Categories > Original > Humor > Insanity is Inherited: Quotes by Jennifer and Susan Strong and other random people

Random insanity(AKA, I can't think of a title!)

by Jaded110 2 reviews

My mom and I have interesting converstions. This here proves it! R for swearing (on both sides!)

Category: Humor - Rating: R - Genres: Humor - Published: 2005-06-17 - Updated: 2005-06-17 - 2480 words

Insanity is Inherited: Quotes by Jennifer and Susan Strong And Other Random People

1. "Meeeeehehehehehehehehehe!"~Me imitating Gir from Invader Zim.

2. "Do you know the muffin man?"~Me. "Yeah, I know the muffin man, he lives on Drury Lane."~Mom. Explanation: I said this randomly and she answered like we were having a conversation.

3. "You have too much time on your hands."~Mom. Sad yet true. Muahahaha.

4. "I had a coke and blue raspberry slurpee! WEEEE!"~Me "o.O"~Mom

5. "Shithead, go to your room!"~Me while Mom and I were discussing naughty names to name your children in the car.

6. "Okay, how did we go from the name Richard to the name Vagina?!"~Me, see above.

7. "Dick, bring Vagina inside the house this instant!"~Mom. Long story that I don't think anyone wants to hear.

8. "I'm gonna make faces at you behind my hair!"~Mom. She has really long hair and when she's hyper, she pulls her hair over her face.

9. "Your great grandmother would hate the way my hair looks right now!"~Apparently, Mom's grandmother hated long, straight hair.

10. "Jen, help me clean off the table, it looks like Bill and Monica slept on it."~Mom, commenting on how filthy our table is. I'm sure you know who Bill and Monica are. ;) This one is OLD.

11. "Where do you get this stuff?!"~Mom. "Here and there."~Me. I was reading one of those funny lists on how to annoy people.

12. "Jen, you sound like a hyena!"~Mom, when I was laughing too hard at some comedian on TV

13. "You know you should go to sleep when the sheep you're counting start to hit the fence."~Mom, while we were watching General Hospital and she was falling asleep.

14. "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"~Me watching General Hospital when it ended during a really cruel cliffhanger(It always does).

15. "You're cute when you get all upset."~Mom, responding to #14.

16. "Oh, shaddup."~Me responding to #15.

17. "I HATE YOU, CARLY CORINTHOS! LEAVE SAM ALONE, DAMMIT!"~Me ranting at the television.

18. "SILVER PUNCH-BUGGY!"~Me and Mom shouting at the same time.

19. "Gaz, there's an alien in the house!"~Me. "You mean besides you?"~Mom. We had WAAAAAY too much caffeine one morning and we were channeling Invader Zim.

20. "Okay, so I goofed. When the hell are you gonna learn to cook?!"~Mom, when we had a particularly crappy-tasting meal with pasta, peas and...bacon bits?!

21. "I'm full!"~Me. "Of what?"~Mom. We had just gotten out of Taco Bell and I was imitating the new commercial.

22. "I've gotta start writing this shit down!"~Me. Guess what? Muahahahaha!

23. "SPINNY CHAIR!"~Me, when we were in Best Buy one day.

24. "Note to self: Work on evil laugh..."~Mom, one Halloween.

25. "That girl had pink hair! Hair is NOT supposed to be PINK!"~Mom ranting. Sometimes I forget how old-fashioned she can be.

26. "CHEEEEEESECAAAAAKE!!!!!"~Me, when Uncle John and Uncle Billy bought us a cheesecake. I hopped up and down as well.

27. "Let's use Mommy's head as a joystick!"~Mom while she was sleeping and I was playing with her head.

28. "Mom are you okay?"~Me. "No, I'm mad at my foil."~Mom, while she was wrapping up our leftovers and the foil stuck. I laughed so hard that I think I cracked a rib.

