You should really listen to that song. Inbetween Days by The Cure. Sorry. I've been listening to Morrisey and The Smiths. Which is practicaly the same. heh. don't hurt me. I'm terribly so...
"Yea?" I questioned, keeping my focus on the patterns I found.
Andy shifted so that he was on his side, his arm sliding across my waist.
"Is it ok that I'm terrified?" he asked.
I blinked hard, almost missing this and turned my head to catch his eyes in the darkness.
"About what?" I asked. Andy blinked.
"About baby," I bit my lip and sighed, looking back up at the ceiling.
"Not as terrified as me," I whispered. Andy kissed my cheek.
"Why?" he asked and ran his hand over my growing stomach. "Ev, you're going to be an amazing mother," I gulped and closed my eyes.
"It's just..." It's not like I was making anything up, alright? "Growing up without much of a family was hard on me and..."
Andy hushed me, rubbing my stomach more.
"I get it, Ev..." he paused to pull me closer. "That shouldn't make you scared," I bit my lip and turned my head towards him.
"Why are you terrified then?" I asked. Andy smirked and sighed lightly.
"It's just because this is still mind-blowing," I raised an eyebrow.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. Andy shrugged.
"I'm talking about how everything just all of a sudden started to look up,"
Shut up, Andy.
"How I managed to save you from yourself," Stop. "Have Fall Out Boy eally take off,"
"And get the most wonderful woman in the world to be mine,"
This was probably one of those times where I should have been brave enough to tell him off.
But unfortunately, Andy was one of those people you couldn't say no to, no matter how bad of a situation my heart was in. My stomach started to churn and for once it wasn't because of nerves of paranoia.
Andy leaned in to capture my lips, stopped by my hand. I held my fingertips to my lips and scooted back towards the edge of the bed.
"Hold that thought," I mumbled and leapt towards the bathroom.
I was really getting sick of this.
Andy found himself kneeling next to me, rubbing my back and holding back hair.
"I'll just have to get used to this, huh?" he asked. I smirked, leaning back to wipe my mouth.
"Tell me about it," I whispered and fell against him. Andy poked my stomach and rubbed it afterward.
"Damn baby," he muttered. "You're going to were out your mommy," I smiled lazily and felt my legs lifting off the tile as Andy picked me up.
"Tru Dat," Andy groaned.
"I told you to stop saying that,"
I sat at the kitchen island, on one of the barstools as Pete stirred some hot coca, my hands busy with opening a package of marshmallows.
"So you sure about that Christmas get-away?" he asked, looking up as I dropped a few in the cup he had handed me.
I nodded and watched as he circled the island and took a seat next to me.
"I'm almost as sure as I was last time," I mumbled, taking a sip that heated my body within seconds. Pete smiled, copying.
"Last time you were going for a reunion," he paused as his eyes lowered towards my waist. "This time," he stopped mid-sentence and I bit my lip, lowering my mug until it clinked with the black granite counter.
"I know," I whispered and kept my hands against the hot liquid.
Pete's cup soon rested on the counter as well as he shifted his chair closer and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards his chest.
"I'm happy for you, Ev," he paused to kiss my temple. "You should be happy too," I closed my eyes as I took a large breath.
"I don't know how I should feel," I mumbled. Pete copied me with a large breath of nerves escaping his lips.
"How bout I tell you how I feel," he offered, tilting my head up to question me.
I nodded, watching as his hand lowered towards my stomach, his palm flattening against it.
"Don't call me selfish, but this," he nodded down towards where 'baby' lay. "Is a /godsend/," I parted my lips, expression turning into curiosity.
"How so?" I asked. Pete swallowed and sighed lightly.
"Because now I don't ever have to worry about if we got caught," I bit my lip.
"Oh," I whispered.
"I feel like an idiot for thinking that," I shook my head firmly.
"You shouldn't," I muttered. Pete sighed again.
"I just think that now," he paused and rubbed my stomach slightly. "You can be happy," he whispered.
"What?" I asked back in a lower whisper, my voice cracking slightly. Pete took another deep breath.
"I'm out of the picture now," he said and let his head droop. "And I hope that none of our past will disrupt your happy life with Andy and your beautiful baby," I bit my lip and raised my hand to his face, lifting his chin up.
