Reality check with Esmé G-something. She's a tough one, Pete. [Next to last chapter, folks.]
While I was watching the seconds and minutes on the TV screen wear down like my nerves and my hopes to get out of this prison some day, I heard a familiar song.
"Across the floor in the hand of where we drove the drill
a cautious ear to the mouth of your confession
think of all the things we put him through
in the face of his God would he tell the truth?"
I always found it quite interesting how the poppy melody clashed so harshly with the dark lyrics. Intriguing.
"...sever the limbs off his torso in sleep
and burn what remains so the world may now see
no longer...will we wait for your answers
back to the Hell where you've come from
think of all the times you've once had
write them in a letter that says goodbye..."
Not necessarily what I needed to hear in a situation like this. Not necessarily something I wanted to hear in a situation like this. I covered my ears with my hands.
"...slowly discarded were the remains of his lonely youth
among the alley where the dwellers scare to notice..."
Okay. I still heard every single syllable and note.
I placed my ear directly in front of one of the loudspeakers of the TV.
"...think of all the things you did before
write them in a letter that says reborn...."
The same sound intensity as when I stood further away.
"...you'll listen to reason while you're face down in the dirt
you'll stomach the hurt and break for him here just how much he's worth..."
I guess it was time to embrace my insanity. I had voices in my head. The voice of that Claudio guy from Coheed and Cambria. Definitely a new experience. If I had had enough energy to freak I surely would have done so.
I mean I have listened to songs in my head before. Some songs you just know so well, you can play them off inside of your head. But this... was... too real.
Like I said, it's time to embrace my insanity. I sang along to the final lines of the song, "Dear my friends, in the time we've spent, forever after beyond this, when will our nightmare ever end?" and "Pull the trigger and the nightmare stops... Forever you will, forever you will learn."
I applauded myself.
Well, actually it was a good thing that Patrick was our lead singer. Had been. I don't think there's a grammatical tense form to account for my situation. Or maybe I should have just paid more attention at school.
Two women at a restaurant. The waiter accosts their table and removes their empty plates.
"Thanks," the curly-haired one smiles at him.
"My pleasure," he nods and walks away.
The one with the huge brooch takes a sip from her water.
"So, what's up with that Pete dude? He's in a band, right?"
Her counterpart sets the glass down on the table, "It's over."
"What? Why? I thought you were getting along so well. Wasn't he about to move in with you? Or you with him? I forget..."
"He died, Allison," the woman spits out, sounding annoyed.
"Oh my God! EsmÃ©...," she stares at her friend in shock. "Why didn't you tell me on the phone or something? When did he die?"
"Something like two weeks ago..."
"Sweetie, are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?"
She arranges the brooch on her top, "Apparently he ODed. I think it was an accident though. Pete would have never taken his own life. He loved life way too much than to do that."
The other woman takes another sip of water.
"How are you dealing?"
"I am. I am dealing. I'm feeling better by the day. I'm gonna be fine. Don't worry," she flashes the other one a smile. A perfect smile.
"If you need anything, if I can do anything for you-"
"Nah, I'm good," she nods at a guy at a table a few feet away from them. "Check him out. Isn't he a hottie?"
After her friend has followed her instructions she giggles, "Super hot. Do you remember that guy I told you about the other day? Matthew?"
"Well, he's bought me this really cute dress..."
So, I didn't have to worry about EsmÃ©. Good girl, can take care of herself. Well, that guy at the other table was really hot. Hotter than me. He had respiration after all. That's usually preferred over a dead dude in a hellhole.
I can't believe she told that other girl we were about to move in together. Actually, I can. Just lie to make yourself feel better. Eventually you will believe it yourself.
Or maybe it was just to keep her nosy friends at bay. You can't really brag with a guy who doesn't want more from you than your body.
How could you not like EsmÃ©? She was confident, knew how to present herself, knew how to not make me feel like such a monster. Because she was a lot like me. Pretend that you don't care.
It's hard to tell if she was just hiding her pain over my death or if it really didn't affect her that much. Her affection for me could have simply been an attempt at filling the lonliness in her life with a Fall Out Boy. Or THE Fall Out Boy, according to her views.
How do they know what is love, what is real?
I surely don't know. Sometimes it's hard to tell if you love someone for themselves or if you're just in love with being in love. I know I've always felt better about myself when I've been in love.
EsmÃ©, you're so much like me. I should pity you. But yet, I still envy you.
Go on, live your life. Don't think about me.
And I mean it.
I felt the urge to cite more lyrics,
"I am afraid love is blind in a way
I do not wanna drag you along to a grave meant for me
Underneath every tree at the bottom of the lake
I will never hold you underneath for me
Maybe only just enough so you can breathe
Just another anchor in your life
Drowning over my life"
I was never any good for you. You don't need me. You need somebody that opens your eyes. Opens your eyes to the shallow life you're leading. Find somebody special, find somebody who cares. Somebody not like me. Not like you.
Good luck with that.
I always thought we clicked so perfectly. We had the same interest: ourselves.
I was poison for her and she was my Kryptonite. ("Ah, Pete... what a cute green that is!")
Super Zombie Pete? We should have made dolls like that. THAT would have been interesting.
Wait a minute. Where's the countdown?
Lyrics shamelessly used: "Three Evils (Embodied in Love and Shadow)" by Nickelba- Coheed and Cambria*, I mean & "Drowning" by Rufio.
* I guess you could call this the theme song of this story. But only in privacy, please. I don't wanna pay for it.