Categories > Original > Drama > Misfortune and Gold
CHAPTER 45: SECOND CHANCES
May 27, 2010
Athens, Greece
Meanwhile in Athens the doctors worked diligently trying to save Seth. He had already been pronounced dead by the EMS. Jennifer had been there as his eyes flew open for one last gasp of breath before falling limply back onto the gurney. She didnt think he could survive this. They guys all sat around watching their futures hang in the balance. They all knew Faithless would have no chance without Seth. Emotions were tense as they waited in silence for some word from doctors. Was he gone? Or were they able to save him.
Devin and Brian rushed up to Jennifer out of breath. "We got here as soon as we could," Devin pant, "security had trouble getting us out. Is he ok?"
Jennifer looked down shaking her head, "The doctors are with him...but..." She hesitated.
"But what?" Brian asked.
She looked up at them with tears in her eyes. "His heart...it had already stopped beating by the time they got him here. I watched him stop breathing."
Brian nervously ran his hand over his head. "Dev...somebody has to reach D."
"She knows...shes on a plane now," Jennifer answered.
Brian plopped down in a chair with a sigh, "Man how did shit get so fucked up?"
Devin looked at him. He wanted to remind him that he had tried to warn him. He knew Brian could have cared less about Seth. He had but one thought on his mind, himself. He knew that without Seth Faithless would be dead in the water, but that was fine by him. They needed to leave all this craziness behind. Without Faithless maybe that could happen before another one of them ended up in an ER. Things had changed so much since they had sold theit souls to Faithless.
Moments later Dr. Gibbons was walking up to them in scrubs. "They managed to revive him with 2 shots of adrenaline in his heart. Theyre pumping his stomach now."
"So hes gonna make it?" Brian asked sounding relieved.
"I think so...but the dope has to stop. His body is in no condition to keep doing this."
Devin glared at him, "Youre the one who got him started with those damn pills and shots."
"I didnt tell him to take 10 pills at a time. And I assure you I NEVER gave him heroin! Dr. Gibbons snapped back. "This life style you all chose did this! Your drug addicted groupies did this!"
Jennifer put her hands over her ears and shout, "Dont any of you get it?! Seth did this to himself! Others may have opened the door, but he's the one that decided to walk through it! All he wanted was to be with D...but all of you fought him. All of you wanted this bullshit life so bad that he and D sacrificed themselves on a fucking cross for you! None of you have ever watched they way they look at one another. You dont see how much they belong together! You have no idea how much it hurt them to see other people and to stay apart! They did it for this stupid band and what thanks did they get?!"
Jennifer had spent more one on one time with Seth in the past two years than all of them combined. She knew how much didnt want to let the band down. She knew how important the feeling of acceptance was to him. That was all he ever wanted, acceptance and unconditional love. His horrible child hood had robbed him of those things. But D and the band were his entire life force. Seth loved D so much that it actually showed now. Jennifer sensed that maybe the baby had really put things into perspective for him. She knew he honestly wanted to be the father he himself never had. He felt like D took his option away. In his mind D had abandoned him just the same as everyone else ever had. D was the one person who he had shared some of his darkest secrets with. He was so attached to D that losing her pushed him over the edge. Jennifer knew that Seth's 'edge' was far scarier than most's. It was apparent that Seth was suicidal, and had scars that suggested he had in the past as well. Tonight may have been intentional on his part. How much longer before he pulled it off? He was screaming for help, why was there none?
"Seth needs help," Jennifer spoke aloud, "real help. Help he cant get around any of this."
"I completely agree," Devin nodded, "Seth has too much shit to overcome...but here theres Havoc...here theres drugs...booze beyond booze."
"Dude we cant just drop everything cause Seth has a drug problem." Brian sighs.
Devin looks to him with scrunched brows, "What?"
"He just needs a babysitter that can kick his ass," he shrug.
Devin shook his head at Brian, "Hes a fucking junkie...if its around he will find a way to get it!"
"Brian," Martin piped up, "you know the road is no place to be if youre trying to be sober."
"Hes really sick dude," Danny added.
Devin spoke again, "He needs some time off. From here we can have him sent off for mental evaluation and rehab." He looked to Brian. He knew the best way to convince Brian was to convince him it was the best thing for Faithless. No one would convince him but Devin. "If he just steps out of the spotlight for a year the world wont forget him. Seth Chandler is a household name. Dude this is your dream come true. If you keep dragging him along hes gonna fuckin die and you know it. Look how many times he's tried lately...youve seen those scars on his wrist. Faithless will die right along with him. But if you give him maybe a year to get help...he'd be back and be better than ever."