"Pete," I called and found his eyes tearing up.
"I'm going to miss you, Ev," his voice cracked and I gulped, my face contorting into confusion.
"Pete," I started, my own eyes rimming in tears. "I'm always going to be here," Pete shook his head softly.
"Not in the same sense as I'd like," he whispered.
I rested my hand on the side of his face.
"You know you had your chance," I replied.
Pete nodded once and closed his eyes briefly, resting his hand on my stomach again.
"I love you Ev," he mumbled, his voice low and scratchy with regret of uttering those words we had warded off.
I chewed on my bottom lip briefly and dropped my hand to rest over his on my waist.
"I want you to be the godfather, Pete," I whispered. Pete opened his eyes and shook his head.
"No," he stated. I slightly widened my eyes.
"Why?" I asked.
Pete kissed my forehead.
"Because I don't want to think anything bad is going to happen to you," he whispered.
I felt my heart being torn apart again and wondered how this could have ever happened to me.
And then I remembered that misery really does like misery.
I moved my arms slowly around his neck and pulled him towards me, rested my head on his shoulder.
"You are so amazing, Peter," I whispered, my lips lightly grazing against the skin below his ear. "I don't know what I'd do without you,"
I felt his arms curling around my waist and back before his own lips grazed against my neck in one last sign of affection.
"Without me," he whispered before kissing there again, slower and gentler. "You'd be a lot happier,"
Today wasn't a good day for me, I told my newly discovered brother. But apparently, he was a hard nut to crack, being almost as stubborn as me.
Guess we really were related.
He was in town now, and decided to visit me unexpectedly, pulling me away from some alone time with Andy before he was off on a full day of interviews and photo shoots.
I went anyways.
"Ryan, I understand that we are brother and sister, but...we just met," I paused and looked down from where I was perched on his back after he insisted on giving me a piggy back ride. "You don't have to do this," I muttered.
Ryan scoffed and shifted me higher.
"But this is considered bonding time, sis," he looked up at me. "It's so cool calling you that," he mentioned and plopped me down, rather roughly.
I snapped my arms towards his to keep myself from stumbling down.
"Jesus Ryan," I smacked him and seethed. "I told you that," I paused and he looked at me.
"What?" he asked.
"Oh yea..." I bit my lip. "You don't know," I mumbled.
Ryan raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to one side. I gripped his hand and pressed it to my stomach.
"I guess you'll be a..." I paused. "Uncle?"
I offered and Ryan just stared at me, wide eyed.
"Dude," he started. Great. "You knocked you up?" he asked. He sneered. "I'll kick his ass,"
I laughed out loud and brought him into my arms.
"Oh Ryan," I commented and pulled back, pulling my arm away and flashing my hand and ring.
"Oh," he mumbled and rolled his eyes. "You missed telling me that too," I laughed lightly and Ryan pouted.
"What's the matter?" I asked. Ryan sighed.
"You're younger than me and yet you're more accomplished than me," I bit my lip.
"Younger?" I asked. Ryan blinked.
"Oh...yeah," he paused and gulped deeply. "Didn't dad ever tell you that we have different moms?" I blinked and frowned.
"No," I whispered. Ryan slouched slightly.
"Don't worry about it," he spoke and gripped my hand, tugging me towards the coffee shop. "Come on,"
I followed and sat with him at a table at the window, watching the light snow fall as he ordered our drinks. There was something gloomy about this, as great as it was to actually have a brother, and some other kind of family.
Ryan was already making his spontaneous way into my heart.
I slowly tore my attention away from the window to watch Ryan sliding back into the booth, pushing over a warm Styrofoam cup of hot coca. The steam rose from the rim and I blew some of it away, watching as Ryan copied.
"When are you heading back?" I asked out of the blue.
Ryan raised his eyebrows.
"Why do you ask?" he countered. I laughed lightly.
"I mean," I paused. "Are you going to leave around Christmas or are you going to wait with dad?" Ryan shrugged.
"My plane actually takes off on Monday, so," I cut him off.
"Good god, another four days with you?" I joked. Ryan laughed before tilting his head again.
"I sense something's troubling you," he mentioned and I looked up from sipping my hot drink.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Ryan narrowed his eyes.
