Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Bob's Revenge

The Steak Sauce Monkey

by xDisenchantedx 5 Reviews

Frankie decides to tell Gerard how everyone feels about his bread. What a big mistake. Meanwhile, Bob receives a new nickname from Mikey... [[lots of swearing, beware]]

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor,Parody - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [V] [?] - Published: 2007/01/02 - Updated: 2008/09/04 - 777 words

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Chapter Five: The Steak Sauce Monkey
It had taken some persuasion and lollipops, but Mikey had finally convinced Gerard and Frankie that the paramedics would not be able to assist in the reattachment of Ray's beloved 'fro. Ray didn't seem to notice. No wonder he has no girlfriend.

My Chemical Romance were all sitting in the main room of the bus, mourning the loss of Ray's hair, because two out of three liked Ray's hair more than they liked Ray. Nobody knew where Bob was, even though he was right behind them, because nobody gave a flying fuck about Bob right then, however you do that. Bob could've eaten Cuba on that bus, and the other four wouldn't have cared.

Once all of the cherry lollipops were consumed and no longer a distraction, Frankie remembered 'Bread!' What a stupid song.

"This is all your fault!" Frankie decided, pointing one of his L fingers at the forlorn Gerard. "If you wouldn't have sung that stupid song about your stupid bread, Ray wouldn't be bald!"

Gerard raised an eyebrow as he chewed on the paper stick of his recently finished lemon lollipop. POOKIE WOOKIE LEMONS! Questions swarmed through his no longer intoxicated brain, like How is that my fault? Where can Ray buy some Rogaine? When is Mikey's birthday? Who is this /Bob /everyone keeps talking about? And lastly, Why doesn't anyone like my bread??

"Gerard wasn't the one who chopped Ray's hair," Mikey put in. "It was that steak sauce monkey."

"Oh, you mean Bob?" Gerard asked.

"Steak? Where?" Ray and his baldness wanted to know.

"Yeah. We should send that mofo to jail," Mikey said, showing more enthusiasm than usual.

"GERARD, YOUR BANANA BREAD SUCKS BALLS," Frankie exclaimed so that attention would turn to someone other than Bob.

Gerard felt like his poor little heart was gonna explode! He didn't want to look like a baby or an emo, though, so he poked his knee to keep the tears in. Then he got really angry. I mean, REALLY angry. Remember that time your father told you you couldn't go to the My Chemical Romance concert at Allstate Arena on March 1st? Yeah. Angrier than THAT.

"Well, you know what, Frankie ANTHONY Iero? YOUR MOM! THAT'S RIGHT! YOUR MOTHER FUCKING MOM! SHE CAN ROT IN HELL BECAUSE YOU'RE A BITCH! FRANKIE EQUALS BITCH! BITCHY BITCH MC/BITCH-PANTS,/ YOU ARE, BECAUSE YOU'RE RUDE AND YOU SUCK MONKEY BALLS! KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND! AND IF YOU WERE REALLY MY FRIEND, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE LIED ALL THESE YEARS ABOUT MY BREAD! AND I KNOW YOU'RE IN ON IT TOO, MIKEY, BECAUSE I HEARD YOU WHILE I WAS NAPPING EARLIER! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY OWN BROTHER IS SUCH A DICKHEAD! I'M SO ANGRY I COULD EAT CUBA RIGHT NOW! I ONLY MADE BREAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU LOVED IT, AND I MADE IT WITH MY LOVE! DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?"

Gerard's voice felt like it had screamed the entire Black Parade album and could no longer withstand his anger. He didn't care about not looking emo anymore, so he cried and cried and cried as he lay in a lump on the ground and cried.

Frankie and Mikey were shocked and embarrassed about Gerard's VOLATILE actions; they totally felt like CRAP. 'Cause we all know what CRAP feels like. And it ain't mushy! They exchanged a glance and almost cried too, 'cause when Gerard cries, EVERYONE cries.

"Did anyone else hear someone scream?" Ray asked, even though he had been sitting there all that time like a non-responsive son of a bitch.

Gerard's crying was reduced to sniffles as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hands and shakily stood. "I hope you're all HAPPY," he choked, but his voice was no more than a whisper. He snatched the blanket from his bed and ran out of the STATIONARY bus.

"Maybe we shouldn't have said anything," Mikey shrugged. They could see Gerard sleeping on the ground outside from the bus window.

"Steak? Where?" Ray's scalp wondered.

Bob stood up and walked back to his bed, where he changed into his Clifford pajamas and got under the covers. He was really tired after his evil deed, but what really pissed him off was this new nickname Mikey had given him. The Steak Sauce Monkey. What the hell was that? He didn't even like steak all that much. Just because of this stupidity, Bob decided that he was going to kill Mikey next. With that happy thought, he drifted off to sleep, where he dreamed of barbecue and strip clubs.

End of chapter five.
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