belle is fighting the therapy, but not hard enough as she tries to deal with a mediocre revelation. patrick feels inadequate with everything and his insecurities lead to hazy (and secks filled) ...
"Why do you think you are being so hostile?" The middle-aged doctor asked, sitting up straight in his chair with his suit perfectly pressed and tailored. He positioned his hand above the notepad he had resting on his lap, looking very official as he dug into her personal life.
The "ding-dong" from her bag interrupted their session. Dr. Sihn's frustration was apparent from the deep sigh that emerged from his thin lips.
"I'm not paying you so that I can psychoanalyze myself," Belle told him bitterly, grabbing in her bag for her cell phone. She flipped it open to let her eyes scan over the screen which read "1 New Text Message(s)". She put the phone on vibrate and shoved it back into her purse.
"I can't help you if you don't put your guard down for me," He told her, his voice more stern that usual.
She knew there was no reason to be secretive with this man. She knew he was trying to help. And he was a complete outsider to the whole situation, right? So why was she being so difficult? She shuffled these thoughts around in her brain as she readjusted her sitting position.
"If you don't tell someone how you feel, there is going to be an implosion. Trust me, you don't want that," The older man told her, feeling defeated enough to give up being professional with this patient. He uncrossed his legs and loosened his tie before slipping it over his head and throwing it on his large mahogany desk.
"I'm trying to figure out what I want. I'm trying to let go of my insecurities and phobias," Belle said in a meager voice, forcing the words that had lingered in her mind out through her mouth.
"What specific insecurities and phobias?"
She looked up at him apprehensively and he narrowed his eyes at her. "We have been in this room for forty minutes and you've hardly said anything. This can either be a waste of our time, or you can actually try to help yourself... it's completely up to you,"
She skewed her mouth to one side and slid further down into the chair. Her bottom lip had taken up residence between her teeth, and she closed her eyes tightly.
"I'm not a strong person," She said, opening up her eyes before finishing. "I don't feel like I can take care of myself because I've never had to. I'm scared to be alone," She wrapped her arms around her body to comfort herself. The room was heavily air conditioned and the atmosphere added to the coolness as she rubbed her hands over her arms slowly.
Dr. Sihn let the air out of his lungs. Maybe he could actually get somewhere with her.
"There was hardly any feeling in that, Patrick. You need to loosen up,"
Patrick nodded his head in understanding and leaned back on the stool to, waiting for Neal to tell him when to start up again.
I should have taken Belle to her appointment today, but christ, one more fucking word from her and I wouldn't have been able to control myself.
"Alright, playback," Neal's voice came through the overhead system, snapping Patrick out of his trance.
The beginning riff started, and Patrick nodded his head along with the melody until his voice perked up on cue.
"We take sour sips
from life's lush lips
and we shake shake shake the hips
stop by this disaster town
you point your eyes to the sun and say i know
your only blinded..."*
When the chorus picked up he felt his voice strain to hit the note. The music from the headphones stopped and he looked through the glass at Neal, who seemed to be less than satisfied with Patrick's attempt.
He saw Pete lean over to Neal and the worried look on Joe and Andy's faces. Patrick shifted uncomfortably and looked down at his hands. He had been here for three hours, and he hardly finished a chorus, some rhythm guitar, and maybe a couple verses.
Patrick noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and saw Pete walking towards him. He pulled his headphones down to rest around his neck and Pete looked at him sympathetically.
"You just aren't feeling it today, man,"
"I can do this. I just need to warm up a little,"
Pete looked at him disbelievingly and leaned his weight on one leg. "Dude, just take a day off. Greta's leaving tomorrow... you should probably be spending time with her," Pete said delicately.
"We really shouldn't put this off. Everyone is expecting this record to be finished by the end of the year, and at this rate we're going to be lucky if it's ready by spring," Patrick replied, shifting closer to the microphone. "Let's playback, I can get it this time,"
"Don't worry about it...we'll just make Joe lay down some leads tonight. We were planning on doing that anyway," Pete reasoned, lightly grabbing Patrick's arm to get his attention.
"I said I can get it, and I will," Patrick practically barked.
