The new of Jessie's death wasn't easy on Pierre and he may loose control of his words thanks to this and get himself into a huge problem thanks to himself.
That just couldn't be right, why did she have to leave me? She was just 21, it wasn't time for her to go yet...She was the one thing that always made me strong, I don't know how to face the world alone now. She was the one thing that prevented me from falling, how will I stand living my life without her? I can't just find myself another girl `cause I'll never find another Jessica Gordon, and this is the only girl that I need. How is it going to be when the night comes and I don't see her? How is it going to be when I wake up in the morning knowing I'll never see her by my side again? How am I supposed to handle to live the rest of my life not being able to see her smile or to hold her in my arms ever again? I'll never get another chance to tell her how much I love her and to hear her replying me she feels the same way `cause she will never be back to me.
Oh my God, why Jessica and not me? What have I done? Please, take me with her! I just can't keep living like this. My will is gone. I can't live without Jessica!
"Pierre, calm down, man." Said Chuck in a concerned tone of voice and touching my shoulder
"How am I supposed to calm down? I just lost her forever. I did everything I could to keep her alive. I spent all of my money with those whole bunch of travels I made, paying for her internment and paying for those expensive medications. Asides that, I lost hours of my sleep and I lost all of the energy that I used to have just to be there with her every night and to let her know she wasn't alone. And it would all be worth if she could just leave that place alive and just the way she used to be but...but she won't. She just left me alone now that I need her the most. She'll never be right here with me again! Never!"
"That's where you get wrong, Pierre." Said Seb "Jessie never left you and she never will `cause she will always be alive in your heart. She loved you with all of her heart and I know you always felt and will always feel the same way about her and those kind of things don't simply die. Someday you'll see her again and you'll know it was worth to wait `cause she was there watching over you all along and waiting for your arrival patiently and always cheering with your victories. Someday you'll see I'm right even though the pain you're feeling right now seems not to have a cure."
"Seb, I just don't feel strong enough to sit down and wait for this day to come. This is just too much for me to handle all by myself."
"Who ever said you're all by yourself? What's about us?" asked David "We'll always be right here to support you, we'll be here to listen to your problems, we'll be here to try to solve them together with you and we'll be right here to always try our best to dry your tears `cause we're all like brothers, remember? If something hurts you, it hurts me and it hurts them too. We're not only here for the good times, we're also here for the hard times."
"We'll provide you all of the strength you need to carry on if you just don't give up on living `cause if you do that, you'll give up on us and we wouldn't be able to forgive you for that." Completed Jeff "You just have to try your best to get through the next days that will come facing one day only by time, not even thinking about how you're supposed to handle tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. And, also, trying your best not to think about Jessica while the pain is not gone. Then, maybe one day you find another great girl to take her place."
"You just don't understand, do you?" I asked looking deep down his eyes while tears kept rolling down my face "No one in this whole entire world will ever be able to replace everything Jessica means to me and I'll never feel comfortable to have another girl by my side to call mine again. I need Jessica! I just need her really bad!"
"We...we're sorry, Pierre." Said Chuck not knowing exactly what else to say to try to comfort me
What I was needing wasn't anyone by my side to try to comfort me or to feel sorry about me. Words would never make me feel any better. What I needed was Jessica. I desperately needed to see her there. I needed to just wake up and realize that everything that had been happening in the past 3 months had been only a terrible nightmare. I needed to wake up and see Jessie's beautiful face staring back at me smiling and I needed to take her in my arms and kiss her never to stop again. That was all that I needed and that was the only thing that would comfort me, nothing else.
A few time went by since they just stopped talking and let me cry for a while, when the door of the tour bus went open and Adam started to come in.
"Guys, I'm sorry. I tried my best but tonight's show will have to be at 9 p.m., that means you won't be seeing Jessica tonight, Pierre."
"There's not going to be any show tonight, Adam." Said David
"What do you mean? Of course there is. It's the very last show of your tour. You would only miss this show if one of you guys were dead and being buried."