Brian shook his head, "I knew the two of them would ruin everything."
"Dude you chose them," Devin emphasized. "You had Brianna leave him stranded in LA in your house so he would be your singer. I saw your eyes say cha-ching the moment you heard him sing! And D...you spent 3 whole days getting drunk in strip clubs to find her. You picked them because you knew what you had in them. You built this band around them, just like a body around a heart..."
May 28, 2010
Athens, Greece
D nervously pushed the door open and walked into Seth's room. The first thing to catch her eye was the two IV's running into his arm. He was so pale. He had lost so much weight that she could see his eye sockets and jaw bones jutting out. Both eyes were red and puffy and encompassed by black circles. She slowly and quietly made her way over to him lying in the bed. Getting closer she could see all the knots and bruised up and down his left arm. Tears began welling up in her eyes. Hey eyes scanned him more. His wrists were uncovered. They were as white as white could get. She could see the edge of a fresh oozing scar on his left wrist and perhaps a stitch. Crazy people did these things. She never thought of him as crazy, damaged definately, but not crazy. This told her how much he really needed some help.
She walked over to the window watching the early morning sunrays peep over the hill tops. Athens was beautiful. The buildings were made in styles she had never before seen. In the distance on the orange horizon she could make out the ruins of the Parthenon, high up on its hilltop. She wished she and Seth were sharing this moment alot differently. They should have been asleep somewhere in each other's arms. It shouldnt have been like this.
God what was she going to say to him when he woke up? She knew he loved her. She knew he wanted the baby. But how could it ever work? They couldnt be a family on a bus, plane, or at a hotel. They couldnt raise a child from the stage. There were probably laws that would prohibt them to even subject a child to a day in their lifestyle.
As she peered out the window time slipped by. Out side she could see thousands of fans gathered on the hospital grounds with signs, candles, and flowers. She assumed the signs were mostly get well wishes. It almost looked like a show was about to start. When she was in the hospital in Alaska there was nowhere as many people. But then, Seth had always had the ability to draw a crowd.
In the bed behind her Seth's eyes fluttered and opened. He felt the weight of the world sink down on him as he realized he was in a hospital bed. He was swept with disappointment. He didnt want to be ther. He wasnt supposed to have lived. He had Brian shoot him with enough coke to blow up a cows heart. Why did someone always stop him from leaving? Then his eyes fell on the image at the window. He wasnt sure if it were real. Maybe he was still high. Dreaming perhaps. Maybe he did die...how else could he be in a room with what appeared to be D?
He could see sunlight illuminating her skin. It was glowing in shades of bronze and tan. She looked so beautiful, like an angel. Was it an angel? Was this an illusion? He carefully lift his head, afraid her image would disappear. When her form didnt fade he began to assume this was real. His eyes fell on the profile of her stomach in its delicate state. He had never seen her more beautiful than at that precise moment.
A faint smile couldnt help but come to his lips. He felt a tear roll from the corner of his eye. She actually came back. He parted his lips and drew in a breath. His throat felt sore and dry. His head pounded and his guts churned, but in that perfect moment he didnt even care. There was so much he wanted to tell her but his mind was swept blank with the vision of her.
"You's came," he softly and hoarsely uttered as he extended his hand out toward her.
D spun around to see a soft disbelieving smile on his face. "Seth..." she said forcing a smile to her face to try to hide her fear but it was no good. She knew he could see it. She slowly approached the bed and took his hand in hers. Her eyes filled with tears. "Im so sorry I didnt call," she said as the tears unleashed with sobs.
"Shhh," Seth whispered trying to calm her down. "Its straight now," he tried to reassure her. "I's sorry for bein s'a stupid D. I's shoulda told ya I's in love wit you's in Anchorage...da minute I's knew it myself. Dat when it hits me...when I's almost lost ya." His eyes met hers, hypnotized. "Is shoulda told you but I's scared cuz I aint undastands it." He kissed the back of her hand. "They's wuz so many signs...I's shoulda known. I shoulda known when my ass wuz sneakin inta da Champagne Room to watch you dance. I's shoulda known all dem times when I's jus wanted ta smell ya hair. Or when I's pretended som otha girl wuz you. I's shoulda said...somethin."
"I should have too," she nodded as the tears fell from her eyes. "I should have said it to you when you said it to me. Ive loved you always...since the moment I saw you. I do love you Seth."
Seth glanced to her fingers intertwined in his. "Let me marry you's," he softly replied with tears in his eyes. "Please..." he almost pleaded kissing her hand again. "I wants ta marry you's baby."