"You're trying to force this. We've already been over this song a million times and you aren't 'getting it'," Pete mocked with his arms crossed over his chest.
Patrick sat there for a second, fully prepared to argue this through with Pete, until Neal's voice came through the speaker. "He's right, Patrick. You don't want to rush this record. Just go home, get some sleep, and we'll work on it tomorrow," Neal finished. Patrick looked over at Pete, whose eyes were focused intently on the floor.
"Whatever, dude," Patrick said as he pulled off the headphones off and tossed them on the stand. He looked over to Neal, Andy and Joe who gave him sympathetic glances, which only fueled his anger.
He didn't say another word as he walked through the door and into the lobby. He saw Andy get up to follow him so he walked faster to his car, getting in and not bothering to buckle as he put it into drive and pulled out onto the road.
He tried finding something he wanted to listen to, but the rare occasion came where he'd rather let his thoughts keep him company.
I'm fucking inadequate in every situation right now, he thought as he pulled onto the freeway, finally grabbing his seatbelt to buckle it. I'm incompetent with this record, which is a huge abnormality. My music is usually the only thing I usually feel pretty secure about.
He sat back further into his seat and accelerated, pulling the visor down to shield his eyes from the setting sun.
The situation with Belle is...tiring, to say the least. She's so fucking incorrigible... just hearing her voice makes me want to burn holes into my skin. Every thing she says is just so fucking negative. She doesn't want to get better, and I'm past done telling her it's okay to be a bitch all of the time.
Last night was fucking horrible. We don't see Elise for almost ten years, and Belle has nothing remotely civil to say to her. I get it, they were never really good friends anyway, but does that give her the right to treat her like shit? She's just trying to help...
He pulled off onto a familiar exit and speeded faster to his destination. His eyes drifted down to the dashboard to a picture that Greta had put there, covering the fuel and temperature gauges. It was taken before they started dating, when they were in the studio recording "Like Vines". She had a smile on her face as he guided her hand to the small harmonium**, him laughing as he explained how it worked. She referred to the picture as "a snapshot of me realizing I had a crush on you,". He let a smile work itself onto his face, but it disappeared when the realization of their current situation flooded his mind again.
...Greta leaving on tour for three months. She's pretty much been my rock through all of this crazy shit. But now I can hardly focus on my music, let alone her problems and needs, especially with her a million miles away.
A while later he pulled into the driveway of Pete's house. He was half-tempted to call Greta, but he ultimately decided against when he felt his eyelids droop.
He walked through the front door and directly upstairs. He was never one for sleeping his problems away, but sleep was the only thing that felt remotely comforting.
He turned on the T.V. and undressed down to his boxers before taking up residence on the bed. He climbed under the sheets and pulled the fleece blanket tighter around himself before letting sleep envelope his body.
"Just continue...we're getting over the largest hump, Belle. Just stay with me," Dr. Sihn pleaded, now leaning over Belle who was currently rolled into a ball on the chaise lounge chair. Her breathing was uneven, on account of the last hour they spent reliving her nightmare.
His heart was telling him to comfort her, but he didn't want to push the boundaries. He tuned his voice to a soothing level before continuing. "What did he say before he shot himself?"
She took a deep breath but didn't bother to wipe the tears as she clenched her eyes shut.
"He didn't kill me because he didn't have to... he didn't want to. He just wanted me to be a better person..." Her cries interrupted her words as she sobbed, her breathing ragged and throaty due to her tears. She felt emotionally drained, and the words had been coming from her mouth fluidly for the past thirty minutes. She had stopped thinking about what she was saying a while ago.
"What did he say, Anabelle?" He pressed, finally reaching his hand out to her shoulder, the analeptic motion encouraging her to continue.
"He called me Sara. He kept calling me Sara, and... he...he told me..." She paused again and rolled her head over to bury it in the arm of the chaise. "He told me he loves me," She whispered into the cloth of the chair, her body rising in synch with her cries.
Dr. Sihn tried to digest the information as quickly as possible. Surely this wasn't a case of Stockholm's Syndrome. She hadn't been abducted long enough for her to identify with him. There had to be a deeper meaning.
He was ruminating the reasons as she began to calm herself. She wiped her eyes and rolled over to look up at Dr. Sihn who was deep in thought.