29. "You must be hearing the voices again, because I didn't call you."~Mom. I had been listening to my cd player and I thought she called, but she didn't. (And for the record, I don't hear voices, I just like to pretend I do. XP)

30. "I never realized how much the dialogue on the old Power Rangers episodes sucked, but DAMN IS TOMMY HOT!"~Me, gushing over my old Power Rangers tapes. (And specifically, the White/Green Ranger from the old episodes;))

31. "You still have a crush on Taylor Hanson?"~Mom. "I'm 20, Mom, but I'm not dead!"~Me, while we were watching a recent Hanson DVD. (Shut up, I still love Hanson!)

32. "My pants are falling up!"~Me trying to pull my jeans straight.

33. "Bloody tap-dancing hell!"~Me shouting as a bee flew through the car window.

34. "I don't like bees... They're always plotting something and it always involves me!"~Me, explaining my fear of bees.

35. "The bees like you, Jen, they think you have sweet blood."~Mom. "For some reason, that is NOT calming me down."~Me. We were talking about a beehive that was in a tree, and I naturally flipped out and closed all the windows in the car.

36. "Ding-dong, the moth is dead..."~Mom singing after she killed one of the many clothing moths in our house.

37. "Jean, you're making my eyeballs curl!"~Mom. Just...don't ask.
38. "You're both nuts!"~And Grandma makes a cameo appearance!

39. "Don't play with it, your toes'll fall off!"~Mom. Again....Don't ask.

40. "DON'T FAN THE SPIDER, KILL IT!!"~Mom. There was a spider on the door.

41. "I'm gonna rub your head for luck!"~Mom. I just got my hair cut really short, and Mom likes to play with it.

42. "MOM, I'M TRYING TO TYPE!"~Me, while Mom was making me laugh writing this list.

43. "It's nice and soft like velvet!"~Mom while she was playing with my really short hair.

44. "Hehehehehehehehehehehesnort-- Aigh!"~Me, watching Bill Engvall and snorting as I laughed. It hurt.

45. "You honestly trust me to drive anything that moves?!"~Me, when Mom suggested I join the Navy and learn to fly a plane as a joke.

46."My fantasy? A night of passion with the Red Ranger... Specifically, our honeymoon."~Me thinking naughty thoughts while watching Power Rangers Zeo

47. "The mousse can stay in the jungle where they belong."~Grandma "There's no moose in the jungle!!"~Mom. And to think this all started when I said that Grandma needed some mousse in her hair...

48."It schmelled the sugar."~Me. A bee flew in the car and Mom flipped out. I reacted about ten seconds after she did. There is no explanation for this quote.

49. "I sound like Columbo!"~Me, about above quote.

50. "That's getting added!"~Me, about everything my mother says.

51. "Jennifer's favorite vegetable: Buttered rice."~Mom, while cooking dinner.

52. "Time for me to go change my Depends!"~ My teacher Mrs. Peters makes a cameo appearance!

53. "Get yer minds outta the gutter!"~Me to my classmates the other day. I had mentioned that a friend of mine and I went to a school called Seamen's Neck and they started giggling! Immature morons...

54. "I have this really bad habit of clicking my tongue."~Me. "Why don't you stop, then?"~Mom. "I dunno, it just does it by itself."~Me. "Yeah, your tongue has a mind of it's own!"~Mom. A conversation we had just now.

55. "Help me stop the clicking!"~Me about my tongue clickiness.

56. "Oh, shit, I'm conscious!"~Mom one morning

57. "I need Mountain Dew!"~Mom "No, you need therapy is what you need."~Me. We were on our way to Sizzler and we were... hyper.

58. "My hair is going in my nose and up my eyeballs."~Mom. Is that possible?!

59. "No! No chocolate-covered espresso beans for-- ooh, what pretty flowers!"~ Mom. Just don't ask.

60. "If Abatelli says ping-pong, I will hurt him."~ Me during gym to my friend Desira.

61. "Yay! We suck!"~ Me during tennis.