Her tears of confusion were overcome with tears of joy. She had dreamed of him saying those words to her. She so desperately wanted to say yes, but fear made her hesitate to answer. She could see her pause was making him apprehensive. All he needed to hear was one little word. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked to his hand in hers. "What about the drug problem?"
"D ya's know I can stop...I's done. Da only reason I's eva done em wuz cuz I couldnt have you." He paused and tried to smile. "I's got ya a ring an evathang."
D could tell he was trying to change the subject. "Are you sure you can stop?" She cautiously asked.
"Jus lets me shows ya," he said quietly as he retracted his fingers from hers. He slowly extended them out to rest on her stomach. He was surprised at how hard it felt. Then the baby moved under his hand. He drew his breath in as feelings swept him. That was his. That small squirm under his hand was his baby. He never though he would see D again, or the baby, but here they both were. He though he had lost them forever.
"Did you feel it?" D asked hoping that he had. He could only nod in amazement as more tears came to his eyes. She could literally see his heart swell with emotion. She had never seen such a look of awe and adoration on his face before. "Are you sure youre ready for all this?" She asked.
Seth looked up at her with tears and nodded. "I aint know how dis gone work...but I's gots ta try an make it. Please...just let me try."
"How?" She shrugged, "When the baby comes..."
Seth quickly cut her off, "Baby, you's an me is meant ta be. We'sll find a way. I promise. It gone be a'ite."
"How do you know...we cant live in hotels and on..."
"'Ay," he cut her off once more, "looks at me," he said directing her eyes to his. It had been so long since he had looked at her through completely sober eyes. For a change she could see the beautiful tones of brown and green. "Wes gone be a'ite baby," he said with that power of persuasion he had once had. "Please...marry me."
D leaned over and gently kissed his dry cracked lips. "Ok," she smiled as tears came once more. She could see the relief and joy sweep his face and twinkle in his hazle eyes. She had missed that twinkle. Their thoughts were soon distracted by a knock at the door and Dr. Gibbons walking in.
"Good morning," he cordially nodded. "How are you feeling today Seth?" He asked picking up his chart and scanning it.
"Like I's had a hell of a nite," he answered. He motioned at his throat, "My throat hurt...an my chest ache...feel like I's punched in da chest."
"Well," Dr. Gibbons sighed, "thats because you did have one hell of a night last night. Your throat is most likely sore from all the things that had to be crammed down it to save your life. Your chest is sore from about 10 minutes of CPR. You actually have a cracked rib due to it. Then lets not forget the two 3 inch needles that had to be stabbed through your breast plate and into your heart." He shined a small flashlight into Seths eyes. "You were DOA when we got you here so yeah...you had one hell of a night."
A confused look came to his face as he looked to D. "What?" he asked in bewilderment. He knew he had overdosed. He knew he was hoping it would kill him. He wasnt aware that it actually had. He could remember no inviting peace while standing in that vast open voidless place he had at 13. "I's died?"
"Yes," Dr. Gibbons seriously nodded. "You died last night in the back of an ambulance." He could see what little color Seth had leave his face. "You were officially dead 7 minutes. They almost called it 3 times. If you would have been anyone other than Seth Chandler they would have. They brought you back. One more minute and you would have most likely been beyond saving. 8 minutes Seth...thats all it takes for the brain to die once your heart stops. After that...theres no bringing you back." He stuck a stethescope to his neck, "Breathe in," he instructed.
"Seth did so and tried to absorb what Dr. Gibbons was telling him. He had no clue he almost pulled it off. He looked up at D. Without last night she wouldnt be here today. But then, if he succeeded she wouldnt be there now either.
Dr. Gibbons glanced back to Seths chart again. "Your toxicity levels for heroin were 5 times over human limits...Cocaine 4 times over human limits...Dexedrine levels were off the chart. Normally thse levels arent so high in a typical overdose...Seth, Im inclined to believe this was another of your suicide attempts."
D watched as Seth rest his head back on the pillows and sighed staring up at the ceiling. He was right...it had been a suicide attempt. He knew he had injected enough heroin to knock out a whale and had Brian shove enough coke in him to take out an elephant. Last night he just didnt care.
"Seth?" D asked wanting answers.
He looks to her and sighs, "It aint happenin no mo...I's had a shitty day...dats all ova now. I's straight cuz I gots you...You's gone marry me and we gone be a'ite..." He seemed convincing. D wondered if he was trying to convince himself as well.
"For the 3 of you my best wishes," Dr. Gibbons says, "Thats why, for the 3 of you, Im having you committed to a psychiatric ward for evaluation."
"Dawg," Seth smiled, "I's straight...for real. Today da best day a my life...D gone marry me. I's ready ta gets on wit dat."
