When it all falls apart...
Part Five: "You don't know you're losing you"
Mindless and abused
She carefully made her way from the bus to the venue, hastily wiping at her tears as she walked. She couldn't believe this was happening. She peered down the block from the bus and saw a large group of mostly females already waiting in line to see Fall Out Boy. She sighed to herself, wishing she could've gone some back way that Patrick must have. Suddenly she found herself wishing for the blissful ignorance that came with being an outsider to the group. A large part of her missed the days of waiting in lines and meeting random people who shared just that one common interest.
The biting January air made her tears sting on her cheeks and caused her eyes to sting as well. She sniffed, her nose cold, and she suddenly felt like jumping in front of a car. This situation could have been worse, but the situation it was currently at was more than enough. She approached the large group of fans, not remembering that she had attached her pass to her belt loop, and felt herself turn red as every member in the line turned to stare at her. It felt to her like they all knew what she was doing to Patrick with Andy and that they all wanted to rip her limb from limb. Hell, if she was them, she'd want to do the same. The tense stares coming from girls she knew to be better looking than her, and probably girls who were also insanely jealous of her status, made her want to cry even more. Her face scrunched up and a new batch of tears fell out of her eyes. She kept her gaze ahead, even when she saw what she knew to be the flashes of cameras go off in her face. How delightful it must've been for Patrick's fans to see his girlfriend hysterically crying, she couldn't wait to hear these rumors...
After finding her way to the stage door, she was admitted and began walking up a tiny hall in pursuit of Patrick's dressing room. She was staring at her feet, her face obviously damp, when suddenly she bumped into someone. She looked up to see the Pete's eyes, his gaze extremely unkind. She took a heavy breath as she stared right back at him.
"Yeah, you deserve those tears. What the hell are you thinking?" Pete asked. She couldn't help it as her face scrunched up again. She shrugged. "You don't know? Patrick just offered to share his life with you, he opened up his home to you and you tell him, 'I have to think about it'? What's going on?" he asked her.
"Pete, I don't know! I want to move in with Patrick, I really do, but something is holding me back. Something is telling me now isn't the time. I just don't think I'm ready," she said. Pete grabbed her shoulders, causing her to look in his eyes again.
"Do you love Patrick?" he asked. She nodded. "Do you want Andy?" he asked. She sighed and looked over her shoulder, then nodded. She felt so ashamed. "Do the right thing. Patrick needs you; Andy can replace you in heart beat. He's a love 'em and leave 'em guy. I know you, you don't want that," he added. She nodded.
"You didn't tell Patrick about Andy, did you? He looked really fucking mad earlier," she said. Pete shook his head.
"Add insult to injury? Not to my Patrick. You'll tell him when the time is right," Pete said. She nodded once more as he removed his hands from her shoulders and rubbed her right arm quickly as he walked away, leaving her standing there in her thoughts once more. She gathered herself together and began walking down the hallway once more, smiling softly as she followed the sound of Patrick's amazing voice. She got to the doorway and the belting stopped. She opened the door, looking in to see no one.
"Patrick?" she asked, peering around and shutting the door behind her. She saw his laptop sitting open, clothes that were obviously his and the other guys', but no one was around. She walked to the couch in the opposite end of the room and sat down. This was the worst day ever. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, just now realizing how sore they actually were.
She heard the door open and lifted her head, hoping to see Patrick, but instead saw Andy. She panicked, why him? She sort of wished Andy would just disappear so she wouldn't have to think about him anymore.
"Hey," he said softly. She smiled at him weakly, sort of warning him that she was uncomfortable. Andy turned and walked to his pile of stuff and began rooting around for a moment before turning back to her.
"Can we talk?" he asked her. She shook her head as an immediate reaction, "I think we really need to," he added. She shook her head again.
"Can we just ignore the whole thing, Andy? Patrick is slipping through my fingers and it's breaking my heart. Please, can we just forget about it?" she pleaded with him. Andy walked closer to her, now standing directly in front of her as she peered at his shoes.
"I can't. I can't forget about the way you made me feel earlier on the bus. I can't forget about how I can't get your eyes out of my mind. I'm not like this, I don't fall in love with girls this way, but for some reason, I feel myself falling into a trap around you," he said. She sucked in her breath; this was not what she needed to hear!