62. "No, damn tennis ball, you hit the wall, not the fence!"~ Desira, when she missed the wall during tennis.

63. "Ping-pong is like a midget version of tennis."~ My insights on tennis and ping-pong.

64. "I just hate polka dots!"~Me watching General Hospital.

65. "Sam's wearing a tablecloth!"~Mom, last night.

66. "Ha ha, Courtney's a nun!"~ Me. I get happy when I'm tired!

67. "Get me OUT of these damn shoes, this damn shirt and this damn uniform!"~Me ranting after Work Experience.

68. "Some people chew on popcorn, I chew on ice."~Me, chewing on my ice cubes.

69. "So, how much does the sports shit... I mean..."~Mrs. Beltrani during math. She actually said the 's' word, but it was accidental.

70."Haha, Mrs. B. cursed!"~Me calling her out on the above comment.

71. "Ha, I got two Dr. Peppers! Nyah!"~Me. The lady at the register at McDonalds gave me an extra Dr. Pepper.

72. "Worship my Dr. Pepperyness!"~Yep, definitely have to lay off the DP.

73. "Desperate Housewives: Knot's Landing on crack."~The wisdom of one Susan Strong.

74. "Is it wrong that I'm addicted to the chocolate filling in the Oreos?"~Me. Seriously, the center of the reversed Oreos is addicting!

75. "Admit it, you want me to finish this list, don't you?!"~Me, during a hyper moment. Mom was batting a thousand and I was teasing her.

76. "Stop poking me, people are starting to stare!"~Me to Desira at lunch.

77. "Kerry."
"Bush!"~Me and my job coach Maryann. We were discussing the Election. More like arguing, but hey, when in Rome...

78. "If Kerry loses this election I'm gonna freaking SHIT A GOLD BRICK!"~Me ranting while watching the election stats.

79. "That's IT, I'm moving to Canada!"~Me when I found out Bush won the elections.

80. "Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck in a Twinkie?"~Me randomly at lunch one day while Nick was eating a Twinkie.

81. "I said hello, and the 5 million dollars walked out the door and waved bye-bye!"~Mom, responding to a Lotto commercial.

82. "Let's watch Star Wars and quote it!"~We have too much time on our hands, I swear to God.

83. "Bad chicken!"~Mom when she dropped a piece of chicken on the floor.

84. "Dude, I can't parallel park for shit!"~Me playing a game where you try to park your car in a parallel space.

85. "The hen must've been smoking during pregnancy."~Me when my mom showed me a long, skinny egg.

86. "The hen that laid this must've had a helluva time!"~Mom showing me said egg.

87. "I've got patches of itch!"~Mom when she had a really bad rash on her arms and back.

88. "I give you itch!"~Mom. I think the Benadryl must have gone to her head.

89. "Let's go to a bar and get drunk." "hiccup"~Me and then Grandma. The timing on this was perfect!

90. "Vips, he did it again!"~Yes, before that poser Britney was even born, my mother said this. Feel the heat, Britney!

91. "Are you gonna stop playing with my hair?" "Are you gonna stop arguing with Dad?"~Mom and I one morning.

92. "COME ON, PERK DAMMIT!"~Me this morning. Can you tell I'm addicted to coffee?!

93. "Excuse me, I just need to get this out. AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"~Me on the bus home from Work Experience.

94. "Having fun?"~Rich "Yeah, I'm just going nucking futs!"~Me. A small conversation we had during work at McDonalds.

95. "Damn bloody coffee machine...Who drinks coffee while eating a fish sandwich anyway?!"~Me thinking this at McDonalds. I swear those coffee machines are rigged somehow.

96. "My fuse is thisshort right now and... Goddamnit!"~Me having a slight temper tantrum to myself at McDonalds at lunchtime. I dropped the cups when I was thinking this, and I was already very frustrated.

97. "DIE EVIL TWITCHY THING!"~ Me spazzing out and stabbing at a meat clump while washing dishes.

