FicWad

CHAPTER 19: ALL THAT COULD HAVE BEEN
April 4, 2008
Atlantic City, New Jersey

America was quickly becoming bewitched by Seth and D. Their success was untouchable. Havoc couldnt have been happier. The band was torn apart by fans almost daily. Groupies stalked their every move. Seth, most of the time, was so wrapped up in D that he didnt even notice the girls. But for the rest of the guys it was heaven. They had 3 ways, drank shots from belly buttons, snorted drugs off bare flesh, basically whatever. There was no limit to what these girls would allow them to do. Just tonight one of them offered to do them all. They should have worried about STD's, but with enough drugs and alcohol you dont worry about those things.
It was the groupies that was their main supplier of recreational drugs. The could always find a way to get them whatever they wanted, in exchange for sleeping with them. Tonight one girl managed to get them an entire club to themselves to wind down in. She either had great negotiation skills or very powerful methods of persuasion. It was a crazy night full of drinking, too many drugs, ans sex with easy girls.
Brian ended up with a yellow haired girl across his waist and a naked blonde on his shoulder. He couldnt remember either of their names or how he got wherever it was he was. His head spun still from the massive amounts of alcohol. His nose was stopped up from all the coke. He wasnt sure how long he slept but it hadnt felt like long. He lay his head back down deciding against getting up just yet.
Danny woke up still in the club they had gone to after passing out there. His head was laying in some girls lap. He had no clue who she was but she was completely naked from the waist down. Had he gotten her that way? Empty beer bottles stretched out as far as the eye could see. His head pounded. He wondered where everyone went. Why had they just left him there? Or were they all still there too?
Martin woke up in a hotel room face down on the floor and naked. Was it his room? He could see a girls leg hanging off the bed into his face. She had a lightning bolt tattooed on her ankle. The room seemed incredibly bright to his sensative eyes. He sat up, shilding his eyes, and could see not one, but three girls on the bed. They were all naked and cuddling one another. Had he slept with all three of them last night?
Seth and D, who were accustom to 8am wake up calls every day, sat on the balcony of their casino hotel room looking out over the boardwalk. D sat, straddling his lap. Her lips lightly brushed across his chest and neck. Seth drew his breath in with a smile and rested back. His fingers glided across the exposed areas of her skin. "Gimmie a lapdance."

April 6,2008
Boston, Massachusetts

Havoc continued to keep them extremely busy. Being in Faithless had become a fulltime job with alot of overtime. They found themselves in a new place every day. They awoke almost every morning, sometimes as early as 6am, to get dressed for TV, magazines, interviews, web casts, photo shoots, autograph signings, and sound checks. It was a hectic schedule. And they thought Brian had been a slave driver. There wasnt much sleep to be had. There always seemed to be something to keep them up. The drugs were everywhere and freely given to them by everyone. The drugs became a necessity just to be able to stay up and do the things required of them.
Seth and D sat next to one another on the bus. Seth was thumbing through some letters and packages he had recieved. They all seemed to be from female fans, most of which sent him nude pictures. He would always pass them along to the guys. Seth couldnt help but notice the sedated look in D's eyes. "Ys'a straight? Want some Dexedrine?"
"No," she shook her head, "Id rather be sedated while *m stuck on this bus."
"I's borin ya?" He asked.
"No," she smiled.
"Den why's ya wants ta fall asleep? You's can gets plenty a dat when ya's dead."
"Maybe you should try sleeping sometime. You may find that you even like it."
Seth pulled out some Dexedrine and tossed a few into his mouth. "Nots taday," he smiled washing them down with a gulp of beer. D knew he could drink all day because by the time the show rolled around they would all be so wired that alcohol wouldnt even phase them. "Is dont needs no sleep," he shook his head and opened another package. He pulled out a letter and began reading to himself. His jaw dropped a bit. "Dawg!" he called out, "peep dis shit," he gleamed handing the letter off to Martin.
Martin took the letter and read it. His jaw too hit the floor. "Oh shit!" He exclaimed.
"What? What is it?" Danny asked sitting up to look over Martins shoulder.
"Dude!" Martin said in shock, "The Van Buren twins want to meet Seth!"
"The Van Buren twins?" Brian asked dazed.
The Van Buren twins were on the cover of every magazine, every newspaper, and the topic of every talk show. They were the deputant daughters of the real estate mogule, Simon Van Buren. He was definately one of the top 10 richest people in the world. His twin daughters, Summer and Autumn, were wild party girls who liked to live on the edge. They had so many cameras following them at all times that their lives were practically like a reality TV show. They were use to this sort of life. Cameras had always been around them so therefore they lived oblivious to them.
"Dude, youve gotta meet them!" Martin said excitedly.
D glanced at Seth waiting to see what kind of a response he would have.
"Whats theys wants ta meet me for?" He asked.
"Oh gee, I couldnt possibly imagine," Brian huffed in displeasure and looked the other way.
