and so the plot moves onward...
"A sense of function, but a disregard"
Part Four: I come waltzing back and moving into your head
I won't tell you to stay
But it's coming to much more...
She didn't wake up with any answers either. Patrick was now draped over her body, he was an active sleeper. She gently pushed him off, causing him to wake. He groaned softly, pulling his leg off of hers, but pulling her body closer and snuggling into her, rubbing his face in her neck.
"Mmm, you smell good," he said, his voice muffled. She giggled.
"That doesn't even make sense, baby," she said, turning her body to face him. She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, kissing his lips gently. She ran the back of her fingers over his sideburns, kissing him softly over and over. Patrick placed his hand on her waist, gently dragging his fingers across her bare skin. She smiled softly as she deepened their kiss, loving these rare moments of quiet adoration they shared. These were the times when she wouldn't be thinking about her troubles, when she wouldn't be thinking about Andy's touch or Pete's warning; this moment and all of the ones like it were reserved for the feeling of Patrick's lips, the sensation of bare skin against bare skin and the scent of each other's necks. She backed off him momentarily, letting him trail his tongue from hers to the side of her neck. She moaned loudly, raking her nails through his hair and the back of his head.
"Patrick," she gasped out, her body tingling, "I fucking love you," she said, the sincerity in her voice strong. He detached himself from her neck and settled himself level with her eyes. He watched them sparkle, the love in them brutally honest. He reached up and brushed her bangs aside, the corners of his mouth turning up in a grin. He ran his hand up her waist, then up her arm to rest on her neck.
"Move in with me? I mean, when we get home. You make me believe that something like this can survive work and distance. You've given me hope that makes me realize I want to try and spend the rest of my life with you...please?" he asked, kissing her quickly.
She froze. She wasn't lying when she said she loved Patrick with every fiber in her body, but she wasn't sure if they were necessarily ready to live with each other day in and day out. Okay, maybe it was just that she wasn't ready.
"...or not," he said, pulling his arm away from her and crossing his arms. She panicked. She didn't want him to withdrawal...
"No, Patrick, no. It's not that...I'm just...shocked. Surprised, you just...I'm surprised. Are we really ready for this?" she asked. He let the shock register on his face, she felt her heart sink.
"We've been together for over six months; you were by my side this entire summer and through the whole process of making this new record. I never thought I would see another girl as part of my family again, especially this quickly, after my last relationship. I believe in us, why do I feel like you don't?" he said, his position becoming increasingly defensive.
Her mind began reeling, this couldn't be happening. She didn't know what to say. Part of her wanted to say yes, she was tired of living in a dorm room and could picture their life together, but at the same time her heart was yelling no, he didn't deserve her. He deserved someone who could love him without doubts, without being oddly attracted to his band mate.
"No, please. I do, okay? I do believe in us. I just need to think about it, okay?" she said, reaching forward and placing her hand on his arm. He shrugged it away and sat up, getting out of the bunk.
"You shouldn't have to," he said, pulling the curtain shut and walking away. She blinked, rolling over on her back.
"Fuck..." she muttered quietly, rubbing her face in her hands, "shit," she added, sitting up and hopping out of the bunk. She walked out to see Joe in a state of undress, apparently getting ready for the day, with Andy having a conversation on his cell phone. She looked around for Patrick, but didn't see him.
"Fuck," she said again, plopping down on the couch next to Andy. Joe pulled his T-shirt over his head and looked at her in question, her eyes emotionless.
"Want to talk about it?" Joe said. She pulled her attention away from the tinted window and looked at Joe, forcing a smile.
"Mmm...no. I just...need my brain to shut off right now," she said. Andy ended his conversation and shut his phone, concern in his eyes.
"Pete and Patrick emerged from the back room a minute later, the guys' entourage pushing them to start their day of work. Patrick breezed passed her, not an 'I love you' or even a quick kiss. She sighed, catching Pete's eye, he glared at her out of the corner of his eye, a slight scowl on his face as he diligently followed Patrick off the bus. She felt her stomach back flip, now Pete was against her, too. She suddenly wondered if he told Patrick about Andy and felt her stomach drop again. She was now near tears; it wasn't supposed to be like this. Blinking back the on coming tears, she stood, now deciding to follow the guys for the day and got dressed. She wasn't losing Patrick.
She was in the back room and sat down on the couch as she pulled her boots on, hearing the door open cautiously. She looked up to see multi-colored skin and quickly looked back down at her shoes. She held her breath as she felt her heart begin to battle with her brain. Andy sat down beside her, while she continued pulling on her boots, carefully ignoring his presence. When she was done, she didn't have much else to do but stare at her feet, which proved to be a thin defense. She shook all thought from her brain and stood up; clearing her throat, beginning her walk off the bus, but Andy grabbed her arm, letting his hand slide down to intertwine their fingers. She began wondering what he knew about her and Patrick's current situation. She felt her breathing stop and her thoughts suddenly jumble. Andy pulled on her arm and stood up, dragging her body to him. He lifted his left arm to wrap it around her shoulder. She let Andy hug her, their right hands still intertwined; she rested her chin on his bare shoulder, once more blinking back harsh tears.
Amidst all of the pain she was feeling over Patrick, his invitation and her own confusion, was Andy; providing her with comfort that was slowly breaking her heart. He reached his left hand to her chin, turning her face to his and looking in her eyes for a moment, before leaning in and placing the softest, most gentle kiss on her lips that she had ever experienced.
She let it linger for a moment until her heart couldn't stand it anymore. She backed away from him and unhooked her fingers from his. As she walked backwards, she caught his eyes pleading with her not to leave right now. She shook her head and turned around, walking quickly off the bus, tears now falling steadily down her cheeks...
Why won't you run into rain and pray?
Let tears splash all over you