My first monologue and HP fanfic. Rated for language. Harry's had enough of life. He's sick of saving people when they don't appreciate it. Don't kill me, it's my first fic here.
(#) falco_conlon 2005-06-17 10:23:05 AMDefinitely very well written. An interesting stand point that we got a glimpse of in OotP. Harry definitely has a lot of anger and you do a good job of conveying that. You include events from the book well and the piece flows nicely as a whole. The only suggestion I would have would be to leave out the descriptions of what he's doing in the brackets. It's a little distracting and doesn't really fit with the format of the story. Try describing it normally instead.
Besides that awesome job and a very good first piece of fiction! Much better than my first was, trust me ^_^ Keep writing!
- Thanks. I'll work on that. When I first wrote this, I had a small script in mind. I had been reading monologues and I noticed that the actions were written out to help the person auditioning. It just made it look less like they were just standing there and set the tone a bit. Thanks for the advice, though! :D