(#) whatkatydid 2006-11-09Eek! Wasn't expecting this! I love surprises, especially from you.
I find the author narration exciting and really feel it will grip us into the feelings of this plot which is, from what we've had so far, very important.
I can't wait to see what you have up your sleeve!
Thanks for the email...Gucci is the ish!! xxx
Author's responseI just felt the need to mention a few things so people wouldn´t misunderstand me. Can´t wait to read your reaction when you find out what really happened to him. ;)
(#) luckysgc921 2006-11-09dundunDUN!
I knew it had to be Pete. No one else would be that fun to torture. Plus, the whole "people to tell me what time it is..." speil.
great chapter again. But I'm not surprised by that at all.
my favorite horror movie--uhh...wow. I have a lot but "Jaws" is probably my favorite (just the 1st one) and so is "Scream" (again just the 1st one).
Spraypaiting would be necessary--but you mean I get to be 4 characters! dances yay!
Author's responseYeah, that´s not the surprise, sugar. (I´m just gonna continue calling you that cos you seem to be a sugar-addict and it´s FOB related. And it sounds sexy. roar) The real plot twist will probably come in chapter 5 or so. I just need some time to build up the character a bit. Yeah, "Jaws" is not gonna make it into this story as it´s set in a 17 by 13 feet big room. ;) But the Bass Files are very flexible with things like that so keep an eye out for that. Thanks for your support! :) P.S.: Remember some of those dance moves for the movie when you´re starring as one of the slutty cheerleader girls. ;)
(#) pixied_secrets 2006-11-09this chapter is less ambiguous than the other and properly informed the reader of the psyche and physical traits of the protagonist. it introduced his lifestyle and his general demeanor seamlessly. the way you wrote his fear of the situation was very descriptive, and I was surprised by the emotion in it.
Constructive criticism (this is me simply suggesting changes to make it more appealing to the eye palate): “I wasn´t used to be kept waiting.” could either be “I am not used to being kept waiting,” or “I wasn’t used to being kept waiting,” and
“Judging from what I saw in the mirror I could really use to have my eyebrows plucked again though.” could either be “Judging from what I saw in the mirror I could really use getting my eyebrows plucked again though.” or “Judging from what I saw in the mirror I could really go for getting my eyebrows plucked again.”
kudos. I’m loving this “serious” side of your writing. i'm hooked
Author's response:) Thank you for pointing out that I can get my points across if I just put a bit of work into my writing. MAJOR THANKS for the correction of my bad grammar. I can´t believe I didn´t go for the gerund verb forms in those two sentences. I´m a gerund freak usually. No clue why I didn´t think of that. I mean those sentences did sound weird to me and I just couldn´t put my finger on why. So thanks. I corrected those mistakes. I should be embarrassed but I´m just grateful for having learned something. Something that I should already know, but oh well. ;) I´m counting on your comments and suggestions on my language use in the further chapters as I think that inappropriate formulating could really have a far more negative effect on a serious story like this one than on The Bass Files, for instance. Your fault for coming off as an intellectual, Crystal. Now you´re my beta. ;) Thanks for the r&r. I´m glad this thing´s got you hooked like me. :) (And UPDATE FREAKING SOON, Tru Dat Girl!)
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