"Thats wonderful Seth, but I just cant let you make that decision today. We all know last night wasnt the first time you tried. It wasnt even the second or the third was it? You need help. Normal people dont just try to kill them selves because their girlfriend leaves them. You cant be a husband and a father until you repair the damage."
Seth's eyebrows furrowed, "How long I's gots ta stay for?"
"A minimum of 3 day and up to how ever long it takes. I can have you transfered anywhere you want to go."
Seth's gaze fell out the window and lingered there for a while.
"Seth?" D asked needing answers to what had been going on since she left.
She could see him tearing up as his gaze still fixed out the window.
"Shit hurt s'a much...I's didnt neva thank I's gone see you or da baby again...I's wuz all alone...I's tried ta makes it stop wit da dope, but it neva went away." His crying eyes look to D. I's jus couldnt stop thankin bouts you's D...I's didnt know how else ta makes da shit stop..." A light sweat was coming to his flesh and he was losing what color there was to his skin. His lips became white.
"Are you ok?" D asked him.
He shook his head no and reached for a vomit tray. He breathed in deeply and felt his gag reflex kick in.
"Its ok," D said rubbing his back.
Seth vomited yellow stomach acid until it became dry heaves. He rested back on the bed and looked to D. "I's sorry baby." He paused a moment then changed the subject. "Havoc gone love me bein committed."
D looked down and responded, "Theyve already cancelled the rest of the tour."
"Cancelled?" He repeated the word. He never thought they would even consider such. He figured he was due to be on stage tonight. He began feeling nervous all of the sudden. His creased forehead looked to D. "Did I's fuckin blow it?"
"No," she shook her head. "No not at all. Havoc had me do a press conference. Now the fans know the truth about us...the baby...everything. Me being pregnant, and you being doped up made them see that it was time for a break."
Their conversation was interrupted by a tap at the door and then Dean, their publicist, popped into the room. D sighed with a frown. She really hated that guy. All their publicity, the press, the rumors, all of it was Deans brainchild. He alone was responsible for Havoc's actions and conduct with them. Dean was the one who made the money really come in for them. The more people saw Seth and D in the headlines the more cd's they would buy, the more merchandise they could sell, bigger concerts. He and these Havoc executives sat around and actually dreamed up how to run, manage, flip, mangle, and destroy their lives. D wondered if they were capable of fixing it all back.
"Hey man, how are you feeling," He smiled to Seth.
Seth made no reply because he too hated this guy.
"Delivering something," He smiles handing Seth an envelope from Havoc Records.
Seth tears it open and pulls out a check for 600,000.00 dollars. "What dis is? Severance pay"
"No," Dean said puzzled, "Why would you think that?"
"Cuz they's cancelled da tour..."
"No they did that primarily because of D. Frankly, the fans dont like you as much without D. They want her back. They want to see you two falling in love every night on that stage," he says with fines.
"Wow Dawg," Seth says as he lays the check aside. "So den dis is they goin rate for suicide 'tempts?" He then looked to D, "Sound like one a us shoulda tried ta kill theyself a long ass time ago...it fucking pays great!" His gaze turned cold and uncaring to Dean. "Dawg, gets da fuck out my room."
"Come on Seth dont be like that...we'll get you all lined out. We will send you to some Island resort rehab for celebrities and everything will be great. D will have the baby..."
Seth interrupted him, "Oh I's gets it dawg...ya's broke me, now fix me? Right?"
"I think he asked you to leave," D said seeing how agitated Seth was becoming.
"Ok, Ok," he sighs, "just one quick question before I go. Is there going to be a wedding?"
"Somebody gets dis asshole out my mothafuckin room!" Seth shout.
"Come on," Dean continued, "I need to know. A wedding takes preperations. There will be a press release..."
D motioned to Javier and Jim Jay to come get Dean. They calmly escourted him from the room. Seth sighed in relief.
D looked to him. "That was a good question," she smiled.
"What?" Seth asked feeling distracted.
"Is there going to be a wedding?" She asked.
He took her hand, "They'sll be whateva you's want."
"What do you want?" she asked him.
A tender smile came to his lips as he nodded, "You." He slightly huffed, "I'sd marry you's tonite iffin I's could...but it gone have ta wait a bit. I's got dis gig up at da nuthouse an dis tour down in da tropics first."
D laughed and Seth smiled brightly enjoying making her laugh again.
"A planned wedding would just be for the press and for Havoc," D said. "They may make us go through it, but I dont want that to be it...our moment."
"I'sd be happy iffin it wuz jus you's an me."
"Vegas," D nodded.