"Dude! They want a menage y tois with you!" Danny blurted.
Seth smirked, "Dat shit would gets confusin wit twins dawg."
Martin smiled, "Not if you call em both baby."
D rolled her eyes and looked out the window She felt an unwarranted rage building up inside her. He was hers and she didnt want to see him with anyone but her.
"Naw dawg," Seth dismissed it tearing open another package.
A slight smile of victory came to D's lips. It was a great comfort and eased her mind to know he didnt want them.
"I needs a cigar," Seth commented pulling a fat sack of weed from his pocket.
"Dude, where did you get that?" Martin asked attentively.
Seth shrugged, "Wuz jus there when we's got offa da stage." He opened the bag and smelled inside.
"Hey dude!" Danny called out to the driver, "we need a store."
Moments later the bus was coming to a hault at a large truck stop.
"Are we there??" Devin drowsily asked.
"We are just at a store," Said Brian standing up to exit the bus. "You want anything bro?"
Devin only shook his head and rolled over to go back to sleep.
Seth turned to his bodygaurd as he walked next to him. "Yous wants somethin outta here dawg?"
"Yeah homes," Javier nodded, "some chips."
"Lo hare'," He smiled to Javier, surprising him with his spanish.
"What did you just say to him?" D asked.
"Will do," he smiled.
"So you do speak spanish dont you?"
Seth shrugged, "Hace mucho que no nos vemos."
"What?" she smiled.
"Its been some time," he replied.
"Where did you learn to speak spanish?" She asked in amazement.
"No loce'. #s dificil soguirle la pista."
D sighed, "Translate please."
"Um...I dont know its hard to keep track."
D was amazed at the way he could talk perfectly normal when he translated the english back to her. "So you can not only speak Italian, but spanish too?"
He nodded with a shrug. "I's kinda know Korean too. I's undastand it but my mouth aint gots no accent for it."
"How did you pick up so many languages?"
"Jus listinin. I's always picked shit up fast."
When Seth reached out to open the door to the store a teenage girl was walking out with a slushy in her hand. She dropped it the moment she saw Seth's face. "OH MY GOD!" She squealed. "DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!?"
"I's thank so," he politely smiled adjusting his shades and stepping over the slushy as he went in. He tried to go about his business, but a few other people noticed him too due to the girl announcing him so loudly.
Brian avoided the slushy as well and came inside the store. He could see people staring at Seth and D over the chip asile. He was about to be seething with jealousy but a kid approached him and extended his hand out to him to shake his hand.
"Guitar Star taught me how to play man, thanks."
Brian's smile widened as he shook his hand.
"D! Will you sign my chest?" Some guy asked running up to her shirtless with a magic marker clenched in his fist. "I sware to god I'll never wash it off."
"Um...sh...sure," she smiled nervously as she took the marker and signed her name really big over his chest.
They spent 20 minutes at least signing autographs and chatting with fans. Then they were graciously allowed to get whatever they wished. They returned to the bus.
Brian hopped on first. "You guys should have been there!" They could hear the delightful glee in his voice. "We were recognized! We signed autographs! A guy told me Guitar Star taught him how to play! It was so awesome dude!" He plopped dow next to them, "And look!" He gleamed holding up a Rock Star Magazine with them on the cover.
"Wow," Martin said looking over to Danny, "they actually made you look good dude."
"Yeah," Danny nodded, "and you seem taller.
Seth and D took their seats.
Brian opened up the magazine article and began reading aloud. "Virtually unheard of two months ago, Faithless is now dominating the charts. They have already released two number one tracks, 'Lets Party' and 'The Devil'. The videos to each track allso appear at number one. Their clever stage performances are unlike anything ever seen in Rock. They incorporate dancing into their routines but not in a Pop fashion. It bears more of a hip hop influence and gets a bit racy at times.
Their unique sound is due to the vocals of lead singer, Seth Chandler. He pitches his voice in a range that covers almost the entire scale. He can give a gentle whisper one moment and an ear piercing scream the next. He growls, he moans, he pants into the microphone. When he bellows out a ballad it sends chills throughout your entire body. However his speaking voice is anything but what one would expect. His muttled accent portrays a bit of a New Yorker, a little Ebonics, and a dash od southern twang mixed with grammar of an english teachers worst nightmare.
His moves are also unique. They appear to be more that of a male stripper or a street dancer. Surprising also is that he is so agile. He suffered a near fatal car wreck at the age of 17. Most of the bones in his lower extremedies are titanium, pins, screws, and rods, but he knows how to use them. Somehow he manages to make the unusual rhythm of his body work with the music he sings.His stunningly beautiful dance partner, Darcy Blackwell, can captivate any crowd with her looks alone. She is also a skilled aerialist who spends a large portion of their 90 minute live act twenty feet in the air. To watch the pair dance, one cant help but see two people who are madly in love. Their eyes dance, their hands touch, their flesh appears to taunt one another. Yet, the two claim it doesnt go beyond thestage.
