Categories > Original > Drama > Misfortune and Gold
CHAPTER 26: THE DARK SECRET
November 23, 2008
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
D sat slouched in a chase lounge watching Schylus pull his shirt over his head. She hated to admit it, but he did have a nice body. It was quite similar to Seth's as far as build and size went. However Seth had such a tanned skin tone and Schylus leaned more toward shades of ivory. In bed there was no comparison to the two. No one came close to comparing to Seth. Schylus wasnt at all bad, its just that no one was as great and sexy as Seth. She wished she was Seth right now.
Schylus turned to D. "Want to go get a bit to eat love?" He asked in his thick Irish accent.
D simply nodded. She would much rather take a fistful of Xanax. She couldnt take them so freely when Schylus was around. He would only have some prude remark about it. Schylus was your typical fighting Irish personality time. At times D questioned if he had it in him to ever hurt her. He gave her plenty of concern about it. She didnt trust that he wouldnt. He was so extremely jealous of Seth. Any time Seth's name was brought up it turned into an arguement. If Schylus only knew about Phoenix or all the other stolen moments, there would be no telling how he might react. He would probably gladly get into a fight with Seth, probably her too. D knew Seth was more than capable of defending himself. She had seen him fight plenty of times and she had yet to see him lose.
"Oh," Schylus smiled to D's reflection in the mirror as he fixed his hair, "almost forgot..." He motioned to a jewlry box by the bed, "I got you a wee something for our holiday to Paris."
"Really?" She asked perking up a bit. She reached over and grabbed the box. She knew by the box size that it had to be a necklace. She opened it and saw a beautiful gold and diamond choker. "Oh my god Schylus...its beautiful," she said taking it from the box and holding it to her neck.
"Tis nothing much," he nonchalantly replied, "tis only CZ and gold plating."
D lowered the necklace from her neck. "Im not good enough for real jewlry?" She asked trying to stifle her frustration.
He glanced over his shoulder to her. "We are not to that step yet love...you know...committed."
D put it back in the bed and carelessly tossed it onto the bed. She was glad to know he wasnt very committed to their farce of a relationship. Perhaps when and if he ever found out about Seth it wouldnt be so harsh. She was so glad he was about to hop a plane to Europe. She desperately needed some Seth time.
Seth sat alone on the bus staring out of its blackened windows at roadies packing up after the show. The guys were all still back stage doing their own thing with groupies. Seth just wasnt in the mood for any meaningless sex tonight. Tonight he was missing D. He pulled a fifth of Jack to his mouth and took a drink. He knew D was gone. Tonight Schylus had flown in and whisked her off somewhere. He would bring her to rendezvous with the bus when he was done with her. He sighed running his fingertip around the rim of the whiskey bottle. He hated the was Schylus treated D. He was just using her because Havoc made it possible for him to.
For the most part Seth just avoided him. He couldnt bare talking to the jackass knowing what he probably did when he was alone with D. He felt like that right should be his and his alone. He took another gulp of whiskey trying not to get mad. He ran his hand down his back, his last shot for pain from Dr. Gibbons was fading now. He could have got another but he just felt like feeling the pain. In a strange way it over rode the pain of missing D. He tried even harder not to get mad. How could he get mad, he was doing the same exact thing with Marla. He had also partook in more than his fair share of debauchery and groupies. He had no right to be jealous but he was.
He longed so much to be with D right now. He belonged with her. Nothing was like D. Since the fame the girls had flowed like water, even more so than they had before. And the girls now were so much freakier. But he didnt want them. He hated being with them. He only wanted to be with D. He took another swill from the bottle. He wondered if Schylus knew how D liked having her shoulder kissed. Did he lie in bed with her and trace her bare skin with his finger tips? Did he hold her as she slept? Dis he crave that sweet apple scent that always lingered in her hair? Did the color of her eyes cast a spell over him? Did he ever tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the world?
Devin stepped onto the bus surprised to see Seth sitting all alone. Seth was usually shoveling coke up his nose and talking groupies into doing strip teases right about now. It certainly wasnt normal for him to be sitting alone in the dark. Devin could see the whiskey bottle in his hand. He assumed something must be troubling him. He had been acting quite out of the norm lately. Devin didnt know if it was due to the drugs, the road, or Havoc.
