Even when there's nothing worth living for. You're still worth lying for. No one has to know ow ow.
My backstage pass flapped against my thigh while I ran down the venue's hallways to find the nearest bathroom. The Academy Is was in between of switching songs as I pushed open a dressing room door, checking if it was vacant before I went in to use the bathroom.
This dressing room was blinding with its yellow walls and lime green couches. Who ever was the interior decorator for this room must've been color blind. I walked into the bathroom, not even bothering to turn on the light as I shut the door behind me. From what little light came in through the bottom of the door, I found my way to the toilet and sat down, it's cool porcelain drifting through my jeans.
I had fifteen minutes before people would start calling me, asking where I was, but fifteen minutes was good enough for me to reassemble from the latest news Andy told me when I was lingering around backstage, sort of hoping to run into Pete to apologize for overreacting the day before.
His brown hair bounced as he ran up to me. His glasses fogged up, and his girlfriend Evie was right behind him, looking almost as worried. I knew these faces meant nothing good. And I was right.
Pete was here. With Audrie.
Emotions rushed over me. Sad, angry, vengeful, and insecurity all mixed up In one, giving me an instant headache. Which brought me here, in a bathroom, frustrated... again. William's voice echoed loudly as the crowd chanted 'Wentz Is Gay.' I smiled a little, but let it fall as the sounds of guitar and drum started up again. I let my head hang. As long as I didn't see them together, I'd hold up just fine. But I couldn't hide out in a bathroom all night, so my odds of missing either one of them was slim. Even though the venue was fairly big, it wasn't enough to keep away from her. Hell, the world didn't seem big enough to stay away.
My thoughts rambled together, trying to devise an escape plan, when high pitched laughter filled the room. What ever was left in my chest, sunk down into my stomach at the voice. I stood up, stepping lightly on the tiled floor, and cracked the door open just enough to peer through. I nearly choked on air at what I saw.
Audrie, in all her vanity, sitting on top of the dressing room counter and Pete standing in between her legs, holding her waist. Normally I would of stormed out, words spitting and arms swinging, but I was too transfixed to move.
Her soft black hair was tied back neatly into a low side ponytail that snaked around her neck. Her brown eyes lightly brushed with mascara as she smiled that perfect, but deceitful, smile. She was wearing dark skinny jeans with a black and white polka dotted halter top and black ballet flats to match.
She was perfect and I hated her.
I could see Pete's face in the mirror behind Audrie. He looked how he always did. Head turning and neck breaking. His smile was big and toothy, but his eyes seemed weary, almost as if he had been crying.
Audrie began to talk and I held my breath, and myself from jumping out and strangling her.
"I still can't believe they wanted me to do that AA thing." she said, putting her arms around his neck and he moved his hands to her thighs. I gripped the doorknob tightly. "Who do they think I am?"
Pete laughed. "Well, they ARE doctors."
She rolled her eyes. "Doctors my ass. They just want money." I almost blurted a 'like you', but I bit my tongue.
"We all gotta make a living," Pete said, slapping her thigh.
"Like you Mr. Rock star Wentz. Why aren't you rolling in hundred dollar bills," her eyes lit up and she grinned to the side, "and swooning a beautiful woman?"
Pete shrugged. "You would think I would."
"You're soo funny Peter," she faked laugh a little.
Silence fell over the room. Slowly their faces inched closer, causing my heart rate to speed up with each second. Their lips met and she pulled him into a deep kiss. My eyes welled up with tears of anger and sadness, but I quickly blinked them away. I had to be tough, but my insides collapsed. I was surprised I was still standing. He began to move his hands up her shirt, and her eyes opened, seeming more bored than pleasured. She looked in my direction, and I felt myself jolt back self consciously, but she closed her eyes again. She didn't see me. I didn't think she did...
She pulled away from him as they started to get more intense, and they panted for breath.
"What's wrong?" Pete asked, slipping his hands out from under her shirt.
She leaned close to his ear. In a loud, breathy, whisper she said, "Tell me you love me Peter."
"I love you," he said, almost robotically.
She shook her head, unsatisfied. "Tell me you love me, more than her."
Pete stepped back from her. "What?"
"Tell me," she paused and looked directly at the bathroom door, "you love me more than Aaryn." Pete shifted his body weight and rubbed the back of his neck. "Tell me," she pushed.
"Please," I whispered, "don't say it."