Guitarist, Brian Ward, proves to be a legendary guitarist some day. He is completely self taught, starting out at the tender age of fourteen. He would dedicate most of his waking hours to playing and practicing. This also led to Ward's first claim to fame, the very popular interactive video game, Guitar Star, which he created with life-long friend Devin Daniels. At the age of 1, Ward sold the rights to the game for a whopping 8.2 million.
Bassist, Martin Chase, is the son of legendary concert pianist, Dom Chase. Chase, though small in stature, plays larger than life He is announced as a musical prodigy, claiming to play over twenty five instruments. Chase is responsible for writing most of the bands instrumental music, along with Ward. In the studio Chase adds touches of piano, clarinet, sax, still guitar, and anything else needed for their music.
Drummer, the very large Danny Jacobs, pounds the drums skins to the point of their durability. Very physically built for the job, Jacobs was once the bouncer at the very club where Faithless got their start, Crankshaft. Upon meeting him you can see what a sweet guy he is. Jacob's adds that he wants to incorporate more showmanship to his drum solos. The bands crew is currently working on new spectacular ideas.
Currently on tour, Faithless hopes to be back in the studio in a year to record their second album. We cant wait to get interview time with this band. It would stand to reason that we havent heard the last of them. Theyve already broken the record for the most debut sales ever. More record breaking is sure to follow this band. They will be on tour for the next year or more, if you can go see them, go. It will definitely be worth your time and money."
Everyone smiled and hooted as Brian handed off the magazine.
Seth smiled to himself at their enthusiasm as he opened a seperate magazine that had only him on the cover. He didnt read it aloud, he knew how Brian hated not being in the spotlight. But how could he not read it to himself when he was on the cover? He flipped to the article and began reading to himself. The title read 'Blackwell and Chandler Bewitching America. Seth began reading.
"The stage is dark. The hum of music fills the air. Suddenly a solitary spotlight hits the lone figure on the stage. He grips the microphone in its stand as if its some long lost love as he coos to it a soft melody. Then his eyes travel out to the crowd, growling and sexually moaning out to the women in the audience. His voice demands attention and cannot be ignored. It is sure to turn your head in his direction.
Dangling above his head some 20 feet is a beautiful blonde bombshell in a cage, swaying to his words. The cage makes a slow descent to the stage floor beside the lone shirtless figure. The black clad lone figure walks over to the cage and opens the door. The stunning beauty saunters out with a sexy strut, dressed in a tight vinal red suit with cutouts in all the right places. The pair start to dance. The crowd goes wild as they start to move together suggestively.
Seth Chandler may be the sexiest thing to ever happen to rock. Its surprising you dont see him modeling underwear. His body is perfect. His half Italian heritage leaves him with jet black hair and tanned skin. Even Darcy Blackwell seems to want him. He approaches you with a magnatism that cant be denied. Male or female, Chandler commands your attention.
Chandler embraces Blackwell as if she's the only girl in the world. The two of them combine styles of dance that have never before been incorporated into rock music. Their style seems to be hip hop meets a little dirty dancing. Chandler presents himself with a rockers swagger, but he totally rocks it. Looking at Chandler you may not guess that hes had a less than perfect childhood. Nor would you think that he has the scars to prove it. Chandler was orphaned at an early age and grew up bouncing between orphanages and foster homes. At the age of 18 he joined Faithless, and has done nothing but stun crowds since.
The stage fills with pyro blasts and showers as their song comes to an end. Chandler and Blackwell end their dance down on the cat walk amidst a barrier of fire surrounding the stage. The names od Chandler and [*lackwell are chanted as the stage lights fade and the house lights are brought back up. They take an out of breath bow and wave goodnight."
D sat next to Seth reading another article in another magazine about the two of them. It basically just droned on and on about how sexy she and Seth were. It talked of them being in a cat and mouse type love affair. It spoke of how much they were together off stage. It of course suggested that they had a hidden love affair. D knew they wrent really that far from the truth.
"What ya's tryin ta say?" Seth asked her nodding to the magazine in her lap.
She smiled modestly and shut it. "Just how sexy we are."
Seth nodded and began breaking up the buds of weed on the magazine in his lap. It was kind of strange to be breaking it up on his own face. All the rest of the guys had made their way to the back of the bus to play video games. D slumped down in her seat next to Seth and got comfortable. Seth glanced at her feeling the eauphoric rush the Dexedrine was causing. One part of him wanted to confess to her that he couldnt get her out of his head. The other part of him longed to know why.
D glikpsed up at him feeling him look at her. "You know," she softly spoke, "eventually reporters are going to ask you about your childhood."
Seth made no reply as he licked the cigar like an ice cream cone.
"Theres not going to be any getting out of it Seth. Theyre going to tear down that wall around you, you know that right?"
"Theys been a wall round me my whole life...aint no reporters gone breaks it."
"It cant stay like this forever."