"You ok dude?" Devin asked him.
"Straight," Seth winked and tipped his whiskey bottle at him.
"I assumed you would still be back stage with the rest of the guys."
"Naw," Seth paused, "aint feel like it." He turned and looked back out the window.
"Are you sick?" Devin curiously asked. It just wasnt like Seth.
Seth glanced back at him. "Naw dawg...jus aint in no mood for no party."
Devin could see the distance in his eyes. He knew Seth was probably missing D. "Is it because D's with Schylus tonight?"
Seth pulled the bottle to his lips for another huge chug. Devin could see the hair on his arms standing on end. "Da guys a jackass," he said as a whiskey shiver came over him.
"Im sorry," was all Devin knew to say.
"Sorry?" Seth questioned in a confused tone, "sorry for what?"
"For what Havoc is doing. If it wasnt for them I know you two would be together now."
Seth shrugged, "We's still be hookin up when we can."
"But not as you would really like to..."
Seth looked back out of the blackened window for a long moment. "I's feel stupid Dev," he said in a soft voice. "I's done dis. I's da reason she wit dat dickhead right now. I's da reason she be gettin all fucked up and screwin roadies. An I's da reason we's aint togetha right now."
"You did what you felt you had to do...not for you, but for all of us. Youre sacrificing for all of us so we can continue making money...D understands that."
"Do she?" Seth questioned aloud. "Cuz when I be lookin at 'er I's see dis hurt in 'er eyes...an I know I's da one dat put it there dawg."
"All of this wont last forever," Devin tried to reassure him. "Eventually Havoc is going to want to play out the fairytale theyre spinning about you two. Eventually theyll want you together."
Seth slightly nodded and began to figit with the label on the whiskey bottle. "What iffin it done too late dawg?"
"Dude...if something is meant to be its never too late...Dont worry, she loves you."
Seth softly shook his head and took another gulp. "Aint nobody neva loved me...dont thank theys could..." his eyes wandered to the floor of the bus.
Devin smiled, "I think youre wrong about that dude...but hey, what do I know?" He took the bottle from Seth and took a huge drink himself. Seth was actually a little shocked, but glad at least to have the company.
November 25, 2008
On the bus to Detroit, Michigan
The next morning the bus was on the road again. Devin and Brian sat in the back room on the floor playing video games. Seth was fast asleep on the couch behind them.
"BAM! GOTCHA!" Laughed Devin.
D sat near the window thumbing through a clothing catalog. She was oblivious to the guys and their loud gaming. Seth had been asleep for a while now. She assumed he had probably been up a few days. An oily film had covered his face and arms. D noticed this each time Seth came down off coke or meth. From the corner of her eye she could see him moving on the couch. He shifted his weight and raised up a knee. One arm swung up by his face, like a flinch. D wondered if he was dreaming. A moment later his hand relaxed back down to his chest.
"Oh its on now!" Brian said loudly, his posture straightening, concentrating on killing Devin's fighter.
Behind them Seth flinched again. He let out a moan that caught D's attention. D and Devin both glanced at him. Brian seemed to pay it no attention.
All of the sudden Seth yelled out, "Jake NO!"
Brian, Devin, and D all stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Seth. One of his hands was in the air in a defensive 'stop' pose.
"Should we wake him up?" Brian asked laying the controller down.
"Probably," Devin nodded, "he will probably go right back to sleep." Devin stood up and leaned over Seth. He began shaking him. "Seth! Hey Seth, wake up dude, youre dreaming."
Seth didnt budge or make any kind of a response.
"Seth," Devin raised his voice and shook him harder.
All of the sudden Seth's fist came flying toward Devin's face. Luckily, Devin saw it coming and managed to duck out of the way in the nick of time. As Seth's fist came flying Devin could feel the breeze that followed his swing. The back of his fist made contact with Devin's shoulder and his eyes opened. He seemed a bit confused.
"Dude!" Yelped Devin as he grabbed his shoulder and rubbed it out. "Are you ok?" He asked Seth with a look of pain on his face.
Brian slightly chuckled, "Dude...who the hell are you fighting in your sleep? He shook his head and picked the game controller back up.