"No, no, no! Andy, please! Just stop," she said, jumping to her feet. "I can't deny it either, the way I felt when I kissed you, the tingles I got when you held my hand, but it isn't right. We can't do this, I can't be in love you!" she exclaimed.
"Why not?" Andy asked. She shook her head, no more tears, she was tired of crying.
"Because I just can't, Andy! Please! Don't do this to me. Don't make me choose between the most amazing man I've ever had the pleasure of calling mine and his band's drummer whose kiss I can't shake. Please..." she said. Andy walked in closer to her, he wanted to break her down, and he needed her to give in. He grabbed her hand and she looked in his eyes, the pleading in them for her not to leave was back and it made her tremble.
"Just let me fall in love with you..." he said. She felt her body shiver as tiny tears seeped out of her eyes. She wasn't sure how long she stood there sobbing, still holding Andy's hand as he watched her cry, but her sorrow was interrupted when she heard a door creak open behind her. Instinctively she jumped backward, turning to face the source of the noise.
Patrick stood in the doorway, sadness powerfully obvious in his eyes. Andy stepped back as well, his mind searching for the right words to say to his good friend and band mate.
She took a deep breath and looked at Patrick through her sore and puffy eyes, "how much did you hear?" she asked him softly. Patrick turned his attention away from the guilty look on Andy's face, to the sorrowful face of his girlfriend.
"Every fucking word," he said, almost through clenched teeth. She felt her brain start to melt down, she wasn't going to let him leave her, and she wasn't going to let this be over already.
"Patrick, baby, please...let me explain?" she said softly, looking at him for some sign of forgiveness. He walked and stood in front of her.
"Don't," he said. She shook her head.
"Please?" she said, begging in her voice, lifting her hand and brush his cheek. Patrick pushed her arm away, then reached over to her belt and tugged the pass away of her.
"Go home," he said quietly. She didn't budge; she was frozen in the fear of losing true love over something so stupid.
"Just fucking leave!" Patrick exclaimed at her lack of movement. Her heart began to beat wildly, her gaze quickly shifting to Andy in an effort to call for help.
"Patrick, don't overreact--" he began. Patrick turned his head to look at Andy.
"Stay out of this. I think you've already done enough," he said. Andy's eyebrows knitted in a sudden look of anger.
"I didn't do anything except finally let my heart decided something for me instead," he said, glaring at Patrick.
"But why MY girlfriend, Andy? There must be hundreds, if not thousands of girls who would fuck you in a heartbeat, why do you have to go after what's mine?" he asked him, his tone angry and hurt.
"Because, man, I'm tired of useless nights that I feel ashamed of in the daylight. I didn't ask to feel something real for my friend's girl, it just happened that way. I'm not even going to stand here and pretend to be sorry about it either," he added. She gasped, what the fuck was happening?
"Guys, please! I'm going to do everyone in this whole tour a fucking favor and just go home like Patrick asked. You all can just pretend you never fucking knew me, okay?" she turned to Patrick for one last look at him.
"I'm sorry I ruined your life and I'm sorry that I'm the second girl to break your heart, but I'm not sorry that I ever had feelings for Andy. You deserve so much more than me, so I'm gone," she said, turning on her heel and quickly walking out of the room, leaving the two men to stare at each other in silence.
She left the room and began walking faster and faster until she felt herself running away from Patrick's love, Andy's touch and Pete and Joe's steadfast friendship.
Pete walked out of his dressing room just in time to see a blur sprint by him, sobbing coming from her voice.
"Hey! Where are you going?!" he called to her as she kept running. She stopped and turned around, looking at Pete through watery vision.
"I'm going home. Call me sometime? I love you, Pete. I'll miss you. Tell Joe I said bye and that he means the world to me. I'm so sorry," she said with her trembling voice, turning once more and leaving the venue. She walked quickly past the now unbelievably long line of fans, still walking quickly amidst the flashes going off once again, and to the bus, packing all of her belongings and calling a cab. She couldn't believe it was all ending like this.
It's too late now
it's too late now
you're in too deep