He was silent as he started filling the gutted cigar with weed. D could see that familiar distance growing.
"See, youre getting distant now."
Seth pulled a smile to his face and looked to her. His eyes honed in on hers. "I's right 'ere," he said wanting to kiss her.
"Im serious," she said seeing the playful look on his face. She knew he was trying to change the subject. "Will you be able to take it when it starts coming up all the time?"
He brought the cigar to his mouth and licked the edges and stuck it back together again. "I's aint gone have no choice D," he sighed.
"But is it going to get to you? You have this way of just shutting down when things are more than you want to deal with. How can you do a good show if they have you all messed up like that?"
Seth stuck the cigar in his mouth and sighed as he lit it. "I'sa be a'ite D." He was then distracted by his phone ringing in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered it, happy to be changing the subject. It was Dean, their publicist. "What up dawg," he answered.
"Seth!" Dean snapped, "theres more pictures surfacing of you and D spending an enormous amount of time together!"
"An?"
"So it has to stop! Were trying to sell to America that you dont love this person, but we want them to want you together. Yet youre hitting the town and getting photographed every single night. Pictures can be made to look like so much than they are.You look like two people that are screwing! It has to stop!" Dean sternly warned.
"What you's 'xpect me ta do dawg?" Seth quizzed.
"Screw groupies! Date celebrities! Let the cameras see you with someone besides D!"
Seth took a hit from the cigar. "Dawg...dats bullshit," he said trying not to cough as he held the hit in.
"Youre trying to sell records Seth, this is simply how its done."
Seth only exhaled his hit.
"Go be a normal rich 23 year old. Be a rock star. Just stop spending every waking moment with D!"
"A'ite!" Seth snapped, "I's got it!" He frowned hanging up the phone. He pulled the cigar to his lips and inhaled it again.
"What did Dean want?" D asked feeling his tension.
"For you's an me ta stop lookin like we a couple on camera," he said exhaling.
"How so?" She asked feeling the pit of her stomach cascade to the floor.
"They's say we's gets our pictchas taken togetha too much. They's wants us seen wit otha peeps so it dont look like we's sleepin togetha."
"So they want us to screw other people?" D halfway snapped.
Seth nodded and passed her the cigar. "Aint like we's marryin em D. Aint like we gots ta stop doin our thang...we's jus gots ta keep it on da down low. We's aint 'xactly been doin dat."
D just stared at the cigar in her hand. "So," she huffed, "Im supposed to be your dirty little fucking secret?" She glared at him and threw the cigar back at him without hitting it.
Seth definsively flinched and quickly grabbed it before it could burn anything. "Naw!" Seth exclaimed. "Ya know it aint even like dat...Its jus...wes got alls dis shit handed ta us ovanight...They's da ones dat gives it ta us...dat mean they's can take dat shit back. You's want dat ta happen? Aint you's wantin all dis papah they's throwin at us?"
D hated what she was hearing but she knew he was right. Still, it made her feel rejected. "Fine Seth!" She barked hopping onto her feet. "You want the press to get their pictures?" She stormed off into the back room where the rest of the guys werehe photographer that Havoc had hired to follow them around.
Seth looked over his shoulder and could see D approaching Brian. She jerked his game controller from Brian's hand.
"D! What the hell!?" He asked infuriated by D stopping his game. D said nothing but straddled his lap wrapped her arms around him. She cocked her head and pressed her lips to his kissing him agressively. Tongue could be see as Brian began kissing her back. His hands came up her thighs. They kissed far too long, and seemed to be enjoying it far too much for Seth's liking. Eventually she quit kissing Brian and turned to the photographer.
"You get that?" She asked him.
He only nodded in shock.
D wiped her mouth and rose up from Brian's lap. Everyone was looking at her in utter confusion. "Uh...sorry for...interrupting your game," she said casually as she handed the controller back to Brian. She then made her way back to the front of the bus, feeling much worse than she thought she would. She plopped down in the seat opposite to Seth.
"Better?" She snidely remarked glaring out the window.
Seth said nothing at first. He had to let it sink in a moment. He could only seem to glare at her with furrowed brows. He hated watching her kiss Brian like that, but what could he say? She wasnt his girlfriend. She had really only done as Havoc had asked. Still, his pride couldnt refuse at least one cocky comment. "You,s left out Dev, Danny, an Martim, he said pulling the cigar to his lips and relighting it. He tried his best to pretend that he didnt care, but who was he fooling?
D only shook her head and rolled her eyes as she continued to look out the bus window in fury. Her intent had been to push Seth's buttons and make him see what he stood to lose, but he could have cared less. She loved him. This was hurting her so much. Why wasnt it bothering him?
