(#) falco_conlon 2005-06-17Definitely very well written. An interesting stand point that we got a glimpse of in OotP. Harry definitely has a lot of anger and you do a good job of conveying that. You include events from the book well and the piece flows nicely as a whole. The only suggestion I would have would be to leave out the descriptions of what he's doing in the brackets. It's a little distracting and doesn't really fit with the format of the story. Try describing it normally instead.
Besides that awesome job and a very good first piece of fiction! Much better than my first was, trust me ^_^ Keep writing!
- Thanks. I'll work on that. When I first wrote this, I had a small script in mind. I had been reading monologues and I noticed that the actions were written out to help the person auditioning. It just made it look less like they were just standing there and set the tone a bit. Thanks for the advice, though! :D
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