"Straight baby," Seth nodded. "I love ya's baby."
May 27, 2010
Athens, Greece
Meanwhile in Athens the doctors worked diligently trying to save Seth. He had already been pronounced dead by the EMS. Jennifer had been there as his eyes flew open for one last gasp of breath before falling limply back onto the gurney. She didnt think he could survive this. They guys all sat around watching their futures hang in the balance. They all knew Faithless would have no chance without Seth. Emotions were tense as they waited in silence for some word from doctors. Was he gone? Or were they able to save him.
Devin and Brian rushed up to Jennifer out of breath. "We got here as soon as we could," Devin pant, "security had trouble getting us out. Is he ok?"
Jennifer looked down shaking her head, "The doctors are with him...but..." She hesitated.
"But what?" Brian asked.
She looked up at them with tears in her eyes. "His heart...it had already stopped beating by the time they got him here. I watched him stop breathing."
Brian nervously ran his hand over his head. "Dev...somebody has to reach D."
"She knows...shes on a plane now," Jennifer answered.
Brian plopped down in a chair with a sigh, "Man how did shit get so fucked up?"
Devin looked at him. He wanted to remind him that he had tried to warn him. He knew Brian could have cared less about Seth. He had but one thought on his mind, himself. He knew that without Seth Faithless would be dead in the water, but that was fine by him. They needed to leave all this craziness behind. Without Faithless maybe that could happen before another one of them ended up in an ER. Things had changed so much since they had sold theit souls to Faithless.
Moments later Dr. Gibbons was walking up to them in scrubs. "They managed to revive him with 2 shots of adrenaline in his heart. Theyre pumping his stomach now."
"So hes gonna make it?" Brian asked sounding relieved.
"I think so...but the dope has to stop. His body is in no condition to keep doing this."
Devin glared at him, "Youre the one who got him started with those damn pills and shots."
"I didnt tell him to take 10 pills at a time. And I assure you I NEVER gave him heroin! Dr. Gibbons snapped back. "This life style you all chose did this! Your drug addicted groupies did this!"
Jennifer put her hands over her ears and shout, "Dont any of you get it?! Seth did this to himself! Others may have opened the door, but he's the one that decided to walk through it! All he wanted was to be with D...but all of you fought him. All of you wanted this bullshit life so bad that he and D sacrificed themselves on a fucking cross for you! None of you have ever watched they way they look at one another. You dont see how much they belong together! You have no idea how much it hurt them to see other people and to stay apart! They did it for this stupid band and what thanks did they get?!"
Jennifer had spent more one on one time with Seth in the past two years than all of them combined. She knew how much didnt want to let the band down. She knew how important the feeling of acceptance was to him. That was all he ever wanted, acceptance and unconditional love. His horrible child hood had robbed him of those things. But D and the band were his entire life force. Seth loved D so much that it actually showed now. Jennifer sensed that maybe the baby had really put things into perspective for him. She knew he honestly wanted to be the father he himself never had. He felt like D took his option away. In his mind D had abandoned him just the same as everyone else ever had. D was the one person who he had shared some of his darkest secrets with. He was so attached to D that losing her pushed him over the edge. Jennifer knew that Seth's 'edge' was far scarier than most's. It was apparent that Seth was suicidal, and had scars that suggested he had in the past as well. Tonight may have been intentional on his part. How much longer before he pulled it off? He was screaming for help, why was there none?
"Seth needs help," Jennifer spoke aloud, "real help. Help he cant get around any of this."
"I completely agree," Devin nodded, "Seth has too much shit to overcome...but here theres Havoc...here theres drugs...booze beyond booze."
"Dude we cant just drop everything cause Seth has a drug problem." Brian sighs.
Devin looks to him with scrunched brows, "What?"
"He just needs a babysitter that can kick his ass," he shrug.
Devin shook his head at Brian, "Hes a fucking junkie...if its around he will find a way to get it!"
"Brian," Martin piped up, "you know the road is no place to be if youre trying to be sober."
"Hes really sick dude," Danny added.
Devin spoke again, "He needs some time off. From here we can have him sent off for mental evaluation and rehab." He looked to Brian. He knew the best way to convince Brian was to convince him it was the best thing for Faithless. No one would convince him but Devin. "If he just steps out of the spotlight for a year the world wont forget him. Seth Chandler is a household name. Dude this is your dream come true. If you keep dragging him along hes gonna fuckin die and you know it. Look how many times he's tried lately...youve seen those scars on his wrist. Faithless will die right along with him. But if you give him maybe a year to get help...he'd be back and be better than ever."
Brian shook his head, "I knew the two of them would ruin everything."