"I...I's dreamin," Seth stammered looking around to his surroundings in confusion. "You aite dawg? Did I's hit ya?"
"Just in the shoulder," Devin replied, "I managed to duck out of the line of fire in the nick of time...But if thats how you hit when youre asleep I sure as hell dont want to piss you off dude."
Seth sat up still semi dazed and rose to his feet. D could see that odd distant look sweep his face. He left the room. D stood to follow. She found him in a seat up front staring out of the window.
"You ok?" She asked as she watched him nervously chew at his thumbnail. "Did you have a bad dream?"
She could see him softly nod but his eyes never moved from the window.
D sat next to him, "Whos Jake?"
Seth's eyes darted to hers a split second before returning back out the window. "A fostah," he quietly replied.
"Was he a good one or a bad one?" She asked.
He sighed and glanced back at her. "Dat guy hated my ass."
"Why?" She couldnt help but ask. She just didnt see how anyone could ever conceive of disliking him.
Seth shrugged, "Guess I's wronged 'im in anotha life..."
D quickly scanned the scars on his face as she looked at his profile. "What did he do to you?" She softly asked.
He pointed to a scar in the edge of his eyebrow, "Dat wuz for not turnin out da kitchen light...Dis one," he said running his finger over his lip, "he done it too an I's aint even sure what I done for dat one." His eyes fell down to his life or death tattoo. "Dat burn I's got cova'd up...dat wuz for throwin a candy wrapper out da window of his car...stuck da fuckin car cigarette lighta ta me, glowin hot."
D could only sit and continue listening in horror.
"He's broke a coupla my ribs..." his hand reached up to the left side of his jaw. "Fracta'd my jaw for lookin at his porn...I's caint even cound da black eyes, an busted lips, an bloody noses..."
D couldnt even begin to comprehend what all he must have gone through. "How long did you have to live with that guy?"
"Round bout 7 months," he shrugged.
Silence wrapped around them as D examined the scars on his arms. "You have so many scars," she said running her fingers across them. "Do they all have such bad stories?"
He shook his head. "Some jus normal scars."
D ran her fingertips down to his wrists and just slightly under the edge of his wrist band, trying to find the nerve to ask him about the scar that she had seen under there at the hospital. He had always kept his wrists covered since the day she had met him. He never removed them a single time, not until the hospital.
Seth drew his breath in feeling D"s fingertip glide across the scar tissue. He knew it was only a matter of time before she brought it up. He knew she saw his wrist at the hospital. He was surprised that she waited this long to ask. He had honestly thought that maybe she just forgot due to all the Xanax.
"And this?" She asked feeling the smooth damp skin.
He didnt want to tell her. This was his deepest darkest secret. This was the one thing he never talked about. Instinctively he just wanted it to be his secret. Yet, that just wasnt a possibility now. "Yeah...dat," he said facing his wrist down so D would stop touching it. He was quiet for a while. Then he finally pulled in a shallow breath and stared down at the wrist band. "I's 13 I guess...afta Jake they's sent me back ta lock down at da orphanage...dats when my jaw gots broke." He paused. He reached down with his heart pounding and removed the wrist band from his left wrist. "I's felt beat...likes da whole fuckin world wuz against me. Jus couldnt takes it no mo." A tear rolled down his cheek as he turned his wrist over and examined the scar for the first time in many years. He whispered trying not to cry any harder. "I's jus wanted da shit ta stop."
D looked down at the scar as she listened closely. Had he tried to kill himself? Was that what he was saying?
He began removing the other wrist band as he talked. "I broke inta da room where theys be puttin casts on...I's found da saw theys cut em off wit..." he turned the other wrist over to reveal a matching set to D. "I's rememba it aint even hurt...aint even start bleedin dat fast...but afta I's done da second one da blood jus started pourin...they's wuz puddles a it...alls ova da floor...an me. I's rememba feelin drunk...Then I's jus passed out. When I's came to I's bein lifted outta blood...Somewhere's durin alls dat I...went some place. I's dont know how ta explain it...I's cud sees myself standin in dis big ass opening...an I's felt real happy there. I's wanted ta stays there foreva. Den theys started ta stich me up an gives me blood...I felt em jerkin me back...away from whereva it was I's at...an I's aint wanna come back...jus wanted ta stay...Sometime I's wonda what it'd be like iffin I stayed...but den...I wuda neva met you's."
