Categories > Anime/Manga > Naruto > The Buddha On The Road
the crazy people will never, ever leave you alone
1 reviewAang wasn't an insensitive kid most of the time, but give him a large, fast-moving animal--even a giant spider--to clamber on and suddenly his brain just was...not...there.
0Funny
"AANG GET DOWN FROM THERE, CAN YOU NOT--oh forget it."
"SOKKA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! COME ON UP! IT'S REALLY FUN! HER BACK IS /FURRY/, IT'S LIKE A REALLY OLD CARPET!"
Sokka growled and tried unsuccessfully to pull his own head off, before giving up and performing the traditional "this is a really bad idea" dance in hopes of Aang getting a clue. No dice: the rapidly-growing-distant Avatar, grinning hugely, carried on waving from the back of the giant spider he was happily riding through the forest away from Sokka. Aang wasn't an insensitive kid most of the time, but give him a large, fast-moving animal to clamber on and suddenly his brain just was...not...there.
Katara was going to kill him once she got finished freezing that snarky pretty-boy's feet to the riverbed. Or at least yell at him and refuse to fix his pants anymore. Again.
"Hey, asshole, that's my spider that bald kid's running off with," snarled a voice directly behind and to Sokka's right. He had the presence to roll forwards and turn around into a low crouch with his boomerang in hand, /while/yelping, to avoid decapitation.
The spider's owner, Sokka decided, was some distant human relative of Appa's, without the affectionate personality but with, as he demonstrated a second later by gluing Sokka's boomerang to a tree-trunk ten yards away with a gob of spit, the viscous bodily fluid affinity. He carried on hanging upside-down from six thin strings, expression indicating that casual homicide was in the cards.
Sokka raised his hands carefully (not to access the knife strapped across his back under his tunic, oh of course not) in a placating gesture. "Oh it's your spider, haha, sorry about that, total misunderstanding. You know how kids are, and, well, see, Aang's a little flaky but he's really great with animals and he'll bring it back as good as new, not to worry!"
"I'm not the one who should worry, pal," drawled the other guy, a nasty grin crawling across his face, along with--/something/--that looked like an ink pattern that no-one was drawing. "You realize that arrow on baldy's forehead practically screams 'archers, shoot here', right?"
Sokka allowed himself a moment's bemusement before the guy opened his mouth and started producing something metal and /pointy/. Then his mind snapped back to Lady Tsunade's office and the rather confusing runaround involved in Katara trying to explain to Sakura and that Naruto kid just what Aang was and what he meant to their world.
"You can't kill him! He's the oh crud what was it he's the /Buddha/!"
The six-armed guy cocked his head to the side and unfurled all six strings, somersaulting right way up before he hit the ground. Upright, his expression was considering.
"The Buddha?"
"Yes! Exactly!" Sokka nodded furiously: he had to play this for all it was worth. Aang was pretty far away by now, but what with all the crazy eyeball-magic and shadow-magic and that girl Toph had been training with who "accidentally" checked him out through the solid wall of the men's bath-house, Sokka was not taking any chances. "You know, reincarnation, figure of great religious significance, that kinda thing? I mean even the Fire Nation isn't crazy enough to just...outright..."
Sokka trailed off. Mister I Am Crazy And Like My Giant Bugs Too Much had started producing a pointy thing again. This time it was longer, and arrow-shaped, and it was followed by something blunt that looked like a--
"What the heck do you think you're /doing/?"
"We have an appropriate saying around here..." the six-armed psycho replied calmly, stringing a bow that had to be longer than Sokka was tall. Then he grinned, and the expression alone made Sokka throw negotiation to the winds and go for his knife, even before he heard the rest of the sentence.
"...'if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.'"
"SOKKA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! COME ON UP! IT'S REALLY FUN! HER BACK IS /FURRY/, IT'S LIKE A REALLY OLD CARPET!"
Sokka growled and tried unsuccessfully to pull his own head off, before giving up and performing the traditional "this is a really bad idea" dance in hopes of Aang getting a clue. No dice: the rapidly-growing-distant Avatar, grinning hugely, carried on waving from the back of the giant spider he was happily riding through the forest away from Sokka. Aang wasn't an insensitive kid most of the time, but give him a large, fast-moving animal to clamber on and suddenly his brain just was...not...there.
Katara was going to kill him once she got finished freezing that snarky pretty-boy's feet to the riverbed. Or at least yell at him and refuse to fix his pants anymore. Again.
"Hey, asshole, that's my spider that bald kid's running off with," snarled a voice directly behind and to Sokka's right. He had the presence to roll forwards and turn around into a low crouch with his boomerang in hand, /while/yelping, to avoid decapitation.
The spider's owner, Sokka decided, was some distant human relative of Appa's, without the affectionate personality but with, as he demonstrated a second later by gluing Sokka's boomerang to a tree-trunk ten yards away with a gob of spit, the viscous bodily fluid affinity. He carried on hanging upside-down from six thin strings, expression indicating that casual homicide was in the cards.
Sokka raised his hands carefully (not to access the knife strapped across his back under his tunic, oh of course not) in a placating gesture. "Oh it's your spider, haha, sorry about that, total misunderstanding. You know how kids are, and, well, see, Aang's a little flaky but he's really great with animals and he'll bring it back as good as new, not to worry!"
"I'm not the one who should worry, pal," drawled the other guy, a nasty grin crawling across his face, along with--/something/--that looked like an ink pattern that no-one was drawing. "You realize that arrow on baldy's forehead practically screams 'archers, shoot here', right?"
Sokka allowed himself a moment's bemusement before the guy opened his mouth and started producing something metal and /pointy/. Then his mind snapped back to Lady Tsunade's office and the rather confusing runaround involved in Katara trying to explain to Sakura and that Naruto kid just what Aang was and what he meant to their world.
"You can't kill him! He's the oh crud what was it he's the /Buddha/!"
The six-armed guy cocked his head to the side and unfurled all six strings, somersaulting right way up before he hit the ground. Upright, his expression was considering.
"The Buddha?"
"Yes! Exactly!" Sokka nodded furiously: he had to play this for all it was worth. Aang was pretty far away by now, but what with all the crazy eyeball-magic and shadow-magic and that girl Toph had been training with who "accidentally" checked him out through the solid wall of the men's bath-house, Sokka was not taking any chances. "You know, reincarnation, figure of great religious significance, that kinda thing? I mean even the Fire Nation isn't crazy enough to just...outright..."
Sokka trailed off. Mister I Am Crazy And Like My Giant Bugs Too Much had started producing a pointy thing again. This time it was longer, and arrow-shaped, and it was followed by something blunt that looked like a--
"What the heck do you think you're /doing/?"
"We have an appropriate saying around here..." the six-armed psycho replied calmly, stringing a bow that had to be longer than Sokka was tall. Then he grinned, and the expression alone made Sokka throw negotiation to the winds and go for his knife, even before he heard the rest of the sentence.
"...'if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.'"
Sign up to rate and review this story