"Dude you chose them," Devin emphasized. "You had Brianna leave him stranded in LA in your house so he would be your singer. I saw your eyes say cha-ching the moment you heard him sing! And D...you spent 3 whole days getting drunk in strip clubs to find her. You picked them because you knew what you had in them. You built this band around them, just like a body around a heart..."
May 28, 2010
Athens, Greece
D nervously pushed the door open and walked into Seth's room. The first thing to catch her eye was the two IV's running into his arm. He was so pale. He had lost so much weight that she could see his eye sockets and jaw bones jutting out. Both eyes were red and puffy and encompassed by black circles. She slowly and quietly made her way over to him lying in the bed. Getting closer she could see all the knots and bruised up and down his left arm. Tears began welling up in her eyes. Hey eyes scanned him more. His wrists were uncovered. They were as white as white could get. She could see the edge of a fresh oozing scar on his left wrist and perhaps a stitch. Crazy people did these things. She never thought of him as crazy, damaged definately, but not crazy. This told her how much he really needed some help.
She walked over to the window watching the early morning sunrays peep over the hill tops. Athens was beautiful. The buildings were made in styles she had never before seen. In the distance on the orange horizon she could make out the ruins of the Parthenon, high up on its hilltop. She wished she and Seth were sharing this moment alot differently. They should have been asleep somewhere in each other's arms. It shouldnt have been like this.
God what was she going to say to him when he woke up? She knew he loved her. She knew he wanted the baby. But how could it ever work? They couldnt be a family on a bus, plane, or at a hotel. They couldnt raise a child from the stage. There were probably laws that would prohibt them to even subject a child to a day in their lifestyle.
As she peered out the window time slipped by. Out side she could see thousands of fans gathered on the hospital grounds with signs, candles, and flowers. She assumed the signs were mostly get well wishes. It almost looked like a show was about to start. When she was in the hospital in Alaska there was nowhere as many people. But then, Seth had always had the ability to draw a crowd.
In the bed behind her Seth's eyes fluttered and opened. He felt the weight of the world sink down on him as he realized he was in a hospital bed. He was swept with disappointment. He didnt want to be ther. He wasnt supposed to have lived. He had Brian shoot him with enough coke to blow up a cows heart. Why did someone always stop him from leaving? Then his eyes fell on the image at the window. He wasnt sure if it were real. Maybe he was still high. Dreaming perhaps. Maybe he did die...how else could he be in a room with what appeared to be D?
He could see sunlight illuminating her skin. It was glowing in shades of bronze and tan. She looked so beautiful, like an angel. Was it an angel? Was this an illusion? He carefully lift his head, afraid her image would disappear. When her form didnt fade he began to assume this was real. His eyes fell on the profile of her stomach in its delicate state. He had never seen her more beautiful than at that precise moment.
A faint smile couldnt help but come to his lips. He felt a tear roll from the corner of his eye. She actually came back. He parted his lips and drew in a breath. His throat felt sore and dry. His head pounded and his guts churned, but in that perfect moment he didnt even care. There was so much he wanted to tell her but his mind was swept blank with the vision of her.
"You's came," he softly and hoarsely uttered as he extended his hand out toward her.
D spun around to see a soft disbelieving smile on his face. "Seth..." she said forcing a smile to her face to try to hide her fear but it was no good. She knew he could see it. She slowly approached the bed and took his hand in hers. Her eyes filled with tears. "Im so sorry I didnt call," she said as the tears unleashed with sobs.
"Shhh," Seth whispered trying to calm her down. "Its straight now," he tried to reassure her. "I's sorry for bein s'a stupid D. I's shoulda told ya I's in love wit you's in Anchorage...da minute I's knew it myself. Dat when it hits me...when I's almost lost ya." His eyes met hers, hypnotized. "Is shoulda told you but I's scared cuz I aint undastands it." He kissed the back of her hand. "They's wuz so many signs...I's shoulda known. I shoulda known when my ass wuz sneakin inta da Champagne Room to watch you dance. I's shoulda known all dem times when I's jus wanted ta smell ya hair. Or when I's pretended som otha girl wuz you. I's shoulda said...somethin."
"I should have too," she nodded as the tears fell from her eyes. "I should have said it to you when you said it to me. Ive loved you always...since the moment I saw you. I do love you Seth."
Seth glanced to her fingers intertwined in his. "Let me marry you's," he softly replied with tears in his eyes. "Please..." he almost pleaded kissing her hand again. "I wants ta marry you's baby."
