"Who's the freak now, GOTH!"
Gerard fell to the floor, his back slamming up against the cold, dirty wall, which scratched his skin raw.
"Ow, JACKASS," he tried to shout as the three tough looking, muscley guys ran past, laughing in their adolescent way. He spluttered before feeling on the floor, trying to find the cigarette he was smoking. After around five minutes of searching, he finally found it and placed it, carefully, back in his mouth.
He got up and dusted himself down, although he had two dark patches of dirt on the knees of his jeans. He started walking, well, limping over towards the park. He needed to clear his head. So much had happened over the past month or so that his brain ached trying to piece it all together.
The wind was light and rustled through his jet-black hair, which he hadn't washed in forever. He wrapped his arms around himself to offer warmth, but with little success. He took a drag from his cigarette and blew out smoke through his nose, laughing at his stupidity. He didn't need anyone. He was Gerard Way, and if people were going to fuck him around, they would pay. Revenge was always the best, especially when served cold.
Gerard was surprised at his newfound 'confidence'. It sort of made him smile. He turned the corner, swallowing the view of the lake - peaceful and serene. The large willow trees were hung over the lake, their enormous branches dripping into the water which made them look like frozen waterfalls of green.
His eyes moved over to a familiar figure, sitting on the bench which looked out onto the lake. It was Frank.
Gerard decided he should go over to Frank and tell him about the idiots that just pushed him over - at least Frank might laugh and liven his spirits. He started to walk over, slowly, as he didn't want to look stupid running over like a pansy. He started to smile at the thought of talking to his best friend. However, his face dropped and he stood dead in his tracks when he saw another familiar figure walk over to Frank, who handed him a plastic cup and kissed him on the cheek, delicately.
The anger was staring to build up, and he began to grind his teeth, making a terrible din.
"BASTARD," Gerard shouted as he stamped his foot on the cold, hard pavement. He took a deep breath, staring at them for a moment. He watched her sit down besides him, Frank putting his arm around her, clinging onto her waste. He watched her respond by resting her head on his shoulder, and him resting his head on hers.
Gerard clenched his fists in sheer fury. How DARE they be the perfect couple? He wanted to go over there and rip Amber's long, black hair out for stealing Frank, but he also wanted to put his cigarette out in Frank's eye for taking Amber away from him.
"URGH," he shouted, causing some old woman with a few shopping bags to turn and stare, with a look of horror on her wrinkly, old face. "Oh go fuck yourself," he screamed at her, before sharply turning around and hastily disappearing off into the parking lot.
He stood facing the old, grimy walls studying the details on the bricks. He kicked the wall hard before slamming the palm of his hand against it, making a slapping noise. His lip was quivering, but he couldn't cry.
"Why am I such a selfish, pathetic, weird guy?" He asked himself softly. "Why can't I be supportive of them? I'm a LOSER and they don't deserve to have me as a friend." He gulped sharply and turned around, leaning against the wall, his back cold from the rough bricks.
"Gerard," he said to himself calmly, but with a pang of anger, " she'll never EVER like you in that way. Just get the fuck over it. Get the fuck over it." He paused, sliding down the wall and collapsing into a small ball of teenage angst on the floor.
He was telling himself things which he hoped would help him get over it, but he couldn't take them in. He couldn't accept the fact that Amber didn't like him that way - or so he thought, and he couldn't accept the fact that it was Frank that had taken her away from him.
By this point it had started to become dark and pathetic little drops of rain were dripping from the sky, dampening his body and his soul. He could hear the distant, monotonous rumble of thunder ringing in his ears.
"Maybe, they're better off without me," he quietly said to himself, rocking gently. He shuddered at the idea.
He thought to himself. If he was gone then Mikey could have his room instead of that pokey little bedroom that was his. If he were gone, his Mom would have more money to spend on herself and Mikey. She could maybe decorate the dated kitchen. If he was gone, Frank and Amber could get on with their contented, little lives and live happily ever after like in the movies.
He gulped. He had just formulated a little plan inside that brain of his.
On Friday, which was in two days, he would go to The Misfits gig with Mikey, Amber and Frank and make out he was enjoying himself. Then, halfway into the show he would get up onstage and pour his heart out. He wouldn't leave anything out, he'd tell everyone in that fucking audience what a mess his life was. Then, slowly, he would pull out the 8mm Magnum his Mom had hidden in a drawer in the garage. He would bid his goodbyes, put the gun to his head and pull the trigger.
He laughed a sick little laugh. He'd always want to go out with a bang.
His heart raced as he devised his plan, his palms sweating and his skin prickling. However, he had his doubts. He would miss New Jersey and his family; he'd never be able to love or have children, or even become a Cartoonist. But he had convinced himself that his plan was his only option.
After lying on the floor for what seemed like an eternity, Gerard slowly got up, staggering. He walked over to his car that he had parked nearby and got in, slamming the door in both anger and excitement. All he needed to do was grab the gun without his Mom or Mikey looking.
He pressed play on the tape player. Loudly, The Smashing Pumpkins 'Today' came blasting out of the stereo and Gerard started to sing, loudly at the top of his voice.
'Today is the greatest
Day I've ever known
Cant live for tomorrow
Tomorrow's much too long
I burn my eyes out
Before I get out
I wanted more
Than life could ever grant
Bored by the chore
Of saving face
Today is the greatest
Day I have ever known
Cant wait for tomorrow
I might not have that long
Ill tear my heart out
Before I get out'.
Driving down the freeway, he smiled before lighting a cigarette and beeping his horn loudly. He didn't really give a fuck anymore. He was Gerard fucking Way.
:| NOO! i love that smashing pumpkins song. it fits in so well with my story too :) the video's pretty ace as well (although not as good as the 'Helena' video - that's my fave EVER!) ha ha. x