D looked up at him with an unsure smile. She couldnt imagine a world without Seth. She couldnt fathom her life without him in it. He was everything to her.
"I's 'ere cuz I had ta finds ya."
Tears came to her eyes. Did he really mean that?
November 26, 2008
Rockford, Illinois
Faithless sat backstage surrounded by reporters asking all of the same old mundane questions. Their drunken eyes could barely focus on them. They couldnt wait to get out of there. A kilo of coke and some girls wait for them back on the bus. But first they had to sit through the same old questions about Seth and D sleeping together, Martin naming off the instruments he could play, or Brian talking about Guitar Star.
It was then that a reporter asked a new question and took them by surprise.
"Do any of you ever get bothered by Seth and Ds success and all the attention they seem to be getting?"
Brian slightly huffed, "They bring the people in then we all get the attention."
"But we turn on our TVs and we see shot after shot and story after story about them. We arent really hearing much about the rest of you."
Brian sighed trying to remain calm, "They dont get all the attention...alright?"
Seth glanced to his hands knowing what kind of shit storm this was brewing. He had never set out to steal any spotlight. It was Brian who gave him no option but to sing and wear those ridiculous clothes. It was Brian who kept pushing everyone. Hell Brian was even the one who picked D out. He was the one that insisted they dance together. It was always Brian who wanted all of this and now that he had it all he did was bitch about how it wasnt enough. He spoke, "Me an D's da ones out fron e'er night...an it aint easy holdin peeps attention. We do what we's gotta do...'parrently it be workin cuz all you's thank me an D get off stage an go testin out da ability of a hotels fabric softenah...Me an D aint tryin ta take da focus offa nobody. Da way I's see it we's wouldnt be Faithless witout Brian's love for all dis...wudnt be da same witout Martin's talent, Danny's drummin or D's dancin. We's all collectively make us Faithless."
Seth could actually hear Brian's teeth grinding together. He could see how close to the verge of explosion he was. He really didnt want to have to listen to Brians crap tonight after they left. He knew it was probably too late for all that now.
November 23, 2008
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
D sat slouched in a chase lounge watching Schylus pull his shirt over his head. She hated to admit it, but he did have a nice body. It was quite similar to Seth's as far as build and size went. However Seth had such a tanned skin tone and Schylus leaned more toward shades of ivory. In bed there was no comparison to the two. No one came close to comparing to Seth. Schylus wasnt at all bad, its just that no one was as great and sexy as Seth. She wished she was Seth right now.
Schylus turned to D. "Want to go get a bit to eat love?" He asked in his thick Irish accent.
D simply nodded. She would much rather take a fistful of Xanax. She couldnt take them so freely when Schylus was around. He would only have some prude remark about it. Schylus was your typical fighting Irish personality time. At times D questioned if he had it in him to ever hurt her. He gave her plenty of concern about it. She didnt trust that he wouldnt. He was so extremely jealous of Seth. Any time Seth's name was brought up it turned into an arguement. If Schylus only knew about Phoenix or all the other stolen moments, there would be no telling how he might react. He would probably gladly get into a fight with Seth, probably her too. D knew Seth was more than capable of defending himself. She had seen him fight plenty of times and she had yet to see him lose.
"Oh," Schylus smiled to D's reflection in the mirror as he fixed his hair, "almost forgot..." He motioned to a jewlry box by the bed, "I got you a wee something for our holiday to Paris."
"Really?" She asked perking up a bit. She reached over and grabbed the box. She knew by the box size that it had to be a necklace. She opened it and saw a beautiful gold and diamond choker. "Oh my god Schylus...its beautiful," she said taking it from the box and holding it to her neck.
"Tis nothing much," he nonchalantly replied, "tis only CZ and gold plating."
D lowered the necklace from her neck. "Im not good enough for real jewlry?" She asked trying to stifle her frustration.
He glanced over his shoulder to her. "We are not to that step yet love...you know...committed."
D put it back in the bed and carelessly tossed it onto the bed. She was glad to know he wasnt very committed to their farce of a relationship. Perhaps when and if he ever found out about Seth it wouldnt be so harsh. She was so glad he was about to hop a plane to Europe. She desperately needed some Seth time.