Her tears of confusion were overcome with tears of joy. She had dreamed of him saying those words to her. She so desperately wanted to say yes, but fear made her hesitate to answer. She could see her pause was making him apprehensive. All he needed to hear was one little word. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked to his hand in hers. "What about the drug problem?"
"D ya's know I can stop...I's done. Da only reason I's eva done em wuz cuz I couldnt have you." He paused and tried to smile. "I's got ya a ring an evathang."
D could tell he was trying to change the subject. "Are you sure you can stop?" She cautiously asked.
"Jus lets me shows ya," he said quietly as he retracted his fingers from hers. He slowly extended them out to rest on her stomach. He was surprised at how hard it felt. Then the baby moved under his hand. He drew his breath in as feelings swept him. That was his. That small squirm under his hand was his baby. He never though he would see D again, or the baby, but here they both were. He though he had lost them forever.
"Did you feel it?" D asked hoping that he had. He could only nod in amazement as more tears came to his eyes. She could literally see his heart swell with emotion. She had never seen such a look of awe and adoration on his face before. "Are you sure youre ready for all this?" She asked.
Seth looked up at her with tears and nodded. "I aint know how dis gone work...but I's gots ta try an make it. Please...just let me try."
"How?" She shrugged, "When the baby comes..."
Seth quickly cut her off, "Baby, you's an me is meant ta be. We'sll find a way. I promise. It gone be a'ite."
"How do you know...we cant live in hotels and on..."
"'Ay," he cut her off once more, "looks at me," he said directing her eyes to his. It had been so long since he had looked at her through completely sober eyes. For a change she could see the beautiful tones of brown and green. "Wes gone be a'ite baby," he said with that power of persuasion he had once had. "Please...marry me."
D leaned over and gently kissed his dry cracked lips. "Ok," she smiled as tears came once more. She could see the relief and joy sweep his face and twinkle in his hazle eyes. She had missed that twinkle. Their thoughts were soon distracted by a knock at the door and Dr. Gibbons walking in.
"Good morning," he cordially nodded. "How are you feeling today Seth?" He asked picking up his chart and scanning it.
"Like I's had a hell of a nite," he answered. He motioned at his throat, "My throat hurt...an my chest ache...feel like I's punched in da chest."
"Well," Dr. Gibbons sighed, "thats because you did have one hell of a night last night. Your throat is most likely sore from all the things that had to be crammed down it to save your life. Your chest is sore from about 10 minutes of CPR. You actually have a cracked rib due to it. Then lets not forget the two 3 inch needles that had to be stabbed through your breast plate and into your heart." He shined a small flashlight into Seths eyes. "You were DOA when we got you here so yeah...you had one hell of a night."
A confused look came to his face as he looked to D. "What?" he asked in bewilderment. He knew he had overdosed. He knew he was hoping it would kill him. He wasnt aware that it actually had. He could remember no inviting peace while standing in that vast open voidless place he had at 13. "I's died?"
"Yes," Dr. Gibbons seriously nodded. "You died last night in the back of an ambulance." He could see what little color Seth had leave his face. "You were officially dead 7 minutes. They almost called it 3 times. If you would have been anyone other than Seth Chandler they would have. They brought you back. One more minute and you would have most likely been beyond saving. 8 minutes Seth...thats all it takes for the brain to die once your heart stops. After that...theres no bringing you back." He stuck a stethescope to his neck, "Breathe in," he instructed.
"Seth did so and tried to absorb what Dr. Gibbons was telling him. He had no clue he almost pulled it off. He looked up at D. Without last night she wouldnt be here today. But then, if he succeeded she wouldnt be there now either.
Dr. Gibbons glanced back to Seths chart again. "Your toxicity levels for heroin were 5 times over human limits...Cocaine 4 times over human limits...Dexedrine levels were off the chart. Normally thse levels arent so high in a typical overdose...Seth, Im inclined to believe this was another of your suicide attempts."
D watched as Seth rest his head back on the pillows and sighed staring up at the ceiling. He was right...it had been a suicide attempt. He knew he had injected enough heroin to knock out a whale and had Brian shove enough coke in him to take out an elephant. Last night he just didnt care.
"Seth?" D asked wanting answers.
He looks to her and sighs, "It aint happenin no mo...I's had a shitty day...dats all ova now. I's straight cuz I gots you...You's gone marry me and we gone be a'ite..." He seemed convincing. D wondered if he was trying to convince himself as well.
"For the 3 of you my best wishes," Dr. Gibbons says, "Thats why, for the 3 of you, Im having you committed to a psychiatric ward for evaluation."
"Dawg," Seth smiled, "I's straight...for real. Today da best day a my life...D gone marry me. I's ready ta gets on wit dat."
