Monica admits her fears and decides to give love an honest chance.
Monica spent the morning with Kelly shopping. They had just returned to the house when Gerard called sounding very tired and unhappy. "We think we have the video situation handled. There is going to be another edited version for us to look at in a few days. Now we are getting ready to tape the show. I'm not sure what time we will get back. This is taking much longer than I thought."
"You sound tired. Are you feeling OK?"
"I feel better now that I've heard your voice." he answered. There were voices in the background "Shit, I have to go. I'll see you tonight." He hung up before she could say goodbye.
Dinnertime came and went and they still weren't back. Kara got a text from Bob saying that they were still at the studio and it would be late when they got back. Monica tried to watch TV but she was so restless. Gerard had become such a big part of her life that when he wasn't with her she felt lost. Realizing this only made her feel worse. She couldn't imagine her life without him. Around 9:30 he still wasn't back and she was trying very hard not to worry. Kara hadn't heard from Bob either.
He didn't call until 10:20 "Honey, I'm sorry but we still have more to do before we leave" he sounded so tired "I'm sorry I missed our date."
"Gee, it's OK I understand"
He sighed, "Shit, what a fucked up day. Go to bed I'll see you in the morning." He disconnected before she could say anything answer. Something was wrong and she was going to wait up for him. Forcing herself to watch TV she settled on the sofa.
When he finally walked in the door it was after midnight. All he wanted to do was sleep. The television was still on and Monica was passed out on the sofa. Shit, she had tried to wait up for him. She was curled up on the side, her long hair covering her face. Gently he brushed it aside and touched her cheek. Her eyes opened and she smiled "Hey, Gee. What time is it?"
"After midnight. I told you to go to bed, that I would be late." He walked across the room and sat in the chair.
Monica sat up and stretched "I wanted to wait up for you. You sounded upset on the phone. What happened today?"
"It was one of those days when anything that could possibly go wrong, did. First we had to deal with the guys from the label. That took longer than I thought it would. Then we got to Fuse and there was all kinds of technical trouble. We had to brake for dinner and when we got back things were still messed up. I thought shit we should just leave and do it all another time but the guys wanted to stay. Ray got pissed at me cause I wanted to leave. Brian told me to get my head together and back on the band." He sighed.
"It's my fault isn't it?" she said quietly.
"I won't deny you were on my mind all day. I just wanted to get back here to see you. They still shouldn't be pissed at me cause of that." He looked away.
"I'm sorry, Gee. Sorry about all the trouble I've caused. You would have been so much better off if you'd never met me."
His temper flared "Don't you ever fucking say that again. I can't think straight cause of you. All I want is to love you but that isn't enough. You won't let me in that head of yours. You're gonna throw away what we have with telling me why."
He was so angry he was yelling. "Gerard you are going to wake everybody up" she told him.
"I don't fucking care. I just want to understand. Why Monica, why can't we make this work? What in you past is so fucking horrible that it is keeping us apart?"
She shook her head, "I'm going to bed." She stood up intending to leave the room. He jumped up and grabbed her. "The hell you are." He pulled her to him and brutally kissed her. She struggled trying to break free of his hold.
"Gee let me go" she pushed him sending them both off balance. He regained his balance and pulled her to the sofa. They fell together his body covering hers. His lips went to her neck where they bruised her skin. He moved his lips back to her face. Suddenly he went completely still. He could feel her tears, he could taste them. He sat up and looked at her tear stained face. Guilt crashed down on him. He stumbled back to the chair and slumped. "God, Monica I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
She lay there stunned. What the hell was she going to do? She was hurting him and it had to stop. She stood and looked at him sitting in the chair, his hands covering his face. Crossing to the chair she kneeled in front of him and pulled his hands down. There were tears in his eyes. "God Gee, please forgive me. I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"I'm the bastard that just hurt you. What the fuck was I going to do? Force you to love me? Please forgive me. I swear I would never hurt you."
She moved to sit in his lap putting her arms around him. Laying her head on his shoulder she murmured "I would trust you with my life, Gee. I would trust you with my daughters lives."
"Then please stay with me. I don't care what happened in your past. If you never tell me than that's OK. I don't have to know. Just bury whatever happened."
She shook her head, "Gee, what kind of life would that be? There would always be a shadow between us. You would always wonder what I was keeping from you. Someday you will meet someone who you will love that will be able to give you children."
"Shit Monica I don't care about that. I don't care if I have children. All I care about is having you in my life. I am so far gone in love with you I will take any sort of relationship you will give me."
"But that's so wrong. I love you too much to do that to you."
He forced her to raise her head and look into his eyes, "Monica listen to me. I am an adult I can make my own decisions. I want you in my life; I need you in my life. You love me; I can see it in your eyes. Just say that we can try to make things work. It's wrong not to give love a chance."
She honestly didn't know what to think anymore. "Gee, I'm so scared"
"Honey what are you afraid of?" he touched her face, stroking it gently.
"I'm afraid of living." She whispered.
He kissed her lips so gently it was a caress. "Let me help you. We can take it one day at a time. Just promise me you won't run from me." His voice was thick with emotion " Promise you'll never leave me without saying good-bye."
She was so tired of bring afraid. "I will give us a chance," she whispered "And I promise never to leave you without saying good-bye" She sealed the promise with a kiss.
Gently he pushed her up and led her to the sofa. He pulled her down with him so that they lay side by side. "Close your eyes and just sleep" he whispered.
He tightened his arms around her praying she would never have to keep that promise.