Seth exhaled and stared out the window. His head was pounding. He hadnt meant to seem as if he were blowing her off so casually. He didnt at all want things to change between them. He didnt want to see anyone but D. This wasnt his choice, it was being forced upon him. Didnt D get that? He couldnt lose this music thing. This was all he had now. He couldnt go back to the way things had been. He had to do this, for all of them. He never dreamed he could do something like this. He had quit dreaming after losing sports. He hated that feeling of having his dreams crushed. But by borrowing the guys dreams he was becoming famous. He knew this dream rode on him and D. He felt a rush from this new found fame. He had spent his whole life feeling like an unwanted, unlovable person. Now here he was on the cover of magazines and on talk shows he had grown up watching. He loved this attention and felt addicted to it.
However D was just as much of a drug as the attention was. He craved her just as much as a junkie craves a fix. She left him feeling an euphoria unmatched by anything. When she was away from him a withdrawal would begin. He didnt want her to be mad at him. He just wanted Faithless to make it. He didnt want some small taste of fame dangled in his face then be snatched away like football had been. He sighed and extended the cigar out to D and softly spoke, "Dont be mad at me D. Lets jus gets our names out there. Lets try it their way an see where it go. Dont nothin wit us gots ta change, we's jus keeps it on the low."
D took a deep puff off the cigar and exhaled it quickly. "And what about the other people part?" she huffed, " Fuck Havoc Seth I dont care what they want! If I feel like riding you on stage thats our business, not theirs They cant control our lives like this!"
"D," Seth calmly sighed, hoping she would just calm down enough to listen to reason. "Da papah come from dem. How hard it is ta do some flirtin wit otha peeps? You's an me can go out wit some bullshit celebrities witout it commin between us. Den..." he paused and reached over to lightly stroke her arm, "when theys cameras is off we's can be ourself."
D could only stare at him. She loved him too much to do what they were asking. She couldnt even understand how he could even contemplate it. She thought she meant more to him than that.
Seth looked into her aquatic eyes knowing exactly what it was she was thinking. "It aint gots ta mean nothin. Iffin we both know dat what da problem is?" He shrugged.
D was silent as rage spread inside her. How could he be so blase' about the last months they had shared They had meant everything to her. "Youre right," she eventually sighed, "we have no ties." Seth could make note of her sarcasm even though her voice carried none. "We just have fun...out of convienence."
Seth sat up straight with brows ruffled again. Was that all that they had shared? He knew how jealous he got over the way other men looked at her. He knew he never stopped thinking about her. He knew he wanted to be around her all the time. He knew she was more than just fun out of convienance.
"Im trashed," she sighed handing the cigar back to Seth. She slumped down in the seat and fixed her gaze out the window. "My mind is running in circles...hard to...comprehend...to feel things," she shrugged as her words trailed off.
"Wants some Dexedrine?" He offered.
She shook her head no and retrieved some Xanax from her purse. Seth felt bad for upsetting her. He wished she saw the bigger picture he did. He just wanted to be set for life. This was his only way to do that.
Half an hour later they were pulling into the stadium where they were to pweform that night. D tried to find the energy to get off the bus as Martin and Danny scurried past her. Seth who was wired to the gills needed to get out of there to clear his head. He was too flooded by emotions he couldnt comprehend. He exited behind Martin and Danny. D stepped into the aisle but her ankled decided to no longer support her. She stumbled, grabbing the seats to support herself. She soon felt two hands on her hips, supporting her and helping her back onto her feet. She could easily tell it wasnt Seth's touch. She turned to look and saw Brian.
"You ok D?" He asked.
"Fine," she mumbled attempting to make a few more steps but getting tripped up on her own feet.
"Woah," Brian said swooping in to catch her. "What did you take? I think you need to lay down and get some sleep."
Her squinted eyes fell on Brian looking her over as he held her up. She nodded, "Yeah...sleep."
Her body was too limp to mover or hold herself up so Brian scooped her up into his arms. He carried her to the back of the bus and lay her on the couch. "You just chill here, try and sleep. Somebody will come wake you up when its time for the show."
D only nodded as her eyes rolled back in her head.
Brian glanced down at her shoes. He sat next to her on the couch and pulled pne off. He couldnt help but notice her pretty feet ans muscular thighs. He gently ran his fingers across her ankle and spoke, "So what was with that kiss?"
D's fumbled slurring words came out, "Havoc wants pictures...a fairytale...
Brian had no clue what she was talking about, nor, deep down, did he care.
"They saw...we're together...together too much. Gotta get pictures with...someone else," her muffled words were almost a whisper.
Brian rested his hand on her knee and nervously smiled. "As fate would have it...I just so happen to be someone else." Brian's mind raced thinking only of how much the public seemed to love D and Seth. He was the one that wanted the attention they had more than anyone. He wanted to be in the tabloids like they were. But he wasnt unless they mentioned Guitar Star. He wanted more.
D looked down to his hand on her knee. "It was just...a picture Brian," she stammered pushing his hand off her knee.
"We can give them a whole roll if you like," he looked away smiling.
D moaned, "It didnt mean...anything."
"Whos looking for meaning?" He shrugged. "Why cant you and me be like you and Seth? No strings? Seth wouldnt even have to know.