Seth sat alone on the bus staring out of its blackened windows at roadies packing up after the show. The guys were all still back stage doing their own thing with groupies. Seth just wasnt in the mood for any meaningless sex tonight. Tonight he was missing D. He pulled a fifth of Jack to his mouth and took a drink. He knew D was gone. Tonight Schylus had flown in and whisked her off somewhere. He would bring her to rendezvous with the bus when he was done with her. He sighed running his fingertip around the rim of the whiskey bottle. He hated the was Schylus treated D. He was just using her because Havoc made it possible for him to.
For the most part Seth just avoided him. He couldnt bare talking to the jackass knowing what he probably did when he was alone with D. He felt like that right should be his and his alone. He took another gulp of whiskey trying not to get mad. He ran his hand down his back, his last shot for pain from Dr. Gibbons was fading now. He could have got another but he just felt like feeling the pain. In a strange way it over rode the pain of missing D. He tried even harder not to get mad. How could he get mad, he was doing the same exact thing with Marla. He had also partook in more than his fair share of debauchery and groupies. He had no right to be jealous but he was.
He longed so much to be with D right now. He belonged with her. Nothing was like D. Since the fame the girls had flowed like water, even more so than they had before. And the girls now were so much freakier. But he didnt want them. He hated being with them. He only wanted to be with D. He took another swill from the bottle. He wondered if Schylus knew how D liked having her shoulder kissed. Did he lie in bed with her and trace her bare skin with his finger tips? Did he hold her as she slept? Dis he crave that sweet apple scent that always lingered in her hair? Did the color of her eyes cast a spell over him? Did he ever tell her she was the most beautiful girl in the world?
Devin stepped onto the bus surprised to see Seth sitting all alone. Seth was usually shoveling coke up his nose and talking groupies into doing strip teases right about now. It certainly wasnt normal for him to be sitting alone in the dark. Devin could see the whiskey bottle in his hand. He assumed something must be troubling him. He had been acting quite out of the norm lately. Devin didnt know if it was due to the drugs, the road, or Havoc.
"You ok dude?" Devin asked him.
"Straight," Seth winked and tipped his whiskey bottle at him.
"I assumed you would still be back stage with the rest of the guys."
"Naw," Seth paused, "aint feel like it." He turned and looked back out the window.
"Are you sick?" Devin curiously asked. It just wasnt like Seth.
Seth glanced back at him. "Naw dawg...jus aint in no mood for no party."
Devin could see the distance in his eyes. He knew Seth was probably missing D. "Is it because D's with Schylus tonight?"
Seth pulled the bottle to his lips for another huge chug. Devin could see the hair on his arms standing on end. "Da guys a jackass," he said as a whiskey shiver came over him.
"Im sorry," was all Devin knew to say.
"Sorry?" Seth questioned in a confused tone, "sorry for what?"
"For what Havoc is doing. If it wasnt for them I know you two would be together now."
Seth shrugged, "We's still be hookin up when we can."
"But not as you would really like to..."
Seth looked back out of the blackened window for a long moment. "I's feel stupid Dev," he said in a soft voice. "I's done dis. I's da reason she wit dat dickhead right now. I's da reason she be gettin all fucked up and screwin roadies. An I's da reason we's aint togetha right now."
"You did what you felt you had to do...not for you, but for all of us. Youre sacrificing for all of us so we can continue making money...D understands that."
"Do she?" Seth questioned aloud. "Cuz when I be lookin at 'er I's see dis hurt in 'er eyes...an I know I's da one dat put it there dawg."
"All of this wont last forever," Devin tried to reassure him. "Eventually Havoc is going to want to play out the fairytale theyre spinning about you two. Eventually theyll want you together."
Seth slightly nodded and began to figit with the label on the whiskey bottle. "What iffin it done too late dawg?"
"Dude...if something is meant to be its never too late...Dont worry, she loves you."
Seth softly shook his head and took another gulp. "Aint nobody neva loved me...dont thank theys could..." his eyes wandered to the floor of the bus.
Devin smiled, "I think youre wrong about that dude...but hey, what do I know?" He took the bottle from Seth and took a huge drink himself. Seth was actually a little shocked, but glad at least to have the company.