"I," he stopped and stared at his reflection in the mirror. His eyes seemed to be contemplating. "I love you..." he stopped again, but rushed the end of the sentence, "morethanAaryn."
Audrie smiled deviously and her eyes focused back on Pete. "I love you too baby," she cooed.
I died. At least that's what it felt like. My breath was caught in my throat. My eyes couldn't take the build up, and the tears streamed down my cheeks for the second night in a row. My ears burnt, and my legs felt like jello. Someone could've slit me in the throat, ran me over with an eighteen wheeler, or threw me off a cliff. None of that could amount to the pain I felt at that very moment.
I opened the door and stood in the doorframe. Seeing my reflection in the mirror, Pete whirled around, looking like a deer caught in headlights. Audrie's smile grew wider.
"Aaryn!" Pete exclaimed.
I pointed a shaky finger at him, my blurred vision making me stumble as I walked toward him.
"Don't you 'Aaryn' me!" I yelled, shaking uncontrollably. He opened his mouth, but my hand met with it as he did, smacking him hard across the face. He held his side, his eyes wide in surprisement. "This looks like you're real FUCKING sorry Pete!"
"Aaryn I-," he started, trying to grabbed my hand as I raised it, getting ready to strike him again, but I pulled away.
"Don't even!" I yelled, causing me to cough and I took a deep breath.
Audrie let out howling laughter. I turned to her, clenching my fists tightly.
"Aw what's a matter Aarie?" Audrie mocked, "Sad cause Peter admitted the truth?"
"Pete turned to Audrie, his eyes narrowed, putting an arm between me and Audrie before I could say or do anything.
"You PUSHED me to say that!" He defended angrily.
Audrie rolled her eyes, not scared of Pete's menacing look. "Oh please. Like Aaryn is more important to you! All she'll ever be is a rebound girl." I pushed Pete's arm out of the way, my fingernails digging into my palms as I clenched my fist tighter. She looked down at my fists and laughed. "/Hit me/," she dared.
I lifted my arms, wanting to badly, but saw Pete in the corner of my eye. Mouth open and eyes wide. I resisted the urge, and let my fists fall back down to my sides.
"Didn't think so," she flicked her hangs out of her face. "You can never finish /anything/. You're just a /pussy/."
I re-clenched my fists, reconsidering my actions, but Pete stepped in between us. Audrie hopped off the counter and looked over Pete's shoulder at me.
"LET HER HIT ME," she yelled, trying to push Pete away, but he held back by her shoulders.
"STOP," he yelled as she hit him in resistance.
"LET HER GO!" I screamed, half coughing. Raising my fists.
Pete turned to look back at me. "NO!"
She ducked down under Pete's arm grabbing at my pants, but he grabbed her by the waist. Taking the chance, I hit her across the face. It echoed loudly in the room as my fist met her jaw. Pete let Audrie go to restrict me and she fell to the floor, blood dripping out of the sides of her mouth.
"YOU BITCH!" She yelled, tears rolling down her face. She spit out a tooth. Pete wrapped his arms around me, pressing my arms against my chest, my hands still clenched in fists.
"WHO'S A PUSSY NOW?!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face, as Pete pulled me away from her.
Suddenly the door opened, revealing Andy, Evie, and Joe. They're eyes grew wide at the sight before them. Pete bear hugging me to restrain me from beating the shit out of Audrie, who was kneeling in a ball on the floor.
"Oh my god!" Evie exclaimed, putting a hand over her mouth. Andy put an arm around her and they stood, in shock.
Joe looked as if he had just stepped into a mine field, which is what this pretty much was.
I stopped resisting, but Pete kept his grip around me. I closed my eyes and continued to cry. In a barely audible voice I spoke.
"Let me go Pete."
He complied and I took a step away from him. Audrie looked up, mustering the nastiest face I have ever seen, at me.
"All you're ever going to be is a rebound girl," she hissed at me.
I let out a laugh through my tears before I spoke again.
"You know what Audrie, yeah, I'm always going to be a rebound girl. That's why I'm going to be the bigger person this time and walk away. You can fucking have Pete, he's all yours," I turned to look at Pete, his eyes were glazed over and I felt the tiny bits of my heart crumble, "cause I'm done with this."
I turned away from him and headed out, pushing past the trio in the doorway whose mouths were wide open. Evie called after me, but I ignored her, and walked quickly down the hall, nursing my fist that was now turning red. Before I turned the corner I caught Joe's voice.
"You fucked it up real good this time Pete. Way to go."