"Thats wonderful Seth, but I just cant let you make that decision today. We all know last night wasnt the first time you tried. It wasnt even the second or the third was it? You need help. Normal people dont just try to kill them selves because their girlfriend leaves them. You cant be a husband and a father until you repair the damage."
Seth's eyebrows furrowed, "How long I's gots ta stay for?"
"A minimum of 3 day and up to how ever long it takes. I can have you transfered anywhere you want to go."
Seth's gaze fell out the window and lingered there for a while.
"Seth?" D asked needing answers to what had been going on since she left.
She could see him tearing up as his gaze still fixed out the window.
"Shit hurt s'a much...I's didnt neva thank I's gone see you or da baby again...I's wuz all alone...I's tried ta makes it stop wit da dope, but it neva went away." His crying eyes look to D. I's jus couldnt stop thankin bouts you's D...I's didnt know how else ta makes da shit stop..." A light sweat was coming to his flesh and he was losing what color there was to his skin. His lips became white.
"Are you ok?" D asked him.
He shook his head no and reached for a vomit tray. He breathed in deeply and felt his gag reflex kick in.
"Its ok," D said rubbing his back.
Seth vomited yellow stomach acid until it became dry heaves. He rested back on the bed and looked to D. "I's sorry baby." He paused a moment then changed the subject. "Havoc gone love me bein committed."
D looked down and responded, "Theyve already cancelled the rest of the tour."
"Cancelled?" He repeated the word. He never thought they would even consider such. He figured he was due to be on stage tonight. He began feeling nervous all of the sudden. His creased forehead looked to D. "Did I's fuckin blow it?"
"No," she shook her head. "No not at all. Havoc had me do a press conference. Now the fans know the truth about us...the baby...everything. Me being pregnant, and you being doped up made them see that it was time for a break."
Their conversation was interrupted by a tap at the door and then Dean, their publicist, popped into the room. D sighed with a frown. She really hated that guy. All their publicity, the press, the rumors, all of it was Deans brainchild. He alone was responsible for Havoc's actions and conduct with them. Dean was the one who made the money really come in for them. The more people saw Seth and D in the headlines the more cd's they would buy, the more merchandise they could sell, bigger concerts. He and these Havoc executives sat around and actually dreamed up how to run, manage, flip, mangle, and destroy their lives. D wondered if they were capable of fixing it all back.
"Hey man, how are you feeling," He smiled to Seth.
Seth made no reply because he too hated this guy.
"Delivering something," He smiles handing Seth an envelope from Havoc Records.
Seth tears it open and pulls out a check for 600,000.00 dollars. "What dis is? Severance pay"
"No," Dean said puzzled, "Why would you think that?"
"Cuz they's cancelled da tour..."
"No they did that primarily because of D. Frankly, the fans dont like you as much without D. They want her back. They want to see you two falling in love every night on that stage," he says with fines.
"Wow Dawg," Seth says as he lays the check aside. "So den dis is they goin rate for suicide 'tempts?" He then looked to D, "Sound like one a us shoulda tried ta kill theyself a long ass time ago...it fucking pays great!" His gaze turned cold and uncaring to Dean. "Dawg, gets da fuck out my room."
"Come on Seth dont be like that...we'll get you all lined out. We will send you to some Island resort rehab for celebrities and everything will be great. D will have the baby..."
Seth interrupted him, "Oh I's gets it dawg...ya's broke me, now fix me? Right?"
"I think he asked you to leave," D said seeing how agitated Seth was becoming.
"Ok, Ok," he sighs, "just one quick question before I go. Is there going to be a wedding?"
"Somebody gets dis asshole out my mothafuckin room!" Seth shout.
"Come on," Dean continued, "I need to know. A wedding takes preperations. There will be a press release..."
D motioned to Javier and Jim Jay to come get Dean. They calmly escourted him from the room. Seth sighed in relief.
D looked to him. "That was a good question," she smiled.
"What?" Seth asked feeling distracted.
"Is there going to be a wedding?" She asked.
He took her hand, "They'sll be whateva you's want."
"What do you want?" she asked him.
A tender smile came to his lips as he nodded, "You." He slightly huffed, "I'sd marry you's tonite iffin I's could...but it gone have ta wait a bit. I's got dis gig up at da nuthouse an dis tour down in da tropics first."
D laughed and Seth smiled brightly enjoying making her laugh again.
"A planned wedding would just be for the press and for Havoc," D said. "They may make us go through it, but I dont want that to be it...our moment."
"I'sd be happy iffin it wuz jus you's an me."
"Vegas," D nodded.
"Straight baby," Seth nodded. "I love ya's baby."
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