November 25, 2008
On the bus to Detroit, Michigan
The next morning the bus was on the road again. Devin and Brian sat in the back room on the floor playing video games. Seth was fast asleep on the couch behind them.
"BAM! GOTCHA!" Laughed Devin.
D sat near the window thumbing through a clothing catalog. She was oblivious to the guys and their loud gaming. Seth had been asleep for a while now. She assumed he had probably been up a few days. An oily film had covered his face and arms. D noticed this each time Seth came down off coke or meth. From the corner of her eye she could see him moving on the couch. He shifted his weight and raised up a knee. One arm swung up by his face, like a flinch. D wondered if he was dreaming. A moment later his hand relaxed back down to his chest.
"Oh its on now!" Brian said loudly, his posture straightening, concentrating on killing Devin's fighter.
Behind them Seth flinched again. He let out a moan that caught D's attention. D and Devin both glanced at him. Brian seemed to pay it no attention.
All of the sudden Seth yelled out, "Jake NO!"
Brian, Devin, and D all stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Seth. One of his hands was in the air in a defensive 'stop' pose.
"Should we wake him up?" Brian asked laying the controller down.
"Probably," Devin nodded, "he will probably go right back to sleep." Devin stood up and leaned over Seth. He began shaking him. "Seth! Hey Seth, wake up dude, youre dreaming."
Seth didnt budge or make any kind of a response.
"Seth," Devin raised his voice and shook him harder.
All of the sudden Seth's fist came flying toward Devin's face. Luckily, Devin saw it coming and managed to duck out of the way in the nick of time. As Seth's fist came flying Devin could feel the breeze that followed his swing. The back of his fist made contact with Devin's shoulder and his eyes opened. He seemed a bit confused.
"Dude!" Yelped Devin as he grabbed his shoulder and rubbed it out. "Are you ok?" He asked Seth with a look of pain on his face.
Brian slightly chuckled, "Dude...who the hell are you fighting in your sleep? He shook his head and picked the game controller back up.
"I...I's dreamin," Seth stammered looking around to his surroundings in confusion. "You aite dawg? Did I's hit ya?"
"Just in the shoulder," Devin replied, "I managed to duck out of the line of fire in the nick of time...But if thats how you hit when youre asleep I sure as hell dont want to piss you off dude."
Seth sat up still semi dazed and rose to his feet. D could see that odd distant look sweep his face. He left the room. D stood to follow. She found him in a seat up front staring out of the window.
"You ok?" She asked as she watched him nervously chew at his thumbnail. "Did you have a bad dream?"
She could see him softly nod but his eyes never moved from the window.
D sat next to him, "Whos Jake?"
Seth's eyes darted to hers a split second before returning back out the window. "A fostah," he quietly replied.
"Was he a good one or a bad one?" She asked.
He sighed and glanced back at her. "Dat guy hated my ass."
"Why?" She couldnt help but ask. She just didnt see how anyone could ever conceive of disliking him.
Seth shrugged, "Guess I's wronged 'im in anotha life..."
D quickly scanned the scars on his face as she looked at his profile. "What did he do to you?" She softly asked.
He pointed to a scar in the edge of his eyebrow, "Dat wuz for not turnin out da kitchen light...Dis one," he said running his finger over his lip, "he done it too an I's aint even sure what I done for dat one." His eyes fell down to his life or death tattoo. "Dat burn I's got cova'd up...dat wuz for throwin a candy wrapper out da window of his car...stuck da fuckin car cigarette lighta ta me, glowin hot."
D could only sit and continue listening in horror.
"He's broke a coupla my ribs..." his hand reached up to the left side of his jaw. "Fracta'd my jaw for lookin at his porn...I's caint even cound da black eyes, an busted lips, an bloody noses..."
D couldnt even begin to comprehend what all he must have gone through. "How long did you have to live with that guy?"
"Round bout 7 months," he shrugged.
Silence wrapped around them as D examined the scars on his arms. "You have so many scars," she said running her fingers across them. "Do they all have such bad stories?"
He shook his head. "Some jus normal scars."
