credit than he got.
I rolled out of bed and hit my head on the cabinet as I went, I groaned as I stared up at the ceiling. I really didn't want to get up.
They could live without me, right? I only played the bass. Wait...Ugh. I guess I had to go. We were playing in London this weekend and we needed to get our head around the last few songs on Black Parade apparently, according to Ray. That was what I heard last week and I guessed that nothing had changed otherwise Gerard would have said. I hated being this dependant on him but what else could I do? We lived in the same house together, someone had to stay home all day in case there was any burglars...Right?
Gerard came rushing into my room and walked over to me, he helped me up into a standing position and he handed me a coffee cup. I took a few sips and regained my balance, I smiled reassuringly at him before we made our way into the kitchen where we sat at the table and I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. Gerard handed me a cookie and usually; I would be as excited as a kid on Christmas morning, but right now? I had no enthusiasm for it whatsoever.
“Mikes...You haven't been eating. You need to eat, please.” Gerard tried to urge me on and I took it from him. 'Anything to make him happy...' I told myself as I shoved the cookie in my mouth and chewed it disgustedly. It had no flavour at first but then it sunk in and I sipped my coffee in defeat.
“W-what time are we meeting Frank and Ray?” I asked as I observed the kitchen lazily, nothing had changed in here. Maybe the washing up had decreased a little. Like Gerard had said, I hadn't been eating, I just didn't want to get out of my bed.
I could see it in his eyes that he was starting to get worried about me and that frightened me a little bit, honestly it did. I hated making him upset or make him feel disappointed in me.
“Ten minutes, we're meeting them at Frank's apartment.” Ah yes, Frank's apartment – the thing of wonders. Gerard's second home in other words. I bet that he had his own little wardrobe there now and everything. Jeez, Mikey, stop getting so snappy, I told myself.
“Ah, best go get ready then.” I smiled at him warmly before going back into my bedroom and throwing on some decent-ish clothes, that I thought were decent enough anyway. It included my black skinnies, a black misfits tee, my black sweatband and my usual black jacket, I shoved on my shoes and made my way out into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and waited for Gerard by the door with my bass in hand.
“Well someone's a little eager,” Gerard smirked as he came down the hall and sent me a smile before he unlocked the door and ushered me out. I rolled my eyes and my eyes squinted up when they made contact with anything that the sun was touching. “And sensitive,” Gerard added, nudging me playfully, I sighed and the rest of the walk was silent.
I just wanted to be in my own little world and I thought that Gerard understood that because he stayed quiet, occasionally checking his phone to see if he had any messages that were from Frank I assumed.
Once we got to Frank's apartment all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and not do anything more than just that. I had used pretty much all my energy on that walk and it wasn't even that far. A few weeks ago I could do it no problem but now I didn't even want to breathe. What was happening to me? Why was I like this?
“G-Gerard...” I whimpered just after he rang the doorbell and when the door opened he gave me a quick apologetic look before Frank came out and wrapped his arms around Gerard, hugging him tightly before hugging me just as tightly. I smiled and he skipped happily into the apartment, calling for Ray to come out.
“I haven't seen you for ages, Mikey. Is everything okay?” Ray asked, smiling at me. I honestly didn't know how to answer, but I decided that lying was going to be the easiest wasn't it? It wasn't the right way, but it would give me an escape.
“Yeah, everything's fine. Er...Thanks, you?” I replied awkwardly, placing my bass down in the hall against the wall. Ray gave me awkward hug, it was rare that Ray gave hugs but I hugged him back tightly and he sighed after he pulled away.
“You can talk to me, you know that right? I know that Frank and Gerard are always loved up so...” Ray explained quietly and Gerard called us into the living room, sounding excited.
“We're on Kerrang!!” Gerard grinned and I'm Not Okay was playing with the music video too. I laughed a little at how much fun that video was to make. That was the last time that I was properly happy I seemed to remember...After that day I just spiralled downwards and now I'm stuck with no hope or getting out. Gerard sat down and pulled Frank into his lap, keeping an arm wrapped around his waist from behind. Of course Gerard wasn't gay, that was what he said whenever I asked him, but his actions beg to differ.
Frank lit up a cigarette for him before handing it to him and then lighting one for himself. I smiled a little at how relaxed Gerard looked, I'm glad – really. If he wanted to be with Frank and lie about it then fine, he can go and do that. I went into Frank's room without anyone realising and shut the door, taking Frank's spare lighter from the side and I lit up a cigarette, seeing Gerard do it loads of times. I used to smoke, a good three years ago but not anymore, I saw no value to it – until now.
I pressed it to my mouth and took in a long drag, letting it out slowly, coughing the slightest bit as my body got used to it again. I never even figured out how I stopped before, I just kind of gave up...Which probably meant that it wasn't much of an addiction but now that I had gone back to it, I knew that it was going to turn into something more. I could feel it in my gut.
I sat down on Frank's bed and stared around his room, taking in all of the tiny details that no-one else would pay attention to. Like the fact that his bed wasn't made showed that he was in a rush this morning, or he was just lazy. I even started imagining all of the times when Gerard had slept over, he would not sleep on the couch, surely. He'd sleep in Frank's bed...
I stood up slowly and turned to the door which opened and Gerard was stood there, frowning a little. He walked towards me slowly with a disappointed look on his face. “Mikey...” Gerard whispered and took the cigarette from my mouth and put it out on the ashtray next to Frank's bed. “What are you doing to yourself?”
“What am I doing to myself!?” I pretty much shouted back at him, anger pooling up in my stomach and it was making me feel faint. “Look at you Gerard, take a look in the mirror!” I shouted and Frank and Ray came into the room just to make things worse. I groaned.
“Mikey calm down...” Frank tried to simmer me down and I shook my head.
“No! Just...Stop! Everyone just needs to...” Was the last thing I heard myself say before I felt the floor go from underneath me and that was it. Was this the end? Could no one save me from my self destruction?