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As Edward continued his way through the forest, he began to realize that he had no clue as to where he was. He turned to Alphonse for reassurance, but Al looked just as clueless as he did.
"When I find that creepy rabbit, I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind," Ed mumbled, kicking a rock down the path. The rock let out a squeal, stood up, and ran off into the woods. Al looked down at Ed who seemed ready to jump into his arms.
"You're the one who believed him when he said he had some cake he didn't want. You're the one who followed him," Al pointed out.
"Well, I'm gonna have some rabbit stew when I find him."
There was a low, growling sound nearby. Al looked around nervously, trying to find the source of the growl.
"Ed, what was that?" Al asked.
"My stomach, I'm starving!" Ed sighed. Al looked at him annoyed.
"Those on guys weren't very helpful either. They just stood around telling stories about oysters and walruses," Al sighed, continuing the conversation.
"You mean those twins? Yeah, neither was that giant caterpillar. He was too busy puffing on his -"
"Ed, look!" Al shouted, pointing to a little house hidden in the trees. There was a long table stretched out in front of it. The table was set up with plates, cups, and teapots; just like a tea party. Ed and Al walked up to the small wooden gate and glanced in.
A small, older man with a large top hat sat next to a tan rabbit. Both were sipping teacups and singing a little song.
"Hey! It's that rabbit!" Ed yelled, starting to climb over the gate. Al grabbed him by the coat and held him back.
"No, Ed, that's not him. The one we're looking for is white, that one's tan," he said.
"Close enough," Ed said.
"Let's ask them if they know how to get out of this place," Al suggested.
Al opened the gate and he and Edward walked in. They glanced around and picked two chairs to sit down at. Once that sat down, both the old man and the rabbit stopped singing and looked at them. Ed and Al stared back.
"There's no room! No room!" the strange pair yelled, jumping out of their seats and running toward the brothers, shooing them off.
"There's plenty of chairs," Al said. He looked over at Ed, who seemed to be disturbed by the two's sudden ranting.
"There's no room for you! You weren't invited!" the rabbit said.
"Yes, just sitting down at someone else's party uninvited, is very rude," the old man said.
"It's very rude, indeed," came a small voice from the middle of the table. A small mouse poked his head out of a teapot sleepily.
"It's rude to be that ugly," Ed said under his breathe.
"We're very sorry," Al apologized. "We were just lost and -"
"What were you guys celebrating anyway?" Ed interrupted. The strange pair looked at each other and shook there heads.
"This one is extremely rude," the rabbit said.
"And extremely small," the old man said. Ed's face grew a dark shade of red.
"DON'T CALL ME SHORT, OR SMALL, OR SHRIMP, OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!" Ed fumed. Al sighed.
"I'm very sorry," he apologized, again. "I'm Alphonse, and this is my brother Edward. May we ask your names?"
"I'm the Mad Hatter," the old man said.
"I'm the March Hare," the rabbit said.
"May I ask what you were celebrating before we rudely interrupted?" Ed asked, being sarcastically polite.
"It's our Unbirthday, and we are celebrating," the March hare said.
"Happy birthday!" Al exclaimed. The Mad Hatter glared at him.
"It's not my birthday. I'm insulted,"
"What?"
"It's our unbirthday," the March Hare corrected.
"What's an unbirthday?" Al asked. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare looked at each other.
"Umm... well... it's..." they both stuttered. Ed and Al looked at each other. Suddenly, both of the strange characters broke into song. Ed and Al sat dumbstruck, not knowing what to think. After a minute or two of song, Ed and Al had been educated on what an unbirthday was. And Ed was ready to leave.
"Leaving already?" the March Hare asked.
"Yeah, kind of. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a Disney movie," Ed replied.
"That's an insult, too!" the Mad Hatter complained. "I prefer the Warner Brothers. Disney just paid better."
"Sorry, we'll just be on our way."
"We were just about to cut the cake," the Mad Hatter said. Ed stopped in his steps right there.
"Oh no," Al groaned.
"Well, I guess we can stay a little longer," Ed said, seating himself once again.
"Well then, let's have some tea!" the March Hare yelled. "Grab a teapot and help yourself."
"Okay," Al said, grabbing a teapot for Ed. Ed took it and tried to pour it, but realized that it had no spout.