98. "What do you want for your birthday?"~Mom "Well, it starts with 'B' and ends in 'BOX SET.'"~Me "Oh, you mean you want the Beethoven box set!"~Mom. What a bloody comedian this one is!>>>points to mom

99. "Come inside!" "Mom, I'm doing something." "Fine don't. I'm gonna go inside and hide under the bed now."~Me and Mom.

100. "I'm calling Motormouth!"~My mother can't sing, but I love her anyways.gets choked

101. "I'm coming back in 5 minutes and torturing you."~Mocking laugh You're hilarious. Really, I'm on the floor here.

102. "Tappity frickity tappity tap tap..."~Me ranting after dance rehearsal.

103. "Take one, I'm counting them."~Mom REALLY likes cashews. She hoards them.

104. "Grandma's got pointy elf ears!"~Mom playing with my grandmother's ears.

105. "You mean I have to go shopping on top of the tappity tap?!"~Me whining after dance practice.

106. "Insanity spanned three generations in this family. I take after Mom and she takes after Grandma! It's inherited, I tell you!"~Me explaining why we're so weird.

107. "I'd better fill the gas tank or you're gonna have to push the car."~Mo-om, why do I have to do everything?!

108. "I'll push, you steer." "Yeah, right into the first tree."~You give me no credit do you Mom?

109. "That's getting added!" "No it isn't!"~Mom and I after she said something weird.

110. "Jennifer's playing with her soup!"~Mom was in a weird mood, that's all I'll say.

111. "I have pizza sauce on my shirt."~I said this randomly when I got off work and was complaining about my coat.

112. "Bad popcorn!"~Me at work dropping a bag of popcorn.

113. "It's good to be insane!"~My philosophy on life.

114. "Are you sure you and Desira are friends?"~Mom after my friend Desira and I kept tripping over each other.

115. "You and Desira's mother must meet!"~Me. "Oh, sh*t, you mean there's two other people as crazy as we are?!"~Mom

116. "We've gotta write down what we've gotta write down!"~English Mom! Do you speak it?! "No."

117. "I'm gonna go fight with my meatloaf."~??? Mom. Seriously, I worry about her.

118. "Cheating, bad, evil meatloaf. Okay, this conversation just got STUPID!"~Mom rambling.

119. "Can I put peanut butter in the meatloaf?"~No you may not, Mom.

120. "Sanity out the window!"~Mom, a second later checks watch five seconds... Wow, a new record...

121. "Take that!"~Mom was fighting with the grated cheese...

122. "Stinky cheese!"~My mother was in one of THOSE moods, in case you don't know...

123. "Get back in there, I don't need you tonight!"~Mom talks to cans.

124. "Cream of what?"~Mom, talking to herself.

125. "What are you doing? I'm talking to the vending machine."~The sad part was, the vending machine beeped back!

126. "Shush!" "Shushing."~Me and Mom.

127. "Unless it's Billie Joe Armstrong, stay out of my room!"~Me early one morning when Mom knocked on the door.

128."I swear to God, that clock is mocking me!"~Me during a busy day at work.

129. "STOP MOCKING ME!"~Me yelling at the clock ten minutes before I was supposed to be picked up from work.

130. "Strange times strange times....AAAAAARRRRRGH SHE'S DONE IT AGAIN!"~Me thinking. Mom always tends to get at least one song stuck in my head, and this time it was a Moody Blues song.

131. "I got the brown wedgie! Oh, that sounded bad..."~ Mom while we were playing(cheating at) Trivial Pursuit.

132. "Lessee... I could go here, here, here, or... HERE!"~Me, cheating at Trivial Pursuit. I'm not gonna lie, that game is too easy to cheat at!

133. "Five!... One!"~Mom rolling the dice and getting a one... Again...

134. "Are you sure this thing isn't loaded?!"~Me, rolling the damn die and getting a one.

135. "Jen, you're snoring." "AM NOT!snore"~Mom and I while watching GH.
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