Her head was spinning and she couldnt think straight. "I need...sleep Bri."
"ok," he nodded, "You catch a nap. Well uh...talk later."
With that he rose to his feet and smiled down at her. His smile seemed almost ominous to her. She wished she was straight enough to analyze it, but she wasnt. If she could read his mind she would know he had no intent of giving up his pursuit on her. The record company wanted her promicious...well he could help in that department. Besides it would sort of be like keeping it in the family, so to speak, and giving the band more press. Brian wanted that.

Seth sat in their reserved backstage area, drinking shots of tequlia a roadie had given them, not to mention all the Dexedrine. Danny and Martin were making bets with the groupies on who gave the best oral sex. Naturally they planned on being the judges. Seth knew his expected place was right in the middle of that. Seth felt a million miles away. He couldnt think of that sort of thing when his mind could only think of D. He reached into his pocket and pulled out some Dexedrine and swallowed 3 with a shot of tequlia. He just didnt want to feel so bad about upsetting D. He hated the thought of not being around her. He had forgotten how to have fun without her. He couldnt even seem to try and 5 girls were willing to win a cintest over the best oral sex! But her didnt even care.
Besides the public was more than happy to see them together. What would it matter if they were? It was their right, wasnt it? He didnt want this. He wanted D. He watches as girls dropped to their knees in front of Martin and Danny and jerked at their belts. Seth downed another shot. He couldnr be here. He couldnt do this. He got up to leave.
"Seth, dude where are you going?" Martin asked with a huge smile.
"Is forgots somethin," his words seemed to come out gast, as did his movements.A roadie rushed up to him as he was trying to make his escape.
"Seth, man can I get your autograph?"
Seth didnt reply. He quickly tookthe envelope the guy had shoved at him, scribbled his name, handed it back, and continued on his way. He ran his hand across his forehead wiping away sweat, due entirely to the Dexedrine. His heard was pounding so hard. Then all of the sudden a thunderbolt of thought hit Seth. Brian wasnt backstage. Where was Brian? Had he stayed on the bus? What reason would he have to do that? He always wanted to be where the...action was. Then Seth knew exactly why he would stay, because D had stayed. The thought of punching Brian in the face crossed his mind. Yet, he knew he had no right to do that. This was exactly what Havoc wanted. He and D had been saying for months that what they were doing with one another held no meaning. But it did mean something to Seth. It meant everything to him. He had to go tell D that. She needed to know how he really felt.
"Hey Seth," Devin called out to him. "I need you." He motioned for him to come over.
Seth sighed and darted over to him. He really wanted to go talk to D. "What up?" He shrugged impatiently.
"Are you ok dude?" Devin asked seeing him sweating. His pupils were huge.
"Straight dawg," he quickly nodded as he brought his fingernails up to his mouth to nervously chew them.
"I need you to run through a playback of 'In The Dark'. I need to try out something before tonight."
"Now dawg?" He sighed.
"Yeah," Devin nodded, "there wont be time at sound check. I really want to do this tonight. I promise its awesome dude. Itll take maybe 30 minutes man."
"Whateva," Seth sighed walking toward the stage.

D couldnt sleep, nor could she hold her eyes open. She really needed some Dexedrine or some coke. She needed Seth. He was probably fast at work giving Havoc those pictures they wanted. He was probably with some groupie now. D had seen the way they all looked at him and made forwarding advances. Her stomach began to quiver with butterflies at the thought.
Brian sat at the front of the bus pondering his next move. He debaited on how much press sleeping with D would get him. He could hear her moving around in the back. "D, you ok?" He called out. D looked up hearing his voice, but couldnt seem to comprehend the response needed. A moment later she could see him in the door way with a smile that made her uncomfortable. "You gonna be ok for the show?" He asked with that same peculiar smile. D knew his concern was fake. She could see he had but one thought on his mind, and it wasnt tonights show. "You want something to eat? It might sober you up," e suggested.
D just stared of him and thought of Seth. She knew he probably wasnt even thinking of her. Why couldnt she stop thinking about him? He obviously didnt give a damn about her. "come here..." she faintly whispered to Brian.
Brian didnt have to be asked twice. He walked over to her, that peculiar smile widening. He sat next to her on the edge of the couch. D looked at his pale blue eyes looking back at her. They werent Seth's eyes. Brian leaned over and kissed her. He knew why she called him over. She wanted to stick it to Seth. So what? Of course he would be lying if he said he had never thought about sleeping with her before. He had, hundreds of times. The only thing that had stopped him was not wanting to complicate their working relationship. He saw no reason to refrain now that he had accomplished his dreams.