"What the --?" Ed said, shaking it violently. The Mad Hatter reached over and cracked it like an egg, pouring the tea into his cup. Ed stared, dumbfounded. He glanced around the table a found on that looked normal. He reached for it, when suddenly, its spout opened wide, like a mouth, and bite his hand.
"OW! What the heck kind of tea party is this?!" he yelled.
"Move down!!" the Mad Hatter yelled, pushing Ed and Al along the table into new seats.
"They really are mad!" Ed whispered to Al. An overly large teapot came flying across the table and smacked Ed in the head. He fell onto the ground and moaned.
"Brother!" Al yelled.
"It's rude to whisper at a party!" the March Hare exclaimed.
"Sorry ... it won't ... happen again..." Ed gasped as he found his way back into the chair. He sat up, dazed.
"So are you enjoying the tea?" the March Hare asked.
"I haven't had any yet," Ed said.
"Oh you must! It's simply delicious!" the Mad Hatter said, pouring himself some more.
Ed glanced around. He looked over to the house and noticed that someone was sweeping out the chimney. The person looked down at him.
"Al, does that guy look like Bill Murray to you?"
"Yeah, it kinda does."
"Oh, I see you've noticed Bill. He's been stuck in Wonderland ever since he was in that one movie with the Looney Toons and Michael Jordan," the Mad Hatter replied.
"Poor guys been depressed ever since he found out Bugs Bunny wasn't real," the March Hare added.
"So, tell us about yourselves. We are very interested," the Mad Hatter said.
"Well, we're Alchemists and we're -" Ed started.
"Do tell," the Mad Hatter said, dipping his saucer into his tea and eating it. Ed couldn't help but stare.
"And, well, we live in Resembool -" Al continued.
"Very interesting," the March Hare said, handing Ed a teacup overflowing with sugar. Ed picked up a plate and looked at it carefully. He dipped it into his tea and bit into it.
"AH! My teeth!" he yelled. "This place defies everything that has to do with science! These things that are happening can't be possible! I refuse to believe it anymore!"
The March Hare looked to the Mad Hatter. "This one's a crazy one."
"I know! Talking of science, and alchemy. Everyone knows that stuff is children's stories," the Mad Hatter replied.
Ed was about to say something when a small meow, came from inside Al. Ed looked at him suspiciously.
"Al, is that a cat?" he asked.
"CAT!?" yelled the small mouse from the teapot. He jumped out of the teapot and ran across the table.
"Get him!" the Mad Hatter yelled. Both of them jumped onto the table and shuffled after the mouse, tossing teapots and cups everywhere. Ed dodged as many as he could as they came flying at him, but a few teapots hit him. He looked up, as a butter dish came flying at him, hitting him in the face. He wiped off the butter, and glanced up to see eggs flying at him. They hit him, along with a chicken.
"What the hell!" Ed yelled, wiping off his face again. "What is the big -" A cow fell on top of Ed. Al looked across the table and saw the Mad Hatter holding down the mouse as the March Hare put butter onto its nose. It seemed to calm down.
"You need to watch what you say at someone else's house!" the Mad Hatter said.
"That's it!" Ed yelled tossing the cow off of him. "We're leaving!"
"Well, if that's so," the March Hare started. "May we ask you something?"
"Fine! Hurry it up!"
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" the Mad Hatter asked.
"What?"
"It's a riddle, silly little boy," the March Hare said.
"I know that!" Ed yelled. "And I'm not little!"
"So, 'Why is a raven like a writing desk?'" Al repeated.
"What did you say?" the March Hare said, spewing tea all over Ed.
"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Al said. Both the Mad Hatter and the March Hare looked at him like he was crazy.
"They're completely mad!" the March Hare exclaimed.
"We're completely mad?!" Ed yelled. "It was your riddle!"
"Stay back!" the Mad Hatter said nervously. Ed slammed his fist down onto the table.
"C'mon, Al, let's get out of here," he said. They both walked through the front gate and back onto the path. They heard the tea party continue as though they had never been there.
"This place keeps getting stranger and stranger," Al commented.
"Well, that March Hare reminded me of the Colonel," Ed replied. Al sighed, and followed his brother down the ever-darkening path.