"You parallel that situation to your brothers," He said conclusively. She looked up at him with confusion as he played with his chin in thought.
"I can't do any more of this today," She said feebly, sitting up quickly to walk over and reach for the box of Kleenex. It looked to be more of a decorative accessory than a functioning tool.
He watched as she blew her nose repeatedly before grabbing her bag and hoisting it up further on her shoulder. She remember the missed text message and grabbed her phone. It read "Received from: Christian." She hit the "Okay" button to open the message.
I miss you
She stared at the screen with a blank expression on her face as her eyes scanned the three words repeatedly. She made a decision to call him, making a quick pace for the exit of the office.
"Belle, wait," She took a deep breath and turned around slowly.
"I just want you to think about why it effects the way you treat people...the reason you are pushing everyone away. Try to make amends, and by our next appointment, you may feel better," He counseled from his seat.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She nodded her head and tried to absorb his advise before walking through the door.
Everything was dark and the only thing I could focus on was her lips on mine. She wiggled under me, but kept her lips to mine as I undid my the button to my jeans and hastily pulled them to my ankles. When I looked down she was completely naked, and the motion was quick and hasty when I pushed fully into her.
But it wasn't enough. I took the opportunity to sit on my knees and grab her hips to pull her body to mine. When I entered her this time I was able to get a full visual of the contact, which only made me want it more. I used my arms to bring her body to mine, while I thrust in towards her. The collision was harsh, sending chills through my body. I clenched my eyes tight to focus on the feeling.
I used every muscle in my body to lunge harder into her but she hardly made a sound as I moved in and out of her. She wasn't gasping, moaning, or refusing.
"You aren't doing it right," Her voice said, showing no emotion.
I reached down to grab both of her ankles in my hands, but was surprised when she flailed them away from my grip.
I took that opportunity to look up at her face, and noticed her jaw was clenched and her cheeks were flushed. Her angry brown eyes burnt holes into me.
I closed my eyes tighter, rubbing them with the back of my hand before letting them open again.
When I focused back on her eyes, I was met with green instead of brown. A familiar smile took over her features and her arm wrapped around my neck to pull me down to her. She kissed me with passion, invoking me to continue. My mind was telling me to stop...I knew this was wrong, but when I felt her hips buck to mine, and I felt myself inside of her, all resistance disappeared.
Her moans were half-sighs, and my name sounded like music coming from her mouth. "Patrick..."
Her arms were tugging at me mercilessly, the pure sensuousness making it impossible to resist. I moved my hand to the back of her head and press her lips harder to mine as she rolled on top of me and rocked back and forth, uttering words and noises to describe her pleasure.
"Elise," I heard the name slip through my lips and quietly into the air.
The feel of lips on his jolted him awake, causing him to bump heads with the intruder.
"Well good morning to you too," Greta said with a laugh, rubbing her head as she took the opportunity to lay next to him.
His breathing was mildly erratic and he looked down to her, a smile on her face. He closed his eyes to fight the guilt as he laid back down.
Greta immediately took the opportunity to wrap her arm around his side and snuggle into his chest.
"Are you okay? You're heartbeat is racing," She said, closing her eyes as she listened to it.
"Yea, ugh, you just scared me a little," He replied nervously. Sex with Elise? I must be loosing my fucking mind. There is no way in hell...is there? He mentally slapped himself, and forced the dream into the back of his brain. Here he was, laying with Greta, and thinking about a girl he hadn't seen in nearly a decade. Maybe it was out of frustration, He finally concluded.
They laid there for another minute, neither of them moving. The low hum of the T.V. caught Patrick's attention as his heartbeat slowed to a normal pace.
"Pete called me to tell me you had a bad day," Greta said, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder before snuggling closer to him.
"I spent three hours at the studio and I accomplished nothing. Absolutely nothing," He said, his voice hushed.
"You are your own worst critic, Patrick. Maybe you just need to relax and go at it when you aren't so stressed,"
"Don't try to make me feel okay with this. I'm going to be pissed, because that I how I deal with things. I'm going to over analyze every note on that record because that is how I handle it,"
She didn't say anything more as they watched the television. She slowly moved her head from his chest, followed by her arm, and gradually her leg until she was flat on her back.