"You have another boy on your mind," I blinked. "And it's not your fiancÃ© Andy," I gulped and looked away for a moment.
"I'm sorry Ryan but you wouldn't understand," His hand fell over mine and he patted it.
"I'd understand perfectly, Ev," he paused and frowned. "Old flame?" he asked.
I bit my lip.
"Kind of," I whispered. I took a shaky breath and closed my eyes tight. "I don't want to talk about it," Ryan frowned and I watched his shoulders fall.
"Sorry," he mumbled. I pursed my lips together and decided to turn the conversation around.
"What about you?" I asked. "Any lucky lady back home?" I asked. Ryan smiled, rubbing the back of his neck slyly.
"Actually, yea," he mumbled and pulled out his wallet, flipping it open to show me a picture of Ryan and a girl resting bridal style in his arms off to the side of a stage while a few other people set up for what looked like a show.
"What's her name?" I asked. Ryan smiled.
"Jenn and she's the reason I even play," I blinked.
"You're in a band?" I asked. Ryan nodded.
"Yep, with my best friend ever, Bobby Scott," I laughed at the name and Ryan smiled.
"Brother Mission accomplished," I raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Ryan smiled bashfully.
"I made you smile,"
I sat on the examination table with high nerves and pure fear of the unknown. Dr. Aaron sat in his chair, going through paper-work before he glanced up.
"So Evie," he started, pulling on those latex gloves. "You've managed to bag a man, huh?" I smirked at my humorous doctor.
"Yep," I agreed. He instructed me to lay back and I obeyed my heart racing as he rode my shirt up and spread the cold jelly all over my stomach.
"Whelp," he started again. "Let's see how far you are today,"
I determinedly stared up at the ceiling the whole time he worked, even though it was only a short amount of time.
"Ev," he called and I blinked, looking over.
"Yea?" I asked. Dr. Aaron flashed a smile and tapped his pen at the screen.
"In about eight months you'll be a proud mother," I gulped.
"You mean to tell me I'm a month in?" I asked.
Dr. Aaron nodded and started to clean me up.
My heart raced as I counted back the days, struggling to remember.
I had to get home.
"Andy?" I called as I entered the apartment.
I checked the time.
The neon green light from the cable box flashed 4:14 pm and I sighed, walking further in and dropping all my belongings at the dining table and walking until I met the bedroom, finding Andy standing in front of an open suitcase.
"Oh...hey Ev," he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.
"What's going on?" I whispered, stepping over. Andy stared at me with regretful eyes.
"Baby," he started and sighed, sitting down. "We...we're going on tour again," I took a deep breath through my teeth.
"When?" I asked first. Andy bit his lip.
"Right after new years, then we're out," I bit my lip.
"I understand that part," I replied, watching as his eyes lit up.
"Really?" he asked. I nodded.
"Andy," I started. He cut me off.
"Come with me," I shook my head, caught off guard.
"What?" I asked. Andy took my hands and pulled me to him.
"Come on tour with me," His eyes pleaded as he blinked up at me.
I took a deep breath and held one hand to my chest, trying to find my voice.
I could feel my heart slowing down yet at the same time it was kicking at my chest, killing me.
My breath got cut short and I closed my eyes.
"The baby," I whispered, low and hopefully low enough for Andy not to hear.
I felt him stand up, his hand pushing some of my hair back. I felt terrible at the moment, not ever wanting to do this to somebody.
I opened my eyes to observe Andy and how he was staring at me with determination of figuring out what I was saying, and yet there was always that hint of adoration that he had from the start of our relationship.
My heart fell into the pits of my stomach and tears lined my eyes, threatening to break the surface and slide down my winter flustered cheeks.
I closed my eyes again and brought up options of my happiness.
Mother always said if you were happy, then that's all that mattered.
I learned quickly from that after I nearly broke Pete's heart.
I'm sure I had already done so, but then again, it didn't stop me. I moved on to my happiness with Andy.
Then again, it might be crushed in milliseconds from now.
I prayed and fluttered my eyes open. I felt everything around me stop. My breath, my heart and possibly my entire life and future.
"The baby," I started again. Andy nodded, waiting for me to go on.
"Yea?" he questioned. My voice lowered in a tiny squeak, my eyes completely glazing over in complete fear.