D's head was spinning. She could feel Brian taking off her clothes. His hands werent Seth's. Their only similarity was the scratchy calloused fingertips from guitar strings slicing them. It wasnt that his hands were inexperienced, they just werent Seth's. They didnt send shivers up her body the way Seth's did. Nor did time stop when Brian kissed her. He couldnt even begin to compare with Seth His body didnt move the way Seth's did. He didnt seem to have that instinctive Knowledge of her anatomy the way Seth did. Seth always knew what to do and when to do it. Brian didnt have that instinct. D didnt even know hy she was sleeping with him. She tried pretending he was Seth just to be able to get through it. But the comparisons to focus on just werent there.

Devin had finally finished with Seth 45 minutes later. By then the second dose of dexedrine was working in full force. He felt jittery, uncertain if it was his nerves or just the drugs. Contemplating telling D that he cared about her was a bit nerve wracking. He knew he had to tell her. She needed to know. He grabbed the railing of the bus and pulled himself up onto the steps. The bus appeared empty and all was quiet. Seth took a few steps down the aisle. He could hear faint sounds coming from the back room. He moved his feet quietly, careful to alert no one to his presence. The closer he got the more he could hear. It sounded like sexual noises. His stomach began knotting up, fearful it was D. He was pretty sure he recognized that faint grunt.
Upon approaching the doorway he could see Brian with his pants around his knees, laying between the thighs of a very naked D. His hands were all over her. D only lay there with her hands lightly rested at his shoulders. She looked completely out of it. It didnt appear as if she thought she was in the room at all. Seth's stomach dropped to the floor as he stood there staring in agony. His heart pounded as he focused on Brian. He wanted to run to him and jerk hin off of D. However he seemed to even be unable to move his feet. He could only seem to stand there frozen in silence.
His daze was broken as he felt a tear roll down his cheek. He blinked it away trying to snap back to reality. His stomach churned. His eyes fell to the floor. He finally forced himself to take a step backwards and exit the bus. He stepped down onto the pavement and wiped the tear from his cheek. He drew in a few deep breaths feeling nauseous , like he might throw up. His head pounded as his chest. How could D do this How could brian Seth just couldnt shake the image of him on top of her from his mind.It ached inside him. Why did this have to happen?
He leaned over and rested his hands on his knees. He took a few more deep breaths and vomited on the ground. The contents were nothing but tequlia. He straightened up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked around not knowing what to do. He couldnt decipher what he felt. He knew she wasnt his to be jealous over, but he was. A great part of him wanted her to be his. To say the very least he had begun getting used to the idea.
He turned to go back to the stadium. Right now he couldnt be anywhere near that bus. there was nothing for him on that bus. Come to think of it there was nothing for him in that stadium either. He didnt want to be around the guys judging their contest. He reached into his pocket and pulled out more Decedrine. Dometimes being high on them felt like being with D. Maybe he could find that state of being. He tossed 3 into his mouth and swallowed. He put the bottle in his pocked and proceeded to the stadium. He ran his hand over his head thinking.
Inside the roadies were hard at work assembling their massive stage. Each day it took between 6 and 9 hours to het it set up.. Devin was still busy at work playing with lights. He glanced up noticing Seth.
"Dude, come check this out, he motioned him.
Seth's auto pilot kicked in and he made his way to Devin.
"Ok Dude," Devin nodded, " I had to move the spark shower up 6 inches, so dont cross back any further than the duct tape X, ok? Id hate to fry you dude."
Seth nodded and pretended to pay attention. Devin's words were reminding him that he hsd to be on stage wit D tonight. He knew he had to stand there and look as if he wanted her but he wasnt sure if he could even look her in the eye. He felt the ache just from thinking of it. He hurt so deep inside. He didnt even want to do the show. He didnt want to be on stage with D or Brian. He could feel his stomach convulsing. He just wanted that feeling to go away. He pulled out his pills and took onr more.
Devin looked at him awkwardly. "Youre taking alot of those pills. Are you ok man"
Seth shrugged, " They's keeps us busy, not nuff time for sleep."
"Well I dont see how you can sleep on all those pills."
"I's straight dawg," he hyperly assured. "I'sll gets some ta knock my ass out iffin I need."
Devin studied his black eyes. Seth couldnt seem to stop figiting. His words were double time. When he breathed it was in short quick breaths. It seemed as if he ran out of breath before he could even finish a sentence. "Seriously dude, you should take it easy," Devin warned.
Seth nodded short quick nods and his eyes darted to the floor. He felt distracted. He could think of nothing but thr image of Brian on D burning in his brain. It was literally causing him physical pain to even think of it. [/t ached not only in his guts and his head, but his heart as well. He wanted more than anything to not be able to think of it. Yet, he couldnt seem to stop himself.

By the time the show rolled around that night Seth was virtually bouncing off the walls. He had taken far too much Dexedrine. His chest ached from his heart pounding so hard for so long inside him. His skin felt sticky and damp with sweat. He couldnt sit still and had an uncontrollable urge to keep moving. He felt his pulse throbbing in his temples. e had a headache unsure if it was due to the days stress, the accelerated blood flow, or plain lack of food.