D ran her fingertips down to his wrists and just slightly under the edge of his wrist band, trying to find the nerve to ask him about the scar that she had seen under there at the hospital. He had always kept his wrists covered since the day she had met him. He never removed them a single time, not until the hospital.
Seth drew his breath in feeling D"s fingertip glide across the scar tissue. He knew it was only a matter of time before she brought it up. He knew she saw his wrist at the hospital. He was surprised that she waited this long to ask. He had honestly thought that maybe she just forgot due to all the Xanax.
"And this?" She asked feeling the smooth damp skin.
He didnt want to tell her. This was his deepest darkest secret. This was the one thing he never talked about. Instinctively he just wanted it to be his secret. Yet, that just wasnt a possibility now. "Yeah...dat," he said facing his wrist down so D would stop touching it. He was quiet for a while. Then he finally pulled in a shallow breath and stared down at the wrist band. "I's 13 I guess...afta Jake they's sent me back ta lock down at da orphanage...dats when my jaw gots broke." He paused. He reached down with his heart pounding and removed the wrist band from his left wrist. "I's felt beat...likes da whole fuckin world wuz against me. Jus couldnt takes it no mo." A tear rolled down his cheek as he turned his wrist over and examined the scar for the first time in many years. He whispered trying not to cry any harder. "I's jus wanted da shit ta stop."
D looked down at the scar as she listened closely. Had he tried to kill himself? Was that what he was saying?
He began removing the other wrist band as he talked. "I broke inta da room where theys be puttin casts on...I's found da saw theys cut em off wit..." he turned the other wrist over to reveal a matching set to D. "I's rememba it aint even hurt...aint even start bleedin dat fast...but afta I's done da second one da blood jus started pourin...they's wuz puddles a it...alls ova da floor...an me. I's rememba feelin drunk...Then I's jus passed out. When I's came to I's bein lifted outta blood...Somewhere's durin alls dat I...went some place. I's dont know how ta explain it...I's cud sees myself standin in dis big ass opening...an I's felt real happy there. I's wanted ta stays there foreva. Den theys started ta stich me up an gives me blood...I felt em jerkin me back...away from whereva it was I's at...an I's aint wanna come back...jus wanted ta stay...Sometime I's wonda what it'd be like iffin I stayed...but den...I wuda neva met you's."
D looked up at him with an unsure smile. She couldnt imagine a world without Seth. She couldnt fathom her life without him in it. He was everything to her.
"I's 'ere cuz I had ta finds ya."
Tears came to her eyes. Did he really mean that?
November 26, 2008
Rockford, Illinois
Faithless sat backstage surrounded by reporters asking all of the same old mundane questions. Their drunken eyes could barely focus on them. They couldnt wait to get out of there. A kilo of coke and some girls wait for them back on the bus. But first they had to sit through the same old questions about Seth and D sleeping together, Martin naming off the instruments he could play, or Brian talking about Guitar Star.
It was then that a reporter asked a new question and took them by surprise.
"Do any of you ever get bothered by Seth and Ds success and all the attention they seem to be getting?"
Brian slightly huffed, "They bring the people in then we all get the attention."
"But we turn on our TVs and we see shot after shot and story after story about them. We arent really hearing much about the rest of you."
Brian sighed trying to remain calm, "They dont get all the attention...alright?"
Seth glanced to his hands knowing what kind of shit storm this was brewing. He had never set out to steal any spotlight. It was Brian who gave him no option but to sing and wear those ridiculous clothes. It was Brian who kept pushing everyone. Hell Brian was even the one who picked D out. He was the one that insisted they dance together. It was always Brian who wanted all of this and now that he had it all he did was bitch about how it wasnt enough. He spoke, "Me an D's da ones out fron e'er night...an it aint easy holdin peeps attention. We do what we's gotta do...'parrently it be workin cuz all you's thank me an D get off stage an go testin out da ability of a hotels fabric softenah...Me an D aint tryin ta take da focus offa nobody. Da way I's see it we's wouldnt be Faithless witout Brian's love for all dis...wudnt be da same witout Martin's talent, Danny's drummin or D's dancin. We's all collectively make us Faithless."
Seth could actually hear Brian's teeth grinding together. He could see how close to the verge of explosion he was. He really didnt want to have to listen to Brians crap tonight after they left. He knew it was probably too late for all that now.
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