"Adam, Jessica died a couple of minutes ago." Said Jeff trying to make Adam stop talking about the show and bringing even more tears to my eyes
"Jessica what?!" he said in shock
"Stop pretending you care, Adam! If you did you would have let us stop this fucking tour 3 months ago!" I shouted rushing back to the second floor
I guess the guys realized I needed sometime alone as long as they didn't start following me when I left there, but the one last thing that I would do in that moment would be lie down in my bunk and cry until I fall asleep. What I was going to do was something pretty different from that. I was packing up my bags. I would return to Los Angeles in that moment and nobody was going to stop me. Nobody.
In less than 10 minutes, I was heading downstairs with my bags in hands
"Where do you think you're going?" asked Adam
"Los Angeles. Now, move away from this fucking door."
"You're not going anywhere `cause you're going to perform a show tonight. Asides, there's nothing left for you to see in Los Angeles anymore. She's dead. Jessica Gordon doesn't exist anymore, she's DEAD. She's gone never to return again, get used with it!" Adam yelled. Those harsh words were enough to bring tears back to my eyes, I wasn't strong enough to hear something like that in that moment, but I still didn't give up on what I wanted
"You don't have to remind me about that, Adam. But I wanna go to her funeral and you're not going to stop me from doing this or I'll destroy your face and go anyway."
"You can destroy my face, break every single bone of my body and then kill me, but you still won't know the password to open the door and you'll have to stay anyway."
"Fuck, Adam! Why are you doing this to me, huh? Don't you think I've already been tortured enough?"
"Tortured? You think you've been tortured? So blame yourself, Pierre!" he shouted "Jessica is dead because of you! If I remember correctly, the only reason why she suffered that car accident was because she saw you fucking with Ashley in the couch! If you hadn't give yourself that birthday present she would be right here now! She would be here laughing and smiling like she always did and not dead and all by herself in Los Angeles! The only thing she did wrong in her life was to love you and she paid a really high price for that, don't you think?"
Hearing those words I felt like he had just stuck a knife in my chest. He was right. It was my fault. I could ask for forgiveness, I could cry, I could do anything I wanted to do, but nothing would ever be able to erase what I've done and bring her back `cause she would never return again...and it was all my fault. I made one mistake only during all the time we've been together and I paid for it the hardest way possible. I killed her!
Breaking down in tears one more time, I felt sat down in the closest sit as the guys just approached me worried.
"Adam, why do you have to be so heartless?" Shouted Chuck in my defense "Can't you see what he's going through?"
"He's right, Chuck." I stated making him stop the fight "It was all my fault. If I wasn't so stupid..."
"Now we finally have a common agreement. You're the stupidest guy in this world, Pierre." Said Adam "Now, getting back to that torture subject, you really wanna know what's torture? So I'll tell you what it is. Torture is to do everything to get the girl you love back and end up seeing a guy sticking his tongue in her mouth right in front of your eyes and in front of all of your friends. This is torture! This is torture, Pierre!"
"Adam, I'm sorry...I'm sorry for everything I made you go through. I should have known you weren't ready yet to see your ex-girlfriend with another guy, but don't lie to yourself. You always knew she didn't want to get back with you. She didn't feel a thing about you any longer when she met me. She was just scared of breaking up `cause she thought you were going to kill her. Still, I'm sorry, I really am. But, please, Adam, please... Please, just let me go now. I need to say goodbye to her."
"You're not going anywhere, Pierre. Simple Plan is my band and it will do great to my career if the very first band that I get to manage becomes successful in the very first tour and don't miss a show only of it. It's just one more day, I'm sure you can handle it."
"Jessie's body won't be there tomorrow anymore." I replied like begging him
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Pierre. I really am. Fortunately, I wasn't the one who fucked my bodyguard's ex-wife. I would feel so guilty if only she was my girlfriend and I had done that before she just got in a car accident that provoked her death." He said sarcastically just to tease me "Now, just go sleep like you always do, you bother a lot less when you're sleeping. And wait until it's time to play the show. I swear that today I won't wake you up before it's time to go to the show. She died but there are many other hot chicks in the world. Move on, you're a rockstar and rockstars have no feelings."
"Fuck you, Adam!" I shouted
"What did you say?"
"I said fuck you!"
"Okay, Pierre, that's it. That's the very last thing I'm taking from you. Consider yourself fired! From now on you're not part of Simple Plan anymore!"