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. What a time to blow up on her. He didn't want her to go away for three months with the memory of him being a jackass.
He grabbed for her hand and held it in his, examining her palms, fingertips and nails as if they were this were the last thing he'd ever be able to see.
"I'm going to miss-"
"Don't think about it, okay?" She interrupted in a soft tone. She rolled her head over to look at him, noticing the offended look on his face. "Just not right now. Not until the sun rises tomorrow. You can tell me you'll miss me tomorrow,"
He bit his bottom lip and looked over to her, turning his body with his head. She followed his motion, grabbing his hand to bring it around her back and look up at him.
He leaned slowly towards her to place a soft kiss on her lips. He pulled back and he felt a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He brought his hand up to her head and pushed a few of the strands away from her face and she closed her eyes to concentrate on the feeling.
"I really feel connected to you, Patrick," She whispered, her eyes still closed gently. "I just...well, I didn't want to leave without letting you know," She finished, letting her eyes flutter open to make contact with his.
"You are remarkable, you know that?"
She kissed his chin and he felt her lips form into a smile. "And you, sir, are perfect,"
"Why do you always one-up me?" He asked with a laugh, letting his fingers trace abstract shapes over her back.
"'Cause I can," She replied simply, moving her head up to kiss him. His lips nurtured hers softly as his hand ran up the back of her shirt so he could rub his palm against the smooth skin that vested there.
She wasted no time in sitting up and pulling to shirt over her head before snuggling back to him, removing her pants once she was nestled back into the bed.
They laid next to each other, uncovered skin touching uncovered skin. She nuzzled closer to his body for warmth, and his arm went immediately to her back again, rubbing a long path from her shoulder blades to her panty line. Her lips met his again in another pacifying kiss.
Her hand stroked the damp skin on his shoulders and neck daintily.
"I love you," She murmured. She said it so quietly, and had it not been for her lips moving he wouldn't have understood it. His hand slowed to a stop but she kept her eyes closed and her lips on his as if nothing were said.
His eyes were studying her face and the way she seemed to not notice the significance of the words she just uttered.
He pulled back to force her to open her eyes, and when she did his eyes searched hers desperately. She blinked slowly and brought her hands up to his lips. He kissed her finger slowly and started to mumble into it:
"Don't say it because I did," She said, softly forcing her finger back to his lips. "I want you to mean it when you tell me," She whispered, watching as his eyes darted over her face as if he were trying to take a mental picture. He finally nodded his head in understanding and rested his forehead against hers.
"I love how the world sleeps when I'm with you," He finally whispered, capturing her lips again.
She smiled against his kiss before climbing on top of him.
He smiled up at her as she removed her bra, and shyly collapsed onto his chest.
"So what do you say we enjoy the only delightful thing to come of goodbyes?"
He pulled her face to his and let himself remove the only barrier between them before she let him enter her.
All doubts about how they would last through a three month tour and insecurities about abstract dreams had come to a conclusion:
They could never tear him away from her...
*yes... "Carpal Tunnel of Love"...
...now, at the risk of being shot for treason, i am going to go ahead and say i am really not a fan of the "pete scream". I think it took away from the melody
but oh my ugly hat wearing god, patrick is a true diva. that voice invokes every single naughty thought i could ever possibly have -
**http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STBjhHkq0Dc - check it out. Patrick talks about the harmonium and says it sounds dirty. Darren looks like he was strategically placed between Patrick and Greta. But I dunno, all of my views are biased because I'm soooo Team Patrick and Greta Sex (TPGS)... yes, that's an acronym.
Author's Note: Yes, that did take me a long f'in time. Send all complaints to:
Life, Destiny, and Fate INC.
#1 SuckBalls Avenue Boulevard Street-Road Lane
OutrageouslyUnlucky, MI 49506
c/o: Crystal De-Self-PityParty
Oh, and I also want to start a game...okay, go through the song and write down your best guess at the song lyrics... we will all collaborate and guess, and laugh at how incoherently they were sung. we are fall out boy fans, we can do this and get away with it. :D