His mind still obsessed over Brian and D. It still hurt so much to think about it, powerless not to. He knew D was trying to make a point. He knew she was mad and she had every right to be. He should have told Dean to go to hell, Havoc too for that point. He also blamed Brian's hunger for fame. He was furious at him for taking advantage of D in such a state. He wanted Brian to feel the hurt he felt. He didnt even want to stand next to him onstage.
"Hey Seth," Jennifer spoke sticking his head in his door as he was preparing for the show. He was irratically pacing a hole in the floor. He seemed figity and uneasy and was already covered in sweat. "You ok? You seem...wired."
Seth only nodded and walked past her heading out for the stage. Seth approached the guys looking at none of them. "Lets go swimmin dawgs," he robotically panted as he walked past them onto the dark stage. He approached the mic out of breath as if he had just run a mile. His mouth felt dry and pasty. He felt like his voice would crack on high notes if he didnt lose it all together. He could hear the music to their first song starting. He wiped his sweating palms down the front of his jeans. He raised his hands up to remove the mic from the stand. He held it to his mouth, drew in a shallow breath and began to sing.
When it came time for D to walk out on the stage the crowd made an uproar. Seth could tell by her lazy eyes that she was still far from sober. He could see how hard she was trying to focus. His eyes painfully watched her a moment as he sang. He knew it was almost their cue to dance. He didnt think he could do it. D approached him, ready to dance. She expected him to grab her as rehearsed, instead he looked away from her and continued to sing. Not understanding she tried to continue the routine but Seth seemed to be ignoring her.
She approached him from behind and wrapped him in a loving embrace. Seth stammered slightly on the songs lyrics. He glanced down to her hand running across his chest. He glared at her over his shoulder with a spiteful look. D didnt understand why. The next thing she knew he was worming his way out of her grasp. Once he was free of her he just quit singing all together. The audience looked on in confusion. Seth didnt know what to say, do , or feel. He turned and stormed from the stage leaving everyone wondering ehst the deal was. No one understood what was happening.
"Dude, Brian shrugged as Seth raced past him, "whats the problem?"
Seth stopped dead in his tracks abd glared at Brian with a rage filled look. It would have scared a small child. Before anyone knew what was happening Seth was rushing at Brian. He pushed him as hard as he could in the center of the chest with both hands. It was enough to make him lose his balance and land on the drum rising with a shocked look on his face. Seth turned and stormed off as everyone else tried to figure what was going on.
"Seth whats wrong?" Jennifer asked persuing him, trying to stop him. Before she could be given an answer D was rushing up to him too.
"What the hell is wrong with you? We're doing a show."
"Yeah!" He yelled at her with the sane furious look he had used on Brian. "Den goes an fuckin dance wit Brian!"
Then and only then did D start to put two and two together. He knew. He knew about Brian, but how? "What are you talking about?" She asked with a guy wrebching frar sweeping through her.
"I'S SEEN YOU D!" Seth screamed pointing his finger in her face. " I'S FUCKIN SEEN YOU'S WIT BRIAN!" He was yelling so loud that his voice was breaking.
Jennifer stood watching in shock wondering wether to get security or not. Seth looked completely demonic. She honestly didnt know if he would hit D or not. She had never seen him lose his temper before, nor did she know its bounds. He was frightning when he was mad.
D felt bad but she wanted Seth to feel bad too. Technically, this was all his fault. If he wouldnt have so easily thrown away the last months they had shared maybe Brian wouldnt have happened. "SO WHAT!" She yelled back. "Isnt that what you and Havoc wanted? For the sake of the press?"
"For reals?" He asked stepping closer to her gritting his teeth. "An where wuz da photographa standin? What magazine it gone be in A fuckin porn?"
D rolled her eyes and looked away trying not to cry. "What do you even care?" She softly asked him.
Before Seth could answere Brian had stormed up to him standing toe to toe, pointing his finger a few centimeters from his eyeball. "LOOK DUDE! I dont know what your fucking problem is but you better pull it the fuck together! Were in the middle of a damn show`"
Seth slapped Brians finger out of his face and peered at him as if he were a pit bull ready to attack. As soon as Brian saw the glazed over look in his eyes he too knew what was going on with him.
"Dude," he asked as a smug smile crept over his face, "is this about D?" Brian slightly chuckled and shook his head in disbelief. "I think I remember reading somewhere that youre just friends, right? You have your fun with her, why cant I? Shes willing."
Seth felt all the rage inside of him unhindge as he rushed at Brian.
Danny quickly intercepted by grabbing him around the shoulders and holding him back. "Seth!" He yelled, "come on dude, stop it!" Danny was having to work very hard to hold him back. Seth was alot stronger than he looked, and quite squirmy. He kept almost twisting from Danny's grip. Seth was so wound up by the Dexedrine that it had his addrenaline pumping in overdrive. He had more strength than normal. He was absolutely blind with rage. His mind had but one thought, one command...get Brian.




chapter continued in chapter 19 B